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7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer
When Shoshana Polakoff, 40, received an unexpected breast cancer diagnosis three years ago, the mother of three young children needed extra support. Her friends, family and Jewish community in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan immediately stepped up.
They organized help with after-school childcare, packed school lunches for her kids and sent her little notes of encouragement while Polakoff endured trying cancer treatments.
“I felt pounds lighter and overwhelmed by the chesed that mobilized so quickly,” said Polakoff, using the Hebrew term for kindness. “And the practical help was such an incredible gift.”
Too often, however, friends and loved ones of cancer patients are at a loss for how to respond when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer.
“Often they feel just as thrown into this new reality as the woman herself and are not sure what to do next,” said Adina Fleischmann, chief services officer for Sharsheret, the national Jewish breast cancer and ovarian cancer organization.
This is especially the case for young people who might never have had a family member or friend diagnosed with cancer before.
Fleischmann — whose organization offers extensive resources for cancer patients, ranging from emotional support, mental health counseling and education to financial subsidies for women and their families facing breast and ovarian cancer — has some guidance for what to say, how to reach out and what kind of help might be appropriate to provide in the face of a friend or family member’s cancer diagnosis.
It’s all about providing chizuk – Hebrew for strength – to the person facing cancer.
1. Establish the “Kvetching Order”
The “Kvetching Order,” based on a concept called the Ring Theory developed by clinical psychologist Susan Silk, dictates that those close to someone struggling with a cancer diagnosis offer only support to the cancer patient, and any kvetching about their own stress outward.
Thus, the person with cancer is at the center of a circle surrounded by a ring of her or his most intimate friends and loved ones. More distant concentric rings include other friends, acquaintances, more distant family and community members.
Colloquially known as “comfort in, dump out,” the Kvetching Order establishes a flow of support directed toward the person facing cancer.
2. Be clear and specific with offers of help
Support can look and feel different to different people facing cancer; each person’s needs and life circumstances are unique. When younger women are diagnosed with cancer — as often is the case with ovarian or breast cancers, where 50% of new diagnoses are in women under age 63 — patients often need extra help managing their responsibilities as parents and/or career professionals.
“Let the woman guide the journey,” Fleischmann says of the cancer patient. “Follow her lead.”
Sharsheret suggests offering concrete, practical assistance, such as offering to take the patient’s child to after-school activities or helping with homework. Maybe offer to come over to help clean the house, do laundry, or pick up groceries and make dinner for the family.
“But give the woman the feeling of control,” Fleischmann said. “Let her be in control of your support.”
Thus, a concrete suggestion like, “Can I bring you pizza for dinner on Wednesday?” is better than a vague offer of “What can I do to help?”
3. Check in often but don’t expect a response
By all means reach out to the person facing cancer. But if they don’t respond to your phone calls, emails or texts, don’t be put off.
“Sometimes the woman may not have the time or energy to respond,” Fleischmann said. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue reaching out. “She will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of her.”
Polakoff found small gestures particularly meaningful.
“Little things meant a lot,” she said. “Like just a note that said, ‘I’m thinking of you. Have a good Shabbos.’”
4. Leave cancer out of it sometimes and just be with them
Kristen Harvey, who at 23 was faced with an ovarian cancer diagnosis for the second time, said it was important to have friends around her with whom she could talk about the future.
“Just being there was the best thing,” said Harvey, who recently graduated from college and lives in Michigan. “We didn’t need to do anything. I appreciated when people came over and we just hung out and watched a movie.”
Alexis Wilson, a teacher in Jupiter, Florida, said her friendships were essential during her breast cancer treatment. Before starting chemotherapy, her friends threw her a big party to which everyone showed up in different-colored wigs and decorated her yard with signs.
“My friends played a big role,” said Wilson, 39. “I felt like I wasn’t alone.”
5. Continue your support throughout someone’s cancer journey
For some women, “maintenance treatment” can last for many years beyond the active treatments of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. Women living with metastatic breast cancer, for example, usually continue treatment throughout their lives.
Fleischmann recommends checking in with a woman along every step of her cancer journey: not just the period of active treatment, but also during maintenance treatment, survivorship, and if she is living with metastatic or advanced cancer.
“It’s nice to know my friends and family continued to reach out once I was done with treatment,” Harvey said. “Back to normal doesn’t mean life is ever normal.”
There are often heightened emotional needs around anniversaries of certain cancer diagnoses or treatment dates, Fleischmann said, so marking these dates could be important.
