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7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer
When Shoshana Polakoff, 40, received an unexpected breast cancer diagnosis three years ago, the mother of three young children needed extra support. Her friends, family and Jewish community in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan immediately stepped up.
They organized help with after-school childcare, packed school lunches for her kids and sent her little notes of encouragement while Polakoff endured trying cancer treatments.
“I felt pounds lighter and overwhelmed by the chesed that mobilized so quickly,” said Polakoff, using the Hebrew term for kindness. “And the practical help was such an incredible gift.”
Too often, however, friends and loved ones of cancer patients are at a loss for how to respond when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer.
“Often they feel just as thrown into this new reality as the woman herself and are not sure what to do next,” said Adina Fleischmann, chief services officer for Sharsheret, the national Jewish breast cancer and ovarian cancer organization.
This is especially the case for young people who might never have had a family member or friend diagnosed with cancer before.
Fleischmann — whose organization offers extensive resources for cancer patients, ranging from emotional support, mental health counseling and education to financial subsidies for women and their families facing breast and ovarian cancer — has some guidance for what to say, how to reach out and what kind of help might be appropriate to provide in the face of a friend or family member’s cancer diagnosis.
It’s all about providing chizuk – Hebrew for strength – to the person facing cancer.
1. Establish the “Kvetching Order”
The “Kvetching Order,” based on a concept called the Ring Theory developed by clinical psychologist Susan Silk, dictates that those close to someone struggling with a cancer diagnosis offer only support to the cancer patient, and any kvetching about their own stress outward.
Thus, the person with cancer is at the center of a circle surrounded by a ring of her or his most intimate friends and loved ones. More distant concentric rings include other friends, acquaintances, more distant family and community members.
Colloquially known as “comfort in, dump out,” the Kvetching Order establishes a flow of support directed toward the person facing cancer.
2. Be clear and specific with offers of help
Support can look and feel different to different people facing cancer; each person’s needs and life circumstances are unique. When younger women are diagnosed with cancer — as often is the case with ovarian or breast cancers, where 50% of new diagnoses are in women under age 63 — patients often need extra help managing their responsibilities as parents and/or career professionals.
“Let the woman guide the journey,” Fleischmann says of the cancer patient. “Follow her lead.”
Sharsheret suggests offering concrete, practical assistance, such as offering to take the patient’s child to after-school activities or helping with homework. Maybe offer to come over to help clean the house, do laundry, or pick up groceries and make dinner for the family.
“But give the woman the feeling of control,” Fleischmann said. “Let her be in control of your support.”
Thus, a concrete suggestion like, “Can I bring you pizza for dinner on Wednesday?” is better than a vague offer of “What can I do to help?”
3. Check in often but don’t expect a response
By all means reach out to the person facing cancer. But if they don’t respond to your phone calls, emails or texts, don’t be put off.
“Sometimes the woman may not have the time or energy to respond,” Fleischmann said. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue reaching out. “She will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of her.”
Polakoff found small gestures particularly meaningful.
“Little things meant a lot,” she said. “Like just a note that said, ‘I’m thinking of you. Have a good Shabbos.’”
4. Leave cancer out of it sometimes and just be with them
Kristen Harvey, who at 23 was faced with an ovarian cancer diagnosis for the second time, said it was important to have friends around her with whom she could talk about the future.
“Just being there was the best thing,” said Harvey, who recently graduated from college and lives in Michigan. “We didn’t need to do anything. I appreciated when people came over and we just hung out and watched a movie.”
Alexis Wilson, a teacher in Jupiter, Florida, said her friendships were essential during her breast cancer treatment. Before starting chemotherapy, her friends threw her a big party to which everyone showed up in different-colored wigs and decorated her yard with signs.
“My friends played a big role,” said Wilson, 39. “I felt like I wasn’t alone.”
5. Continue your support throughout someone’s cancer journey
For some women, “maintenance treatment” can last for many years beyond the active treatments of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. Women living with metastatic breast cancer, for example, usually continue treatment throughout their lives.
Fleischmann recommends checking in with a woman along every step of her cancer journey: not just the period of active treatment, but also during maintenance treatment, survivorship, and if she is living with metastatic or advanced cancer.
“It’s nice to know my friends and family continued to reach out once I was done with treatment,” Harvey said. “Back to normal doesn’t mean life is ever normal.”
There are often heightened emotional needs around anniversaries of certain cancer diagnoses or treatment dates, Fleischmann said, so marking these dates could be important.
