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Letty Cottin Pogrebin wants Jews to own up to the corrosive power of shame
(JTA) — When a lawyer for Donald Trump asked E. Jean Carroll why she didn’t scream while allegedly being raped by Donald Trump, I thought of Letty Cottin Pogrebin. In her latest book, “Shanda: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy,” she writes about being assaulted by a famous poet — and how the shadow of shame kept women like her silent about attacks on their own bodies.
That incident in 1962, she writes, was “fifty-eight years before the #MeToo movement provided the sisterhood and solidarity that made survivors of abuse and rape feel safe enough to tell their stories.”
Now 83, Pogrebin could have coasted with a memoir celebrating her six decades as a leading feminist: She co-founded Ms. magazine, its Foundation for Women and the National Women’s Political Caucus. She served as president of Americans for Peace Now and in 1982 blew the whistle on antisemitism in the feminist movement.
Instead, “Shanda” is about her immigrant Jewish family and the secrets they carried through their lives. First marriages that were kept hidden. An unacknowledged half-sister. Money problems and domestic abuse. An uncle banished for sharing family dirt in public.
“My mania around secrecy and shame was sparked in 1951 by the discovery that my parents had concealed from me the truth about their personal histories, and every member of my large extended family, on both sides, was in on it,” writes Pogrebin, now 83. “Their need to avoid scandal was so compelling that, once identified, it provided the lens through which I could see my family with fresh eyes, spotlight their fears, and, in so doing, illuminate my own.”
“Shanda” (the Yiddish word describes the kind of behavior that brings shame on an entire family or even a people) is also a portrait of immigrant New York Jews in the 20th century. As her father and mother father move up in the world and leave their Yiddish-speaking, Old World families behind for new lives in the Bronx and Queens, they stand in for a generation of Jews and new Americans “bent on saving face and determined to be, if not exemplary, at least impeccably respectable.”
Pogrebin and I spoke last week ahead of the Eight Over Eighty Gala on May 31, where she will be honored with a group that includes another Jewish feminist icon, the writer Erica Jong, and musician Eve Queler, who founded her own ensemble, the Opera Orchestra of New York, when she wasn’t being given chances to conduct in the male-dominated world of classical music. The gala is a fundraiser for the New Jewish Home, a healthcare nonprofit serving older New Yorkers.
Pogrebin and I spoke about shame and how it plays out in public and private, from rape accusations against a former president to her regrets over how she wrote about her own abortions to how the Bible justifies family trickery.
Our conversation was edited for length and clarity.
I found your book very moving because my parents’ generation, who like your family were middle-class Jews who grew up or lived in the New York metropolitan area, are also all gone now. Your book brought back to me that world of aunts and uncles and cousins, and kids like us who couldn’t imagine what kinds of secrets and traumas our parents and relatives were hiding. But you went back and asked all the questions that many of us are afraid to ask.
I can’t tell you how good writing it has been. I feel as though I have no weight on my back. And people who have read it gained such comfort from the normalization that happens when you read that others have been through what you’ve been through. And my family secrets are so varied — just one right after the other. The chameleon-like behavior of that generation — they became who they wanted to be through pretense or actual accomplishment.
In my mother’s case, pretense led the way. She went and got a studio photo that made it look like she graduated from high school when she didn’t. In the eighth grade, she went up to her uncle’s house in the north Bronx and had her dates pick her up there because of the shanda of where she lived on the Lower East Side with nine people in three rooms. She had to imagine herself the child of her uncle, who didn’t have an accent or had an accent but at least spoke English.
You describe yours as “an immigrant family torn between loyalty to their own kind and longing for American acceptance.”
There was the feeling that, “If only we could measure up, we would be real Americans.” My mother was a sewing machine operator who became a designer and figured out what American women wore when she came from rags and cardboard shoes, in steerage. So I admire them. As much as I was discomforted by the lies, I ended up having compassion for them.
