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In ‘Jewish Matchmaking,’ a diverse set of Jews experience Orthodox dating practices

(JTA) — According to Jewish lore, God has been making matches since the creation of the world. Aleeza Ben Shalom has been at it only since 2007 — but the Jewish matchmaker is about to bring what she calls “the most important job in the world” to the masses.

As the host of “Jewish Matchmaking” on Netflix, Ben Shalom adapts the model of Orthodox arranged matches to Jewish singles from a variety of religious and cultural backgrounds, including secular, Reform and Conservative Jews from across the United States and Israel.

Formal matchmaking, known as shidduch dating and considered de rigueur in haredi Orthodox circles, has been depicted as oppressive and constricting on Netflix dramas such as “Shtisel” and “Unorthodox.” But Ben Shalom believes her basic approach to love and marriage makes sense for a wide array of people — and she’s out to prove it.

“I’m hoping that people will see that matchmaking and Judaism is not just something that’s old, but that’s timeless, that’s relevant,” Ben Shalom told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

“We can use this beautiful, ancient tradition of matchmaking and bring it to modern life, and help people to find love from any age, stage, any background. It doesn’t matter. It’s universal,” she said. “The wisdom that I share is from Judaism. It’s based in Torah, but it’s for the world. Anybody of any background, of any culture can watch this, can learn something from it and can implement it in their lives.”

Ben Shalom isn’t the first to make the case that matchmaking services can help a wide array of Jews find lasting love. Ventures such as YentaNet, a pluralistic matchmaking service that arose about a decade ago, and Tribe 12, a Jewish nonprofit working with young adults in Philadelphia where Ben Shalom got her start, have sought to pair Jewish singles who might be a good fit for each other.

But the practice is most common in haredi Orthodox communities, where the norms around shidduch dating are well known and closely followed. Daters have a “shidduch resume” outlining their education, interests and family background; parents are involved in the process; and dating is intended to move quickly toward marriage. Dates typically take place in public spaces and couples are expected not to touch until they are married.

In formal Orthodox matchmaking, the shadchan, or matchmaker, is usually compensated by the parents, receiving around $1,000 upon a couple’s engagement, although higher-end services may charge more. Some matchmakers may charge a smaller amount for the initial meeting with a client, while Ben Shalom’s company, Marriage Minded Mentor, charges $50 to $100 an hour on a sliding scale based on the client’s salary. (Sima Taparia, the star and host of “Indian Matchmaking,” the Netflix show that inspired “Jewish Matchmaking,” reportedly charges her clients around $1,330 to $8,000 for similar services.)

Matchmakers keep records of who in their communities is looking for a match, but they can also tap into networks of other matchmakers and databases of singles as they seek to pair their clients. “We don’t believe in competition, we believe in collaboration,” said Ben Shalom, who is currently based in Israel.

Ben Shalom grew up in a Conservative Jewish community where matchmaking was not the norm, and later became Orthodox. She knew her husband for three weeks before becoming engaged, then touched him for the first time during their wedding four months later.

She knows that most participants on “Jewish Matchmaking” are unlikely to follow those same restrictions. Still, she encourages them to at least try.

“I’m really trying to have you guys touch hearts,” Ben Shalom tells Harmonie Krieger, a marketing and brand consultant in her 40s, as she explains why she wants Krieger to abstain from physical contact for five dates. “You will gain clarity. If there’s no physical glue holding the relationship together, then there’s actually value-based glue that’s holding the relationship together.”

“I will accept the challenge,” Krieger says. “Maybe. Let’s see how it goes.”

Harmonie Krieger, one of the clients and cast members of the show, is challenged not to touch her dates for their first five dates. (Netflix)

Krieger is one of a number of non-Orthodox Jews who opted to be cast on “Jewish Matchmaking” after being unsatisfied with their own dating efforts. There’s Nakysha Osadchey, a Black Reform Jew who is desperate to get out of Kansas City, Missouri, where she hasn’t had luck finding a partner who understands her multicultural background. Living in Tel Aviv via Rome, Noah Del Monte, 24, is the youngest of the group, an Israeli army veteran and diplomat’s son who wants to transition from so-called “king of nightlife” to husband. In Los Angeles, Ori Basly, who works for his family’s wedding planning business, is looking for a blue-eyed, blonde-haired Israeli woman to fall in love with and bring home to his family.

