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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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US House Committee Announces K-12 Antisemitism Investigations in Democrat Strongholds
People take part in anti-Israel protest in Fairfax County, Virginia, US, Nov. 24, 2023. Photo: Leah Millis via Reuters Connect
The US House Committee on Education and the Workforce on Monday disclosed a triad of K-12 antisemitism investigations at school districts in California, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
Among the cases, Virginia’s stands out for being based in the heavily progressive stronghold of Fairfax County, which former US Vice President Kamala Harris (D) carried by 35 points in 2024 and Abigail Spanberger, the Commonwealth’s new Democratic governor-elect, won by a similar margin in this year’s gubernatorial race. According to the House committee’s chairman, the Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS) district spills over with antisemitic incidents.
“FCPS experienced significant antisemitic incidents even prior to the Oct. 7, 2023, terrorist attacks against Israel. Jewish students allegedly faced repeated antisemitic bullying, including other students making the ‘Heil Hitler’ salute and throwing coins at them,” US Rep. Tim Walberg (R-MI) said in a letter to the district. “Another school for years allegedly refused to remove a hallway display that included painted tiles, 40 percent of which featured swastikas and Nazi flags.”
He added, “Just prior to the Oct. 7 attacks, one high school’s Muslim Students’ Association (MSA) hosted a speaker who had made grotesque antisemitic statements. For example, he had tweeted, ‘I’m not racist I love everyone. Except the yahood [Jews],’ and ‘Never met a Jew who didn’t have a huge nose.’”
Across the country, in California, which has not allotted its electoral votes to a Republican presidential candidate since 1988, the Berkeley Unified School District, an array of alleged antisemitic incidents included students chanting “Kill the Jews” to protest Israel and a teacher displaying an image of the Star of David being pummeled by a fist in the classroom.
“In another concerning incident, at Malcolm X Elementary School, a second-grade teacher told her students to write ‘messages of anti-hate’ for display,” Walberg continued in another missive to BUSD’s superintendent. “Several students followed the teacher’s lead and wrote ‘stop bombing babies.’ However, rather than displaying the message in the hall outside of her classroom, the teacher allegedly placed them outside of the classroom of the school’s sole Jewish teacher.”
The School District of Philadelphia (SDP), based in a city which has awarded the Democratic Party no less than 77 percent of its voters in presidential contests since 1996, is also seeing troubling trends, according to Walberg, a Republican.
“Today, SDP employs numerous educators who allegedly promote antisemitic content in their classrooms,” the chairman explained in his letter to the district. “One such teacher has allegedly threatened Jewish parents and students alone. She and other Philadelphia educators also allegedly use lessons from an effort called Teaching Palestine, whose class materials rationalize terrorist violence and advocate for the destruction of Israel.”
Antisemitism in K-12 schools has increased every year of this decade, according to data compiled by the Anti-Defamation League (ADL). In 2023, antisemitic incidents in US public schools increased 135 percent, a figure which included a rise in vandalism and assault.
The problem has led to civil rights complaints and lawsuits.
In September 2023, for example, some of America’s most prominent Jewish and civil rights groups sued the Santa Clara Unified School District (SCUSD) in California for concealing from the public its adoption of ethnic studies curricula containing antisemitic and anti-Zionist themes. Then in February, the school district paused implementation of the program to settle the lawsuit.
One month later, the Louis D. Brandeis Center for Human Rights Under Law, StandWithUs, and the ADL filed a civil rights complaint accusing the Etiwanda School District in San Bernardino County, California, of doing nothing after a 12-year-old Jewish girl was assaulted, having been beaten with stick, on school grounds and teased with jokes about Nazi leader Adolf Hitler.
As The Algemeiner has reported previously, the North American Values Institute (NAVI) also raised alarms about rising antisemitism when the Wissahickon School District (WSD) in Ambler, Pennsylvania presented as fact an anti-Zionist account of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to its K-12 students by using it as the basis for courses taken by honors students.
