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Marriage Tips from Jacob?
Jacob Meets Laban by Antonio Balestra. Photo: Wikipedia.
JNS.org – They say that the definition of a successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend. And the definition of a successful woman is one who can find such a man.
It’s been more than a thousand years since polygamy was prohibited in Jewish life. One can only wonder how they managed it. Today, we have difficulty satisfying just one spouse. How on earth did people handle multiple marriage partners?
This week in Vayetze, Genesis 28-32, we read of Jacob going off to Haran to find a wife. In the end, due to his father-in-law Laban’s deceptiveness, he ends up with two wives, Rachel and Leah. As the story unfolds, he adds another two wives as well, Bilhah and Zilpah. Remarkably, over the next 20 chapters, as we follow the long life of Jacob, we only find one argument, that which he had with Rachel. When she complained that she was suffering from infertility, he exclaimed, “Am I G-d? Have I deprived you of offspring?” If the Torah only mentions one incident of marital strife in all of the decades of Jacob’s life, that is quite a tribute to his success in handling his marriage to four wives.
Today, most of us struggle with a single marriage partner.
When times are tough, the tough get going … right out of the house. Too many men and women leave their marriages because of the pressures of life in our contemporary milieu. We may well live in the most affluent society in all of history, but the expectations are unreasonably high, and the standards we are expected to emulate are often beyond our reach.
She: “My husband is a shlemiel, a shlemazel, a jerk. I’m telling you, I should have married my first boyfriend! He’s made a success of his life.”
He: “And if you would only be a little more supportive, we could be managing a lot better. I get no support from you. Only bills!”
Often, marriages that are basically sound and solid face serious strain over financial stresses.
There are whole pages in the Talmud Megillah (27b-28a) recording conversations between some of the great sages who were blessed with long lives and their students, “Rabbi, how did you merit longevity?” the students asked. Each venerable rabbi gave his own suggestion as to what special practice he was scrupulous with, which may have been the righteous deed that earned him a long life.
The answers of these great learned men ranged from the sublime to the simple. One said, “I never gained honor from the humiliation of a colleague.” Another said he was always the first one to the house of study. A third said he never used the synagogue as a shortcut. Some of them are more notable than others. But the one that most impressed me was Rabbi Zeira, who said, “In all my days, I never got angry at home.” Wow! If any of all those good practices deserves a long life, surely, that’s the one. How I wish I could say that of myself.
During the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States, a popular slogan stressing the need for cool, calm and rational heads on both sides of the divide was “Coexistence or no existence!” It warned us of the consequences if the Cold War got too hot. With nuclear bombs at the disposal of both sides, global obliteration, horrible as it may be, had to be contemplated.
Coexistence is imperative on the micro level, too, in our personal lives and in our marriages. Open and honest communication between men and women is critically important.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing and helpful if a macho man might say, “Y’know honey, the business isn’t doing as well as it was. I could really use some more support, maybe even affection, these days.” And how many spouses, men and women, actively listen? And hear? There’s an old Jewish proverb: “Why did God give us two ears and one mouth? To listen twice as much as we speak.”
Ceasefires seem to be the order of the day. I appeal to warring marriage partners to call a ceasefire of their own and seek help and support from trusted professionals.
We’re on the same team. These are times for families to pull together, not to tear apart. Marriage counseling can and does work. There are excellent people in the helping professions in every community. Reach out to an honest broker. It may be a therapist, social worker or rabbi. They are only too happy to help. I’ve seen many families with problems who addressed their problems and are today happier than ever.
Jacob loved and respected all his wives. We only have one significant other to deal with. May we follow the lead of our founding father and be blessed with long, happy marriages and healthy and harmonious families.
The post Marriage Tips from Jacob? first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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After False Dawns, Gazans Hope Trump Will Force End to Two-Year-Old War
Palestinians walk past a residential building destroyed in previous Israeli strikes, after Hamas agreed to release hostages and accept some other terms in a US plan to end the war, in Nuseirat, central Gaza Strip October 4, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Mahmoud Issa
Exhausted Palestinians in Gaza clung to hopes on Saturday that US President Donald Trump would keep up pressure on Israel to end a two-year-old war that has killed tens of thousands and displaced the entire population of more than two million.
Hamas’ declaration that it was ready to hand over hostages and accept some terms of Trump’s plan to end the conflict while calling for more talks on several key issues was greeted with relief in the enclave, where most homes are now in ruins.
