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‘I wanted to be more me’: Teens propel a trend toward gender-neutral mitzvah ceremonies
This article was produced as part of JTA’s Teen Journalism Fellowship, a program that works with Jewish teens around the world to report on issues that affect their lives.
(JTA) — Like many Jewish teens, Ash Brave was nervous for their b’nai mitzvah. Memorizing the Torah portion, sending invitations, planning a party: It’s a lot for a 13-year-old to think about during what can already be an anxiety-filled age.
Despite the typical stress involved with preparing to enter the adult Jewish community, Brave cheerfully described their gender-neutral b’nai mitzvah last summer, recalling feeling “really supported [by] the whole synagogue.” For teens like Brave, an eighth grader from Boulder, Colorado who uses he and they pronouns interchangeably, gender-inclusive b’nai mitzvahs (often termed “b’mitzvahs”) offer an opportunity to come of age as their full selves.
Across the country, there is an expanding list of Jewish community centers, day schools, Hillels, organizations and more that include and celebrate LGBTQ+ identities. Many synagogues are following suit with the ceremonies they offer and the language they use. Some congregations are initiating these changes on their own; in other cases, the teens themselves are propelling the shifts.
Traditionally, most synagogues hold gendered b’nai mitzvah, with bar mitzvahs for boys and bat mitzvahs for girls (“b’nai” is the Hebrew plural form meanings “sons and daughters,” although it is technically masculine). Increasingly, many Jewish congregations are moving towards gender-inclusive b’nai mitzvah ceremonies. Synagogues like Har Hashem, a Reform synagogue in Boulder, have been offering these ceremonies for years at the request of their congregants. Because of these shifts, many gender nonconforming Jewish teens feel a deeper sense of belonging in their religious communities.
According to Rabbi Fred Greene of Har Hashem, the synagogue holds approximately 25 b’nai mitzvah ceremonies annually. In the last year, three of those were gender-neutral. Although the congregation has offered the option for almost five years, this is the first year they have had teens opting for the inclusive version. Greene said that the congregation also has teens who have transitioned after their b’nai mitzvah. He estimates that they have 5-7 teen congregants who identify as trans or genderqueer, meaning they do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.
B’mitzvahs at Har Hashem mirror the traditional gendered ceremonies in everything but language. “We have folks that don’t feel like a ‘ben’ or a ‘bat,’” said Greene, using the Hebrew words meaning “son” and “daughter.” “So we come up with other Hebrew terms, [such as] ‘beit,’ which is from “the house of [parent name].” He said that a number of changes can be made to the Hebrew to increase inclusivity, ranging from the creation of new terms to using the infinitive version of words that would otherwise be gendered. “We’re not treating anybody any differently, other than being sensitive to their needs,” he said.
Ruby Marx, a 16-year-old who uses she/her pronouns, had a gender-neutral b’mitzvah with Temple Beth Zion in the Boston area in early 2020, pre-pandemic. “I always knew that I was gonna have to have [a b’nai mitzvah]. But when it came time to start thinking about it, I was like, ‘I really don’t feel comfortable having a bat mitzvah.’ But I wasn’t comfortable [having a bar mitzvah], either. So someone suggested that I do something in the middle. And that felt right for me.”
Marx, who describes herself as gender-fluid, was the first teen in her congregation to have a ceremony that didn’t fall within either the bar or bat categories. In the years following, several other teens in her community have had gender-neutral ceremonies, including one having an upcoming ceremony in mid-March.
“I don’t think anyone else had done something like that before,” said Marx. “I think a lot of other kids started to feel comfortable being like, ‘oh, maybe that’s something I would want to do,’ or incorporating different things that they’re passionate about [into their ceremonies].”
For her ceremony, she wore a prayer shawl featuring rainbow trimming and various rock n’ roll patches from her favorite bands. Marx said that the most rewarding part of her experience has been being a trailblazer for inclusion in her congregation. “It definitely feels good to know that I can help other kids feel comfortable being who they are, because I know that sometimes I’m not always comfortable being who I am. It’s nice to know that kids can look up to me,” she said.
