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‘I wanted to be more me’: Teens propel a trend toward gender-neutral mitzvah ceremonies
This article was produced as part of JTA’s Teen Journalism Fellowship, a program that works with Jewish teens around the world to report on issues that affect their lives.
(JTA) — Like many Jewish teens, Ash Brave was nervous for their b’nai mitzvah. Memorizing the Torah portion, sending invitations, planning a party: It’s a lot for a 13-year-old to think about during what can already be an anxiety-filled age.
Despite the typical stress involved with preparing to enter the adult Jewish community, Brave cheerfully described their gender-neutral b’nai mitzvah last summer, recalling feeling “really supported [by] the whole synagogue.” For teens like Brave, an eighth grader from Boulder, Colorado who uses he and they pronouns interchangeably, gender-inclusive b’nai mitzvahs (often termed “b’mitzvahs”) offer an opportunity to come of age as their full selves.
Across the country, there is an expanding list of Jewish community centers, day schools, Hillels, organizations and more that include and celebrate LGBTQ+ identities. Many synagogues are following suit with the ceremonies they offer and the language they use. Some congregations are initiating these changes on their own; in other cases, the teens themselves are propelling the shifts.
Traditionally, most synagogues hold gendered b’nai mitzvah, with bar mitzvahs for boys and bat mitzvahs for girls (“b’nai” is the Hebrew plural form meanings “sons and daughters,” although it is technically masculine). Increasingly, many Jewish congregations are moving towards gender-inclusive b’nai mitzvah ceremonies. Synagogues like Har Hashem, a Reform synagogue in Boulder, have been offering these ceremonies for years at the request of their congregants. Because of these shifts, many gender nonconforming Jewish teens feel a deeper sense of belonging in their religious communities.
According to Rabbi Fred Greene of Har Hashem, the synagogue holds approximately 25 b’nai mitzvah ceremonies annually. In the last year, three of those were gender-neutral. Although the congregation has offered the option for almost five years, this is the first year they have had teens opting for the inclusive version. Greene said that the congregation also has teens who have transitioned after their b’nai mitzvah. He estimates that they have 5-7 teen congregants who identify as trans or genderqueer, meaning they do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.
B’mitzvahs at Har Hashem mirror the traditional gendered ceremonies in everything but language. “We have folks that don’t feel like a ‘ben’ or a ‘bat,’” said Greene, using the Hebrew words meaning “son” and “daughter.” “So we come up with other Hebrew terms, [such as] ‘beit,’ which is from “the house of [parent name].” He said that a number of changes can be made to the Hebrew to increase inclusivity, ranging from the creation of new terms to using the infinitive version of words that would otherwise be gendered. “We’re not treating anybody any differently, other than being sensitive to their needs,” he said.
Ruby Marx, a 16-year-old who uses she/her pronouns, had a gender-neutral b’mitzvah with Temple Beth Zion in the Boston area in early 2020, pre-pandemic. “I always knew that I was gonna have to have [a b’nai mitzvah]. But when it came time to start thinking about it, I was like, ‘I really don’t feel comfortable having a bat mitzvah.’ But I wasn’t comfortable [having a bar mitzvah], either. So someone suggested that I do something in the middle. And that felt right for me.”
Marx, who describes herself as gender-fluid, was the first teen in her congregation to have a ceremony that didn’t fall within either the bar or bat categories. In the years following, several other teens in her community have had gender-neutral ceremonies, including one having an upcoming ceremony in mid-March.
“I don’t think anyone else had done something like that before,” said Marx. “I think a lot of other kids started to feel comfortable being like, ‘oh, maybe that’s something I would want to do,’ or incorporating different things that they’re passionate about [into their ceremonies].”
For her ceremony, she wore a prayer shawl featuring rainbow trimming and various rock n’ roll patches from her favorite bands. Marx said that the most rewarding part of her experience has been being a trailblazer for inclusion in her congregation. “It definitely feels good to know that I can help other kids feel comfortable being who they are, because I know that sometimes I’m not always comfortable being who I am. It’s nice to know that kids can look up to me,” she said.
