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7 ways to offer support and Jewish strength to friends or loved ones facing cancer
When Shoshana Polakoff, 40, received an unexpected breast cancer diagnosis three years ago, the mother of three young children needed extra support. Her friends, family and Jewish community in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan immediately stepped up.
They organized help with after-school childcare, packed school lunches for her kids and sent her little notes of encouragement while Polakoff endured trying cancer treatments.
“I felt pounds lighter and overwhelmed by the chesed that mobilized so quickly,” said Polakoff, using the Hebrew term for kindness. “And the practical help was such an incredible gift.”
Too often, however, friends and loved ones of cancer patients are at a loss for how to respond when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer.
“Often they feel just as thrown into this new reality as the woman herself and are not sure what to do next,” said Adina Fleischmann, chief services officer for Sharsheret, the national Jewish breast cancer and ovarian cancer organization.
This is especially the case for young people who might never have had a family member or friend diagnosed with cancer before.
Fleischmann — whose organization offers extensive resources for cancer patients, ranging from emotional support, mental health counseling and education to financial subsidies for women and their families facing breast and ovarian cancer — has some guidance for what to say, how to reach out and what kind of help might be appropriate to provide in the face of a friend or family member’s cancer diagnosis.
It’s all about providing chizuk – Hebrew for strength – to the person facing cancer.
1. Establish the “Kvetching Order”
The “Kvetching Order,” based on a concept called the Ring Theory developed by clinical psychologist Susan Silk, dictates that those close to someone struggling with a cancer diagnosis offer only support to the cancer patient, and any kvetching about their own stress outward.
Thus, the person with cancer is at the center of a circle surrounded by a ring of her or his most intimate friends and loved ones. More distant concentric rings include other friends, acquaintances, more distant family and community members.
Colloquially known as “comfort in, dump out,” the Kvetching Order establishes a flow of support directed toward the person facing cancer.
2. Be clear and specific with offers of help
Support can look and feel different to different people facing cancer; each person’s needs and life circumstances are unique. When younger women are diagnosed with cancer — as often is the case with ovarian or breast cancers, where 50% of new diagnoses are in women under age 63 — patients often need extra help managing their responsibilities as parents and/or career professionals.
“Let the woman guide the journey,” Fleischmann says of the cancer patient. “Follow her lead.”
Sharsheret suggests offering concrete, practical assistance, such as offering to take the patient’s child to after-school activities or helping with homework. Maybe offer to come over to help clean the house, do laundry, or pick up groceries and make dinner for the family.
“But give the woman the feeling of control,” Fleischmann said. “Let her be in control of your support.”
Thus, a concrete suggestion like, “Can I bring you pizza for dinner on Wednesday?” is better than a vague offer of “What can I do to help?”
3. Check in often but don’t expect a response
By all means reach out to the person facing cancer. But if they don’t respond to your phone calls, emails or texts, don’t be put off.
“Sometimes the woman may not have the time or energy to respond,” Fleischmann said. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue reaching out. “She will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of her.”
Polakoff found small gestures particularly meaningful.
“Little things meant a lot,” she said. “Like just a note that said, ‘I’m thinking of you. Have a good Shabbos.’”
4. Leave cancer out of it sometimes and just be with them
Kristen Harvey, who at 23 was faced with an ovarian cancer diagnosis for the second time, said it was important to have friends around her with whom she could talk about the future.
“Just being there was the best thing,” said Harvey, who recently graduated from college and lives in Michigan. “We didn’t need to do anything. I appreciated when people came over and we just hung out and watched a movie.”
Alexis Wilson, a teacher in Jupiter, Florida, said her friendships were essential during her breast cancer treatment. Before starting chemotherapy, her friends threw her a big party to which everyone showed up in different-colored wigs and decorated her yard with signs.
“My friends played a big role,” said Wilson, 39. “I felt like I wasn’t alone.”
5. Continue your support throughout someone’s cancer journey
For some women, “maintenance treatment” can last for many years beyond the active treatments of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. Women living with metastatic breast cancer, for example, usually continue treatment throughout their lives.
Fleischmann recommends checking in with a woman along every step of her cancer journey: not just the period of active treatment, but also during maintenance treatment, survivorship, and if she is living with metastatic or advanced cancer.
“It’s nice to know my friends and family continued to reach out once I was done with treatment,” Harvey said. “Back to normal doesn’t mean life is ever normal.”
There are often heightened emotional needs around anniversaries of certain cancer diagnoses or treatment dates, Fleischmann said, so marking these dates could be important.
6. Make sure you have your own support system
If you’re particularly close to the person with cancer, you may experience feelings of being overwhelmed yourself. It’s important to take care of your own emotional well-being and not dismiss it in the face of someone else’s more pressing illness.
