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Letty Cottin Pogrebin wants Jews to own up to the corrosive power of shame

(JTA) — When a lawyer for Donald Trump asked E. Jean Carroll why she didn’t scream while allegedly being raped by Donald Trump, I thought of Letty Cottin Pogrebin. In her latest book, “Shanda: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy,” she writes about being assaulted by a famous poet — and how the shadow of shame kept women like her silent about attacks on their own bodies.

That incident in 1962, she writes, was “fifty-eight years before the #MeToo movement provided the sisterhood and solidarity that made survivors of abuse and rape feel safe enough to tell their stories.”

Now 83, Pogrebin could have coasted with a memoir celebrating her six decades as a leading feminist: She co-founded Ms. magazine, its Foundation for Women and the National Women’s Political Caucus. She served as president of Americans for Peace Now and in 1982 blew the whistle on antisemitism in the feminist movement. 

Instead, “Shanda” is about her immigrant Jewish family and the secrets they carried through their lives. First marriages that were kept hidden. An unacknowledged half-sister. Money problems and domestic abuse. An uncle banished for sharing family dirt in public. 

“My mania around secrecy and shame was sparked in 1951 by the discovery that my parents had concealed from me the truth about their personal histories, and every member of my large extended family, on both sides, was in on it,” writes Pogrebin, now 83. “Their need to avoid scandal was so compelling that, once identified, it provided the lens through which I could see my family with fresh eyes, spotlight their fears, and, in so doing, illuminate my own.”

“Shanda” (the Yiddish word describes the kind of behavior that brings shame on an entire family or even a people) is also a portrait of immigrant New York Jews in the 20th century. As her father and mother father move up in the world and leave their Yiddish-speaking, Old World families behind for new lives in the Bronx and Queens, they stand in for a generation of Jews and new Americans “bent on saving face and determined to be, if not exemplary, at least impeccably respectable.”

Pogrebin and I spoke last week ahead of the Eight Over Eighty Gala on May 31, where she will be honored with a group that includes another Jewish feminist icon, the writer Erica Jong, and musician Eve Queler, who founded her own ensemble, the Opera Orchestra of New York, when she wasn’t being given chances to conduct in the male-dominated world of classical music. The gala is a fundraiser for the New Jewish Home, a healthcare nonprofit serving older New Yorkers.

Pogrebin and I spoke about shame and how it plays out in public and private, from rape accusations against a former president to her regrets over how she wrote about her own abortions to how the Bible justifies family trickery.

Our conversation was edited for length and clarity. 

I found your book very moving because my parents’ generation, who like your family were middle-class Jews who grew up or lived in the New York metropolitan area, are also all gone now. Your book brought back to me that world of aunts and uncles and cousins, and kids like us who couldn’t imagine what kinds of secrets and traumas our parents and relatives were hiding. But you went back and asked all the questions that many of us are afraid to ask. 

I can’t tell you how good writing it has been. I feel as though I have no weight on my back. And people who have read it gained such comfort from the normalization that happens when you read that others have been through what you’ve been through. And my family secrets are so varied — just one right after the other. The chameleon-like behavior of that generation — they became who they wanted to be through pretense or  actual accomplishment. 

In my mother’s case, pretense led the way. She went and got a studio photo that made it look like she graduated from high school when she didn’t. In the eighth grade, she went up to her uncle’s house in the north Bronx and had her dates pick her up there because of the shanda of where she lived on the Lower East Side with nine people in three rooms. She had to imagine herself the child of her uncle, who didn’t have an accent or had an accent but at least spoke English.

You describe yours as “an immigrant family torn between loyalty to their own kind and longing for American acceptance.”  

There was the feeling that, “If only we could measure up, we would be real Americans.” My mother was a sewing machine operator who became a designer and figured out what American women wore when she came from rags and cardboard shoes, in steerage. So I admire them. As much as I was discomforted by the lies, I ended up having compassion for them.  