It’s also a story of thwarted women, and all that lost potential of a generation in which few could contemplate a college degree or a career outside the home. Your mother worked for a time as a junior designer for Hattie Carnegie, a sort of Donna Karan of her day, but abandoned that after she met your dad and became, as you write, “Mrs. Jack Cottin.”
The powerlessness of women was complicated in the 1950s by the demands of the masculine Jewish ideal. So having a wife who didn’t work was proof that you were a man who could provide. As a result women sacrificed their own aspirations and passions. She protected her husband’s image by not pursuing her life outside the home. In a way my feminism is a positive, like a photograph, to the negative of my mother’s 1950s womanhood.
“I’m not an optimist. I call myself a ‘cockeyed strategist,” said Pogrebin, who has a home on the Upper West Side. (Mike Lovett)
You write that you “think of shame and secrecy as quintessentially Jewish issues.” What were the Jewish pressures that inspired your parents to tell so many stories that weren’t true?
Think about what we did. We hid behind our names. We changed our names. We sloughed off our accents. My mother learned to make My*T*Fine pudding instead of gefilte fish. Shame and secrecy have always been intrinsically Jewish to me, because of the “sha!” factor: At every supper party, there would be the moment when somebody would say, “Sha! We don’t talk about that!” So even though we talked about what felt like everything, there were things that couldn’t be touched: illness, the C-word [cancer]. If you wanted to make a shidduch [wedding match] with another family in the insular communities in which Jews lived, you couldn’t let it be known that there was cancer in the family, or mental illness.
While I was writing this memoir, I realized that the [Torah portion] I’m listening to one Shabbat morning is all about hiding. It is Jacob finding out that he didn’t marry Rachel, after all, but married somebody he didn’t love. All of the hiding that I took for granted in the Bible stories and I was raised on like mother’s milk was formative. They justified pretense, and they justified trickery. Rebecca lied to her husband and presented her younger son Jacob for the blessing because God told her, because it was for the greater good of the future the Jewish people.
I think Jews felt that same sort of way when it came to surviving. So we can get rid of our names. We wouldn’t have survived, whether we were hiding in a forest or behind a cabinet, a name or a passport, or [pushed into hiding] with [forced] conversions. Hiding was survival.
I was reading your book just as the E. Jean Carroll verdict came down, holding Donald Trump liable for sexually assaulting her during an encounter in the mid-’90s. You write how in 1962, when you were working as a book publicist, the hard-drinking Irish poet Brendan Behan (who died in 1964) tried to rape you in a hotel room and you didn’t report it. Like Carroll, you didn’t think that it was something that could be reported because the cost was too high.
Certainly in that era powerful men could get away with horrible behavior because of shanda reasons.
Carroll said in her court testimony, “It was shameful to go to the police.”
You know that it happened to so many others and nobody paid the price. The man’s reputation was intact and we kept our jobs because we sacrificed our dignity and our truth. I was in a career, and I really was supporting myself. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. I would have been pilloried for having gone to his hotel room, and nobody was there when he picked up an ashtray and threatened to break the window of the Chelsea Hotel unless I went up there with him.The cards were stacked against me.
In “Shanda,” you write about another kind of shame: The shame you now feel decades later about how you described the incident in your first book. You regret “how blithely I transformed an aggravated assault by a powerful man into a ‘sticky sexual encounter.’”
I wrote about the incident in such offhand terms, and wonder why. I wrote, basically, “Okay, girls, you’re gonna have to put up with this, but you’re gonna have to find your own magical sentence like I had with Behan” to get him to stop.
You write that you said, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a nice Jewish girl!” And that got him to back off.
Really painful.
I think that’s a powerful aspect of your book — how you look back at the ways you let down the movement or your family or friends and now regret. In 1991 you wrote a New York Times essay about an illegal abortion you had as a college senior in 1958, but not the second one you had only a few months later. While you were urging women to tell their stories of abortion, you note how a different shame kept you from telling the whole truth.
Jewish girls could be, you know, plain or ordinary, but they had to be smart, and I had been stupid. I could out myself as one of the many millions of women who had an abortion but not as a Jewish girl who made the same mistake [of getting pregnant] twice.