6. Make sure you have your own support system
If you’re particularly close to the person with cancer, you may experience feelings of being overwhelmed yourself. It’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being and not dismiss it in the face of someone else’s more pressing illness.
“As a caregiver, you can be very easily drained without your own coping mechanisms,” Fleischmann said.
Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to attend to your friend or loved one’s needs.
7. Talk to your healthcare provider and safeguard your own health
Even while supporting a loved one or friend with breast or ovarian cancer, it’s important to safeguard your own health.
The BRCA genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and ovarian cancer is much more common among Ashkenazi Jewish women than in the general U.S. population. About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jewish women and men carry the mutation, compared to 1 in 400 in the general population. Ashkenazi Jewish men are also at elevated risk for melanoma and prostate and pancreatic cancer.
“Talk to your healthcare provider,” Fleischmann said. “Those whose family members are facing hereditary breast and ovarian cancer should speak with their doctor or genetic counselor to see how this may affect them, too, and learn about appropriate testing and precautions.”
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UN Says Israeli Wall Crosses Lebanon Border
The United Nations headquarters building is pictured though a window with the UN logo in the foreground in the Manhattan borough of New York, Aug. 15, 2014. Photo: REUTERS/Carlo Allegri
A survey conducted by the United Nations Interim Force in Lebanon last month found that a wall built by the Israeli military crosses the Blue Line, the de facto border, a U.N. spokesperson said on Friday
The Blue Line is a U.N.-mapped line separating Lebanon from Israel and the Israeli-occupied Golan Heights.
Stephane Dujarric, the spokesperson for the U.N. secretary-general, said the concrete T-wall erected by the IDF has made more than 4,000 square meters (nearly an acre) of Lebanese territory inaccessible to the local population.
A section of an additional wall, which has also crossed the Blue Line, is being erected southeast of Yaroun, he said, citing the peacekeepers.
Dujarric said UNIFIL informed the Israeli military of its findings and requested that the wall be removed.
“Israeli presence and construction in Lebanese territory are violations of Security Council resolution 1701 and of Lebanon’s sovereignty and territorial integrity,” UNIFIL said in a separate statement.
An Israeli military spokesperson denied the wall crossed the Blue Line.
“The wall is part of a broader IDF plan whose construction began in 2022. Since the start of the war, and as part of lessons learned from it, the IDF has been advancing a series of measures, including reinforcing the physical barrier along the northern border,” the spokesperson said.
UNIFIL, established in 1978, operates between the Litani River in the north and the Blue Line in the south. The mission has more than 10,000 troops from 50 countries and about 800 civilian staff, according to its website.
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Hamas Quietly Reasserts Control in Gaza as Post-War Talks Grind On
Palestinians buy vegetables at a market in Nuseirat, central Gaza Strip, November 13, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Mahmoud Issa
From regulating the price of chicken to levying fees on cigarettes, Hamas is seeking to widen control over Gaza as US plans for its future slowly take shape, Gazans say, adding to rivals’ doubts over whether it will cede authority as promised.
After a ceasefire began last month, Hamas swiftly reestablished its hold over areas from which Israel withdrew, killing dozens of Palestinians it accused of collaborating with Israel, theft or other crimes. Foreign powers demand the group disarm and leave government but have yet to agree who will replace them.
Now, a dozen Gazans say they are increasingly feeling Hamas control in other ways. Authorities monitor everything coming into areas of Gaza held by Hamas, levying fees on some privately imported goods including fuel as well as cigarettes and fining merchants seen to be overcharging for goods, according to 10 of the Gazans, three of them merchants with direct knowledge.
Ismail Al-Thawabta, head of the media office of the Hamas government, said accounts of Hamas taxing cigarettes and fuel were inaccurate, denying the government was raising any taxes.
ANALYST SEES HAMAS ENTRENCHING
The authorities were only carrying out urgent humanitarian and administrative tasks whilst making “strenuous efforts” to control prices, Thawabta said. He reiterated Hamas’ readiness to hand over to a new technocratic administration, saying it aimed to avoid chaos in Gaza: “Our goal is for the transition to proceed smoothly.”
Hatem Abu Dalal, owner of a Gaza mall, said prices were high because not enough goods were coming into Gaza. Government representatives were trying to bring order to the economy – touring around, checking goods and setting prices, he said.
Mohammed Khalifa, shopping in central Gaza’s Nuseirat area, said prices were constantly changing despite attempts to regulate them. “It’s like a stock exchange,” he said.
“The prices are high. There’s no income, circumstances are difficult, life is hard, and winter is coming,” he said.