It’s also a story of thwarted women, and all that lost potential of a generation in which few could contemplate a college degree or a career outside the home. Your mother worked for a time as a junior designer for Hattie Carnegie, a sort of Donna Karan of her day, but abandoned that after she met your dad and became, as you write, “Mrs. Jack Cottin.”

The powerlessness of women was complicated in the 1950s by the demands of the masculine Jewish ideal. So having a wife who didn’t work was proof that you were a man who could provide. As a result women sacrificed their own aspirations and passions. She protected her husband’s image by not pursuing her life outside the home. In a way my feminism is a positive, like a photograph, to the negative of my mother’s 1950s womanhood.

“I’m not an optimist. I call myself a ‘cockeyed strategist,” said Pogrebin, who has a home on the Upper West Side. (Mike Lovett)

You write that you “think of shame and secrecy as quintessentially Jewish issues.” What were the Jewish pressures that inspired your parents to tell so many stories that weren’t true?

Think about what we did. We hid behind our names. We changed our names. We sloughed off our accents. My mother learned to make My*T*Fine pudding instead of gefilte fish. Shame and secrecy have always been intrinsically Jewish to me, because of the “sha!” factor: At every supper party, there would be the moment when somebody would say, “Sha! We don’t talk about that!” So even though we talked about what felt like everything, there were things that couldn’t be touched: illness, the C-word [cancer]. If you wanted to make a shidduch [wedding match] with another family in the insular communities in which Jews lived, you couldn’t let it be known that there was cancer in the family, or mental illness.

While I was writing this memoir, I realized that the [Torah portion] I’m listening to one Shabbat morning is all about hiding. It is Jacob finding out that he didn’t marry Rachel, after all, but married somebody he didn’t love. All of the hiding that I took for granted in the Bible stories and I was raised on like mother’s milk was formative. They justified pretense, and they justified trickery. Rebecca lied to her husband and presented her younger son Jacob for the blessing because God told her, because it was for the greater good of the future the Jewish people.

I think Jews felt that same sort of way when it came to surviving. So we can get rid of our names. We wouldn’t have survived, whether we were hiding in a forest or behind a cabinet, a name or a passport, or [pushed into hiding] with [forced] conversions. Hiding was survival.  

I was reading your book just as the E. Jean Carroll verdict came down, holding Donald Trump liable for sexually assaulting her during an encounter in the mid-’90s. You write how in 1962, when you were working as a book publicist, the hard-drinking Irish poet Brendan Behan (who died in 1964) tried to rape you in a hotel room and you didn’t report it. Like Carroll, you didn’t think that it was something that could be reported because the cost was too high.

Certainly in that era powerful men could get away with horrible behavior because of shanda reasons. 

Carroll said in her court testimony, “It was shameful to go to the police.” 

You know that it happened to so many others and nobody paid the price. The man’s reputation was intact and we kept our jobs because we sacrificed our dignity and our truth. I was in a career, and I really was supporting myself. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. I would have been pilloried for having gone to his hotel room, and nobody was there when he picked up an ashtray and threatened to break the window of the Chelsea Hotel unless I went up there with him.The cards were stacked against me.

In “Shanda,” you write about another kind of shame: The shame you now feel decades later about how you described the incident in your first book. You regret “how blithely I transformed an aggravated assault by a powerful man into a ‘sticky sexual encounter.’” 

I wrote about the incident in such offhand terms, and wonder why. I wrote, basically, “Okay, girls, you’re gonna have to put up with this, but you’re gonna have to find your own magical sentence like I had with Behan” to get him to stop. 

You write that you said, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a nice Jewish girl!” And that got him to back off.

Really painful.

I think that’s a powerful aspect of your book — how you look back at the ways you let down the movement or your family or friends and now regret. In 1991 you wrote a New York Times essay about an illegal abortion you had as a college senior in 1958, but not the second one you had only a few months later. While you were urging women to tell their stories of abortion, you note how a different shame kept you from telling the whole truth.  