The book was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. In the book you write powerfully about the shame, danger and loneliness among women when abortion was illegal, and now, after 50 years, it is happening again. Having been very much part of the generation of activists that saw Roe become the law of the land, how have you processed its demise?
Since the 1970s, we thought everything was happening in this proper linear way. We got legislation passed, we had litigation and we won, and we saw the percentage of women’s participation in the workplace all across professions and trades and everything else rise and rise. And then Ronald Reagan was elected and then there was the Moral Majority and then it was the Hyde Amendment [barring the use of federal funds to pay for abortion]. I was sideswiped because I think I was naive enough to imagine that once we articulated what feminism was driving at and why women’s rights were important, and how the economic reality of families and discrimination against women weren’t just women’s issues, people would internalize it and understand it and justice would be done.
In the case of Roe, we could not imagine that rights could ever be taken away. We didn’t do something that we should have done, which is to have outed ourselves in a big way. It’s not enough that abortion was legal. We allowed it to remain stigmatized. We allowed the right wing to create their own valence around it. That negated solidarity. If we had talked about abortion as healthcare, if we had had our stories published and created organizations around remembering what it was like and people telling their stories about when abortion was illegal and dangerous…. Instead we allowed the religious right to prioritize [fetal] cells over a woman’s life. We just were not truthful with each other, so we didn’t create solidarity.
Are you heartened by the backlash against restrictive new laws in red states or optimistic that the next wave of activism can reclaim the right to abortion?
I’m not an optimist. I call myself a “cockeyed strategist.” If you look at my long resume, it is all about organizing: Ms. magazine, feminist organizations, women’s foundations, Black-Jewish dialogues, Torah study groups and Palestinian-Jewish dialogues.
Number one, we have to own the data and reframe the narrative. We have to open channels for discussion for women who have either had one or know someone who has had one, even in religious Catholic families. The state-by-state strategy was really slow, but Ruth Bader Ginsburg wanted that. She almost didn’t get on the court because she didn’t like the nationwide, right-to-privacy strategy of Roe but instead wanted it won state by state, which would have required campaigns of acceptance and consciousness-raising.
So, the irony is she hasn’t lived to see that we’re going to have to do it her way.
You share a lot of family secrets in this book. Is this a book that you waited to write until, I’ll try to put this gently, most of the people had died?
I started this book when I was 78 years old, and there’s always a connection to my major birthdays. And turning 80 – you experience that number and it is so weird. It doesn’t describe me and it probably won’t describe you. I thought, this could well be my last book, so I needed to be completely transparent, put it all out there.
My mother and father and aunts and uncles were gone, but I have 24 cousins altogether. I went to my cousins, and told them I am going to write about the secret of your parents: It’s my uncle, but it’s your father. It’s your family story even though it’s my family, but it’s yours first. And every cousin, uniformly, said, “Are you kidding? You don’t even know the half of it,” and they’d tell me the whole story. I guess people want the truth out in the end.
Is that an aspect of getting older?
I think it’s a promise of liberation, which is what I have found. It’s this experience of being free from anything that I’ve hid. I don’t have to hide. Years ago, on our 35th wedding anniversary, we took our whole family to the Tenement Museum because we wanted them to see how far we’ve come in two generations.
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The post Letty Cottin Pogrebin wants Jews to own up to the corrosive power of shame appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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Vance courts Jewish Republicans, but leaves Tucker Carlson ties unanswered
(JTA) — LAS VEGAS – Vice President JD Vance emphasized the importance of the American-Israel relationship, pinned rising antisemitism on immigration, and sidestepped a question about podcasters like Tucker Carlson, during a highly-anticipated, closed-doors appearance at the Republican Jewish Coalition’s annual summit on Monday.
Vance’s appearance came at a moment when a number of Jewish Republicans have turned against him over his reprimanding of Israeli officials, indulgence of anti-Israel conspiracy theories and his silence on Carlson, a prominent media personality who promotes such narratives.