The Jews cast on the show are all in different places in their lives, some grieving serious breakups or committed to specific religious identities, some picky about looks or hoping their partner will be OK with riding motorcycles. Some of them are looking for particular Jewish commitments to concepts such as tikkun olam, which means “repairing the world” and has come to represent a social justice imperative for many liberal Jews; others want to be sure they’re matched only with people who share their approaches to observing Shabbat and keeping kosher.

Nakysha Osadchey from Kansas City, Missouri is looking for someone who understands her multicultural background as a Black Reform Jew. (Netflix)

Pamela Rae Schuller, a comedian whose material frequently centers on living with Tourette syndrome, a nervous system disorder, demurred when Ben Shalom first offered to set her up about seven years ago, after attending one of Schuller’s shows in Los Angeles.

“I was picking career first. And there are a lot of complicated feelings around dating and disability,” said Schuller, who stands 4 feet 6 inches tall and frequently barks because of her syndrome. “And I never even thought about a matchmaker.”

But in 2022, Ben Shalom reached out again, this time with a possible match, and a catch — it would be for a new Netflix show she was set to host. This time, Schuller was ready.

“I have this life that I really, really love. I’m just at the point where I’ve realized I’d like someone to start to share that with,” she said. “I’m not going into this looking for anyone to complete me.”

Pamela Rae Schuller, a comedian whose material frequently deals with living with a disability, makes an appearance on “Jewish Matchmaking”. (Courtesy Pamela Rae Schuller)

Getting back into dating and then appearing on the show, which Schuller hasn’t seen yet, was both scary and exciting, she says

“I’m about to put myself out there. I think that’s scary for everyone, disability or otherwise,” Schuller said. “But I also want to see a world where we remember that every type of person dates.”

Plus, she added, “I love the idea that Netflix is willing to show diversity in Judaism, diversity in dating.”

Ensuring that she show accurately represented American Jews was the responsibility of Ronit Polin-Tarshish, an Orthodox filmmaker who worked as a consulting producer on “Jewish Matchmaking.” Her role was to ensure that Judaism was portrayed authentically. She also worked to help the Orthodox cast members feel more comfortable with their involvement on the show.

“Being Orthodox is who I am, and of course it infused every part of my work,” said Polin-Tarshish, who herself used a matchmaker to find her husband.

Multiple recent depictions of Orthodox Judaism in pop culture — including the Netflix reality show “My Unorthodox Life” — have drawn criticism from Orthodox voices for getting details of Orthodox observance wrong or seeming to encourage people to leave Orthodoxy. Both “My Unorthodox Life” and “Unorthodox,” based on the Deborah Feldman memoir of the same name, depict formerly Orthodox women who left arranged marriages they described as oppressive.

Meanwhile, other depictions of Jews have been panned for botching details. Those include a grieving widow (herself not Jewish, but mourning a Jewish husband) serving hamantaschen at the shiva in the 2014 film “This is Where I Leave You,” and a storyline on the Canadian show “Nurses” about an Orthodox man rejecting a bone graft from a non-Jew.

“So many times we watch shows as Jews and we kind of gnash our teeth, and are like, ‘They got it wrong! They got a basic thing wrong!’” said Polin-Tarshish, who previously produced the first-ever feature-length film by Orthodox women and worked on another reality show about arranged marriages across cultures. “That was my whole job, to make sure that they got it right. And thank God, baruch Hashem, I think we really did.”

Asked if her involvement on “Jewish Matchmaking” has received any pushback, Ben Shalom said she had gotten questions about how she could know whether the showrunners will accurately represent who she is.

Ben Shalom said she was confident in the production based on what she saw on “Indian Matchmaking,” but also because she believed she could pull off the delicate balance needed to represent her own community and make for great entertainment.