Gender inclusion in b’nai mitzvahs has been expanding for decades, beginning with the American introduction of the bat mitzvah in 1922 for the daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of Reconstructionism, in New York City. Before that, only boys were allowed to engage in the important coming of age tradition. After Judith Kaplan’s ceremony, the custom slowly spread across the country in non-Orthodox synagogues. For decades, however, the ceremonies for girls differed from those offered to boys: In many synagogues, girls were not allowed to read from the Torah, and their services were held on Friday nights rather than Saturday mornings. Orthodox synagogues were slow in accepting the bat mitzvah, and still maintain strict gender roles in synagogue.
Ruby Marx playing the guitar during a benefit concert they held for their mitzvah project. (Courtesy Pamela Joy Photography).
As feminism progressed both outside and within Jewish communities, girls pushed to be allowed to read from the Torah and to be counted towards a minyan, the 10-person quorum required for public prayer. Full bat mitzvahs became an accepted norm. A similar pattern is now occurring for b’mitzvahs.
As a coming of age ritual, b’nai mitzvahs occupy a unique role in Jewish life. Their goal is to integrate young Jews into the broader community, signaling that they have the knowledge and maturity to take on adult ritual responsibilities. Because of this, many young trans Jews wish to have a ceremony that will fully reflect them as they become more involved in their community and beyond.
Brave, the Colorado teen, chose to have their ceremony gender-neutral to ensure it still fit them down the road. “I don’t really know what I’m going to identify as in the future, because identity is fluid. And while I may be comfortable right now with being closer to a male identity, [later] I might be less comfortable with that,” they said.
Marx, the gender fluid teen outside of Boston, said entering the community as her authentic self was an integral part of her choice. “I had grown up watching all my cousins, and then my sister, have [ceremonies]. Afterwards, they were a lot more independent in their Jewish identity. That was something that appealed to me, because I wanted to be connected to the Jewish community, but I wanted to do it in my own way,” said Marx.
B’mitzvahs aren’t the only gender-inclusive ceremony offered now. Many Reform congregations have also created ceremonies for gender transitions, Hebrew name changes, and coming out, often based on a curriculum offered by the Central Conference of American Rabbis. “These are holy moments of growth and transformation, and we want to be supportive in their journeys,” Rabbi Greene of Har Hashem said. Brave also had a ceremony with Har Hashem to change their Hebrew name, and the synagogue made them an updated yad — a pointer used in reading Torah — to match.
Teens who were not able to do their ceremony gender-neutral say having access to inclusive ceremonies would have increased the enjoyment and meaning of their b’nai mitzvahs. “I would have felt more like I was stepping into my own skin, instead of the skin [of someone] that I was pretending to be,” said Mica Newmark. The 17-year-old, who uses they/them pronouns, had a gendered ceremony at Nevei Kodesh, a Renewal synagogue in Boulder, before coming into their identity more. Since their ceremony, Newmark has grown apart from religion. “I don’t really relate anymore,” they said.
Even teens who were more clear on their identity struggled with having gendered ceremonies. Jay, a 15-year-old from Boulder, came out immediately following their ceremony. (Jay, estranged from a parent who has a leadership role in their synagogue, asked that their last name be omitted.) They found the ceremony “pretty stressful” and their coming out experience difficult, explaining that they wanted everyone to understand the concept of existing outside of the gender binary, but didn’t feel that was possible at the time. “I had really long hair then, so I wanted to cut it, and just be more me,” Jay said. “But I was really stressed, because I knew I was going to get misgendered at the ceremony.”
