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7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer
When Shoshana Polakoff, 40, received an unexpected breast cancer diagnosis three years ago, the mother of three young children needed extra support. Her friends, family and Jewish community in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan immediately stepped up.
They organized help with after-school childcare, packed school lunches for her kids and sent her little notes of encouragement while Polakoff endured trying cancer treatments.
“I felt pounds lighter and overwhelmed by the chesed that mobilized so quickly,” said Polakoff, using the Hebrew term for kindness. “And the practical help was such an incredible gift.”
Too often, however, friends and loved ones of cancer patients are at a loss for how to respond when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer.
“Often they feel just as thrown into this new reality as the woman herself and are not sure what to do next,” said Adina Fleischmann, chief services officer for Sharsheret, the national Jewish breast cancer and ovarian cancer organization.
This is especially the case for young people who might never have had a family member or friend diagnosed with cancer before.
Fleischmann — whose organization offers extensive resources for cancer patients, ranging from emotional support, mental health counseling and education to financial subsidies for women and their families facing breast and ovarian cancer — has some guidance for what to say, how to reach out and what kind of help might be appropriate to provide in the face of a friend or family member’s cancer diagnosis.
It’s all about providing chizuk – Hebrew for strength – to the person facing cancer.
1. Establish the “Kvetching Order”
The “Kvetching Order,” based on a concept called the Ring Theory developed by clinical psychologist Susan Silk, dictates that those close to someone struggling with a cancer diagnosis offer only support to the cancer patient, and any kvetching about their own stress outward.
Thus, the person with cancer is at the center of a circle surrounded by a ring of her or his most intimate friends and loved ones. More distant concentric rings include other friends, acquaintances, more distant family and community members.
Colloquially known as “comfort in, dump out,” the Kvetching Order establishes a flow of support directed toward the person facing cancer.
2. Be clear and specific with offers of help
Support can look and feel different to different people facing cancer; each person’s needs and life circumstances are unique. When younger women are diagnosed with cancer — as often is the case with ovarian or breast cancers, where 50% of new diagnoses are in women under age 63 — patients often need extra help managing their responsibilities as parents and/or career professionals.
“Let the woman guide the journey,” Fleischmann says of the cancer patient. “Follow her lead.”
Sharsheret suggests offering concrete, practical assistance, such as offering to take the patient’s child to after-school activities or helping with homework. Maybe offer to come over to help clean the house, do laundry, or pick up groceries and make dinner for the family.
“But give the woman the feeling of control,” Fleischmann said. “Let her be in control of your support.”
Thus, a concrete suggestion like, “Can I bring you pizza for dinner on Wednesday?” is better than a vague offer of “What can I do to help?”
3. Check in often but don’t expect a response
By all means reach out to the person facing cancer. But if they don’t respond to your phone calls, emails or texts, don’t be put off.
“Sometimes the woman may not have the time or energy to respond,” Fleischmann said. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue reaching out. “She will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of her.”
Polakoff found small gestures particularly meaningful.
“Little things meant a lot,” she said. “Like just a note that said, ‘I’m thinking of you. Have a good Shabbos.’”
4. Leave cancer out of it sometimes and just be with them
Kristen Harvey, who at 23 was faced with an ovarian cancer diagnosis for the second time, said it was important to have friends around her with whom she could talk about the future.
“Just being there was the best thing,” said Harvey, who recently graduated from college and lives in Michigan. “We didn’t need to do anything. I appreciated when people came over and we just hung out and watched a movie.”
Alexis Wilson, a teacher in Jupiter, Florida, said her friendships were essential during her breast cancer treatment. Before starting chemotherapy, her friends threw her a big party to which everyone showed up in different-colored wigs and decorated her yard with signs.
“My friends played a big role,” said Wilson, 39. “I felt like I wasn’t alone.”
5. Continue your support throughout someone’s cancer journey
For some women, “maintenance treatment” can last for many years beyond the active treatments of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. Women living with metastatic breast cancer, for example, usually continue treatment throughout their lives.
Fleischmann recommends checking in with a woman along every step of her cancer journey: not just the period of active treatment, but also during maintenance treatment, survivorship, and if she is living with metastatic or advanced cancer.
“It’s nice to know my friends and family continued to reach out once I was done with treatment,” Harvey said. “Back to normal doesn’t mean life is ever normal.”
There are often heightened emotional needs around anniversaries of certain cancer diagnoses or treatment dates, Fleischmann said, so marking these dates could be important.
6. Make sure you have your own support system
If you’re particularly close to the person with cancer, you may experience feelings of being overwhelmed yourself. It’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being and not dismiss it in the face of someone else’s more pressing illness.
“As a caregiver, you can be very easily drained without your own coping mechanisms,” Fleischmann said.
Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to attend to your friend or loved one’s needs.
7. Talk to your healthcare provider and safeguard your own health
Even while supporting a loved one or friend with breast or ovarian cancer, it’s important to safeguard your own health.
