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7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer
When Shoshana Polakoff, 40, received an unexpected breast cancer diagnosis three years ago, the mother of three young children needed extra support. Her friends, family and Jewish community in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan immediately stepped up.
They organized help with after-school childcare, packed school lunches for her kids and sent her little notes of encouragement while Polakoff endured trying cancer treatments.
“I felt pounds lighter and overwhelmed by the chesed that mobilized so quickly,” said Polakoff, using the Hebrew term for kindness. “And the practical help was such an incredible gift.”
Too often, however, friends and loved ones of cancer patients are at a loss for how to respond when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer.
“Often they feel just as thrown into this new reality as the woman herself and are not sure what to do next,” said Adina Fleischmann, chief services officer for Sharsheret, the national Jewish breast cancer and ovarian cancer organization.
This is especially the case for young people who might never have had a family member or friend diagnosed with cancer before.
Fleischmann — whose organization offers extensive resources for cancer patients, ranging from emotional support, mental health counseling and education to financial subsidies for women and their families facing breast and ovarian cancer — has some guidance for what to say, how to reach out and what kind of help might be appropriate to provide in the face of a friend or family member’s cancer diagnosis.
It’s all about providing chizuk – Hebrew for strength – to the person facing cancer.
1. Establish the “Kvetching Order”
The “Kvetching Order,” based on a concept called the Ring Theory developed by clinical psychologist Susan Silk, dictates that those close to someone struggling with a cancer diagnosis offer only support to the cancer patient, and any kvetching about their own stress outward.
Thus, the person with cancer is at the center of a circle surrounded by a ring of her or his most intimate friends and loved ones. More distant concentric rings include other friends, acquaintances, more distant family and community members.
Colloquially known as “comfort in, dump out,” the Kvetching Order establishes a flow of support directed toward the person facing cancer.
2. Be clear and specific with offers of help
Support can look and feel different to different people facing cancer; each person’s needs and life circumstances are unique. When younger women are diagnosed with cancer — as often is the case with ovarian or breast cancers, where 50% of new diagnoses are in women under age 63 — patients often need extra help managing their responsibilities as parents and/or career professionals.
“Let the woman guide the journey,” Fleischmann says of the cancer patient. “Follow her lead.”
Sharsheret suggests offering concrete, practical assistance, such as offering to take the patient’s child to after-school activities or helping with homework. Maybe offer to come over to help clean the house, do laundry, or pick up groceries and make dinner for the family.
“But give the woman the feeling of control,” Fleischmann said. “Let her be in control of your support.”
Thus, a concrete suggestion like, “Can I bring you pizza for dinner on Wednesday?” is better than a vague offer of “What can I do to help?”
3. Check in often but don’t expect a response
By all means reach out to the person facing cancer. But if they don’t respond to your phone calls, emails or texts, don’t be put off.
“Sometimes the woman may not have the time or energy to respond,” Fleischmann said. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue reaching out. “She will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of her.”
Polakoff found small gestures particularly meaningful.
“Little things meant a lot,” she said. “Like just a note that said, ‘I’m thinking of you. Have a good Shabbos.’”
4. Leave cancer out of it sometimes and just be with them
Kristen Harvey, who at 23 was faced with an ovarian cancer diagnosis for the second time, said it was important to have friends around her with whom she could talk about the future.
“Just being there was the best thing,” said Harvey, who recently graduated from college and lives in Michigan. “We didn’t need to do anything. I appreciated when people came over and we just hung out and watched a movie.”
Alexis Wilson, a teacher in Jupiter, Florida, said her friendships were essential during her breast cancer treatment. Before starting chemotherapy, her friends threw her a big party to which everyone showed up in different-colored wigs and decorated her yard with signs.
“My friends played a big role,” said Wilson, 39. “I felt like I wasn’t alone.”
5. Continue your support throughout someone’s cancer journey
For some women, “maintenance treatment” can last for many years beyond the active treatments of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. Women living with metastatic breast cancer, for example, usually continue treatment throughout their lives.
Fleischmann recommends checking in with a woman along every step of her cancer journey: not just the period of active treatment, but also during maintenance treatment, survivorship, and if she is living with metastatic or advanced cancer.
“It’s nice to know my friends and family continued to reach out once I was done with treatment,” Harvey said. “Back to normal doesn’t mean life is ever normal.”
There are often heightened emotional needs around anniversaries of certain cancer diagnoses or treatment dates, Fleischmann said, so marking these dates could be important.
6. Make sure you have your own support system
If you’re particularly close to the person with cancer, you may experience feelings of being overwhelmed yourself. It’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being and not dismiss it in the face of someone else’s more pressing illness.
“As a caregiver, you can be very easily drained without your own coping mechanisms,” Fleischmann said.
Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to attend to your friend or loved one’s needs.