Keshet publishes a guide to “design and support affirming b’mitzvah celebrations.” (Keshet)
In the following years, Jay helped to institute the use of pronoun pins at synagogue events, as well as generally making an effort to educate community members on transgender issues. “I think [gender-neutral ceremonies] allow queer Jewish people to embrace their religion and continue to flourish within Judaism without feeling gendered,” they said.
Keshet, a national Jewish LGBTQ+ organization, published a guide for b’mitzvah ceremonies. “Celebrating the Age of Mitzvah: A Guide for all Genders” includes information from what to call the ceremony to what the dress code should be, all aimed at helping communities create inclusive and meaningful traditions.
The need for the resources came from synagogues and young congregants, said Jackie Maris, the Chicago education and training manager for the organization. “It’s not just Jewish boys and girls becoming Jewish men and women, it’s Jewish kids of all gender identities becoming Jewish adults,” said Maris. “Having a tool that helps guide everyone through that process, with gender-expansive language and rituals that include folks beyond the binary, is very needed.”
Keshet recently updated the resources. “Adjusting practices to make them more inclusive is what has always been done in Jewish tradition,” said Maris. “Even ancient practices and rituals have evolved over time, and because they are human constructed, we continue to humanly evolve them.”
However, a number of communities still mainly offer gendered ceremonies. Orthodox synagogues and others that are non-egalitarian have not made widespread shifts towards gender-neutral ceremonies.
Despite the strict gender separation in Orthodoxy, there is also a growing push for inclusion of LGBTQ+ individuals in these spaces. Organizations like Eshel, a nonprofit based in the United States and Canada, work to provide LGBTQ+ Orthodox jews and their families with resources for living and thriving in Orthodox Jewish spaces. Other organizations are targeted specifically at teens, such as Jewish Queer Youth, which engages queer youth from Orthodox, Hasidic and traditionalist Sephardi/Mizrahi communities.
“LGBTQ youth who live in a community that is accepting of LGBTQ people reported significantly lower rates of attempting suicide than those who do not,” reports The Trevor Project. For both Brave and Marx, their communities, families and friends were largely supportive of their decision to have non-gendered ceremonies. “It definitely felt like the community showed me a lot of love to be able to do that,” Marx said. “I was really able to be myself.”
By expanding inclusion, Jewish institutions are expanding their reach and impact, as well as creating more engaging communities. “I don’t think that God creates in vain. And so, while there’s a lot of people that are still learning, including myself, about issues relating to gender and identity, our role as a sacred space and a Jewish community is to have an open tent where folks can enter in any doorway they want, because there are no doors,” said Rabbi Greene of Har Hashem.
Brave said that their ceremony made them feel fully included in their synagogue. “It felt good to officially be a part of a community that I can’t really get taken away from,” they said.
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The post ‘I wanted to be more me’: Teens propel a trend toward gender-neutral mitzvah ceremonies appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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Israel Sees Momentum in Latin America After Argentina’s Milei Officially Launches Isaac Accords
Argentine President Javier Milei meets with Israeli Foreign Minister Gideon Saar in Buenos Aires during Saar’s diplomatic and economic visit to strengthen ties between the two countries. Photo: Screenshot
With the official launch of the Isaac Accords by Argentina’s President Javier Milei, Israel aims to expand its diplomatic and security ties across Latin America, with the initiative designed to promote government cooperation and fight antisemitism and terrorism.
Milei formally launched the Isaac Accords last week during a meeting in Buenos Aires with Israeli Foreign Minister Gideon Saar, who has been on a regional diplomatic tour.
Modeled after the Abraham Accords — a series of historic US-brokered normalization agreements between Israel and several Arab countries, this new initiative aims to strengthen political, economic, and cultural cooperation between the Jewish state and Latin American governments.
The Argentine leader called his country a “pioneer” alongside the United States in promoting the new framework, emphasizing its role in fostering closer ties between Israel and the region across key strategic fields.
“While the vast majority of the free world decided to turn its back on the Jewish state, we extended a hand to it,” Milei said during a speech at the 90th anniversary of the Delegation of Argentine Israelite Associations (DAIA), the country’s Jewish umbrella organization.
