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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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From golems to Horton to banana menorahs: This year’s Hanukkah kids’ books light up the imagination
(JTA) — From Who-ville to Schmoozeville, and from island getaways to cozy homes, this year’s crop of Hanukkah books for kids of all ages take families on journeys to imaginative settings, some familiar from the pantheon of children’s literature and Jewish ideas. Families from across the diverse Jewish spectrum will enjoy the new titles that celebrate the popular eight-day holiday, also known as the Festival of Lights.
Three titles garnered the recommendation of the Association of Jewish Libraries — “Construction Site, Hanukkah Lights,” “Banana Menorah” and “Lost and Found Hanukkah.”
Hanukkah begins at sundown on Sunday, Dec. 14.
“Construction Site Hanukkah Lights”
Sherri Duskey Rinker and Shawna J.C. Tenney
Chronicle Books; ages 2-4
The youngest children — particularly those who are vehicle-obsessed — will enjoy lifting the flaps of this rhyming story, in which a dump truck, a crane and a cement mixer transform a construction site into a Hanukkah wonderland with a dazzling giant menorah and a huge pile of shiny gold Hanukkah gelt.
“Happy HanukKat”
Jessica Hickman; illustrated by Elissambura
Kar-Ben Publishing; ages 1-4
Jessica Hickman’s sweet, rhyming board book about a lively Jewish family of kittens will tickle the youngest kids, who will have fun celebrating each night of the holiday with the Hanukkah party-loving cat family. Elissambura’s playful illustrations feature kitties in Hanukkah party hats and sweaters.
“Golem Loves Latkes: A Tasty Hanukkah Tale”
Doreen Klein Robinson; illustrated by Anna Krajewska
Intergalactic Afikomen; ages 3-10
In Doreen Klein Robinson’s fun-filled story, an endearing little girl loves to visit her bubbie for Hanukkah in the happy village of Schmoozeville, where everyone likes to schmooze – chat, in Yiddish. But this year, the usually friendly townsfolk are bickering about the best topping for fried potato latkes — applesauce or sour cream. The young girl makes a clay dreidel that spins to life as a golem, the centuries-old Jewish mystical clay figure who protects Jews. When the latke-loving golem gobbles up all of Schmoozeville’s crispy latkes, the clever girl takes the golem’s message to the warring camps: Enjoy your latkes however you like and celebrate the true meaning of the holiday. Anna Krajewska’s lively, colorful illustrations add to the mayhem and score points for featuring a youthful, active bubbie.
“Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears a Hanukkah Party!”
Leslie Kimmelman; illustrated by Tom Brannon, based on “Horton Hears a Who!” by Dr. Seuss
Random House; ages 3-7
Horton the Elephant looms large in Leslie Kimmelman’s rhyming riff on the classic “Horton Hears a Who!” by Dr. Seuss. The original features an elephant who champions the small against the mighty — a perfect character for the Hanukkah story. In this version, only Horton hears the faint sound of celebration that goes on night after night, so his jungle friends tease him. On the eighth night Horton sees the sparkling menorah belonging to a rabbi, who invites Horton and his pals to his family’s celebration. Tom Brannon’s illustrations translate the essence of Seuss’s floppy-eared Horton to a Jewish setting.
“Banana Menorah”
Lee Wind; illustrated by Karl West
Apples & Honey Press; ages 3-5
In Lee Wind’s light-hearted story, Skylar, a spirited young girl, and her two fathers are vacationing on an island far from home on the first night of Hanukkah. But both dads forgot to pack a menorah. The clever girl improvises with what’s on hand — the first night, it’s a banana menorah, the next, a granola bar. When they get home in time for the fourth candle and light their three menorahs, Skylar misses the new ones. For the rest of the holiday, her family celebrates with friends and all kinds of menorahs. Karl West’s animated illustrations add to the fun for a playful, creative holiday. Instructions for a banana menorah at the end — though there are also mass market versions available to buy.
“Lost and Found Hanukkah”
Joy Preble; illustrated by Lisa Anchin
Chronicle Books; ages 5-8
LGBT families and homemade menorahs are part of Joy Preble’s heartwarming story about Nate, who loves celebrating Hanukkah and lighting his family’s three menorahs, including one he made. When he and his two fathers move to a new apartment, Nate’s menorah gets lost. At Amy’s Judaica shop, Nate befriends the latke-loving, furry store kitty named Kugel, who runs out of the shop. When Nate’s dads fry up a batch of latkes for the holiday, the clever boy hatches a plan to find Kugel. By story’s end, everyone is reunited in time to celebrate Hanukkah and Nate carves a perfect new menorah. Lisa Anchin’s large cartoon-style illustrations reflect the story’s warmth and love.
“The Book of Candles: Eight Poems for Hanukkah”
Laurel Snyder; illustrated by Leanne Hatch
Clarion Books; ages 4-8
Children will enjoy following a young girl, her siblings, their parents and — again — a kitten as they light Hanukkah candles every night. Each night’s poem flows lyrically to the next. The award-winning Laurel Snyder adds a note for each candle that illuminates the themes of the holiday and turns the story into a teachable moment. Leanne Hatch’s cartoon-style illustrations capture the cozy, wintry setting and glow of the flickering flames
“A Dragon Called Spark: A Hanukkah Story”
Lily Murray; illustrated by Kirsti Beautyman
Kalaniot Books; ages 4-7
In Lily Murray’s imaginative tale, a young girl named Eva feels lonely when she and her family move somewhere new and she is far from friends at the start of Hanukkah. For comfort, Eva turns to Spark, her imaginary friend, a diminutive flying dragon. But Eva is worried that Spark is lonely and hopes for a Hanukkah miracle — a friend for herself and for Spark. When she meets Charlie, her neighbor, they become friends and she tells him about Spark, whom he can’t see. The power of friendship shines in this poignant story. Kirsty Beautyman’s illustrations capture the magic of the tale, which gets high marks for featuring a multiracial friendship.