7. Talk to your healthcare provider and safeguard your own health
Even while supporting a loved one or friend with breast or ovarian cancer, it’s important to safeguard your own health.
The BRCA genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and ovarian cancer is much more common among Ashkenazi Jewish women than in the general U.S. population. About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jewish women and men carry the mutation, compared to 1 in 400 in the general population. Ashkenazi Jewish men are also at elevated risk for melanoma and prostate and pancreatic cancer.
“Talk to your healthcare provider,” Fleischmann said. “Those whose family members are facing hereditary breast and ovarian cancer should speak with their doctor or genetic counselor to see how this may affect them, too, and learn about appropriate testing and precautions.”
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The post 7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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Iran Warns Against Any US Strike as Judiciary Hints at Unrest-Linked Executions
FILE PHOTO: Cars burn in a street during a protest over the collapse of the currency’s value, in Tehran, Iran, January 8, 2026. Photo: Stringer/WANA (West Asia News Agency) via REUTERS/ File Photo
Iran‘s president warned on Sunday that any US strike would trigger a “harsh response” from Tehran after an Iranian official in the region said at least 5,000 people — including about 500 security personnel — had been killed in nationwide protests.
Iran‘s protests, sparked last month in Tehran’s Grand Bazaar over economic grievances, swiftly turned political and spread nationwide, drawing participants from across generations and income groups – shopkeepers, students, men and women, the poor and the well‑off – calling for the end of clerical rule.
US President Donald Trump has repeatedly threatened to intervene if protesters continued to be killed on the streets or were executed. He said in an interview with Politico on Saturday: “it’s time to look for new leadership in Iran.”
Iran indicated on Sunday it might go ahead with executions of people detained during the unrest, and with its clerical rulers facing mounting international pressure over the bloodiest unrest since the 1979 Islamic revolution, is seeking to deter Trump from stepping in.
Iran‘s President Masoud Pezeshkian on X warned that Tehran’s response “to any unjust aggression will be harsh and regrettable,” adding that any attack on the country’s supreme leader is “tantamount to an all-out war against the nation.”
RIGHTS GROUP REPORTS 24,000 ARRESTS
Protests dwindled last week following a violent crackdown.
US-based rights group HRANA said on Saturday the death toll had reached 3,308, with another 4,382 cases under review. It said it had confirmed more than 24,000 arrests.
On Friday, Trump thanked Tehran’s leaders in a social media post, saying they had called off scheduled executions of 800 people. He has moved US military assets into the region but has not specified what he might do.
A day later, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei branded Trump a “criminal,” acknowledging “several thousand deaths” that he blamed on “terrorists and rioters” linked to the US and Israel.
Iran‘s judiciary indicated that executions may go ahead.
“A series of actions have been identified as Mohareb, which is among the most severe Islamic punishments,” Iranian judiciary spokesperson Asghar Jahangir told a press conference on Sunday.
Mohareb, an Islamic legal term meaning to wage war against God, is punishable by death under Iranian law.
The Iranian official told Reuters that the verified death toll was unlikely to “increase sharply,” adding “Israel and armed groups abroad” had supported and equipped those taking to the streets.
The clerical establishment regularly blames unrest on foreign enemies, including the US and Israel, an arch foe of the Islamic Republic which launched military strikes in June.
Internet blackouts were partly lifted for a few hours on Saturday but internet monitoring group NetBlocks said they later resumed.
One resident in Tehran said that last week he had witnessed riot police directly shooting at a group of protesters, who were mostly young men and women. Videos circulating on social media, some of which have been verified by Reuters, have shown security forces crushing demonstrations across the country.
HIGHEST DEATH TOLL IN KURDISH AREAS
The Iranian official, who declined to be named due to the sensitivity of the issue, also said some of the heaviest clashes and highest number of deaths were in the Iranian Kurdish areas in the country’s northwest.
Kurdish separatists have been active there and flare-ups have been among the most violent in past periods of unrest.
Three sources told Reuters on January 14 that armed Kurdish separatist groups sought to cross the border into Iran from Iraq in a sign of foreign entities potentially seeking to take advantage of instability.
Faizan Ali, a 40-year-old medical doctor from Lahore, said he had to cut short his trip to Iran to visit his Iranian wife in the central city of Isfahan as “there was no internet or communication with my family in Pakistan.”
“I saw a violent mob burning buildings, banks and cars. I also witnessed an individual stab a passer-by,” he told Reuters upon his arrival back in Lahore.
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Pentagon Readies 1,500 Troops for Potential Minnesota Deployment, US Officials Say
People protest against ICE, after a US immigration agent shot and killed 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good in her car in Minneapolis, in New York City, January 7. Photo: REUTERS/Angelina Katsanis
The Pentagon has ordered about 1,500 active-duty soldiers in Alaska to prepare for a possible deployment to Minnesota, the site of large protests against the government’s deportation drive, two US officials told Reuters on Sunday.