Jewish girls could be, you know, plain or ordinary, but they had to be smart, and I had been stupid. I could out myself as one of the many millions of women who had an abortion but not as a Jewish girl who made the same mistake [of getting pregnant] twice.

The book was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. In the book you write powerfully about the shame, danger  and loneliness among women when abortion was illegal, and now, after 50 years, it is happening again. Having been very much part of the generation of activists that saw Roe become the law of the land, how have you processed its demise?  

Since the 1970s, we thought everything was happening in this proper linear way. We got legislation passed, we had litigation and we won, and we saw the percentage of women’s participation in the workplace all across professions and trades and everything else rise and rise. And then Ronald Reagan was elected and then there was the Moral Majority and then it was the Hyde Amendment [barring the use of federal funds to pay for abortion]. I was sideswiped because I think I was naive enough to imagine that once we articulated what feminism was driving at and why women’s rights were important, and how the economic reality of families and discrimination against women weren’t just women’s issues, people would internalize it and understand it and justice would be done. 

In the case of Roe, we could not imagine that rights could ever be taken away. We didn’t do something that we should have done, which is to have outed ourselves in a big way. It’s not enough that abortion was legal. We allowed it to remain stigmatized. We allowed the right wing to create their own valence around it. That negated solidarity. If we had talked about abortion as healthcare, if we had had our stories published and created organizations around remembering what it was like and people telling their stories about when abortion was illegal and dangerous…. Instead we allowed the religious right to prioritize [fetal] cells over a woman’s life. We just were not truthful with each other, so we didn’t create solidarity. 

Are you heartened by the backlash against restrictive new laws in red states or optimistic that the next wave of activism can reclaim the right to abortion? 

I’m not an optimist. I call myself a “cockeyed strategist.” If you look at my long resume, it is all about organizing: Ms. magazine, feminist organizations, women’s foundations, Black-Jewish dialogues, Torah study groups and Palestinian-Jewish dialogues. 

Number one, we have to own the data and reframe the narrative. We have to open channels for discussion for women who have either had one or know someone who has had one, even in religious Catholic families. The state-by-state strategy was really slow, but Ruth Bader Ginsburg wanted that. She almost didn’t get on the court because she didn’t like the nationwide, right-to-privacy strategy of Roe but instead wanted it won state by state, which would have required campaigns of acceptance and consciousness-raising.

So, the irony is she hasn’t lived to see that we’re going to have to do it her way. 

You share a lot of family secrets in this book. Is this a book that you waited to write until, I’ll try to put this gently, most of the people had died?

I started this book when I was 78 years old, and there’s always a connection to my major birthdays. And turning 80 – you experience that number and it is so weird. It doesn’t describe me and it probably won’t describe you. I thought, this could well be my last book, so I needed to be completely transparent, put it all out there. 

My mother and father and aunts and uncles were gone, but I have 24 cousins altogether. I went to my cousins, and told them I am going to write about the secret of your parents: It’s my uncle, but it’s your father. It’s your family story even though it’s my family, but it’s yours first. And every cousin, uniformly, said, “Are you kidding? You don’t even know the half of it,” and they’d tell me the whole story. I guess people want the truth out in the end.

Is that an aspect of getting older?

I think it’s a promise of liberation, which is what I have found. It’s this experience of being free from anything that I’ve hid. I don’t have to hide. Years ago, on our 35th wedding anniversary, we took our whole family to the Tenement Museum because we wanted them to see how far we’ve come in two generations.

—
The post Letty Cottin Pogrebin wants Jews to own up to the corrosive power of shame appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

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Imam-led walkout over Jewish participant at CUNY interfaith event draws wide condemnation

(JTA) — Jewish groups and government officials are condemning an incident at a recent interfaith event held on the campus of the City College of New York, at which a Muslim leader reportedly led a student walkout against the Hillel director after saying he refused to be “sitting next to a Zionist.”

The incident took place last week and was first reported Wednesday by the Times of Israel, which obtained a recording of the event hosted by the college’s Office of Student Inclusion Initiatives.