The BRCA genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and ovarian cancer is much more common among Ashkenazi Jewish women than in the general U.S. population. About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jewish women and men carry the mutation, compared to 1 in 400 in the general population. Ashkenazi Jewish men are also at elevated risk for melanoma and prostate and pancreatic cancer.
“Talk to your healthcare provider,” Fleischmann said. “Those whose family members are facing hereditary breast and ovarian cancer should speak with their doctor or genetic counselor to see how this may affect them, too, and learn about appropriate testing and precautions.”
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Berlin Court Jails 4 Men in Landmark Hamas Weapons Case, First German Ruling Treating Membership as Terror Offense
Palestinian Hamas terrorists stand guard on the day of the handover of hostages held in Gaza since the deadly Oct. 7, 2023, attack, as part of a ceasefire and a hostages-prisoners swap deal between Hamas and Israel, in Rafah in the southern Gaza Strip, Feb. 22, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Hatem Khaled
Four men were sentenced to prison in Berlin on Wednesday for operating a covert Hamas weapons-stockpiling network across Europe in preparation for potential terrorist attacks — a landmark ruling marking the first time a German court convicted members of the Palestinian terrorist group under the country’s terrorism laws.
The Berlin State Protection Senate — a special national-security chamber within the Berlin Court of Appeal — convicted the defendants of stockpiling weapons for future attacks in Europe, including possible targets in Germany, sentencing them to four and a half to six years in prison for membership in a foreign terrorist organization and related charges.
The court determined the men, aged 36 to 58, had acted as foreign operatives for Hamas’s military wing, the al-Qassam Brigades, and had already helped establish several firearms caches across Europe.
According to official records, the defendants helped build weapons depots as part of “preparations to carry out attacks on Jewish and Israeli targets in European countries,” with possible targets including the Israeli Embassy in Berlin, the US Ramstein Air Base in southwestern Germany, and Berlin’s former Tempelhof airport.
German authorities also found the stockpiles were meant for attacks on Israeli, Jewish, or other targets across Europe over an extended period, with sites discovered in multiple countries including Poland, Bulgaria, and Denmark.
Although all four denied being members of Hamas, the main defendant admitted to visiting an arms cache in Bulgaria, claiming the trip was part of “private arms dealing.”
Arrested in December 2023, the four men — all Lebanese-born, including an Egyptian and a Dutch citizen — have been in custody since then, with three having lived primarily in Germany and the fourth in the Netherlands.
Hamas, long supported by the Iranian regime as well as Qatar and Turkey, is designated as a terrorist organization by the European Union and several other Western countries, including the United States.
However, the terrorist group has not been officially classified as such under German law, making Wednesday’s ruling especially important because it sets a legal precedent allowing membership in the group to be treated as a criminal offense.
“It’s a clear and important ruling by the Berlin Court of Appeal, even though we know that it does not in itself reduce the danger of terrorist attacks,” Stephan Weh, Berlin police union chief, said in a statement.
“As a Western metropolis, Berlin remains a focal point for radical Islamist networks, which today primarily recruit new members and supporters via social media,” he continued.
In recent months, German authorities have arrested several more suspects tied to alleged Hamas arms-procurement efforts, with the weapons said to be intended for attacks on Israeli or Jewish sites in Germany and across Europe.
In November, federal prosecutors uncovered and arrested a suspected Hamas terrorist cell with at least five members accused of plotting attacks on Israeli or Jewish targets.
Hamas has repeatedly denied any connection to these criminal networks, calling the allegations of its involvement “baseless.”
However, experts have warned that the group has expanded its terrorist operations beyond the Middle East, exploiting a well-established network of weapons caches, criminal alliances, and covert infrastructure quietly built across Europe over the years.
Last year, West Point’s Combating Terrorism Center released a study detailing how Hamas leaders in Lebanon have been directing operatives to establish “foreign operator’ cells across Europe, collaborating with organized crime networks to acquire weapons and target Jewish communities abroad.
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Iran Suggests Spain Can Have Safe Passage Through Strait of Hormuz
Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez speaks during a press conference after attending a special summit of European Union leaders to discuss transatlantic relations, in Brussels, Belgium, Jan. 23, 2026. Photo: REUTERS/Yves Herman
Iran indicated on Thursday that Spain would be allowed safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz if it requested access, praising the Spanish government for its hostile posture toward the US-Israeli military campaign.
“BREAKING NEWS: Iran considers Spain a country committed to international law, so it shows receptiveness to any request coming from Madrid. #StraitofHormuz,” the Iranian embassy posted on the social media platform X.
ÚLTIMA HORA: Irán considera a España un país comprometido con el derecho internacional, por lo que se muestra receptivo ante cualquier solicitud procedente de Madrid.#EstrechoDeOrmuz pic.twitter.com/WZjwCPB7CK
— Embajada de Irán en España (@IraninSpain) March 26, 2026
The post came after Iran’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs on Tuesday told the United Nations that “non-hostile vessels” could transit the strait, a critical waterway for shipping through which about one-fifth of the world’s oil and liquefied natural gas flows, if they coordinated with Iranian authorities.
