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7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer

When Shoshana Polakoff, 40, received an unexpected breast cancer diagnosis three years ago, the mother of three young children needed extra support. Her friends, family and Jewish community in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan immediately stepped up.

They organized help with after-school childcare, packed school lunches for her kids and sent her little notes of encouragement while Polakoff endured trying cancer treatments.

“I felt pounds lighter and overwhelmed by the chesed that mobilized so quickly,” said Polakoff, using the Hebrew term for kindness. “And the practical help was such an incredible gift.”

Too often, however, friends and loved ones of cancer patients are at a loss for how to respond when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer.

“Often they feel just as thrown into this new reality as the woman herself and are not sure what to do next,” said Adina Fleischmann, chief services officer for Sharsheret, the national Jewish breast cancer and ovarian cancer organization.

This is especially the case for young people who might never have had a family member or friend diagnosed with cancer before.

Fleischmann — whose organization offers extensive resources for cancer patients, ranging from emotional support, mental health counseling and education to financial subsidies for women and their families facing breast and ovarian cancer — has some guidance for what to say, how to reach out and what kind of help might be appropriate to provide in the face of a friend or family member’s cancer diagnosis.

It’s all about providing chizuk – Hebrew for strength – to the person facing cancer.

1. Establish the “Kvetching Order”

The “Kvetching Order,” based on a concept called the Ring Theory developed by clinical psychologist Susan Silk, dictates that those close to someone struggling with a cancer diagnosis offer only support to the cancer patient, and any kvetching about their own stress outward.

Thus, the person with cancer is at the center of a circle surrounded by a ring of her or his most intimate friends and loved ones. More distant concentric rings include other friends, acquaintances, more distant family and community members.

Colloquially known as “comfort in, dump out,” the Kvetching Order establishes a flow of support directed toward the person facing cancer.

2. Be clear and specific with offers of help

Support can look and feel different to different people facing cancer; each person’s needs and life circumstances are unique. When younger women are diagnosed with cancer — as often is the case with ovarian or breast cancers, where 50% of new diagnoses are in women under age 63 — patients often need extra help managing their responsibilities as parents and/or career professionals.

“Let the woman guide the journey,” Fleischmann says of the cancer patient. “Follow her lead.”

Sharsheret suggests offering concrete, practical assistance, such as offering to take the patient’s child to after-school activities or helping with homework. Maybe offer to come over to help clean the house, do laundry, or pick up groceries and make dinner for the family.

“But give the woman the feeling of control,” Fleischmann said. “Let her be in control of your support.”

Thus, a concrete suggestion like, “Can I bring you pizza for dinner on Wednesday?” is better than a vague offer of “What can I do to help?”

3. Check in often but don’t expect a response

By all means reach out to the person facing cancer. But if they don’t respond to your phone calls, emails or texts, don’t be put off.

“Sometimes the woman may not have the time or energy to respond,” Fleischmann said. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue reaching out. “She will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of her.”

Polakoff found small gestures particularly meaningful.

“Little things meant a lot,” she said. “Like just a note that said, ‘I’m thinking of you. Have a good Shabbos.’”

4. Leave cancer out of it sometimes and just be with them

Kristen Harvey, who at 23 was faced with an ovarian cancer diagnosis for the second time, said it was important to have friends around her with whom she could talk about the future.

“Just being there was the best thing,” said Harvey, who recently graduated from college and lives in Michigan. “We didn’t need to do anything. I appreciated when people came over and we just hung out and watched a movie.”

Alexis Wilson, a teacher in Jupiter, Florida, said her friendships were essential during her breast cancer treatment. Before starting chemotherapy, her friends threw her a big party to which everyone showed up in different-colored wigs and decorated her yard with signs.

“My friends played a big role,” said Wilson, 39. “I felt like I wasn’t alone.”

5. Continue your support throughout someone’s cancer journey

For some women, “maintenance treatment” can last for many years beyond the active treatments of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. Women living with metastatic breast cancer, for example, usually continue treatment throughout their lives.

Fleischmann recommends checking in with a woman along every step of her cancer journey: not just the period of active treatment, but also during maintenance treatment, survivorship, and if she is living with metastatic or advanced cancer.

“It’s nice to know my friends and family continued to reach out once I was done with treatment,” Harvey said. “Back to normal doesn’t mean life is ever normal.”

There are often heightened emotional needs around anniversaries of certain cancer diagnoses or treatment dates, Fleischmann said, so marking these dates could be important.