6. Make sure you have your own support system
If you’re particularly close to the person with cancer, you may experience feelings of being overwhelmed yourself. It’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being and not dismiss it in the face of someone else’s more pressing illness.
“As a caregiver, you can be very easily drained without your own coping mechanisms,” Fleischmann said.
Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to attend to your friend or loved one’s needs.
7. Talk to your healthcare provider and safeguard your own health
Even while supporting a loved one or friend with breast or ovarian cancer, it’s important to safeguard your own health.
The BRCA genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and ovarian cancer is much more common among Ashkenazi Jewish women than in the general U.S. population. About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jewish women and men carry the mutation, compared to 1 in 400 in the general population. Ashkenazi Jewish men are also at elevated risk for melanoma and prostate and pancreatic cancer.
“Talk to your healthcare provider,” Fleischmann said. “Those whose family members are facing hereditary breast and ovarian cancer should speak with their doctor or genetic counselor to see how this may affect them, too, and learn about appropriate testing and precautions.”
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Mamdani’s Oct. 7 statement draws Israeli rebuke, as anniversary bares divides among NYC mayoral candidates
In New York City, the second anniversary of Hamas’ Oct. 7 attack on Israel fell against the backdrop of a mayoral election that brought Israel and Gaza to the fore of local politics.
Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic nominee and frontrunner, attended a vigil hosted by Israelis for Peace in Union Square on the anniversary of the attack. The anti-occupation activists have rallied weekly for two years to demand a ceasefire, the release of hostages and an end to Israel’s military campaign in Gaza.
Mamdani’s pro-Palestinian advocacy and staunch criticism of Israel are central to his swift ascent in politics, and his opponents in the race have latched onto his views, accusing him of fanning antisemitism at a time when anti-Jewish attacks are on the rise.
Now, the race enters its final stretch as a tentative peace dawns on the Middle East, with President Donald Trump announcing that Israel and Hamas agreed to a hostage deal and an initial phase to end the two-year war on Wednesday night.
Mamdani attended the Tuesday vigil with Brad Lander, the city comptroller and a close Jewish ally, and held a lit candle while listening to Israeli and Palestinian speakers, as well as local rabbis. One of the speakers, Tamar Glazerman — whose aunt was killed by Hamas on Oct. 7 — decried Israel’s retaliation in Gaza, saying, “War crimes cannot justify other war crimes.” A banner behind her read, “Stop the Genocide. Save Gaza. Free All Hostages.”
These sentiments echoed a statement that Mamdani released to mark the anniversary. “Two years ago today, Hamas carried out a horrific war crime, killing more than 1,100 Israelis and kidnapping 250 more,” he said. He called for the return of the remaining hostages and said he mourned the dead.
He went on to say that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the Israeli government “launched a genocidal war,” killing more than 67,000 Palestinians and reducing swaths of Gaza to rubble. He criticized the U.S. government for being “complicit” and reiterated his long-held view that “the occupation and apartheid must end.”
The statement gathered over 20 million views on X and rebukes from many, including the Israeli government, who said he was wrong to focus on Gaza on a day anchored in Israeli tragedy.
“Two years after Hamas launched its barbaric massacre against Israel and the Jewish people, Mamdani has chosen to act as a mouthpiece for Hamas propaganda — spreading Hamas’s fake genocide campaign,” the Israeli Foreign Ministry said, adding that Mamdani “normalizes antisemitism” and “stands with Jews only when they are dead.”
Mamdani also drew criticism from Jews who said he only paid lip service to their mourning. Zachary Braiterman, a professor of modern Judaism at Syracuse University who supports the Israeli movement to end the war, said Mamdani “speaks quickly past NYC Jews as we stop and mark the 2 year anniversary of 10/7.”
Other critiques came from pro-Palestinian activists who said his statement undermined their cause. Nerdeen Kiswani, founder of the group Within Our Lifetime, accused Mamdani of erasing “the decades of siege, occupation, and systematic killing that led to that day.”
The double-sided critique drew the attention of Adam Carlson, head of the polling firm Zenith Research. “The fact that everyone on both extremes is up in arms over this statement means that he absolutely nailed it,” tweeted Carlson.
Former Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Mamdani’s closest competitor, focused his own comment on the Hamas attack and did not mention Israel’s retaliation or the fate of Palestinians.
“To the Jewish people — I stand with you. I mourn with you and I will forever be by your side in the fight against evil and anti-semitism in all forms,” said Cuomo, who lost to Mamdani in the Democratic primary and relaunched his campaign as an independent.