Iran has effectively closed the strait amid its war with the US and Israel, causing global oil and gas prices to rise significantly. According to the Iranian regime, ships linked to the US and Israel, as well as “other participants in the aggression,” will not be granted safe passage.
However, amid ongoing indirect negotiations between Tehran and Washington over potentially halting the conflict, US President Donald Trump suggested on Thursday that Iran let 10 oil tankers transit the Strait of Hormuz as a goodwill gesture, elaborating on what he had described as a “present” from Iran. Meanwhile, the US military has reportedly been working on plans to reopen the waterway by force if needed.
Spain, which has a relatively small merchant fleet, is the first EU country to apparently be offered safe passage through the narrow strait off Iran’s coast.
On Thursday, Spanish Foreign Minister Jose Manuel Albares said he did not understand what Iran was referring to in its social media post on X, noting Madrid had consistently voted in favor of sanctions against Iran. Recently, Spain voted to designate the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC), the Iranian military force primarily threatening ships seeking to transit the Strait of Horuz, as a terrorist organization.
“What we ask of Iran and all of those participating and promoting the war is de-escalation, diplomacy, and negotiation, and that Iran ceases its unjustified attacks against all the countries in the Middle East,” Albares said during a visit to Algeria.
Thursday was not the first time since Feb. 28, when the war began, that Iran praised Spain.
Earlier this month, Spain blocked US forces from using its bases for military operations against the Islamic regime, leaving Madrid as the only major EU country to have explicitly criticized the US-Israeli strikes on Iran.
In response to an online news report saying that the Spanish government “denies that the US is using its bases in Spain for the war against Iran,” the Iranian embassy in Spain reshared the headline and added, “Iran fully recognizes and respects this position, which is in accordance with international law.”
While Spain has strongly condemned the US-Israeli attack on Iranian regime targets, other European countries have denounced Iran’s counterstrikes on civilian sites across the Middle East.
Trump has lambasted Spain for its stance, even threatening to cut off trade.
“I think they’re not cooperating at all. Spain. I think they’ve been very bad, very bad, not good at all. We may cut off trade with Spain,” Trump told reporters earlier this month, adding that Madrid has been “very bad to NATO” and does not want to “pay their fair share.”
Spain quickly condemned the strikes against Iran after they began, calling them “dangerous” and “outside of international law.”
Israel accused Spain of “standing with tyrants” for opposing the war.
Since the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas’s Oct. 7, 2023, massacre across southern Israel started the Gaza war, Spain has been one of Israel’s fiercest critics on the international stage.
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ADL Releases ‘Leaderboard’ Ranking Popular Video Games and Their Efforts to Combat Antisemitism
“Fortnite,” a game accessed by over 25 million users a day, being played on a mobile phone. Photo: Public Domain
The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) released on Wednesday an Online Gaming Leaderboard that ranks popular video games on how effectively their policies and in-game safety features curb antisemitism, hatred, and extremism in their online multiplayer games.
The video games were ranked based on their “advanced,” “moderate,” or “limited” protections. The assessment was made using criteria, assembled by the ADL, that examine policies to prevent antisemitism and hate (40 percent of the score) and in-game tooling to prevent antisemitism and hate (60 percent of the score).
Fortnite was rated the best at implementing safeguards to combat antisemitism, following by Call of Duty, Minecraft, Grand Theft Auto Online, Roblox, Madden NFL, Valorent, Clash Royale, Counter-Strike 2, and PUBG: Battlegrounds.
The ADL said it has conducted the first-ever detailed public evaluation of video games and how their safety measures address the issues of antisemitism, hate, and extremism in online gaming environments. The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) provides age and content guidance but does not assess what video game companies are doing to keep players safe from hate and harassment during their online gaming experience.
The Online Gaming Leaderboard was co-produced by the ADL Center for Technology and Society (CTS) and the Ratings and Assessments Institute (RAI). The former, in partnership with gaming analytics firm NewZoo, surveyed hate, harassment, and extremism in online games in the US from 2019 to 2023 and those findings provided “the foundation for the evaluation,” according to the ADL.
“When a parent wants to know if an online game is safe for their child, there has been no one-stop shop to understand how a particular game approaches online safety,” said Daniel Kelley, senior director of CTS. “This leaderboard addresses that critical gap by offering the most comprehensive evaluation of safety measures in online multiplayer games to date, with a focus on how companies manage antisemitism and extremism.”
“Without strong safeguards, these platforms can become breeding grounds for harassment and hateful activity that harms players directly, normalizes hateful ideologies and damages trust,” added Jonathan Greenblatt, chief executive officer of the ADL. “This leaderboard provides the transparency that parents, gamers, and the industry need to understand where companies are succeeding and where urgent improvements are necessary.”
The ADL said it privately shared its findings with each gaming company before publicly releasing the Online Gaming Leaderboard on Wednesday. Some companies “engaged with ADL to clarify issues or make improvements to their policies and tooling, while others did not respond.” The ADL also developed a Best Practices Guide for gaming companies that provides strategies for how they can better combat antisemitism and hate.