6. Make sure you have your own support system

If you’re particularly close to the person with cancer, you may experience feelings of being overwhelmed yourself. It’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being and not dismiss it in the face of someone else’s more pressing illness.

“As a caregiver, you can be very easily drained without your own coping mechanisms,” Fleischmann said.

Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to attend to your friend or loved one’s needs.

7. Talk to your healthcare provider and safeguard your own health

Even while supporting a loved one or friend with breast or ovarian cancer, it’s important to safeguard your own health.

The BRCA genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and ovarian cancer is much more common among Ashkenazi Jewish women than in the general U.S. population. About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jewish women and men carry the mutation, compared to 1 in 400 in the general population. Ashkenazi Jewish men are also at elevated risk for melanoma and prostate and pancreatic cancer.

“Talk to your healthcare provider,” Fleischmann said. “Those whose family members are facing hereditary breast and ovarian cancer should speak with their doctor or genetic counselor to see how this may affect them, too, and learn about appropriate testing and precautions.”


The post 7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

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Nigeria: 25 Killed, Over 200 Injured in Triple Bombing Terror Attacks

A Nigerian police truck stands at the deserted Maiduguri Monday Market the morning after multiple explosions struck the northeastern city of Maiduguri, Borno State, Nigeria, March 17, 2026. Photo: REUTERS/Ahmed Kingimi

Three simultaneous explosions hit Maiduguri, the capital of Nigeria’s northeast state Borno, on Monday night, killing dozens of people as terrorism continues to wreak havoc across Sub-Saharan Africa.

The death count was initially reported as 23, but Nigerian Vice President Kashim Shettima stated on Tuesday that it had since risen to 25.

No group has yet claimed responsibility for the bombings, which also left more than 200 people hospitalized after suicide bombers targeted the gate of the University of Maiduguri Teaching Hospital, the Post Office flyover area, and Maiduguri Monday Market.

Following the attacks, medical services rushed victims to hospitals before police and military moved in to secure the scenes and begin investigations.

Bagoni Alkali, an eyewitness of the explosions who helped bring victims to the hospital, told the Associated Press that over 200 people were injured and receiving care in the accident and emergency department.

“Investigations are ongoing to further ascertain the circumstances surrounding the incidents and to bring perpetrators to justice,” according to Borno police.

Caleb Jonah survived the attack on the hospital with injuries to his legs and hands.

“I was coming to the hospital to check [in on] a patient when I saw two men struggling with the security men at the gate,” he said. “Before I could process what was going on I heard the deafening blast and I passed out.”

Mohammed Hassan — who works in a volunteer force backing counter-terrorism military operations — described the attack as one of the deadliest in Maiduguri in years and noted that hospitals were “in dire need of blood.”

In a Monday statement, Borno’s Governor Babagana Umara Zulum said that “my thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims and those injured as a result of the blast. The act is utterly condemnable, barbaric, and inhumane.”

Nigeria’s President Bola Tinubu called the attacks “desperate acts of the evil-minded terrorist groups” and said that “our gallant military and civilian task forces will curtail and put them down.”

Nigerian politician Rotimi Amaechi, who previously served as governor of Rivers and ex-minister of transportation, condemned Tinubu in a Tuesday statement.

“This government is killing Nigerians. I repeat, President Tinubu’s government is killing Nigerians, literally destroying lives. He has failed in the most sacred duty of protecting the lives of the citizens of this country,” Amaechi said.

“The Monday bombings in Maiduguri are not just a tragedy; it is a damning indictment of a leadership that has grown complacent, incompetent, and indifferent to the sufferings and deaths of Nigerians at the hands of ravaging bandits,” he added.

Noting that Tinubu had issued his statement during a trip to the United Kingdom, Amaechi said that “while families mourn and communities live in fear, those in power issue hollow statements and make empty promises. In fact, now, they don’t bother to make promises anymore. They just move on as if nothing happened. Tinubu would rather be dining and partying in London while Nigeria burns. They just don’t care!”

Nigeria’s military said on Monday that its forces had also engaged suspected Islamist terrorists outside Maiduguri. The leading jihadist organizations which the state has battled for years have included Boko Haram and its splinter group Islamic State West Africa Province (ISWAP). Another of the region’s most lethal Islamist organizations is Jama’a Nusrat ul-Islam wa al-Muslimin (JNIM), an Al Qaeda-linked group which the Africa Center for Strategic Studies has named as responsible for 83 percent of deaths regionally.