“You have to be smart about how you share who you are with the world, and you have to be authentic, and you have to be real, and you have to be true,” she said. “And you have to do that on reality TV with strangers that you’ve just met, and you have to do an interview. So only because I saw it done beautifully before, I knew that I had the ability to do that as well.”

Polin-Tarshish is excited for viewers at home to identify with the cast of “Jewish Matchmaking,” and to even get frustrated by some of the cast members’ actions. But most importantly, she says she is excited to have real, three-dimensional Jewish characters on screen.

“They’re real people in every sense of the word,” Polin-Tarshish said. “There are characters you’re going to love, there are characters you might even love to hate. But that’s life.”


The post In ‘Jewish Matchmaking,’ a diverse set of Jews experience Orthodox dating practices appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

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Sacred fasting meets Ozempic

Millions of people worldwide – as many as 1 in 8 adults in the U.S. – are on GLP-1 medication, such as Ozempic, Mounjaro, Wegovy and Zepbound, for treating diabetes or for weight loss.

These drugs are adding a medical twist to religious observances that involve fasting, such as the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, which will be observed from sundown on Sunday until nightfall on Monday. Traditionally, fasting on Yom Kippur means forgoing food and water for about 25 hours, which can strongly affect a person’s metabolism.

Other religious traditions include different types of fasts. For example, Muslims who fast during Ramadan neither eat nor drink from dawn to sunset, but they break their fast each night. Christian and Hindu traditions also include dry fasts as well as partial fasts, such as Lent and Navratri, in which people avoid certain foods.

As a specialist in obesity medicine, I work with many patients who take GLP-1 drugs. Most people can safely fast for Yom Kippur or other religious or cultural observances. But depending on their circumstances, they may need to plan ahead, take certain precautions and be clear on when it’s medically advised that they break their fast.

Common GLP-1 side effects and fasting

GLP-1 drugs such as Ozempic, Mounjaro, Wegovy and Zepbound mimic a natural gut hormone– glucagon-like peptide 1 – that lowers your blood sugar by triggering insulin release when your blood sugar is high. These drugs also slow how quickly food passes through the stomach, which reduces appetite to aid in weight loss.

GLP-1s have some common side effects that can occur in anyone taking them, including nausea, vomiting, dizziness, constipation and dehydration. Fasting may exacerbate them, especially in people who are prone to an upset stomach. GLP-1 side effects are also more common when a patient is increasing their dose, which usually happens monthly as tolerated until they reach their full dosage.

That’s why, if you’re planning to fast for Yom Kippur, it’s best to avoid starting a new GLP-1 medication or increasing the dose of your medication sooner than two weeks or so before the holiday.

GLP-1 drugs work by simulating a gut hormone produced in the body, spurring the release of insulin and slowing down digestion.

Timing your dose

If you take GLP-1 drugs as weekly injections, which is the most common way of dosing these medications, you should stick to your schedule even if you plan to fast. These drugs stay in your system during the entire week, so moving or skipping that weekly dose right before fasting can interfere with their effects on blood sugar or weight loss.

If your weekly injection falls on Yom Kippur, you can generally go ahead and administer it as scheduled. Some patients do report increased nausea on their injection day – if that happens to you, you may wish to delay the injection until after the fast, if you’ve cleared it with your doctor.

Patients who inject GLP-1 drugs daily may need to adjust the timing. For patients taking these medications for diabetes treatment, it may make sense to do the injection right before the meal that breaks the fast or to hold off until after the fast. This helps reduce the risk of stomach side effects, which can occur when these medications are taken on an empty stomach.

More recently, many patients have switched to oral GLP-1 medications. These pills must generally be taken on an empty stomach with a small amount of water, at a set time before taking any other drugs or any food or beverages.

Because fasting for Yom Kippur includes abstaining from drinking, taking the pill as directed may involve breaking the fast. That means you’ll need to decide in advance whether to take the medicine before the fast begins, after the fast ends or on an alternative schedule. It’s best to avoid simply skipping the daily dose scheduled for Yom Kippur and taking a double dose after the fast.