Some donors have indicated that they would prefer Secretary of State Marco Rubio to Vance as the presidential nominee in 2028. Yet Vance was met with a standing ovation as he took the stage, and received another one as he left, according to multiple people who were in the room.
Following the event, RJC leaders said they felt the appearance was a positive step in the relationship.
“Today is not primary day. But I think today was progress day for JD Vance and the Jewish community,” RJC board member Ari Fleischer told reporters.
The summit’s Monday evening portion was closed to the press, but an audio recording of Vance’s 35-minute conversation with Norm Coleman — the RJC’s chairman — was sent to the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
During the conversation, Coleman asked Vance where he drew the line when deciding which podcasts he could appear on. Coleman named Carlson, Megyn Kelly, Joe Rogan and Nick Fuentes as examples of hosts who have platformed antisemites, but Vance avoided mentioning Carlson, answering only about Rogan and Fuentes.
“I do not think that Joe Rogan and Nick Fuentes are the same, just substantively,” Vance said.
“Obviously I’m not going to talk to a guy who’s attacked my wife or said that Hitler is a good guy — but outside of some pretty bright lines, I try to talk to as many people as I can,” Vance said.
Vance’s response, which advocated for a wide-tent approach, drew applause in the room, though some were not pleased with the answer — nor the openness of the question.
“You might think that Norm Coleman — who owed his audience a bit more — would have said, ‘Let’s address this Tucker question once and for all: Where do you stand with him?’” said Neil Cooper, an RJC member who said he’s run out of patience with the vice president.
Sid Rosenberg, the right-wing firebrand radio host, wrote that Vance “had a chance to hammer @TuckerCarlson and @megynkelly but instead spent all his time defending @joerogan over Nick Fuentes.”
Ann Rubinfeld, an RJC member who supports Vance for 2028, said she is deeply opposed to Carlson but didn’t feel that the vice president needed to address Carlson head-on. “I don’t think that needs to be said,” she said.
Vance received a number of ovations during the conversation, including after Coleman commended him and Trump for leading what he said was the most pro-Israel administration in American history. Chants of “USA!” rang out as Vance took the stage. The warm reception may have come as a surprise for some in the room.
“This will be a tough crowd for him tomorrow,” Florida Rep. Randy Fine told reporters on Monday. In the morning leading up to Vance’s appearance, Rosenberg called on attendees to “give Vance a chance.” Ron Dermer, who has served as Israeli Ambassador to the United States and Strategic Affairs Minister, told the crowd, “I hope you all give him a warm welcome,” and thanked Vance for his “critical role” behind the scenes of the 12-day war fought with Israel against Iran in 2025.
Cooper said he’d expected “more skepticism, even bordering on stony silence” heading into the event, but hoped to be won over.
He added, “People get too excited by celebrities.”
Vance had made a stop in Michigan earlier on Monday, and told the room that he met with the rabbi of Temple Israel, as well as the security guards who helped prevent an antisemitic attack on the synagogue. Vance also referred to Michigan’s Republican nominee in the November senate race, Mike Rogers, who is facing Democratic nominee Abdul El-Sayed, in what he called “maybe the single most important candidate right now in this midterm election.”
Asked about his opinion on the U.S.-Israel relationship, Vance said Israel is “certainly one of our most important alliances in the world,” and that Israel and America or any of its allies must always be pursuing their own interests.
“I’m very much a foreign policy realist,” he said.
Vance also brought up the “growing suspicion” of the U.S.-Israel relationship among people under 40, and said “we have to articulate why this is in the best interest of the United States of America,” listing benefits such as intelligence collection and technology sharing.
Some of the heat Vance has drawn from Jewish Republicans has stemmed from comments he has made about Israel. In June, in response to criticism of the Iran deal, Vance said that Israeli cabinet members should not attack “the only powerful ally that I have anywhere left in the entire world.”
“We don’t forget statements like that,” Valerie Greenfeld, an RJC member who lives in Jerusalem, said in a text to JTA.
