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Marriage Tips from Jacob?
Jacob Meets Laban by Antonio Balestra. Photo: Wikipedia.
JNS.org – They say that the definition of a successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend. And the definition of a successful woman is one who can find such a man.
It’s been more than a thousand years since polygamy was prohibited in Jewish life. One can only wonder how they managed it. Today, we have difficulty satisfying just one spouse. How on earth did people handle multiple marriage partners?
This week in Vayetze, Genesis 28-32, we read of Jacob going off to Haran to find a wife. In the end, due to his father-in-law Laban’s deceptiveness, he ends up with two wives, Rachel and Leah. As the story unfolds, he adds another two wives as well, Bilhah and Zilpah. Remarkably, over the next 20 chapters, as we follow the long life of Jacob, we only find one argument, that which he had with Rachel. When she complained that she was suffering from infertility, he exclaimed, “Am I G-d? Have I deprived you of offspring?” If the Torah only mentions one incident of marital strife in all of the decades of Jacob’s life, that is quite a tribute to his success in handling his marriage to four wives.
Today, most of us struggle with a single marriage partner.
When times are tough, the tough get going … right out of the house. Too many men and women leave their marriages because of the pressures of life in our contemporary milieu. We may well live in the most affluent society in all of history, but the expectations are unreasonably high, and the standards we are expected to emulate are often beyond our reach.
She: “My husband is a shlemiel, a shlemazel, a jerk. I’m telling you, I should have married my first boyfriend! He’s made a success of his life.”
He: “And if you would only be a little more supportive, we could be managing a lot better. I get no support from you. Only bills!”
Often, marriages that are basically sound and solid face serious strain over financial stresses.
There are whole pages in the Talmud Megillah (27b-28a) recording conversations between some of the great sages who were blessed with long lives and their students, “Rabbi, how did you merit longevity?” the students asked. Each venerable rabbi gave his own suggestion as to what special practice he was scrupulous with, which may have been the righteous deed that earned him a long life.
The answers of these great learned men ranged from the sublime to the simple. One said, “I never gained honor from the humiliation of a colleague.” Another said he was always the first one to the house of study. A third said he never used the synagogue as a shortcut. Some of them are more notable than others. But the one that most impressed me was Rabbi Zeira, who said, “In all my days, I never got angry at home.” Wow! If any of all those good practices deserves a long life, surely, that’s the one. How I wish I could say that of myself.
During the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States, a popular slogan stressing the need for cool, calm and rational heads on both sides of the divide was “Coexistence or no existence!” It warned us of the consequences if the Cold War got too hot. With nuclear bombs at the disposal of both sides, global obliteration, horrible as it may be, had to be contemplated.
Coexistence is imperative on the micro level, too, in our personal lives and in our marriages. Open and honest communication between men and women is critically important.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing and helpful if a macho man might say, “Y’know honey, the business isn’t doing as well as it was. I could really use some more support, maybe even affection, these days.” And how many spouses, men and women, actively listen? And hear? There’s an old Jewish proverb: “Why did God give us two ears and one mouth? To listen twice as much as we speak.”
Ceasefires seem to be the order of the day. I appeal to warring marriage partners to call a ceasefire of their own and seek help and support from trusted professionals.
We’re on the same team. These are times for families to pull together, not to tear apart. Marriage counseling can and does work. There are excellent people in the helping professions in every community. Reach out to an honest broker. It may be a therapist, social worker or rabbi. They are only too happy to help. I’ve seen many families with problems who addressed their problems and are today happier than ever.
Jacob loved and respected all his wives. We only have one significant other to deal with. May we follow the lead of our founding father and be blessed with long, happy marriages and healthy and harmonious families.
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Iran Says It Has Replaced Air Defenses Damaged in Israel War
The S-300 missile system is seen during the National Army Day parade ceremony in Tehran, Iran, April 17, 2024. Photo: Majid Asgaripour/WANA (West Asia News Agency) via REUTERS
Iran has replaced air defenses damaged during last month’s conflict with Israel, Iran’s Defah Press news agency reported on Sunday quoting Mahmoud Mousavi, the regular army’s deputy for operations.
During the conflict in June, Israel’s air force dominated Iran’s airspace and dealt a heavy blow to the country’s air defenses while Iranian armed forces launched successive barrages of missiles and drones on Israeli territory.
“Some of our air defenses were damaged, this is not something we can hide, but our colleagues have used domestic resources and replaced them with pre-arranged systems that were stored in suitable locations in order to keep the airspace secure,” Mousavi said.
Prior to the war, Iran had its own domestically-made long-range air defense system Bavar-373 in addition to the Russian-made S-300 system. The report by Defah Press did not mention any import of foreign-made air defense systems to Iran in past weeks.
Following limited Israeli strikes against Iranian missile factories last October, Iran later displayed Russian-made air defenses in a military exercise to show it recovered from the attack.