Skipping the dose won’t be harmful if you’re taking the medication for weight loss. But if you have diabetes, skipping it could dangerously elevate your blood sugar. And doubling the dose later could lead to serious side effects, such as pancreatitis, an inflammation of the pancreas that can lead to hospitalization.

Diabetes versus weight loss

If you’re using GLP-1 medications solely for weight management, fasting for 25 hours should not pose serious issues beyond stomach upset. In rare cases, though, combining these drugs with fasting can stress the pancreas enough to cause pancreatitis.

Fasting on GLP-1s carries the biggest risks for diabetic patients. That’s because GLP-1 medications are often used alongside other drugs that work primarily by lowering blood sugar, which raises patients’ overall risk of a blood sugar crash.

The greatest concern is in patients taking a GLP-1 medication together with insulin or drugs that stimulate insulin production, such as sulfonylureas. The GLP-1 medication itself may not cause a drop in blood sugar. But because it suppresses appetite and lowers glucose levels, these other medications can magnify the risk of low blood sugar during a prolonged fast.

If that’s your situation, talk to your doctor about whether you can adjust the timing, dose and type of insulin you take and reduce your dose of sulfonylurea in order to fast safely.

In general, people who have Type 1 diabetes or poorly controlled diabetes are strongly advised not to fast – as are people who:

  • Experience frequent or severe drops in blood sugar.
  • Have hypoglycemia unawareness – an absence of warning signs for high blood sugar.
  • Are managing diabetes during pregnancy.
  • Have severe kidney disease with a high risk of dehydration.
  • Experience severe gastrointestinal side effects from GLP-1 medications.
Not overeating along with drinking plenty of water beforehand is helpful for anyone fasting – but crucial for people on GLP-1 medications.

From prefast prep to the post-holiday meal

Regardless of what GLP-1 medication you take and for what indication, if you plan to fast you’ll need to do some pregaming, monitor how your fast is going and be mindful of how you break it.

  • First, if you are unsure about anything, talk to the clinician who is monitoring your GLP-1 drug treatment so you can decide together whether fasting is safe for you and whether your situation requires any special precautions.
  • Before fasting, it’s important to eat a normal meal that includes protein and to avoid both overeating and undereating. Overeating is never recommended when on GLP-1 medications, and undereating can set you up for more side effects during the fast. Although GLP-1 therapy can substantially reduce appetite, patients should avoid skipping the prefast meal entirely.
  • GLP-1 medications don’t just decrease appetite – they can also suppress the body’s natural thirst signals. So before your fast begins, aim to stay hydrated to prevent getting dehydrated while fasting.
  • If you are diabetic, make sure you fast under close guidance from your doctor – and make sure you are checking your blood sugar during fasting. Using a glucose monitor is a good idea, particularly if you are taking insulin or other glucose-lowering medications. The goal is for your blood sugar to remain within your usual daily nonfasting range.
  • Be ready to break your fast right away if you start feeling dizzy, confused, faint, nauseated or acutely ill, or if your blood sugar dips too low or spikes too high. These symptoms are dangerous and need to be addressed immediately. Stash a rapid source of carbohydrates – even just some glucose tablets or a few hard candies – within reach so you can access them quickly if needed.
  • Finally, plan a gentle, balanced meal to break the fast rather than an unusually large meal, which may provoke nausea, abdominal pain, reflux or vomiting. It’s generally best to avoid higher-fat foods, too, since they can slow down digestion.The Conversation

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

The post Sacred fasting meets Ozempic appeared first on The Forward.

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A comedian went viral for saying he supports Israel onstage — he wasn’t even there

Menachem Silverstein’s High Holidays were interrupted by what he calls a beautifully ironic “monkey paw situation.”

“Like any good Jewish comedian, I’m in Rosh Hashanah services praying to God for a little bit of a boost in my career, for something to go viral, for something to hit,” Silverstein, a 30-year-old comic in Los Angeles, told me. “I turn my phone after hag. I have about 40-plus messages from people being like, ‘What the hell’s happening? Is this you?’”