Speaking about the rise of antisemitism in the United States, Vance blamed it partly on immigration policy. He said that the increase comes from “people who are bringing ancient ethnic hatreds into the United States,” and that it is not a problem by-and-large among white Americans.
“You know, the Fuentes character who really does hate Jews — and also by the way, really hates me and my family, so you’re in good company — that is real,” Vance said. “But it’s not common among most of our fellow citizens.”
Vance condemned antisemitism, and drew applause when he told attendees, on behalf of the White House administration, “We love you guys, we appreciate you guys, and you will very much always be on the team so long as I have any say in it.”
Vance spoke about his own Christian faith and the connections between it and Judaism. He said he noticed similarities during a previous RJC event and at the wedding of his Jewish former chief of staff, Jacob Reses, where Vance did a reading.
“There were all these liturgical similarities between Judaism and Catholicism that are very fascinating,” Vance said.
Shabbos Kestenbaum, a Jewish conservative activist who attended the RJC confab, wrote afterwards that he appreciates Vance’s commitment to his religious beliefs, and that he agrees on forming foreign policy from an “America first” perspective. But Vance had more to prove, he said.
“His refusal to unequivocally denounce and condemn Tucker, who just called for Trump’s immediate removal, will make it very hard for the American Jewish community to consider his otherwise stellar policies,” he said.
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
The post Vance courts Jewish Republicans, but leaves Tucker Carlson ties unanswered appeared first on The Forward.
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At Jewish Republican summit, GOP casts midterms as a battle against DSA
(JTA) — LAS VEGAS – Speakers at the Republican Jewish Coalition’s annual convention at the Venetian Resort cast the upcoming midterm elections as a battle against not just the Democratic Party, but specifically its left-wing Democratic Socialists of America faction.
“A Democrat majority in November is not just a political setback for our party and our movement, it is a direct threat to the Jewish community,” said Joe Gruters, chairman of the Republican National Committee. “The people in charge would not be moderate Democrats who have occasionally pushed back on antisemitism. It would be the Squad. It would be the DSA.”
Ed Gallrein, the farmer and former Navy SEAL who defeated Kentucky Rep. Thomas Massie in a Republican primary back in May, said that “radical socialism sentiment is gaining ground across our nation,” calling November’s elections a battle between “the Constitution versus the Communist Manifesto.”
Georgia Rep. Mike Collins, who is challenging Democratic Sen. Jon Ossoff, accused the Jewish senator of using November’s election as a springboard to run for president in 2028 as “the DSA candidate.” (Ossoff has repeatedly denied having interest in running for president. He is also neither a DSA member, nor has he been endorsed by the group.)
Even the WiFi password for the Vegas confab — “DSA=AntiUSA” — offered a rejection of the group.
The RJC’s summit comes after a string of victories by DSA members and DSA-backed candidates in Democratic primaries across the country, sparking criticism from Republicans and moderate Democrats who oppose tenets of the group’s left-wing ideology, including its anti-Zionist stance.
The total number of House members endorsed by a DSA chapter could rise from two to seven, depending on how November shakes out, in addition to candidates in downballot races. Though there are 212 Democrats in the House, Republican officials on Sunday and Monday painted the Democratic party as one that is ceding control to the DSA.
China, Russia and Iran, Gallrein said, are hoping that “Democrats controlled by the DSA take the House and the Senate, and that they can exploit and divide America.”
Speakers panned other DSA-backed politicians such as New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani and Michigan Rep. Rashida Tlaib, as well as the streamer Hasan Piker, who has fundraised for numerous DSA-endorsed candidates.
Florida Rep. Randy Fine specifically attacked Muslim politicians in the Democratic party, saying he was addressing “the elephant in the room.” He was among the speakers to say that there are anti-Israel and antisemitic voices on both ends of the political spectrum. The difference, he said, is that Republicans “repudiate this evil” with actions like voting out Kentucky’s anti-Israel congressman Massie, while Democrats elect anti-Israel candidates.