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Calm Reported in Syria’s Sweida, Damascus Says Truce Holding
Members of Internal Security Forces stand guard at an Internal Security Forces’ checkpoint working to prevent Bedouin fighters from advancing towards Sweida, following renewed fighting between Bedouin fighters and Druze gunmen, despite an announced truce, in Walgha, Sweida province, Syria, July 20, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Karam al-Masri
Residents reported calm in Syria’s Sweida on Sunday after the Islamist-led government announced that Bedouin fighters had withdrawn from the predominantly Druze city and a US envoy signaled that a deal to end days of fighting was being implemented.
With hundreds reported killed, the Sweida bloodshed is a major test for interim President Ahmed al-Sharaa, prompting Israel to launch airstrikes against government forces last week as it declared support for the Druze. Fighting continued on Saturday despite a ceasefire call.
Interior Minister Anas Khattab said on Sunday that internal security forces had managed to calm the situation and enforce the ceasefire, “paving the way for a prisoner exchange and the gradual return of stability throughout the governorate.”
Reuters images showed interior ministry forces near the city, blocking the road in front of members of tribes congregated there. The Interior Ministry said late on Saturday that Bedouin fighters had left the city.
US envoy Tom Barrack said the sides had “navigated to a pause and cessation of hostilities”. “The next foundation stone on a path to inclusion, and lasting de-escalation, is a complete exchange of hostages and detainees, the logistics of which are in process,” he wrote on X.
Kenan Azzam, a dentist, said there was an uneasy calm but the city’s residents were struggling with a lack of water and electricity. “The hospitals are a disaster and out of service, and there are still so many dead and wounded,” he said by phone.
Another resident, Raed Khazaal, said aid was urgently needed. “Houses are destroyed … The smell of corpses is spread throughout the national hospital,” he said in a voice message to Reuters from Sweida.
The Syrian state news agency said an aid convoy sent to the city by the government was refused entry while aid organized by the Syrian Red Crescent was let in. A source familiar with the situation said local factions in Sweida had turned back the government convoy.
Israeli public broadcaster Kan reported on Sunday that Israel sent urgent medical aid to the Druze in Sweida and the step was coordinated with Washington and Syria. Spokespeople for Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, the Foreign Ministry and the military did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
The Druze are a small but influential minority in Syria, Israel and Lebanon who follow a religion that is an offshoot of a branch of Shi’ite Islam. Some hardline Sunnis deem their beliefs heretical.
The fighting began a week ago with clashes between Bedouin and Druze fighters. Damascus sent troops to quell the fighting, but they were drawn into the violence and accused of widespread violations against the Druze.
Residents of the predominantly Druze city said friends and neighbours were shot at close range in their homes or in the streets by Syrian troops, identified by their fatigues and insignia.
Sharaa on Thursday promised to protect the rights of Druze and to hold to account those who committed violations against “our Druze people.”
He has blamed the violence on “outlaw groups.”
While Sharaa has won US backing since meeting President Donald Trump in May, the violence has underscored the challenge he faces stitching back together a country shattered by 14 years of conflict, and added to pressures on its mosaic of sectarian and ethnic groups.
COASTAL VIOLENCE
After Israel bombed Syrian government forces in Sweida and hit the defense ministry in Damascus last week, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Israel had established a policy demanding the demilitarization of territory near the border, stretching from the Israeli-occupied Golan Heights to the Druze Mountain, east of Sweida.
He also said Israel would protect the Druze.
The United States however said it did not support the Israeli strikes. On Friday, an Israeli official said Israel agreed to allow Syrian forces limited access to the Sweida area for two days.
A Syrian security source told Reuters that internal security forces had taken up positions near Sweida, establishing checkpoints in western and eastern parts of the province where retreating tribal fighters had gathered.
On Sunday, Sharaa received the report of an inquiry into violence in Syria’s coastal region in March, where Reuters reported in June that Syrian forces killed 1,500 members of the Alawite minority following attacks on security forces.
The presidency said it would review the inquiry’s conclusions and ensure steps to “bring about justice” and prevent the recurrence of “such violations.” It called on the inquiry to hold a news conference on its findings – if appropriate – as soon as possible.
The Syrian Network for Human Rights said on July 18 it had documented the deaths of at least 321 people in Sweida province since July 13. The preliminary toll included civilians, women, children, Bedouin fighters, members of local groups and members of the security forces, it said, and the dead included people killed in field executions by both sides.
The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, another monitoring group, has reported a death toll of at least 940 people.
Reuters could not independently verify the tolls.
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Pope Leo Calls for End to ‘Barbarity of War’ After Strike on Gaza Church
Pope Leo XIV leads the Angelus prayer in Castel Gandolfo, Italy, July 20, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Yara Nardi TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY
Pope Leo called for an end to the “barbarity of war” on Sunday as he spoke of his profound pain over an Israeli strike on the sole Catholic church in Gaza.
Three people died and several were injured, including the parish priest, in the strike on the Holy Family Church compound in Gaza City on Thursday. Photos show its roof has been hit close to the main cross, scorching the stone facade, and shattering windows.
Speaking after his Angelus prayer, Leo read out the names of those killed in the incident.
“I appeal to the international community to observe humanitarian law and respect the obligation to protect civilians as well as the prohibition of collective punishment, of indiscriminate use of force and forced displacement of the population,” he said.
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