US President Donald Trump’s Gaza plan secured a ceasefire on October 10 and the release of the last living hostages seized during the Hamas-led October 7, 2023 attacks on Israel.
The plan calls for the establishment of a transitional authority, the deployment of a multinational security force, Hamas’ disarmament, and the start of reconstruction.
But Reuters, citing multiple sources, reported this week that Gaza’s de facto partition appeared increasingly likely, with Israeli forces still deployed in more than half the territory and efforts to advance the plan faltering.
Nearly all of Gaza’s 2 million people live in areas controlled by Hamas, which seized control of the territory from President Mahmoud Abbas’ Palestinian Authority (PA) and his Fatah Movement in 2007.
Ghaith al-Omari, a senior fellow at the Washington Institute think-tank, said Hamas’ actions aimed to show Gazans and foreign powers alike that it cannot be bypassed.
“The longer that the international community waits, the more entrenched Hamas becomes,” Omari said.
US STATE DEPARTMENT: HAMAS ‘WILL NOT GOVERN’
Asked for comment on Gazans’ accounts of Hamas levying fees on some goods, among other reported activities, a US State Department spokesperson said: “This is why Hamas cannot and will not govern in Gaza.”
A new Gaza government can be formed once the United Nations approves Trump’s plan, the spokesperson said, adding that progress has been made towards forming the multinational force.
The PA is pressing for a say in Gaza’s new government, though Israel rejects the idea of it running Gaza again. Fatah and Hamas are at odds over how the new governing body should be formed.
Munther al-Hayek, a Fatah spokesperson in Gaza, said Hamas actions “give a clear indication that Hamas wants to continue to govern.”
In the areas held by Israel, small Palestinian groups that oppose Hamas have a foothold, a lingering challenge to it.
Gazans continue to endure dire conditions, though more aid has entered since the ceasefire.
THEY ‘RECORD EVERYTHING’
A senior Gazan food importer said Hamas hadn’t returned to a full taxation policy, but they “see and record everything.”
They monitor everything that enters, with checkpoints along routes, and stop trucks and question drivers, he said, declining to be identified. Price manipulators are fined, which helps reduce some prices, but they are still much higher than before the war began and people complain they have no money.
Hamas’ Gaza government employed up to 50,000 people, including policemen, before the war. Thawabta said that thousands of them were killed, and those remaining were ready to continue working under a new administration.
Hamas authorities continued paying them salaries during the war, though it cut the highest, standardizing wages to 1,500 shekels ($470) a month, Hamas sources and economists familiar with the matter said. It is believed that Hamas drew on stockpiled cash to pay the wages, a diplomat said.
The Hamas government replaced four regional governors who were killed, sources close to Hamas said. A Hamas official said the group also replaced 11 members of its Gaza politburo who died.
Gaza City activist and commentator Mustafa Ibrahim said Hamas was exploiting delays in the Trump plan “to bolster its rule.” “Will it be allowed to continue doing so? I think it will continue until an alternative government is in place,” he said.
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Israel Worried US to Proceed to Rebuilding Gaza Without Disarming Hamas, i24NEWS Understands
A Palestinian man points a weapon in the air after it was announced that Israel and Hamas agreed on the first phase of a Gaza ceasefire, in the central Gaza Strip, October 9. Photo: REUTERS/Mahmoud Issa
i24 News – The dispute is emerging between Jerusalem and Washington over the question of rebuilding of Gaza and disarming Hamas, i24NEWS understands. Additionally, Israel is concerned with the shift in US language toward a “Palestinian state.”
Ahead of the significant week and the expected United Nations Security Council vote on the international stabilization force (ISF) for Gaza, which is supposed among other tasks to disarm Hamas, Israel is pointing to a worrying direction in which the Americans are heading – to immediately begin rebuilding the Strip before the question of disarming Hamas has been resolved.
This coincides with reports of difficulties in forming the International stabilization force.
In addition, Israel is casting great doubt on the question of disarmament.
A senior Israeli official estimates: This will not work, in the end we will demilitarize the terrorists by ourselves, similar to what is unfolding in Lebanon, where the French representatives, as expected, are doing nothing.
At the same time, a very worrying change in the wording of the resolution that will be put to the vote clarifies that the purpose of the resolution that will be adopted this week in the Security Council is to establish a Palestinian state.
Senior Israeli officials told i24NEWS that this is a very worrying change though, according to the Americans, the shift in language was required in order to convince the member states to mobilize forces for the international stabilization force.
Israel also claims that it still has the right to veto the multinational force, although the wording in the proposal is a little more amorphous: “in close consultation with Israel.”