Tucker Carlson, the former Fox News personality who has spread antisemitic conspiracy theories in recent years, was repudiated by the RJC and also cast aside by the party’s leader, President Donald Trump. Trump’s second-in-command JD Vance, however, has made no such condemnation, to the chagrin of many Jewish Republicans.
With Vance set to speak at the RJC’s summit on Monday night, multiple Jewish Democratic groups blasted the RJC for hosting him, particularly in a session that is closed to the press.
“JD Vance may be speaking behind closed doors, but he should not be able to avoid questions about his attacks on Israel, his failure to confront antisemitism within the MAGA movement, and his continued alliance with Tucker Carlson,” said Brian Romick, president and CEO of Democratic Majority for Israel, in a statement.
“What’s next, a live taping with Tucker Carlson on the main stage?” the Jewish Democratic Council of America wrote.
In a statement to the Jewish Telegraphic Agency, the JDCA’s CEO Halie Soifer said, “The RJC may choose to highlight the less than ten DSA candidates on the ballot in November for their own cynical political purposes, but Jewish voters see past their deflection and lies, just as they see the Republican Party for what it is — the party of Donald Trump.”
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
The post At Jewish Republican summit, GOP casts midterms as a battle against DSA appeared first on The Forward.
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Israel and Greece ink defense deal to protect against regional threats
(JTA) — Israel and Greece finalized on Monday a $3.5 billion deal providing the Hellenic Republic with a multilayered antimissile system designed to protect the European Union country against aerial attacks from nations such as Iran and Turkey. It is one of the largest defense export deals in the history of the Jewish state.
The two countries “share common strategic interests and face shared regional challenges,” Israeli Defense Minister Israel Katz said in a press statement sent out after the deal was signed at Tel Aviv’s Ministry of Defense.
Called the “Achilles Shield,” the agreement was inked by the General Director of the General Directorate for Defense Investments and Armaments of Greece, Maj. Gen. Ioannis Bouras, and Israel’s Ministry of Defense Director-General reserve Maj. Gen. Amir Baram.
“At a time when actors with hegemonic ambitions are seeking to expand their influence and undermine stability in the region, Israel and Greece will continue to deepen their defense and strategic cooperation, and will act with determination to preserve stability and safeguard their security and shared interests.” Katz said.
Katz didn’t name Iran or Turkey in his remarks, but it was widely understood that the two countries pose regional concerns for both countries. Turkey and Greece are not just neighbors but historic enemies with several current disputes. As Israel’s relationship with President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has deteriorated, Jerusalem and Greece have drawn closer in an effort to counterbalance Turkey’s growing power.
At the same time, Iran launched ballistic missiles at Israel multiple times since 2024. Greece has not been under Iranian fire, but Tehran has threatened to attack European countries. Greece hosts a U.S. naval base and is among those European countries that are closer to Iran.
The agreement isthe “largest defense export deal in the history of Israel-Greece relations, and one of the largest in the history” of the country, Israel’s Defense Ministry noted.
The multilayered system Israel will build for Greece will mark the first time that it provides a country with a system that can combat a wide array of threats from ballistic missiles to drones, the ministry explained.
Among the systems included in the “Achilles Shield” architecture are David’s Sling, SPYDER, BARAK MX and MMR multi-mission radars for air surveillance.
The two countries on Monday also signed a supplementary deal valued at $30.2 million for the sale of the Israeli company Rafael’s Drone Dome systems.
Chairman of Israel Aerospace Industries Boaz Levy said during the recent fighting with Iran that Israel’s aerial defense systems had shown they could intercept “a range of threats, chief among them exoatmospheric ballistic missiles.” The same systems that defended Israel could also be used to help allies in Europe, Levy explained.
“We are proud to take part in the important ‘Achilles Shield’ project, and will continue to be key partners in additional projects in Greece and around the world, as we develop and build the next generation of defense technologies,” he added.
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
The post Israel and Greece ink defense deal to protect against regional threats appeared first on The Forward.