Friends were sending him links to a video of a crowd leaving a theater in the middle of a standup set. The caption overlaid on the clip said, in English and Arabic, “audience walks out after comedian backs Israel.” On an X post with more than 2 million views, an account named “Truthseeker” identified the comic as Silverstein.

Silverstein knew immediately the video was of the Laugh Factory in Chicago, a venue he last played this summer. He had no memory of the crowd walking out — a traumatic experience for any standup. In fact, as he took a closer look at the video, he realized it wasn’t even him onstage.

“My most viral thing was not showing up to a comedy club, which is hilarious in itself,” said Silverstein, who estimates across platforms the clip has been seen more than 10 million times. “If I would have known, I would have missed more shows.”

By the time Silverstein was clued into his virality, it was too late to contain the disinformation.

Alex Jones picked the clip up, commenting, “It’s got one guy in a yarmulke. He literally says, ‘If you don’t support what Israel is doing in this war, leave.’”

No such statement is made in the clip. There’s no guy in a yarmulke, only a man in a dark t-shirt who appears to be blindfolded. This didn’t stop news outlets like Palestine Chronicle and the 1.1 million follower Global Reports Instagram account from running with the story.

Someone captioned the original clip — now deleted — indicating the comedian stated their support for Israel, leading to a mass exodus. From there, Truthseeker identified Silverstein as the comic, based, Silverstein believes, on a joke he retired about three years ago.

“Basically, the joke was, ‘Hi, my name is Menachem. I stand with Israel. It’s not political; they’re just the only people that can pronounce my name.’”

Grok and other AI models reinforced the claim that Silverstein was the person in the clip. But the real reason for everyone leaving their seats was something much less loaded: a prank.

David Fuhrer, president of the Laugh Factory said, based on an account confirmed by the Chicago Laugh Factory’s head of operations, that the video was from a Sept. 10 performance of a regular show called “What Could Go Wrong?,” in which practical jokes are played on comics.

“In this particular case, we had a comedian named Kieron Harrell and we blindfolded him and put headphones on him,” Fuhrer said. “They walked the entire audience out into the lobby as a joke so he had an empty room he was performing to.”

Fuhrer said it had “nothing to do with antisemitism or people walking out on Menachem.” He doesn’t know who repurposed the video, only that it had gone viral.

“It’s a shame because he’s a wonderful person and a great performer and a part of our family here.”

If you go to the “What Could Go Wrong?” Instagram, you’ll see a better image of the real comic, Harrell, who looks nothing like Silverstein.

A better look at the comic from the clip. Screenshot Instagram

Daniel Cassilagio, who produces “What Could Go Wrong,” captioned the images of the performer, saying the show was “so good that it was used as a geo political [sic] disinformation campaign.”

Cassilagio wrote on Instagram that the clip was recorded, uploaded without the producers’ knowledge and “then virally shared by what are most likely bots from China.”

People who don’t check their sources have “been harassing both the comic that was on stage, and a comic from LA who I’ve never even heard about or met,” Cassilagio wrote on a post that, judging by its 166 likes, has far less visibility than the fake account. “He wasn’t even in Chicago at the time.”

Silverstein told me that, while he added around 200 followers, he’s been inundated with hateful comments and his reach has dropped as people have been reporting his account. If you search his name now, the top hits are for his nonexistent scandal. When he’s looking to play clubs, he’s concerned that bookers will see he “walked a crowd” and deny him a slot.

Beyond the made-up controversy, there’s not much about geopolitics in Silverstein’s act. His material includes jokes on fatherhood, being 5’9” (“a Jewish 6’2”) and some well-deserved ribbing of Kanye West. In videos, he can be seen circumcising a baby carrot.

In an age when performers like Macklemore and Jerry Seinfeld have been canceled for their views on Israel and Palestinians, Silverstein sees a new frontier in his experience.

“It used to be you watch a podcast or watch a stand-up clip, clip someone out of context, post it, and get them canceled,” he said. “Now they’re getting away with just posting a random thing, putting your name on it, and then people believe it.”