Gender inclusion in b’nai mitzvahs has been expanding for decades, beginning with the American introduction of the bat mitzvah in 1922 for the daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of Reconstructionism, in New York City. Before that, only boys were allowed to engage in the important coming of age tradition. After Judith Kaplan’s ceremony, the custom slowly spread across the country in non-Orthodox synagogues. For decades, however, the ceremonies for girls differed from those offered to boys: In many synagogues, girls were not allowed to read from the Torah, and their services were held on Friday nights rather than Saturday mornings. Orthodox synagogues were slow in accepting the bat mitzvah, and still maintain strict gender roles in synagogue.
Ruby Marx playing the guitar during a benefit concert they held for their mitzvah project. (Courtesy Pamela Joy Photography).
As feminism progressed both outside and within Jewish communities, girls pushed to be allowed to read from the Torah and to be counted towards a minyan, the 10-person quorum required for public prayer. Full bat mitzvahs became an accepted norm. A similar pattern is now occurring for b’mitzvahs.
As a coming of age ritual, b’nai mitzvahs occupy a unique role in Jewish life. Their goal is to integrate young Jews into the broader community, signaling that they have the knowledge and maturity to take on adult ritual responsibilities. Because of this, many young trans Jews wish to have a ceremony that will fully reflect them as they become more involved in their community and beyond.
Brave, the Colorado teen, chose to have their ceremony gender-neutral to ensure it still fit them down the road. “I don’t really know what I’m going to identify as in the future, because identity is fluid. And while I may be comfortable right now with being closer to a male identity, [later] I might be less comfortable with that,” they said.
Marx, the gender fluid teen outside of Boston, said entering the community as her authentic self was an integral part of her choice. “I had grown up watching all my cousins, and then my sister, have [ceremonies]. Afterwards, they were a lot more independent in their Jewish identity. That was something that appealed to me, because I wanted to be connected to the Jewish community, but I wanted to do it in my own way,” said Marx.
B’mitzvahs aren’t the only gender-inclusive ceremony offered now. Many Reform congregations have also created ceremonies for gender transitions, Hebrew name changes, and coming out, often based on a curriculum offered by the Central Conference of American Rabbis. “These are holy moments of growth and transformation, and we want to be supportive in their journeys,” Rabbi Greene of Har Hashem said. Brave also had a ceremony with Har Hashem to change their Hebrew name, and the synagogue made them an updated yad — a pointer used in reading Torah — to match.
Teens who were not able to do their ceremony gender-neutral say having access to inclusive ceremonies would have increased the enjoyment and meaning of their b’nai mitzvahs. “I would have felt more like I was stepping into my own skin, instead of the skin [of someone] that I was pretending to be,” said Mica Newmark. The 17-year-old, who uses they/them pronouns, had a gendered ceremony at Nevei Kodesh, a Renewal synagogue in Boulder, before coming into their identity more. Since their ceremony, Newmark has grown apart from religion. “I don’t really relate anymore,” they said.
Even teens who were more clear on their identity struggled with having gendered ceremonies. Jay, a 15-year-old from Boulder, came out immediately following their ceremony. (Jay, estranged from a parent who has a leadership role in their synagogue, asked that their last name be omitted.) They found the ceremony “pretty stressful” and their coming out experience difficult, explaining that they wanted everyone to understand the concept of existing outside of the gender binary, but didn’t feel that was possible at the time. “I had really long hair then, so I wanted to cut it, and just be more me,” Jay said. “But I was really stressed, because I knew I was going to get misgendered at the ceremony.”
Keshet publishes a guide to “design and support affirming b’mitzvah celebrations.” (Keshet)
In the following years, Jay helped to institute the use of pronoun pins at synagogue events, as well as generally making an effort to educate community members on transgender issues. “I think [gender-neutral ceremonies] allow queer Jewish people to embrace their religion and continue to flourish within Judaism without feeling gendered,” they said.
Keshet, a national Jewish LGBTQ+ organization, published a guide for b’mitzvah ceremonies. “Celebrating the Age of Mitzvah: A Guide for all Genders” includes information from what to call the ceremony to what the dress code should be, all aimed at helping communities create inclusive and meaningful traditions.
The need for the resources came from synagogues and young congregants, said Jackie Maris, the Chicago education and training manager for the organization. “It’s not just Jewish boys and girls becoming Jewish men and women, it’s Jewish kids of all gender identities becoming Jewish adults,” said Maris. “Having a tool that helps guide everyone through that process, with gender-expansive language and rituals that include folks beyond the binary, is very needed.”