The US Army placed the units on prepare-to-deploy orders in case violence in the state escalates, the officials said, though it is not clear whether any of them will be sent.
President Donald Trump on Thursday threatened to use the Insurrection Act to deploy military forces if officials in the state do not stop protesters from targeting immigration officials after a surge in Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents.
Increasingly tense confrontations between residents and federal officers have erupted in Minneapolis since Renee Good, a 37-year-old mother of three, was fatally shot behind the wheel of her car by ICE officer Jonathan Ross on January 7.
Mayor Jacob Frey said on Sunday that any military deployment would exacerbate tensions in Minnesota’s largest city, where the Trump administration has already sent 3,000 immigration and border patrol officers to deal with largely peaceful protests.
“That would be a shocking step,” Frey said on NBC’s “Meet the Press” program. “We don’t need more federal agents to keep people safe. We are safe.”
Clashes in the city intensified after the federal ICE surge and the killing of Good. Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem told CBS “Face the Nation” on Sunday that Frey should set up “a peaceful protest zone” for demonstrators.
Trump has repeatedly invoked a scandal around the theft of federal funds intended for social-welfare programs in Minnesota as a rationale for sending in immigration agents. The president and administration officials have singled out the state’s community of Somali immigrants.
“I think what he’d be doing is just putting another match on the fire,” US Senator Chris Van Hollen, a Democrat, told ABC’s “This Week” when asked about the possible military deployment.
THREAT OF TROOPS FOLLOWS SURGE OF IMMIGRATION AGENTS
If US troops are deployed, it is unclear whether the Trump administration would invoke the Insurrection Act, which gives the president the power to deploy the military or federalize National Guard troops to quell domestic uprisings.
Even without invoking the act, a president can deploy active-duty forces for certain domestic purposes such as protecting federal property, which Trump cited as a justification for sending Marines to Los Angeles last year.
In addition to the active-duty forces, the Pentagon could also attempt to deploy newly created National Guard rapid-response forces for civil disturbances.
“The Department of War is always prepared to execute the orders of the commander in chief if called upon,” said Pentagon spokesperson Sean Parnell, using the Trump administration’s preferred name for the Department of Defense.
The White House did not immediately respond to a request for comment on the order, which was first reported by ABC News.
The soldiers subject to deployment specialize in cold-weather operations and are assigned to two US Army infantry battalions under the 11th Airborne Division, which is based in Alaska, the officials said.
Trump, a Republican, sent the surge of federal agents from ICE and Border Patrol to Minneapolis and neighboring St. Paul early last week, as part of a wave of interventions across the US, mostly to cities run by Democratic politicians.
He has said troop deployments in Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington, D.C., Memphis and Portland, Oregon, are necessary to fight crime and protect federal property and personnel from protesters. But this month he said he was removing the National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland, where the deployments have faced legal setbacks and challenges.
Local leaders have accused the president of federal overreach and of exaggerating isolated episodes of violence to justify sending in troops.
Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, against whom the Justice Department has opened a criminal investigation, has mobilized the state’s National Guard to support local law enforcement and the rights of peaceful demonstrators, the state Department of Public Safety posted on X on Saturday.
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New Evidence in Leaked Classified Documents Case Links Netanyahu Advisor
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu speaks during a press conference at the Prime Minister’s office in Jerusalem, Aug. 10, 2025. Photo: ABIR SULTAN/Pool via REUTERS
i24 News – During an appeal hearing at the District Court over the decision not to extend restrictions in the classified documents case, police revealed new correspondence between Yonatan Urich and Eli Feldstein.
The messages suggest that Feldstein, an advisor to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, was aware of the secret document and its potential leak.
Feldstein was also summoned for further questioning at Lahav 433 amid suspicions of obstruction during a late-night meeting in a parking lot.
The correspondence, dated October 13, 2024, was exchanged on the encrypted messaging app Signal. Feldstein reportedly wrote to Urich that he was considering taking advantage of a visiting Bild reporter to discuss the document. Urich responded: “Let Hasid handle it, why waste your time on it,” referring to the reporter as a “nuisance.”
Police stated that the messages contradict Urich’s previous claims that he had never seen or heard of the secret document, showing that he was not only aware of it but also discussed its publication with Feldstein.
Last Thursday, the court rejected a request to remove Urich from the Prime Minister’s Office and denied lifting restrictions on Chief of Staff Tzachi Braverman and Omer Mansour. Judge Menachem Mizrahi wrote that the requests lacked “evidentiary, substantive, proportionate, or purposeful justification,” and saw no reason to extend prohibitions on contact or work for the respondents.
The new revelations are likely to intensify scrutiny of the roles of senior aides in the handling of classified material within the Prime Minister’s Office.