“As a caregiver, you can be very easily drained without your own coping mechanisms,” Fleischmann said.
Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you have the capacity to attend to your friend or loved one’s needs.
7. Talk to your healthcare provider and safeguard your own health
Even while supporting a loved one or friend with breast or ovarian cancer, it’s important to safeguard your own health.
The BRCA genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and ovarian cancer is much more common among Ashkenazi Jewish women than in the general U.S. population. About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jewish women and men carry the mutation, compared to 1 in 400 in the general population. Ashkenazi Jewish men are also at elevated risk for melanoma and prostate and pancreatic cancer.
“Talk to your healthcare provider,” Fleischmann said. “Those whose family members are facing hereditary breast and ovarian cancer should speak with their doctor or genetic counselor to see how this may affect them, too, and learn about appropriate testing and precautions.”
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Iran Says It Has Sent Response to US Peace Proposal
People walk past a billboard with a graphic design about the Strait of Hormuz on a building, in Tehran, Iran, May 4, 2026. Majid Asgaripour/WANA (West Asia News Agency) via REUTERS
Iran has sent its response to a US proposal for peace talks to end the war, Iranian state media reported on Sunday, as two ships were allowed to pass through the blockaded Strait of Hormuz.
The response focused on ending the war on all fronts, especially Lebanon, and on the safety of shipping through the strait, Iranian state TV said, without indicating how or when the vital waterway might reopen.
It followed a US proposal to end fighting before starting talks on more contentious issues, including Iran’s nuclear program.
Pakistan, which has been mediating talks over the war, forwarded the Iranian response to the US, a Pakistani official said. There was no immediate US comment.
Despite a month-old ceasefire in the conflict and after some 48 hours of relative calm, hostile drones were detected over several Gulf countries on Sunday, underlining the threat still facing the region.
Still, the QatarEnergy-operated carrier Al Kharaitiyat passed safely through the strait and was heading for Pakistan’s Port Qasim, according to data from shipping analytics firm Kpler, the first Qatari vessel carrying liquefied natural gas to cross the strait since the US and Israel started the war on February 28.
Sources said earlier the transfer, which offered a modicum of relief to Pakistan after a wave of power blackouts caused by a halt to gas imports, had been approved by Iran to build confidence with Pakistan and with Qatar, another mediator.
In addition, a Panama-flagged bulk carrier bound for Brazil that had previously attempted to transit the strait on May 4 passed through, using a route designated by Iran’s armed forces, Iran’s semi-official Tasnim news agency reported on Sunday.
TRUMP UNDER PRESSURE TO END WAR AHEAD OF CHINA VISIT
With US President Donald Trump due to visit China this week, there has been mounting pressure to draw a line under the war, which has ignited a global energy crisis and poses a growing threat to the world economy.
Tehran has largely blocked non-Iranian shipping through the narrow Strait of Hormuz, which before the war carried one-fifth of the world’s oil supply and has emerged as one of the central pressure points in the war.
Addressing whether combat operations against Iran were over, Trump said in remarks aired on Sunday: “They are defeated, but that doesn’t mean they’re done.”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said the war was not over because there was “more work to be done” to remove enriched uranium from Iran, dismantle enrichment sites and address Iran’s proxies and ballistic missile capabilities.
The best way to remove the enriched uranium would be through diplomacy, Netanyahu said in an interview with CBS News’ “60 Minutes,” without ruling out removing it by force.
Iran’s President Masoud Pezeshkian said in a social media post that Iran would “never bow down to the enemy” and would “defend national interests with strength”.
Despite diplomatic efforts to break a deadlock, the threat to shipping lanes and the economies of the region remained high.
On Sunday, the United Arab Emirates said it intercepted two drones coming from Iran, while Qatar condemned a drone attack that hit a cargo ship coming from Abu Dhabi in its waters. Kuwait said its air defences had dealt with hostile drones that entered its airspace.
Recent days have seen the biggest flare-ups in fighting in and around the strait since a ceasefire began: the UAE came under renewed attack on Friday and sporadic clashes were reported between Iranian forces and US vessels in the strait.
Clashes have also continued in southern Lebanon between Israel and Iran-backed militant group Hezbollah, despite a U.S.-brokered ceasefire announced on April 16.
Hostilities between Israel and Hezbollah reignited on March 2 when the Lebanese group opened fire after Tehran came under US-Israeli attack. The latest talks between Israel and Lebanon are due to start in Washington on May 14.
INTERNATIONAL MISSION PREPARATIONS DRAW IRANIAN WARNING
Though Washington imposed its own blockade on Iranian vessels last month, Tehran has taken its time before responding to calls to end a war that surveys show is unpopular with US voters facing ever-higher gasoline prices.
The US has also found little international support, with NATO allies refusing calls to send ships to open the Strait of Hormuz without a full peace deal and an internationally mandated mission.