The material, provided by virtual learning platform Edgenuity, implied that Israel is a settler-colonial state — a false assertion promoted by neo-Nazis and jihadist terror groups — while referring to the founding of Israel as the “nakba,” the Arabic term for “catastrophe” used by Palestinians and anti-Israel activists. Based on documents shared with The Algemeiner, the material does not seemingly detail the varied reasons for Palestinian Arabs leaving the nascent State of Israel at the time, including that they were encouraged by Arab leaders to flee their homes to make way for the invading Arab armies. Nor does it appear to explain that some 850,000 Jews were forced to flee or expelled from Middle Eastern and North African countries in the 20th century, especially in the aftermath of Israel’s declaring independence.
“College campus antisemitism has gotten a lot of attention because we see the effects, the protests, the barricades, and encampments,” Gerard Filitti, senior counsel of End Jew Hatred and The Lawfare Project, told The Algemeiner in September during an interview. “In K-12, it’s not as flagrant. It’s educational material that’s talked about in the classroom and which parents may not be aware of unless they talk with their children about what’s happening in school. So, this has essentially been a secret issue because the American people are not aware of what children are learning in schools or how schools have been handling antisemitism in school.”
Follow Dion J. Pierre @DionJPierre.
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Miss Universe Israel’s Team Reveals National Costume Was Stolen Before Debut at 2025 Pageant in Bangkok
Melanie Shiraz of Israel takes part in the National Costume show during the 74th Miss Universe pageant in Bangkok, Thailand, Nov. 19, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Athit Perawongmetha
Miss Israel Melanie Shiraz had her national costume stolen shortly before she was set to debut the look in the Miss Universe 2025 pageant, her team revealed on Tuesday.
The Miss Universe competition concluded in Bangkok, Thailand, on Nov. 21 with Fátima Bosch from Mexico being crowned Miss Universe from a group of contestants representing more than 130 nations around the world. The first runner-up was Thailand’s Praveenar Singh followed by Venezuela’s Stephany Abasali as second runner-up.
Shiraz, 27, had designed the outfit she was set to wear for the national costume segment of the Miss Universe competition. Edgar Saakyan, national director of Miss Universe Israel, said in a released statement on Tuesday that a day and a half before Shiraz was set to take the stage in the national costume portion of the competition, the Miss Israel team was “misled by the costume constructor’s team, and the national costume was stolen.”
“A representative of the costume constructor arrived at the Bangkok airport under the pretext of ‘clarifying details,’ approached a member of our team, took the costume, and then stopped all communication – effectively stealing it and placing us in an extremely difficult position,” Saakyan explained. “We regard this as a deliberate act of harm, including damage to our intellectual property and reputation … This matter has been transferred to our legal team.”
Saakyan added that ultimately, a team of Thai costume makers made Shiraz a new look, based on her original concept, with only 10 hours left before the national costume segment of the Miss Universe contest. The costume was completed with “incredible support” from the Miss Universe and Miss Grand International teams, he said.
“This display of professionalism, grace under pressure, and human solidarity allowed us not only to take the stage – but to do so with honor, pride, and respect for the flag,” Saakyan noted. “We are grateful beyond words.”
Shiraz ended up wearing in the national costume segment a yellow floor length gown that also featured a yellow ribbon in honor of the murdered hostages still held in captivity and the former hostages who have returned home after being abducted by Hamas-led terrorists during their deadly rampage across southern Israel on Oct. 7, 2023. A crystal Star of David was displayed on her dress, and its train was adorned with red anemones, which is Israel’s national flower and also commonly found in southern Israel where the Oct. 7 attack took place. Shiraz paired the dress with a shawl and head covering. The costume was titled “The Light of Hope.”
“While many national costumes are joyful and celebratory, this year’s theme of peace, combined with all that our people have endured over the past two years, called for a more somber presence on stage,” Shiraz said in an Instagram post. “One that carries both remembrance and the hope for a more peaceful future. I designed this piece to honor our story, our grief, and the light we continue to hold onto. I couldn’t be more proud [sic] to wear it.”
Saakyan announced in his statement on Tuesday that next year, Shiraz will be the official national costume designer for Miss Israel. “We are confined this partnership will deliver not just visual beauty, but a meaningful cultural message to the world,” he said.