“While the vast majority turned a deaf ear to the growth of antisemitism in their lands, we denounced it with even greater fervor, because evil cannot be met with indifference,” he continued.
Thank you
President @JMilei for your moral clarity & support. You are a true friend.
— Israel Foreign Ministry (@IsraelMFA) November 30, 2025
Shortly after Milei’s announcement, Saar praised him as “a double miracle, for Argentina and for the Jewish people,” describing his connection to Judaism and Israel as “sincere, powerful, and moving.”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu also praised Milei, describing his “moral clarity, vision, and courage” as signals of “a new era of common sense, mutual interests, and shared values between Israel and Latin America.”
The first phase of the Isaac Accords will focus on Uruguay, Panama, and Costa Rica, where potential projects in technology, security, and economic development are already taking shape as the initiative seeks to deepen cooperation in innovation, commerce, and cultural exchange.
In February, Argentina’s Foreign Minister Pablo Quirno will visit Israel to work with Saar and Netanyahu on advancing the initiative’s operational framework.
Milei also announced plans to relocate the country’s embassy to Jerusalem next spring, fulfilling a promise made last year, as the two allies continue to strengthen their bilateral ties.
The top Israeli diplomat commended Milei, describing his support for Israel on the international stage as “courageous and forceful.”
The Isaac Accords will also aim to encourage partner countries to move their embassies to Jerusalem, formally recognize Hamas and Hezbollah as terrorist organizations, and shift longstanding anti-Israel voting patterns at the United Nations.
Less than a year after the Hamas-led invasion of and massacre across southern Israel on Oct. 7, 2023, Argentina became the first Latin American country to designate the Palestinian Islamist group as a terrorist organization, with Paraguay following suit earlier this year.
As Israel moves to strengthen its diplomatic and economic ties in Latin America, Saar announced on Monday that Ecuador has opened an additional diplomatic mission in Jerusalem, further bolstering their bilateral relations.
“Several Latin American countries – Guatemala, Paraguay and Honduras – have already moved their embassies to Jerusalem,” the Israeli diplomat wrote in a post on X.
“The opening of Ecuador’s office in Jerusalem is another milestone on this important path. I commend [Ecuador’s President Daniel Noboa] and the people of Ecuador for this significant decision,” he continued.
Foreign Minister @gidonsaar :
“Another diplomatic mission in our eternal capital, Jerusalem.
Together with Ecuador’s Ambassador to Israel, Cristina Ceballos, and Hebrew University President Prof. Tamir Shefer, I inaugurated Ecuador’s new Innovation Office – granted… pic.twitter.com/a4BeZi9uyN
— Israel Foreign Ministry (@IsraelMFA) December 1, 2025
Saar also announced that Bolivia has lifted visa requirements for Israelis entering the country, signaling closer cooperation between the two countries.
“This decision will allow many Israelis to visit Bolivia again after many years, enjoy its vibrant culture and remarkable scenery, and strengthen the ties between our nations,” Saar posted on X.
תודה לך, נשיא בוליביה רודריגו פז על ביטול דרישת הויזה לישראלים.
החלטה זו תאפשר לישראלים רבים לחזור לבוליביה לאחר שנים רבות, להנות מתרבותה העשירה ומנופיה עוצרי הנשימה ולחזק את הקשרים בין עמינו.
— Gideon Sa’ar | גדעון סער (@gidonsaar) December 1, 2025
President Rodrigo Paz, a center-right politician, took office this year following years of left-wing government in Bolivia during which the country severed relations with Israel. Paz’s election signaled a shift in policy toward the Jewish state.
Last week, Saar kicked off his regional diplomatic trip in Paraguay, signing a security cooperation memorandum and meeting with President Santiago Peña, whom he praised as “one of the most impressive leaders on the international stage today.”