The imam let loose a series of remarks about Shariah law and “the filthy rich” before stating, “I came here to this event not knowing that I would be sitting next to a Zionist and this is something I’m not going to accept. My people are being killed right now in Gaza.”

He then added, “If you’re a Muslim, out of strength and dignity, I ask you to exit this room immediately.” Roughly 100 Muslim students followed him out the door, according to the report, and the chaplain hosting the event expressed disbelief.

“This is not dialogue — it is harassment,” the Anti-Defamation League’s New York chapter wrote on the social network X. The chapter’s director Scott Richman called the incident “a truly disgusting display of raw antisemitism not only by the imam but by the huge crowd of people there for an interfaith event who followed him out the door because a Jew was present.”

“We unequivocally condemn this gross display of antisemitism at City College of New York,” the Nexus Project, a progressive-leaning antisemitism watchdog group, wrote on social media.

New York Gov. Kathy Hochul blasted the walkout as “antisemitism, plain and simple,” adding, “No one should be singled out, targeted, or shamed because they are Jewish.” She urged the City University of New York, the public university system that includes the campus, “to act swiftly to ensure accountability and protect every student’s safety.”

Hochul’s Republican opponent in next year’s governor race, Rep. Elise Stefanik, called CUNY “a hotbed of antisemitism.”

The federal Department of Justice, which has used its authority to pressure universities to quash antisemitism, also has an eye on the situation. “This is deeply concerning,” tweeted Associate Attorney General Harmeet Dhillon. “@CivilRights has questions and will look into this!”

The Hillel at City College, in an email to members, wrote, “Our concern is with one individual’s extremist rhetoric—not with Islam, not with Muslim students, and not with interfaith engagement itself.” It added that it was confident that City College would “respond appropriately” to the incident.

CUNY said it was aware of the incident and was investigating.

Jewish Insider later identified the Muslim speaker, who had identified himself only as “Abdullah” on the recording, as Abdullah Mady, a recent psychology graduate of the school who stayed on to pursue a master’s degree in medical translation. In a biography published online by his department, accompanied by a photograph in which he is wearing a keffiyeh, Mady says he aims to become a doctor.

Ilya Bratman, who runs the Hillel that serves City College as well as several other local public and private schools, told the Times of Israel that he was in attendance but that there were not many other Jewish students present because the Hillel had been hosting a talk with a Holocaust survivor in another room in the same building.

One Jewish student who was in attendance told the moderator after the walkout, “You’re in shock? We’re not, we’re used to it.”

The post Imam-led walkout over Jewish participant at CUNY interfaith event draws wide condemnation appeared first on The Forward.

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Kaploun leans on personal story and Holocaust education in bid to become Trump’s antisemitism envoy

(JTA) — Rabbi Yehuda Kaploun, President Donald Trump’s nominee to serve as U.S. antisemitism envoy, pledged to elevate Holocaust education and combat what he called a “global problem” of ignorance-driven antisemitism during a Senate confirmation hearing on Wednesday, while sidestepping the more partisan controversies that prompted a rebuke from a group of House Democrats ahead of the session.

“Together with bipartisan support, we must educate the world to respect one another,” Kaploun told the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in an opening statement that drew heavily on his personal encounters with antisemitism — from childhood taunts in Brooklyn to the Crown Heights riots and the deaths of family members on 9/11 and Oct. 7.

“I pledge to all of you here, I will not waver and I will not rest … to fight antisemitism everywhere and to make this world a better arena for God to dwell,” he said.

Kaploun, a Hasidic rabbi, Miami-based businessman and Trump ally, cast antisemitism as “a symbol of a larger hatred” and warned that societies that tolerate it invite broader violence.

He emphasized repeatedly that the core of the job must be education — of Holocaust history, of Jewish life in America and of the “Judeo-Christian values our country was founded on.”