Miss Palestine Nadine Ayoub sparked controversy when she took the stage during the national costume segment of the Miss Universe competition wearing a robe that depicted the Dome of the Rock and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, alongside olive branches. Earlier in the competition, Ayoub uploaded a series of posts on social media that included lies about the Israel-Hamas war, such as one that inflated the number of Palestinian casualties and another that described Kfir and Ariel Bibas, the Israeli children murdered in Hamas captivity, as Palestinian victims of the war instead of victims of Hamas terrorism. Ayoub was the first-ever “Miss Palestine” contestant in the Miss Universe pageant.
After the New York Post revealed that Ayoub was married to the son of notorious Fatah terrorist Marwan Barghouti and even named a child after him, Shiraz called on Miss Universe organizers to strip Miss Palestine of her place in the top 30. “Miss Universe should not condone fraud, violations of its code of conduct and especially terror. I expect them to take corrective action,” Shiraz told the Post on Saturday. “I don’t need to act as the moral CEO of Miss Universe – they should be able to do that themselves.”
“It makes my skin crawl thinking we were in the same room so many times,” added Shiraz. “It’s shocking that we all shared a stage with someone with serious terror ties.”
Following the Miss Universe 2025 competition, Brigitta Schaback renounced her title of Miss Universe Estonia and Olivia Yacé, the pageant’s fourth runner-up, renounced her title as Miss Universe Africa and Oceania.
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New York City Mayor Adams Announces New $3 Million Holocaust Memorial
New York City Mayor Eric Adams meeting with Israelis during a reception in Jerusalem that was organized by the Combat Antisemitism Movement. Photo: Combat Antisemitism Movement’s X account
New York City Mayor Eric Adams announced on Tuesday the planned creation of a $3 million Holocaust memorial to commemorate the six million Jews murdered by the Nazis in World War II as well as the survivors who rebuilt their lives in New York City.
The “Queens Holocaust Memorial” will be located on the grounds of the Queens Borough Hall and include artwork as well as a commemorative garden. The process of selecting an artist for the memorial will be led by the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs’ “Percent for Art“ program in discussion with artists, historians, and Holocaust survivors.
The Queens Jewish Community Council, in partnership with local civic and faith leaders, originally proposed the idea for the memorial. The city and Office of Queens Borough President Donovan Richard Jr. allocated $3 million to support the development of the project, but the Queens Jewish Community Council will help raise additional funds to support the memorial’s design and construction.
A total of 14,700 Holocaust survivors live in New York, which is 50 percent of all survivors in the US, according to the UJA Federation New York. The new memorial will be the first major tribute to the Holocaust in the borough of Queens, which is where many Holocaust survivors settled when they moved to New York after World War II. The site will serve as a hosting ground for Holocaust remembrance ceremonies, educational programs for students, and community gatherings to promote solidarity across communities.
“It is not enough to say, ‘Never again’ — we have to live it with our actions too,” Adams said in a released statement. “By preserving the stories of both victims and survivors, by creating a permanent space for remembrance and reflection, by promoting understanding and solidarity across generations, this memorial will live out the meaning of ‘never again.’ As our city and our country confront the rising tide of antisemitism, our administration will not remain silent. We will use our office to call out hate wherever we find it, encourage compassion wherever we need it, and create a city where everyone can live side by side in harmony.”
Adams announced the creation of the memorial alongside Richard Jr. The latter said the Queens Holocaust Memorial “will not only pay a touching tribute to the six million innocent Jews murdered by the Nazis and the survivors who settled in our borough afterward, but it will also serve as daily inspiration for our fight to forge a future free of antisemitism.”
“No matter how much time passes since the evils of the Holocaust, New York City’s commitment to the pledge of ‘Never Again’ must never waver,” he added. “That is why, in the face of rising tides of heinous antisemitism and Holocaust denial across our society, I could not be prouder to lead this effort alongside the administration and the Queens’ Jewish community in creating this critically important memorial here at Queens Borough Hall.”
New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani, who was elected earlier this month, will take office and replace Adams in January. Adams recently expressed concern for the safety of Jewish communities in New York under Mamdani’s leadership.
Leading members of the Jewish community in New York have also raised alarm bells about Mamdani’s victory in the mayoral election.
During his four years in office, Adams created the first mayor’s office dedicated to combating antisemitism; signed an executive order adopting the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance (IHRA) definition of antisemitism; created the city’s first Jewish Advisory Council; and launched the New York City-Israel Economic Council.