“Paraguay is developing major defense capabilities. Israel’s defense industry has experience and capabilities that we want to share with you,” the Israeli official said during a press conference with Paraguay’s Foreign Minister Rubén Ramírez Lezcano.
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Pope Leo meets with Erdogan, says two-state solution is the ‘only’ path forward in Middle East
(JTA) — Following a visit in Turkey last week, Pope Leo XIV said that he had spoken with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan about their shared support for a two-state solution, which Leo called the “only solution” to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Leo’s comments to reporters Sunday came while he traveled from Turkey to Lebanon on the papal plane as part of his first international tour since being elected to the papacy in May.
During his address, Leo thanked Erdogan, who has consistently voiced support for Hamas and fostered hostile relations with Israel, for helping coordinate the trip and for hosting him on his personal helicopter.
Asked by a reporter whether he had spoken with Erdogan about the conflict in Gaza, Leo said that the Turkish leader was “certainly in agreement” about the proposal for a two-state solution, adding that he believed that Turkey has an “important role that it could play in all of this.”
Leo also said that he hoped to play a “mediating role” in the conflict and criticized Israel for rejecting a two-state solution. (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has long rejected Palestinian statehood, and the U.S.-brokered ceasefire deal between Israel and Hamas does not include provisions for a Palestinian state, though it positions itself as part of a roadmap to statehood.)
“We all know that at present Israel still does not accept this solution, but we see it is the only solution that could offer, let us say, an answer to the conflict they continue to live,” Leo said in Italian to reporters. “We are also friends of Israel, and we are trying to act as a mediating voice for both sides, helping to bring about a solution that is fair for everyone.”
In September, Leo met with Israeli President Isaac Herzog and told the leader that he believed the two-state solution was the only way out of the conflict in Gaza.
Leo’s remarks echoed similar appeals he made shortly after his election. In May, he made two public addresses where he called for a ceasefire in Gaza and decried the suffering of families in the enclave during the conflict.
On Thursday, Erdogan praised Leo’s advocacy for Palestinians and called for a Palestinian state based on the “1967 borders,” which refer to a state in the West Bank and Gaza with East Jerusalem as its capital.
“We commend (Pope Leo’s) astute stance on the Palestinian issue,” Erdogan said during an address in Ankara. “Our debt to the Palestinian people is justice, and the foundation of this is to immediately implement the vision of a two-state solution based on the 1967 borders. Similarly, preserving the historic status of Jerusalem is crucial.”
Leo’s trip to the region comes the same week that the “popemobile” that belonged to his predecessor, Pope Francis, debuted in Gaza in its retrofitted version as a mobile pediatric health clinic.
The post Pope Leo meets with Erdogan, says two-state solution is the ‘only’ path forward in Middle East appeared first on The Forward.
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Meet Zevi Eckhaus, the Jewish college football bowl-bound quarterback who prays at the 18-yard line
(JTA) — After a game, it’s not uncommon for football players to kneel in a prayer circle at midfield. But Zevi Eckhaus, the Washington State Cougars’ Jewish starting quarterback, tends to do so in a particular spot on the gridiron.
“Every game, I go to the 18-yard line, get down on a knee, and pray,” Eckhaus said, referring to the number that has a special place in Jewish tradition.
“Every time I put on my pads and go outside and throw a football, I know that’s with God’s help,” the 6-feet, 209-pound quarterback told The Cholent, a newsletter in Seattle, in a recent interview.
On Saturday, Eckhaus led the Cougars’ offense to a 32-8 win, clinching a berth in a Division I college football bowl game. That game will be the final one at the collegiate level for Eckhaus, a redshirt senior.
“I’d love to play football as long as I possibly can,” Eckhaus told The Cholent. While there’s been no buzz around Eckhaus as an NFL prospect, the Canadian Football League’s Montreal Alouettes have secured his negotiation rights, should he choose to go north of the border.