Keshet recently updated the resources. “Adjusting practices to make them more inclusive is what has always been done in Jewish tradition,” said Maris. “Even ancient practices and rituals have evolved over time, and because they are human constructed, we continue to humanly evolve them.”
However, a number of communities still mainly offer gendered ceremonies. Orthodox synagogues and others that are non-egalitarian have not made widespread shifts towards gender-neutral ceremonies.
Despite the strict gender separation in Orthodoxy, there is also a growing push for inclusion of LGBTQ+ individuals in these spaces. Organizations like Eshel, a nonprofit based in the United States and Canada, work to provide LGBTQ+ Orthodox jews and their families with resources for living and thriving in Orthodox Jewish spaces. Other organizations are targeted specifically at teens, such as Jewish Queer Youth, which engages queer youth from Orthodox, Hasidic and traditionalist Sephardi/Mizrahi communities.
“LGBTQ youth who live in a community that is accepting of LGBTQ people reported significantly lower rates of attempting suicide than those who do not,” reports The Trevor Project. For both Brave and Marx, their communities, families and friends were largely supportive of their decision to have non-gendered ceremonies. “It definitely felt like the community showed me a lot of love to be able to do that,” Marx said. “I was really able to be myself.”
By expanding inclusion, Jewish institutions are expanding their reach and impact, as well as creating more engaging communities. “I don’t think that God creates in vain. And so, while there’s a lot of people that are still learning, including myself, about issues relating to gender and identity, our role as a sacred space and a Jewish community is to have an open tent where folks can enter in any doorway they want, because there are no doors,” said Rabbi Greene of Har Hashem.
Brave said that their ceremony made them feel fully included in their synagogue. “It felt good to officially be a part of a community that I can’t really get taken away from,” they said.
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Suspect Arrested in Venezuela for 1994 Panama Flight Bombing That Killed 21, Including 12 Jewish Passengers
The wreckage of Alas Chiricanas Flight 901 after it exploded midair in 1994, killing all 21 passengers and crew on board. Photo: Screenshot
Interpol has confirmed the arrest in Venezuela of a suspect linked to the 1994 bombing of a Panamanian commercial flight that killed 21 people — including 12 members of the country’s Jewish community — marking a major development more than three decades after one of Latin America’s deadliest terror attacks.
On Saturday, the Interpol National Central Bureau in Panama said in a statement that it “received confirmation” from its counterparts in Venezuela of the arrest of Ali Hage Zaki Jalil — a Venezuelan citizen of Lebanese descent — on Margarita Island in the northeastern state of Nueva Esparta, in a joint operation with the international police organization Interpol and local and national authorities.
In 1994, Alas Chiricanas Flight 901, a domestic passenger plane traveling a short 30–40 minute route from Colón on Panama’s Caribbean coast to the capital, Panama City, was destroyed by a midair explosion, killing all 21 passengers and crew on board.
At the time, local authorities determined that a suicide bomber had triggered explosives concealed within a portable radio.
Jalil allegedly managed logistics and transportation for the terrorists responsible for the attack, according to officials.
Panama’s government investigation found that the bomber was Hamas operative Ali Jamal, who had boarded the flight carrying a suitcase packed with explosives.
The terrorist attack occurred just one day after the bombing of the Argentine Israelite Mutual Association (AMIA) Jewish community center in Buenos Aires, in which 85 people were killed and more than 300 wounded — the deadliest terrorist attack in Argentina’s history.
International intelligence agencies have long suspected that the two attacks were part of a Hezbollah-led wave of coordinated violence in the early 1990s targeting Jewish and Israeli interests across Latin America.
The Lebanese terrorist group has long operated within Latin America to finance illicit activities, particularly in countries like Venezuela and Colombia, as well as in the Tri-Border Area — where Paraguay, Argentina, and Brazil meet and organized crime has long thrived.
Iran serves as Hezbollah’s chief international backer and also maintains close ties with Venezuela.
In 1995, a classified Panamanian intelligence report identified “operational similarities” between the Panama and Buenos Aires bombings, citing the use of suicide attackers, identical explosives, and links to Lebanese nationals operating in Venezuela and Paraguay.
The investigation into Flight 901 stalled for years due to political instability and lack of international cooperation, only to be reopened in 2017 when new forensic and intelligence evidence connected suspects in Venezuela and Lebanon to the attack.