Cuomo has centered an appeal to Jewish New Yorkers in his bid for mayor, touting his pro-Israel record as governor. He recently collected a slew of endorsements from Jewish groups and leaders, largely representing Orthodox communities, after incumbent Mayor Eric Adams dropped out and the field narrowed to Cuomo, Mamdani and Republican nominee Curtis Sliwa.
Jewish voters are divided over this election, with many younger, more progressive Jews backing Mamdani and many aligning with his views on Israel and Gaza. A recent Marist poll conducted before Adams quit found the same proportion of Jewish voters — 35% — breaking for both Cuomo and Mamdani.
Sliwa said that Oct. 7 was “a dark day” and called for the release of hostages. He also acknowledged the ensuing devastation without explicitly naming Palestinians in Gaza.
“The death and destruction that has followed in the region is deeply disheartening, and my prayers are with all families here in New York and abroad who continue to feel this pain,” he said.
The mayoral race coincides with a dramatic shift in how New Yorkers view Israel. According to a New York Times/Siena poll last month, 44% of New Yorkers said they had greater sympathy for Palestinians, compared with 26% who sympathized more with Israel. Voters also preferred Mamdani’s approach to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict — once viewed as a fringe left stance in the city’s political landscape — over the other candidates’ by a wide margin.
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In Good Faith: A Jewish/Muslim Night of Comedy and Conversation
Date and time: Wed, Oct 22, 2025 / 6:30 PM – 9:30 PM EDT
Location: Youngplace, 180 Shaw Street, Toronto, ON, M6J 2W5
In a post-Oct. 7 world, news feeds are filled with videos, podcasts and reports of Jews and Muslims talking at each other, about each other—but rarely with each other. This limited series brings together Jews and Muslims, Israelis and Palestinians, from across the country and the political divide, to sit down and have difficult conversations—in good faith.
In this live podcast recording, we’re bringing comedy sets from Adrienne Fish, Nour Hadidi, Foad HP and Dan Rosen before a panel discussion with all four about what it’s like performing as Muslim and Jewish comics in 2025—including all the pitfalls they have to navigate as they speak their minds onstage.
Included: Entrance to Koffler Arts and post-event reception.
Parking: Free and paid options available, but spots are limited.
All proceeds will go to charity
Hosted by The Canadian Jewish News, in partnership with the Canadian Race Relations Foundation and the Ronald S. Roadburg Foundation.
The post In Good Faith: A Jewish/Muslim Night of Comedy and Conversation appeared first on The Canadian Jewish News.
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Cycling team Israel–Premier Tech is ditching the ‘Israel’ brand. But was it entirely their decision?
After a tumultuous season, international cycling team Israel–Premier Tech, co-owned by Canadian-Israeli billionaire Sylvan Adams, is officially going to change its name and remove the word “Israel”. The decision comes after repeated anti-Israel protests across Europe disrupted the team—whose international roster of 31 cyclists includes just three Israelis—during their open-road events, which can last hundreds of kilometres across the continent. Several cyclists crashed due to protester intervention. The decision to remove Israeli branding from Israel–Premier Tech led co-owner Adams to announce he would step away from day-to-day involvement with the team.
There’s a lot to be said about the political ramifications of wearing the Israeli name on your shirt in 2025, but our sports podcasters have a different theory about the shift. Israel–Premier Tech enjoyed a successful season that brought them back to full status with the UCI World Tour, after being relegated down to the secondary UCI ProSeries since 2023. That means the stakes are higher, the stage is bigger, and the league’s propensity for risk and disruption may well have shrunk. Is this purely a political decision, or are UCI executives trying to prevent more bad press in the coming year?
Also on the docket: the boys talk about the Toronto Blue Jays’ run to the American League championship series, big baseball moves, early NHL impressions and a quick NFL check-in.
Transcript (excerpt)
James Hirsh: We want to talk about a recent story. There’s been some news with a cycling team, Israel Premier Tech, which is owned by Canadian billionaire Sylvan Adams. And it’s not going to be Israel Premier Tech anymore.
Gabe Pulver: They’ve been called Israel Premier Tech for, I guess it’s been around five years. They’ve been an official UCI squad, you know, for the last, I think, since 2020—
James Hirsh: Which means they compete in the big cycling races like the Tour de France and Giro d’Italia, things like that.