Eckhaus was raised in an Orthodox Jewish household, attending the Chabad-affiliated Cheder Menachem Los Angeles through elementary and most of middle school. Students at Cheder Menachem learned Jewish text for most of the school day, then crammed “two hours of what they called English, which was essentially math, science, everything kind of in a bunch,” he told Cougfan.com last year. (The school’s website says it provides “an exemplary well rounded Judaic and general academic education.”)
Eckhaus said he “started davening with tefillin” when he was 13. He went away from it for a while, but said that, “Thankfully, I’ve had interactions in my life that brought me back to davening every single day with Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam” — that is, the two distinct sets of tefillin worn by Chabad and other particularly stringent Orthodox movements.
Eckhaus said the student-athlete lifestyle doesn’t lend itself to being observant.
“Shabbos is still tricky because we play on Saturdays,” he said in the recent interview. “Eating kosher all the time is also hard because of the cafeteria and being at the facility most of the day.”
But Eckhaus said he’s found a balance between the rigorous schedule as a Division I quarterback and finding time for prayer and Jewish community.
“I wake up every morning and put on tefillin. I read mishnayos every week,” he said, referring to the foundational collection of Jewish legal theory. “There’s a small Hillel group here I can meet with sometimes. I try to keep as much as I can with my religion.”
There’s not much of a Jewish community in Pullman, Washington, but Eckhaus said the rabbi from nearby Spokane occasionally comes to town and organizes events.
“If he does that, I usually try to get involved with that,” he told Cougfan.com. “The Jewish students I stay in contact with, I try to get involved with them.”
Last season, the Cougars played against Fresno State on Yom Kippur. Eckhaus was not yet the starting quarterback, but was still present on the sidelines — and still observing the sacred day.
“I didn’t have any form of technology,” he told Cougfan.com later that year. “I didn’t eat or drink for 25 hours, and Coach [Jake] Dickert even went out of his way to have a private room set aside for me after the game for me to finish out the final prayer.” This year, Eckhaus said he was cleared to miss a practice held during Yom Kippur.
While the schedule can at times conflict with his religious observance, Eckhaus said he’s gotten no trouble from his teammates.
“Everybody comes from different backgrounds, families, upbringings, religions,” he said. “There are so many differences on a football team, yet still so much love, trust, and connection because of what you go through together.”
Eckhaus has previously been teammates with two Palestinian offensive linemen, and said “those guys were some of the nicest to me.”
“There’s no bickering or tension around religion, at least not in my experience,” Eckhaus told The Cholent.
After spending three years at Bryant University in Rhode Island — during which he was named the conference’s 2023 Offensive Player of the Year — Eckhaus transferred to Washington State in 2024. A backup all season, Eckhaus was thrust into the starting role for last year’s Holiday Bowl because the Cougars’ starter entered the transfer portal.
“It’s pretty cool that this game will be on Hanukkah,” Eckhaus said ahead of that bowl game, which they went on to lose 52-35 to the Syracuse Orange.
There are few Jewish players in NCAA Division I football. The most notable among them currently is Jake Retzlaff, the former quarterback at Brigham Young University, affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retzlaff transferred to Tulane after he drew a suspension for violating the school’s famously strict honor code. The suspension followed allegations of sexual assault in a civil lawsuit that was later dismissed and Retzlaff’s admission that he had engaged in premarital sex, which BYU prohibits. Tulane is currently ranked 24th in the country.
Sam Salz, meanwhile, became likely the first Orthodox player to appear in a Division I NCAA football game last year, and spent three years as a walk-on with the Texas A&M Aggies.
Eckhaus took over the Cougars’ starting quarterback role four weeks into this season, and has registered 1,760 passing yards, 20 total touchdowns and nine interceptions. The date and opponent of Washington State’s bowl game will be announced Dec. 7.
The post Meet Zevi Eckhaus, the Jewish college football bowl-bound quarterback who prays at the 18-yard line appeared first on The Forward.