In 2024, the US State Department offered a $5 million reward for information leading to those responsible for the terrorist attack, as well as additional rewards for tips on Hezbollah’s financial networks in Latin America.
In coordination with Israeli and American intelligence services, Panama’s government gradually traced leads to Jalil, who reportedly spent years living under multiple aliases in the country.
According to local officials, Jalil had spent years on Margarita Island hiding under false identities, shielded by networks sympathetic to Hezbollah-linked organizations.
Panama has formally requested Jalil’s extradition, and Venezuela’s Interior Ministry confirmed that he will remain in custody while the process moves forward.
If extradited and convicted, Jalil is expected to face charges of premeditated murder and crimes against state security, carrying a potential life sentence under Panamanian law.
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Trump Vows to ‘Make Syria Successful’ After Historic White House Meeting With President, Ex-Al Qaeda Commander
US President Donald Trump meets with Syrian President Ahmed al-Sharaa at the White House, Washington, DC, US, Nov. 10, 2025. Photo: Screenshot
US President Donald Trump on Monday hosted the first-ever visit by a Syrian president to Washington, DC, vowing to help Syria as the war-ravaged country struggles to come out of decades of international isolation.
“We’ll do everything we can to make Syria successful,” Trump told reporters after his White House meeting with Syrian President Ahmed al-Sharaa, a former al Qaeda commander who until recently was sanctioned by the US as a foreign terrorist with a $10 million bounty on his head.
Trump added that he “gets along” with Sharaa, whom he described as a “strong leader,” and that he would like to commence “working also with Israel on getting along with Syria.”
Israel and Syria, two longtime foes, are reportedly in the final stages of months-long negotiations over a security agreement that could establish a joint Israeli, Syrian, and US presence at key strategic locations.
Trump, speaking from the Oval Office, said that he expects to share “some announcements on Syria” soon.
“We want to see Syria become a country that’s very successful, and we think this leader can do it,” he added.
Sharaa led Islamist rebel forces that toppled longtime Syrian autocratic leader Bashar al-Assad, an ally of Iran, last year. Since taking power, he has sought to depict himself as a moderate leader who wants to unify his country and attract foreign investment to rebuild it after years of civil war. Many foreign leaders and experts have been skeptical of Sharaa, however, questioning whether he is still a jihadist trying to disguise his extremism.
One of Sharaa’s primary objectives has been to lift crippling US and international sanctions imposed on Syria during Assad’s tenure.
The US removed its bounty on Sharaa in December, and Trump ordered the lifting of most US sanctions on Syria in May after meeting him in Saudi Arabia. However, the Caesar Syria Civilian Protection Act of 2019, which authorizes the toughest US sanctions for human rights abuses, remains in place.
Sharaa was expected to push hard for the full removal of sanctions when he met with Trump behind closed doors. The US Treasury Department on Monday announced a 180-day extension of its suspension of enforcement of the Caesar sanctions, but only the US Congress can remove them permanently.
The State Department removed Sharaa and his interior minister from the Specially Designated Global Terrorist list on Friday. Several other countries and the UN have taken similar measures in recent weeks and months.
Syria’s Foreign Ministry announced that Syria and the United States have reached an agreement to incorporate the Kurdish-led Syrian Democratic Forces into the Syrian army.
According to the statement, the initiative is part of a broader effort to unify state institutions and strengthen national security.
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt described Monday’s meetings as “part of the president’s efforts in diplomacy to meet with anyone around the world in the pursuit of peace.”
Discussions centered on counter-terror cooperation, border stabilization, and a Syrian role in the US-led coalition against Islamic State (ISIS).
The Syrian information minister said in a post on X on Monday that Syria has signed a political cooperation declaration with the US-led “Global Coalition to Defeat Islamic State.”
Hours before the White House talks, reports came out saying that two ISIS plots to assassinate Sharaa had been foiled in recent months.
Trump has lavished praise on the Syrian leader’s tenure, saying that he is “doing a very good job so far” and that “progress” has been made with Syria since the lifting of sanctions.
Despite such praise, Sharaa arrived without the fanfare typically reserved for foreign leaders, entering the White House through a side door rather than through the West Wing main door.