On Wednesday, Nigeria’s military fought Islamic extremists again, killing 80 who attacked a base. Troops had reportedly anticipated the attack and called on Nigeria’s air force to deliver precision strikes.

Over the last decade, Islamist terrorism has surged in the Sahel region of central Africa, where 17 out of every 20 attacks classified as serious have taken place. The Sahel — also called the Sahelian acacia savanna — runs south of the Sahara Desert across the African continent.

Burkina Faso has seen the most attacks, accounting for 20 percent of the world’s terrorist killings since 2020. Neighboring Mali and Niger have also seen increases in terrorism, with analysts regarding the countries’ recent military coups as a key factor in destabilizing state security. New leaders have rejected Western military assistance and chosen Russian mercenaries instead. This rise in chaos has bled over into Nigeria, which now accounts for 6 percent of global terrorism deaths.

In November, the Combating Terrorism Center at West Point published new research identifying Africa as the primary theater now in the continued fight against Islamist extremists. Analysts found that 86 percent of all terrorism-related deaths occurred in just 10 countries, with seven of them in Africa and five in the Sahel region.

A report released last month from India’s Observer Research Foundation (ORF), one of the top-ranked think tanks in the world, detailed how forests had become a key strategic territory for the terrorists seeking to impose Shariah in the Sahel, notably JNIM and the Islamic State Sahel Province (ISSP), formerly known as the Islamic State in the Greater Sahara (ISGS).

“In recent years, forests across the Sahel and its southern periphery have evolved into core infrastructure for terrorist operations, enabling recruitment, financing, logistics, and even parallel governance,” wrote ORF’s Samir Bhattacharya and Shrestha Medhi. “As a matter of fact, this spatial transformation is a key reason behind the rapid expansion of terrorist violence across the Sahel.”

Bhattacharya and Medhi explained that “terrorist groups in the Sahel have learned that while holding cities is costly and difficult to sustain, controlling forests is relatively easier. Forests provide concealment from aerial surveillance and, due to limited road access, constrain mechanized military responses. They also create jurisdictional ambiguity, with overlapping authority between ranger forces and regular troops.”

The ORF report described three key advantages which this forest strategy provides for Sahel Islamists: inadequate armed patrol more focused on conservation than counterterrorism, dense vegetation which enables ambushes among the limited infrastructure, and already-existing black-market economies they can plunder to fund further attacks. The Sahel’s forest regions also obscure smuggling, gold mining, cattle grazing, and wildlife poaching.

According to Bhattacharya and Medhi, JNIM “has increasingly prioritized rural hinterlands, border zones, and conservation areas over urban centers.”

The group has embedded itself within the W-Arly-Pendjari Complex (WAP Complex), which UNESCO has designated as a World Heritage site and describes as “the largest and most important continuum of terrestrial, semi-aquatic and aquatic ecosystems in the West African savannah belt. The property is a refuge for wildlife species that have disappeared elsewhere in West Africa or are highly threatened.” The preserve contains the largest populations of elephants in West Africa as well as other large mammals including cheetahs, leopards, and the region’s only viable lion population.

The ORF report described how the WAP complex — which includes territory in Benin, Burkina Faso, and Niger — has become “central” to the strategy of operating within forest regions. “By embedding itself within the park system, JNIM has secured a cross-border sanctuary that allows its militants to evade security forces by moving seamlessly between jurisdictions.”

Within the forests, JNIM operates as a governing authority and attempts to present itself as a superior alternative. “Where governments ban mining or grazing in the name of security or conservation, militants portray themselves as facilitators of livelihoods by loosening such restrictions,” Bhattacharya and Medhi wrote.

The terrorist conflicts represent an intra-religious war within Islam, as Muslim political leaders in Nigeria invoked their faith to call for justice.

“May Allah also bring this madness to an end. No religion sanctions the killing of the innocent,” Shettima wrote on Facebook. “Whatever is motivating them, may Allah either guide them onto the right path, or may Allah vanquish them from the surface of the earth.”

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Expelled Oberlin Chabad rabbi says he ‘made a mistake’ with explicit social media chats

A police report obtained by the Forward sheds light on the removal of a Chabad rabbi from the campus of Oberlin College last week, after the school administration became aware of a police report that alleged he engaged in sexually explicit conversations online concerning minors.