But committee Democrats pressed him on political issues, including the administration’s muted response to a friendly interview that right-wing commentator Tucker Carlson recently conducted with Nick Fuentes, a antisemitic influencer. Asked whether Trump’s comments about Carlson — praising him while declining to denounce Fuentes — were appropriate, Kaploun responded by stressing freedom of speech while asserting that the administration is clear in condemning antisemitism.

“You have a right to hate, but we have a right to explain and stand up and abhor everything that you say,” he said, adding that he believes in condemning antisemitic remarks “whenever they need to be condemned” while maintaining free expression rights.

The exchange came a day after 18 House Democrats urged the Senate to reject Kaploun’s nomination, citing his past comments about Democrats and his failure to publicly challenge Trump’s use of antisemitic tropes during the 2024 campaign. The letter also highlighted past litigation involving Kaploun in Miami, previously reported by the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

Kaploun pointed to the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance’s working definition of antisemitism when asked about distinguishing antisemitism from criticism of Israel. “Anyone has a right to criticize Israel,” but singling out the country while ignoring other global issues can cross the line, he said.

Outside groups were divided on Kaploun. In a letter to the committee, Orthodox Union Advocacy Center leaders Nathan Diament and Isaac Pretter did not explicitly endorse Kaploun but said he is “familiar with the issues facing Jews around the world” and has shown a willingness to work across the aisle, including by co-authoring a JTA op-ed earlier this year with the two previous antisemitism envoys.  But another national Jewish group, the liberal Zionist New Jewish Network, came out in direct opposition and called on senators to reject the nomination. “The administration’s weaponization of antisemitism has been appalling. Confirmation of Rabbi Kaploun adds insult to injury,” wrote the group’s CEO, Hadar Susskind.

The committee has not yet scheduled a vote on the nomination.

The post Kaploun leans on personal story and Holocaust education in bid to become Trump’s antisemitism envoy appeared first on The Forward.

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Amid Push for Gaza Role, Palestinian Authority Continues Paying Terrorists, Teaching Antisemitic Hatred

Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas looks on as he visits the Istishari Cancer Center in Ramallah, in the West Bank, May 14, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Mohammed Torokman

As Western powers push for the Palestinian Authority to take a leading role in post-war Gaza, the government body has not delivered on promises of reform, continuing payments to terrorists and using school textbooks that glorify violence, demonize Israelis, and promote antisemitic themes.

On Wednesday, Israeli Foreign Minister Gideon Saar denounced the Palestinian Authority (PA) for nearly doubling its payments under its so-called “pay-for-slay” program — from $144 million in 2024 to $214 million so far in 2025 — despite the PA’s repeated promises of reform.

“The Palestinian Authority hasn’t stopped its payments of salaries to terrorists and their families. In fact, it is nearly doubling them,” the top Israeli diplomat said in a post on X. 

“I call on Europe and the world to hold the PA accountable for funding terrorism. Stop Pay-for-Slay NOW!” he continued. 

Even though PA President Mahmoud Abbas announced plans to reform the system earlier this year, new media reports reveal that Palestinian leadership has continued to issue payments.

The European Union (EU) is now demanding clarification on whether the “pay-for-slay” program is still operating through bypass channels, according to Euronews.

Western countries have been pushing for the PA to undergo internal reforms, aiming for the group to take control of Gaza after the war under the US-backed peace plan, despite strong Israeli objections.

The PA, which has long been riddled with accusations of corruption, has also maintained for years the “pay-for-slay” program, which rewards terrorists and their families for carrying out attacks against Israelis. 

Under the policy, the Palestinian Authority Martyr’s Fund makes official payments to Palestinian prisoners held in Israeli jails, the families of “martyrs” killed in attacks on Israelis, and injured Palestinian terrorists. 

Reports estimate that approximately 8 percent of the PA’s budget is allocated to paying stipends to convicted terrorists and their families.

This week, Israeli officials visited Brussels to present evidence to the bloc that the old “pay-for-slay” program is still operating and may be using funds that EU member states had originally donated for other purposes.