Syria has experienced spurts of violence since Sharaa assumed power, including deadly attacks against minority groups such as the Alawites and Druze, allegedly carried out in part by government forces.
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Hootenanny will bring Jewish camp song and spirit to Manhattan temple at Nov. 13 event
Elana Arian has always associated Jewish music with summer camp.
From the time she was a little kid at Kutz, a summer camp affiliated with the Union for Reform Judaism where her parents were on faculty, to when she was a camper at URJ Camp Harlam, Arian liked singing songs, playing guitar and, eventually, leading music for the entire camp.
“I can’t remember a time when I didn’t connect to Judaism through song sessions in the dining hall,” Arian said. “As a kid, that’s what being Jewish meant to me.”
Now an accomplished composer, prayer leader and faculty member at the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion, Arian tours full-time to congregations across North America. She is also the music director behind a special event: a hootenanny, a communal sing-along of Jewish music taking place at Congregation Rodeph Sholom in Manhattan.
Tickets are on sale now for the Nov. 13 event, both for in-person attendance and via livestream.
“In a moment when fear and division too often drown out harmony, the hootenanny reminds us that song can still unite what the world tries to tear apart,” said Rabbi Ben Spratt, senior rabbi at Rodeph Sholom. “Judaism is strongest when every voice is lifted together — in joy, in resilience, in hope. We’re proud to carry forward the courage of past generations and to shine as a beacon of Jewish pride and belonging.”
The event is a benefit for Eisner Camp and Crane Lake Camp, two URJ camps in the Massachusetts Berkshires. Proceeds from the event will benefit the camps’ scholarship fund, making it possible for more families with financial need to give their children a transformative Jewish summer experience.
The hootenanny will feature a who’s who of Jewish musicians who not only have become regulars on summer camp playlists, but whose work is familiar to tens of thousands of Jews across North America. In addition to Arian, the event will feature Noah Aronson, Michelle Citrin, Dan Freelander and Jeff Klepper (Kol B’Seder), Alan Goodis, Jacob Spike Kraus, Joanie Leeds, Naomi Less, Dan Nichols, and Julie Silver. The artists are donating their time for the hootenanny, and the musicians will be on stage together for the entire show.
“The spirit of this is a group of friends and musicians who are playing together and enjoying themselves,” Arian said.
The is the second hootenanny that Rodeph Sholom, a congregation of approximately 1,900 members, has hosted. The first, in late 2022, came as COVID restrictions were being lifted. More than 650 people attended the concert in person, with roughly 300 more watching online.
“People wanted to sing with each other and wanted to come together,” recalled Shayna De Lowe, Rodeph Sholom’s senior cantor. “Being in that room was pure magic. It reminded us why music mattered so much in that moment — and how much it still matters now.”
Those two ideas form the basis of the hootenanny, which has its roots in American folk music. The legendary singer Woody Guthrie led hootenannies — open-mic-style communal singalongs — in the 1940s, and they were further popularized in the 1960s by such folk luminaries as Joan Baez and Pete Seeger.
Many of the songs to be performed at this hootenanny will stem from the Jewish music revival launched by the late Debbie Friedman, who began writing melodies in the late 1960s and early 1970s at Jewish camps. Friedman’s songs, including her setting for “Mi Shebeirach,” the Jewish prayer for healing, are staples in synagogues across America.
The spirit Friedman ignited still resonates today, carried forward by a new generation of Jewish musicians.
The upcoming hootenanny will feature both the camp-inspired sacred music Friedman popularized — some played by Friedman’s contemporaries — as well as newer Jewish music. In addition, a group of New York-area teens will take the stage as songleaders after participating in a master class the previous evening with Goodis and cantor Rosalie Will.
Watch parties are also planned at congregations in Albany, N.Y., and Boston. At Rodeph Sholom, an in-person after party will follow for those in their 20s and 30s.
The presenting sponsor of the event is the Off-Broadway one-man play “Other,” with New York Jewish Week as media sponsor and numerous congregational partners across New York and New England serving as co-sponsors.
Debby Shriber, executive director of URJ Camps, said the importance of Jewish music at URJ camps cannot be overstated.
“The music is the soundtrack of our lives,” Shriber said. “It’s embedded in everything we do at camp.”
(Tickets for the Nov. 13 hootenanny at Congregation Rodeph Sholom, for the livestream, and for the after party are available.)
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