Rabbi Scott (Shlomo) Elkan, former co-director of Oberlin Chabad, allegedly sent sexually explicit texts, photos and videos through the messaging app Kik concerning three young people, ages 7, 12 and 13, according to the report.

In December 2025 messages to an adult on the platform, Elkan allegedly sent photos of himself giving a child a bath, alluded to touching the child’s genitals, and said he had been aroused when the child was sitting on his lap, the report stated.

Investigators said he also shared media of the child’s underwear that he appeared to have ejaculated on.

According to the report, the Oberlin Police Department closed the case after a 20-day investigation, with no charges filed.

In a phone interview with the Forward, Elkan said he regretted his participation in the chat, but that his messages were not based on real events. He did not address the photos.

“To be clear, what had happened was an online chat with an anonymous adult on purely fictional, you know, fantastical things that’s not rooted in any kind of reality whatsoever,” Elkan said. “And I entered that, and I should not have, and I take responsibility for that.”

Elkan added that he has been engaged in “professional care and spiritual counseling to deal with all of the stresses and all of the factors that led me to engaging in an unhealthy behavior.”

According to the report, in an interview with police, Elkan confirmed the Kik account belonged to him and said the chats were “escapism” from the stress of his everyday life. He denied ever viewing or possessing child pornography.

Elkan told the Forward that “oftentimes people think of rabbis as godlike and infallible,” and he “made a mistake in one of the weakest few moments of my life.”

“There was no crime. Nothing illegal. Poor judgment, yes,” Elkan said. “And there’s not a victim. The victims here are the Jewish community and my family.”

The fallout on campus

Oberlin president Carmen Twillie Ambar wrote an email last week alerting students and staff of the news that Elkan, who had worked at Oberlin Chabad since 2010, had been banned from campus — without sharing specifics.

“In the police report, Elkan admits to egregious actions in his personal life — including engaging in online sexual conversations concerning children and objectionable behavior,” Ambar wrote. “This behavior violates Oberlin’s values, shocks the conscience, and makes it clear that we cannot allow him continued access to our campus and community.”

Elkan criticized how Oberlin handled the situation, saying the email that the college sent to the community about his departure was vague and allowed speculation to spread. He also said the email was made public during the meeting in which campus officials informed him that he had been banned.

“That’s where my hurt, and I think so much of the hurt of the community lies. Because every time we stuck our neck out for the college, and every time we work for the best interest of them and the community, what feels like the very first opportunity they had to show us that same support, they chose a very different route,” Elkan said. “So I take responsibility for my actions, and I hold the college incredibly responsible for how this has played out.”

Andrea Simakis, a spokesperson for Oberlin, said in a statement that representatives of the college met with Elkan via Zoom just prior to releasing the campus message “to let him know we were going to send it, why we were sending it, and that we were banning him from campus.”

Simakis added that the language in the campuswide email “reflects the information in the police report, which we obtained through a public records request.”

Along with serving as a Chabad rabbi, Elkan also certified Oberlin’s kosher kitchen and sometimes led Passover services and other religious celebrations on campus, according to Ambar’s email.

Chabad rabbis are not typically employed by universities, instead operating independently through the Chabad umbrella, with Chabad functioning as recognized campus religious organizations.

Elkan resigned from his position with Chabad last Friday, a Chabad spokesperson told the Forward. Chabad did not provide further comment.

In the email to the community, Ambar said Oberlin had not previously received reports concerning Elkan’s behavior and was now asking a third party to investigate whether members of the campus community had been affected.

Ambar added that the news would be especially difficult for “those who sought spiritual leadership and guidance from Elkan,” but “the seriousness of this matter requires clear and swift action.” Rabbi Allison Vann, who had led High Holy Day services on campus with Cleveland Hillel, will work with students for the remainder of the semester.

The post Expelled Oberlin Chabad rabbi says he ‘made a mistake’ with explicit social media chats appeared first on The Forward.

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Far-Left, Anti-Israel Candidates Flop in Illinois Congressional Races

Kat Abughazaleh (D-IL) participates in a door knocking event while campaigning for the 2026 Illinois Democratic primary election in Evanston, Illinois, US, March 14, 2026. Abughazaleh is running for Congress in Illinois' 9th district. Photo: REUTERS/Jim Vondruska

Kat Abughazaleh (D-IL) participates in a door knocking event while campaigning for the 2026 Illinois Democratic primary election in Evanston, Illinois, US, March 14, 2026. Abughazaleh is running for Congress in Illinois’ 9th district. Photo: REUTERS/Jim Vondruska

A series of Democratic primary contests in Illinois on Tuesday delivered a decisive setback to progressive candidates aligned with the party’s left flank, underscoring the continued strength of more moderate voices and signaling potential limits to the electoral appeal of anti-Israel messaging within the party.