“We understand that a recent payment has been made to the families of prisoners, based on a previous scheme. We profoundly regret this decision, as this seems to go against prior announcements,” the EU Commission told Euronews.

However, the European bloc rejected any suggestion that its funds were involved in the recent payments.

“EU support to the PA is linked to its efforts to pursue the reform agenda,” the EU Commission said.

For years, the EU has been the largest provider of external assistance to the group, allocating approximately $1.47 billion bilaterally between 2021 and 2024.

As the international community seeks to chart a path for Gaza’s reconstruction after the Israel-Hamas war, the PA is maneuvering to take a leading role in the war-torn enclave, despite Israeli objections and with the backing of Western powers — a move that experts say is unlikely to succeed given the PA’s lack of credibility and support for terrorism against Israel.

Along with pledging to reform the “pay-for-slay” program, Abbas has also repeatedly reaffirmed his commitment to long-promised administrative reforms, even saying he intends to hold presidential and general elections after the war under international supervision.

The PA leader was elected to a four-year term in 2005, and he has not held elections since then.

Beyond payments to terrorists, the PA has also repeatedly promised Western powers to reform its school textbooks, which for years have notoriously promoted antisemitism and hatred for Israel. 

Despite the PA’s promises, its textbooks continue to glorify violence, demonize Israelis, propagate antisemitic themes, and promote an exclusivist nationalist narrative.

On Wednesday, the Institute for Monitoring Peace and Cultural Tolerance in School Education (IMPACT-se), a nonprofit organization that analyzes schoolbooks and curricula around the world, released a new study analyzing 290 textbooks and 71 teachers’ guides used across multiple grades, finding that not a single reform has been made to address previous problematic content that promotes violence and incites hatred.

For years, PA-issued textbooks have been criticized for promoting extremism and undermining efforts to encourage peaceful coexistence with Israelis.

According to the newly released report, the textbooks’ content remains unchanged despite the PA’s explicit promises to reform the curriculum and public assurances from European officials that such reforms were underway.

IMPACT-se CEO Marcus Sheff said the findings “expose a stark and disturbing reality.”

“Virulent antisemitism, the glorification of jihad, and incitement to violence remain deeply embedded across all grades of Palestinian Authority textbooks,” Sheff said in a statement.

For example, Jews and Israelis continue to be portrayed as inherently evil, manipulative, corrupt, or as enemies of Islam, perpetuating deeply rooted antisemitic stereotypes, while the demonization of Israel remains a persistent and striking theme throughout the textbooks.

An 11th-grade history textbook features a cartoon with antisemitic imagery portraying Jews as controlling the world, including a black-and-white image labeled “cultural colonialism” showing two arms gripping a globe — one holding an American flag, the other an Israeli flag.

In a 10th-grade history textbook, it is claimed that after World War II, “the Zionists hoped the US would support the establishment of their national homeland in Palestine — by exploiting their political, media and financial influence in the United States.”

Another example comes from a 9th-grade civics textbook, which claims that Israel “deliberately releases herds of pigs” to damage Palestinian crops and undermine the Palestinian economy.

The newly released study also warns that the textbooks promote and justify violence against Jews and Israelis, fostering a culture of aggression and hostility.

In an 11th-grade history textbook, the 1972 Munich Olympics massacre — where 11 Israeli athletes and delegation members were killed — is depicted as a legitimate form of Palestinian resistance.

“The Palestinian resistance resorted to many methods in its struggle against the Zionist occupation. The fedayeen primarily used guerrilla warfare inside Palestinian territories, and also struck Zionist interests abroad — such as the Munich operation in 1972,” the book says.

According to the IMPACT-SE report, references to Jewish history and Israeli-Arab diplomatic efforts have been completely removed from the 2025–2026 textbooks, with any content promoting non-violence or compromise absent and the Holocaust entirely ignored.

The PA had committed to curriculum reforms earlier this year in order to secure over $462 million in economic support from the European Union, contingent on meeting specific education-related benchmarks.

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