The post A comedian went viral for saying he supports Israel onstage — he wasn’t even there appeared first on The Forward.

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‘Run, hide, fight’: Synagogues make threat preparedness part of High Holiday services

Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky plans to open his Yom Kippur sermon this year in an unusual way: with an emergency evacuation plan.

It’s how he opened his Rosh Hashanah sermon, too.

“I mentioned [that] people should understand where the exits are,” Kanefsky said. “I mentioned what our plan is, God forbid, if we need to evacuate the children in the youth program — that we have volunteers for that.”

Kanefsky, senior rabbi at B’nai David-Judea Congregation in Los Angeles, acknowledged that the reminder to prepare for the worst could be “potentially a little bit jarring” on the holiest days of the year. But with synagogues on heightened alert, he said, it felt unfortunately necessary.

“It’s just part of our lives right now,” he said. “That extra measure of vigilance.”

Extra security measures at synagogues are nothing new. Since the 2018 shooting that killed 11 worshippers at Pittsburgh’s Tree of Life synagogue, Jewish institutions have invested heavily in infrastructure, personnel and training to counter the threat of violence. But this High Holiday season, several synagogues are taking the unusual step of integrating emergency preparedness into the services themselves, whether through verbal instructions like Kanefsky’s or written plans handed out alongside prayer books.

A flyer distributed at Beth Tzedec Congregation in Toronto outlines a three-point plan in the event of an attack: Run, hide or — as a last resort — “Be prepared to defend yourself.”

“Remember: Your actions before police arrive may save your life,” it reads in all-caps.

In August, the Jewish nonprofit Secure Community Network released a safety card that synagogues can customize with their own evacuation maps then place in their pews. While a range of scenarios could prompt a building evacuation, like a fire or earthquake, the card focuses on reacting to an attack.

It includes instructions for how to make a tourniquet to stop bleeding and tips for fleeing or fighting “the shooter.”

And at Congregation Emanu-El in San Francisco, a flyer advising congregants to run, hide, or fight in the event of an attack was placed on every other seatback during Rosh Hashanah.

“It brought home the potential dangers in a way I hadn’t seen before,” Frances Dinkelspiel, a member of Congregation Emanu-El, told the Forward. “You’re going in for services. You’re opening your heart. There’s a sense of community. You’re embracing one another. And then there’s this piece of paper that’s reminding you: Don’t relax too much.”

Kanefsky said he felt a responsibility to his congregation to provide safety instructions, noting that the High Holidays may attract out-of-town visitors unfamiliar with the building.

But he also acknowledged that such warnings “can take away from the spiritual mood that we’re working so hard on building,” he said.

Kanefsky said he tried to make the announcement as unobtrusive as possible — giving the instructions in what he called “a spiritual and emotional envelope” by thanking the synagogue’s security team and framing preparedness as “part of the devotion to one another and our devotion to God.”

Michael Masters, Secure Community Network’s CEO, said the High Holidays present an elevated security risk at synagogues compared with other times of year. Even basic preparedness measures, like knowing where the exits are, can make a meaningful difference in a threat situation, he said.

He cited the ramming attack on Temple Israel in West Bloomfield, Michigan, in March as a prominent recent example. Seconds after the assailant drove a truck filled with explosives through a building entrance, a security guard opened fire on the vehicle; after the vehicle caught fire, the campus was safely evacuated.

“The guard was there, and he was well trained, and he did an amazing job, as did law enforcement,” Masters said. “But the faculty and the staff and the students were all trained as well.”

Dinkelspiel emphasized that she feels safe at her synagogue, which has a modern security system and bollards around the sidewalk to prevent cars from driving onto the property. But that sense of safety, she said, was part of what made the flyer so unnerving.

“After all these security measures the congregation has,” Dinkelspiel said, “there was still this reminder on this flimsy piece of paper that Jews can be attacked at any time.”

The post ‘Run, hide, fight’: Synagogues make threat preparedness part of High Holiday services appeared first on The Forward.

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