Gabe Pulver: Exactly. They were called Israel Start-Up Nation for a number of years and Israel Cycling Academy before that. They were a part of the Vuelta a España that had to be shut down due to anti-Israel protests going on across Spain. And for a while, they took the name off the jersey and just called themselves Premier Tech for the week. That seemed to not assuage the protesters, and they’ve decided to, as a quote, “move away from its current Israeli identity”.
James Hirsh: And part of that is Sylvan Adams, we should say, who has a pretty big job right now as president of the World Jewish Congress, has said that he can’t continue to be part of the team that’s not putting Israel in the name. It seems like they acquiesced to demands, I think, based on his statement.
Gabe Pulver: So what’s interesting is that Premier Tech is a Canadian company. They’re, you know, a Quebecois tech company, and Premier Tech and its president own a chunk of it. A good chunk of the riders are Canadian and previously have been pretty supportive of the team’s Israeli identity. Another interesting part of this is that Sylvan Adams is sort of, like you said, busy with his other job, but you wonder what the future of the team holds given that, you know, sort of the face of their team and, you know, a huge part of their Canadian connection is no longer going to be day-to-day running things, you know, with their identity. Sylvan Adams is a pretty proud guy, and as their identity changes and he steps back, you wonder if he’ll continue to support the team financially as much as he has.
James Hirsh: Yeah, I think it’s very interesting to see this. This is sort of a test case for Israel’s continued involvement in certain international sports or sports that have an international component. We’ll see if that will change. Obviously, there’s been great news today about the peace deal being signed. And if anyone is getting that news on that from a Jewish sports podcast, you’ve got to tune in a little bit more.
Gabe Pulver: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Check out, close this and go to CNN and see what’s happening with that.
James Hirsh: But look, there have been calls for Israel to be removed from FIFA. We’ve talked about that. There have been calls for Israel to be excluded from other international sporting events. There have been on-the-ground protests that we’ve covered, you know, including at lower-tier sporting events. We’ll see what will come. This certainly seems like the first step of an Israeli team removing—continuing to be owned by an Israeli, is affiliated with Israeli coaches, owned by Israeli teams, all Israeli people, all that. But no longer having Israel in the name is not just a symbolic gesture.
Gabe Pulver: No. And I have a theory. It’s not a very charitable theory, but Israel Premier Tech had sort of been relegated to semi-conditional status on the World Tour this year. They had riders at a bunch of events, but they weren’t at every single event. They weren’t full Tour members. Next year, they have regained their position back in full Tour members. And after the disaster where virtually every rider on Tour was furious about all of the protesters in the Vuelta, I think they’re choosing to decide, I think they’re choosing to say we’re not going to have this shit anymore.
Like they’re going to get rid of Israel, the name, when you’re back on the Tour. Because we didn’t like the news, we didn’t like the coverage, we didn’t like the protests. You know, you can stay involved, the Israeli money. Obviously, they’ll take the Israeli money, they’ll support the Israeli riders. However, they’re very unlikely—they just don’t want the name Israel to be running around on the Tour so more people can show up and disrupt the Tour de France, which would be an enormous disaster for the sport. Maybe there are enough Jews in France and enough harmony in the international community in France that that won’t be a problem. I doubt it. But I think it’s probably a self-preservation move by the UCI before something a little bit bigger than the Vuelta a España has to get cancelled.
James Hirsh: Yeah, that makes total sense. And if there’s one thing, I don’t know much about the cycling federations and whoever runs that, but there’s one thing I know about European technocrats who run sporting organizations is that they’re all cowards and will always do the easiest thing in the goal of self-preservation.
Gabe Pulver: Yeah, self-preservation.
James Hirsh: They are about cycling, but I believe it, no matter what.
Gabe Pulver: No, they are all there. The show must go on in any possible way.
James Hirsh: Yeah.
Gabe Pulver: You know, I think if a single rider was to ever say something political, they would literally, you know, deflate their tires, like to, you know, steal a metaphor.
James Hirsh: Yeah. So when countries like Spain decide to, you know, continue their millennia-old tradition of anti-Semitism and protesters start protesting Israeli teams and non-Israeli riders at cycling events that they don’t care about in the first place—
Gabe Pulver: Yeah.
James Hirsh: —You can bet that whoever’s in charge of that cycling event is going to cave to those protesters. Absolutely.
Show Notes
Credits
- Hosts: James Hirsh and Gabe Pulver
- Producer: Michael Fraiman
- Music: Coby Lipovitch (intro), chēēZ π (main theme, “Organ Grinder Swing“)
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