Britain, which has been working with France on a proposal to ensure safe transit through the strait once the situation stabilizes, said on Saturday it was deploying a warship to the Middle East in preparation for such a mission, following a similar move by France.
Iran’s Deputy Foreign Minister Kazem Gharibabadi said on social media that any stationing of British, French or other warships around the Strait of Hormuz under the pretext of “protecting shipping” would be an escalation and would be met by force.
In response, French President Emmanuel Macron said France was standing ready to help the international mission, but “we have never envisaged a military deployment to re-open Hormuz.”
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Jonathan Pollard Tells i24news: US-Israel Alliance Is ‘Finished’; He Is Entering Israeli Politics
Jonathan Pollard, a former US Navy intelligence officer convicted of spying for Israel, exits following a hearing at the Manhattan Federal Courthouse, in New York City, May 17, 2017. Photo: Reuters / Brendan McDermid / File.
i24 News – Jonathan Pollard, the former US Navy intelligence analyst who served 30 years in an American prison for spying for Israel, told i24NEWS in an exclusive interview Saturday that he is entering Israeli politics, declaring that every party currently sitting in the Knesset has “blood on its hands” from the October 7 massacre and that the US-Israel alliance is “finished.”
Speaking via Zoom on Sunday with i24NEWS Senior Correspondent Owen Alterman, Pollard announced he would run with a small party that has yet to clear the electoral threshold, saying he could not in good conscience join any existing Knesset party. “Every single legacy party that is in this Knesset bears a responsibility for the disaster that occurred on October 7,” he said. “The misconception started long before. And it was the mismanagement and the lack of oversight by the civilian governments that allowed them to get away with this disaster.”
Pollard was pointed in his criticism of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, dismissing suggestions that he owed the premier gratitude for his release. “God brought me home because it was a miracle,” he said, crediting his late wife Esther, Ron Dermer, and Sheldon and Miriam Adelson for fighting for his freedom. “Bibi, you know, he let my wife almost starve to death on the streets of Jerusalem before he deigned to see her.” He also rejected Netanyahu’s claim that Israel had achieved a “war of rebirth,” saying, “We haven’t defeated our enemies. There isn’t one enemy, one of the fronts, of the multi-fronts, that has been decisively defeated.”
Pollard reserved some of his sharpest words for Israel’s ultra-Orthodox political parties, describing Shas as “a criminal enterprise” and United Torah Judaism as “a shakedown operation.” “The problem with the Haredim is that they haven’t gotten out of the ghetto, the shtetl,” he said, directing his criticism at the leadership rather than the community. “They don’t seem to understand that when you live in this country as a citizen, when you take money from the government, you owe the government something.” He called IDF soldiers serving hundreds of days in combat “sacred heroes” and said it was “disgusting” and “insulting” for Haredi leadership to equate military service with serving in a foreign army.
On the United States, Pollard was equally blunt, calling President Donald Trump “very dangerous” and saying he did not know what Trump’s “North Star” or values were. When Alterman noted Trump was widely popular in Israel, Pollard replied, “That just shows you how stupid a lot of people in this country really are.” He said Trump was “pro-money” rather than antisemitic and accused Trump advisers Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff, whom he called “Tweedledum and Tweedledee,” of being “only interested in one thing, and that’s their bank account.” He also accused the Trump administration of deliberately preventing Israel from achieving decisive victories against Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis, and Iran. “They don’t want us to win anything decisively,” he said.
Pollard said the US-Israel alliance had fundamentally broken down, predicting that the next American election would offer Israel “a very bad choice between bad and worse.” “This alliance is finished,” he said flatly. When asked whether his entry into politics was more about speaking truth to power than actually seeking office, Pollard said he was prepared to serve “in whatever capacity is appropriate,” and left voters with a direct message: “If they want to make sure that there is never again an October 7, you better vote for someone like me rather than Bibi Netanyahu or Naftali Bennett or Gadi Eisenkot.”
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UAE Says Air Defenses Dealt with Two Drones Coming from Iran
Drones are seen at a site at an undisclosed location in Iran, in this handout image obtained on April 20, 2023. Photo: Iranian Army/WANA (West Asia News Agency)/Handout via REUTERS
The United Arab Emirates’ air defenses dealt with two drones coming from Iran on Sunday, the Defense Ministry said, the latest in renewed attacks on the oil-rich Gulf country.
The UAE has reported being attacked in the past days by Iran after four weeks of relative calm since a ceasefire in the Iran war was announced by the United States.
Iran has denied carrying out operations against the UAE in recent days, yet it warned of a “crushing response” if any actions were launched from the UAE against it.
The attacks prompted the UAE to shift to remote learning for schools last week, but authorities said on Sunday that in-person learning would resume from Monday.