“Eight Fairy Nights”
Imagined and illustrated by Bub
BookBaby; ages 4-8
Bub’s unique Hanukkah story introduces young kids to a fairytale version of the Hanukkah story and the Maccabees — who are lauded for their courage. Readers then meet eight fairies with eight virtues, one for each night. The book captures Bub’s enthusiasm for celebrating Hanukkah, and his weakness for riddles. Without referencing God’s hand in the Hanukkah miracle, “Eight Fairy Nights,” may be especially appealing to secular and humanist Jews.
The post From golems to Horton to banana menorahs: This year’s Hanukkah kids’ books light up the imagination appeared first on The Forward.
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America’s oldest Jewish congregation launches a kosher food pantry on the Upper West Side
(JTA) — On Thanksgiving morning, as volunteers gathered at Congregation Shearith Israel for the synagogue’s 11th annual “packathon,” they also marked a new milestone: Their synagogue was opening a kosher food pantry on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
Shearith Israel, an Orthodox congregation that is also known as The Spanish and Portuguese Synagogue, was established in 1654, making it the oldest congregation in the United States.
The synagogue’s Thanksgiving-morning volunteer event draws a large crowd each year in part because of its location along the Macy’s parade route. But its Thanksgiving tradition stretches back centuries: In 1789, when George Washington announced the first national Thanksgiving, Shearith Israel’s leader at the time, Gershom Mendes Seixas, held the country’s first Jewish Thanksgiving service.
With a history older than the founding of the United States, Louis Solomon, the president, or parnas, of Shearith Israel, said the congregation was looking for a way to celebrate the country’s upcoming 250th birthday.
“It’s been a part of our culture for 3,000 years, but certainly a part of our culture in America for 372 years, to give back, to try to do what we can,” said Solomon. “So the congregation has gotten itself together and thought about, what is it that we could actually do?”
Over the summer, Shearith Israel reached out to Alexander Rapaport, the executive director of Masbia, a kosher soup kitchen and food pantry, to propose an idea: Masbia could open a location in their synagogue.
“They’re celebrating America turning 250 years, and they’re thinking of what they can do, something special,” said Rapaport. “And one of the things they think that could be is opening up a food pantry in their place.”
At the event on Thursday morning where the new Masbia Relief Annex was announced, volunteers from local faith groups, including the Jewish Center, the Latter-Day Saints and the West End Church, watched the parade and assembled 2,000 packages of food.
Solomon said Shearith Israel had pledged to contribute $50,000 to the new Masbia annex, and was asking local faith groups to collectively match their donation.
The new food distribution center is scheduled to open sometime before Hanukkah, and will allow Masbia to serve Manhattan through the use of Doordash, which provides the nonprofit with free delivery services.
Rapaport said that this month, due to the tightened federal rules around the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, Doordash had provided Masbia with 11,000 free deliveries. So far, Rapaport said they were on track to hit that number.
“We’re hoping that DoorDash is our go-to thing, because that eliminates the breadline stigma, and it just brings people food. It also gives us flexibility,” said Rapaport.
Masbia currently has three locations, two in Brooklyn and one in Queens. Now, Rapaport said the new space will allow the food nonprofit to provide delivery service in Manhattan as well.
“We’re here to help people. It’s a new borough, it’s not a borough that we were in. We’re going to reach out to the community and see where the need is, and slowly take on hopefully,” said Rapaport. “The first week we’ll only serve a few dozen people, but then if it grows to hundreds, we’ll be very happy.”
The post America’s oldest Jewish congregation launches a kosher food pantry on the Upper West Side appeared first on The Forward.
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Hezbollah Leader Leaves Open Possibility of New War With Israel
Lebanon’s Hezbollah Chief Naim Qassem gives a televised speech from an unknown location, July 30, 2025, in this screen grab from video. Photo: Al Manar TV/REUTERS TV/via REUTERS
The head of Lebanese terrorist group Hezbollah said on Friday it retained the right to respond to Israel‘s killing days ago of its top military commander and left open the possibility of a new conflict with Israel.
Naim Qassem spoke in a televised address as fears grew in Lebanon that Israel could escalate its bombardment of the country to compel Iran-backed Hezbollah to relinquish its arsenal across the country, which the group has repeatedly rejected.
Israel‘s killing of Hezbollah’s top military commander Haytham Ali Tabtabai in a strike on Beirut’s southern suburbs on Nov. 23 sharpened those worries.
Qassem said the group would “set the timing” for any retaliation, and said threats of a broader air campaign had no impact on the group – but that renewed war was possible.
“Do you expect a war later? It’s possible sometime. Yes, this possibility is there, and the possibility of no war is also there,” Qassem said.
Qassem did not explicitly say what the group’s position would be in a new war but said Lebanon should prepare a plan to confront Israel that relies on “its army and its people.”
Qassem also said he hoped Pope Leo’s upcoming visit to Lebanon “will play a role in bringing about peace and ending the [Israeli] aggression.”
Lebanon is under growing pressure from both Israel and the United States to more swiftly disarm Hezbollah and other militant groups across the country.
Moments after Qassem’s speech ended, Israeli military spokesperson Avichay Adraee said the Lebanese army’s efforts to seize Hezbollah weapons in the country’s south were “inadequate.”
“Hezbollah continues to manipulate them and work covertly to maintain its arsenal,” Adraee said in a post on X.
But Hezbollah has said it is unwilling to let go of its arms as long as Israel continues its strikes on Lebanese territory and its occupation of five points in the country’s south.