“It’s happy news, it saves those who are still alive,” said 32-year-old Saoud Qarneyta, reacting to Hamas’ response and Trump’s intervention. “This is enough. Houses have been damaged, everything has been damaged, what is left? Nothing.”
GAZAN RESIDENT HOPES ‘WE WILL BE DONE WITH WARS’
Ismail Zayda, 40, a father of three, displaced from a suburb in northern Gaza City where Israel launched a full-scale ground operation last month, said: “We want President Trump to keep pushing for an end to the war, if this chance is lost, it means that Gaza City will be destroyed by Israel and we might not survive.
“Enough, two years of bombardment, death and starvation. Enough,” he told Reuters on a social media chat.
“God willing this will be the last war. We will hopefully be done with the wars,” said 59-year-old Ali Ahmad, speaking in one of the tented camps where most Palestinians now live.
“We urge all sides not to backtrack. Every day of delay costs lives in Gaza, it is not just time wasted, lives get wasted too,” said Tamer Al-Burai, a Gaza City businessman displaced with members of his family in central Gaza Strip.
After two previous ceasefires — one near the start of the war and another earlier this year — lasted only a few weeks, he said; “I am very optimistic this time, maybe Trump’s seeking to be remembered as a man of peace, will bring us real peace this time.”
RESIDENT WORRIES THAT NETANYAHU WILL ‘SABOTAGE’ DEAL
Some voiced hopes of returning to their homes, but the Israeli military issued a fresh warning to Gazans on Saturday to stay out of Gaza City, describing it as a “dangerous combat zone.”
Gazans have faced previous false dawns during the past two years, when Trump and others declared at several points during on-off negotiations between Hamas, Israel and Arab and US mediators that a deal was close, only for war to rage on.
“Will it happen? Can we trust Trump? Maybe we trust Trump, but will Netanyahu abide this time? He has always sabotaged everything and continued the war. I hope he ends it now,” said Aya, 31, who was displaced with her family to Deir Al-Balah in the central Gaza Strip.
She added: “Maybe there is a chance the war ends at October 7, two years after it began.”
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Mass Rally in Rome on Fourth Day of Italy’s Pro-Palestinian Protests
A Pro-Palestinian demonstrator waves a Palestinian flag during a national protest for Gaza in Rome, Italy, October 4, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Claudia Greco
Large crowds assembled in central Rome on Saturday for the fourth straight day of protests in Italy since Israel intercepted an international flotilla trying to deliver aid to Gaza, and detained its activists.
People holding banners and Palestinian flags, chanting “Free Palestine” and other slogans, filed past the Colosseum, taking part in a march that organizers hoped would attract at least 1 million people.
“I’m here with a lot of other friends because I think it is important for us all to mobilize individually,” Francesco Galtieri, a 65-year-old musician from Rome, said. “If we don’t all mobilize, then nothing will change.”
Since Israel started blocking the flotilla late on Wednesday, protests have sprung up across Europe and in other parts of the world, but in Italy they have been a daily occurrence, in multiple cities.
On Friday, unions called a general strike in support of the flotilla, with demonstrations across the country that attracted more than 2 million, according to organizers. The interior ministry estimated attendance at around 400,000.
Italy’s right-wing government has been critical of the protests, with Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni suggesting that people would skip work for Gaza just as an excuse for a longer weekend break.
On Saturday, Meloni blamed protesters for insulting graffiti that appeared on a statue of the late Pope John Paul II outside Rome’s main train station, where Pro-Palestinian groups have been holding a protest picket.
“They say they are taking to the streets for peace, but then they insult the memory of a man who was a true defender and builder of peace. A shameful act committed by people blinded by ideology,” she said in a statement.
Israel launched its Gaza offensive after Hamas terrorists staged a cross border attack on October 7, 2023, killing some 1,200 people and taking 251 people hostage.
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Hamas Says It Agrees to Release All Israeli Hostages Under Trump Gaza Plan
Smoke rises during an Israeli military operation in Gaza City, as seen from the central Gaza Strip, October 2, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Dawoud Abu Alkas
Hamas said on Friday it had agreed to release all Israeli hostages, alive or dead, under the terms of US President Donald Trump’s Gaza proposal, and signaled readiness to immediately enter mediated negotiations to discuss the details.