Across multiple congressional districts throughout the midwestern state, candidates backed by prominent progressive and anti-Israel groups failed to gain traction with voters, losing to opponents who emphasized pragmatism, coalition-building, and a more traditional Democratic policy agenda. The results mark what some observers are calling a sweeping defeat for the “Squad”-aligned movement in one of the country’s largest Democratic strongholds.

In Illinois’ 9th District, left-wing challenger Kat Abughazaleh was defeated by Daniel Biss, another progressive candidate with experience in local governance and a more moderate position on Israel, by a margin of 4 points. Notably, Abughazaleh, who is of Palestinian descent, repeatedly accused Israel of committing a “genocide” in Gaza and vowed to vote against additional US aid to the Jewish state. Biss, who is Jewish and an Israeli-American, issued criticism of Israel’s military operations in Gaza but refused to accuse the country of “genocide.” Biss has also expressed admiration for the country and its people despite criticizing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. 

The American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), the foremost pro-Israel lobbying group in the US, celebrated Abughazaleh’s defeat on Tuesday night. Notably, Biss did not accept financial assistance from AIPAC and repudiated the group in his victory speech, instead boosting J-Street, a progressive Zionist group. 

This district understands nuance and wants someone who accepts the reality of competing, even contradictory, priorities and values and realities. That point of view is not the point of view of AIPAC. AIPAC spends an unbelievable amount of money. Over $7 million to try to buy this seat,” Biss said in celebratory remarks.

“So enough about AIPAC. May tonight be the last night I utter their name. This victory belongs to J Street,” Biss continued. 

In a statement, AIPAC lamented the defeat of their preferred candidate Laura Fine, while celebrating the successful thwarting of Abughazaleh.

“While disappointed Laura Fine didn’t prevail, the pro-Israel community is proud to have helped defeat would-be Squad members Kat Abughazaleh and Bushra Amiwala, who centered their campaigns on attacking Israel and demonizing pro-Israel Americans,” the group said in a statement.

Similar outcomes unfolded in the 8th and 2nd districts, where left-leaning insurgents fell short against candidates with broader institutional support and more moderate platforms. In the 8th District, AIPAC-supported Melissa Bean defeated left-wing insurgent Junaid Ahmed. Ahmed received endorsements from Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY), one of the most vocal critics of Israel in the US Congress, and Justice Democrats, a populist, far-left organizing group. Ahmed positioned himself as a staunch opponent of Israel, accusing Jerusalem of committing “genocide” in Gaza. 

Donna Miller, who competed in the 2nd District, pulled off an improbable upset victory over the well-financed and establishment-backed Jesse Jackson Jr. AIPAC had poured approximately $2.4 million into the race, according to reports. 

The outcomes come after months of intense campaigning and significant outside spending. Pro-Israel advocacy organizations and allied political action committees invested heavily in the races, backing candidates who supported a strong US-Israel relationship and opposing those whose campaigns centered heavily on criticism of Israel.

Supporters of such efforts argue the results reflect voter skepticism toward candidates who prioritize divisive foreign policy positions over domestic concerns. They say Democratic primary voters, even in reliably blue districts, remain broadly supportive of Israel and wary of rhetoric they view as overly ideological or polarizing.

Amid the war in Gaza, AIPAC had become a new flashpoint within the Democratic Party. Democratic hopefuls across the country were pressed about their connections to AIPAC and were pressured to disavow any funding from the group. Further, various surveys suggested that Democratic voters responded less favorably to candidates after learning they harbored connections to AIPAC. However, the mixed results on Tuesday indicate that anti-AIPAC sentiment was not as animating as left-wing pundits predicted. 

Progressive groups, however, downplayed the failures of their ideologically aligned candidates, pointing to the scale of outside spending in the races and arguing that well-funded campaigns overwhelmed grassroots challengers and shaped voter perceptions through aggressive advertising. Some also contended that messaging in the races blurred ideological distinctions, making it more difficult for voters to differentiate between candidates.

The Illinois results could carry national implications as Democrats look ahead to future elections. While progressive candidates have found success in certain districts, particularly in urban areas, the latest outcomes suggest that their coalition may face challenges in more competitive or diverse electorates.

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