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In ‘Jewish Matchmaking,’ a diverse set of Jews experience Orthodox dating practices
(JTA) — According to Jewish lore, God has been making matches since the creation of the world. Aleeza Ben Shalom has been at it only since 2007 — but the Jewish matchmaker is about to bring what she calls “the most important job in the world” to the masses.
As the host of “Jewish Matchmaking” on Netflix, Ben Shalom adapts the model of Orthodox arranged matches to Jewish singles from a variety of religious and cultural backgrounds, including secular, Reform and Conservative Jews from across the United States and Israel.
Formal matchmaking, known as shidduch dating and considered de rigueur in haredi Orthodox circles, has been depicted as oppressive and constricting on Netflix dramas such as “Shtisel” and “Unorthodox.” But Ben Shalom believes her basic approach to love and marriage makes sense for a wide array of people — and she’s out to prove it.
“I’m hoping that people will see that matchmaking and Judaism is not just something that’s old, but that’s timeless, that’s relevant,” Ben Shalom told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
“We can use this beautiful, ancient tradition of matchmaking and bring it to modern life, and help people to find love from any age, stage, any background. It doesn’t matter. It’s universal,” she said. “The wisdom that I share is from Judaism. It’s based in Torah, but it’s for the world. Anybody of any background, of any culture can watch this, can learn something from it and can implement it in their lives.”
Ben Shalom isn’t the first to make the case that matchmaking services can help a wide array of Jews find lasting love. Ventures such as YentaNet, a pluralistic matchmaking service that arose about a decade ago, and Tribe 12, a Jewish nonprofit working with young adults in Philadelphia where Ben Shalom got her start, have sought to pair Jewish singles who might be a good fit for each other.
But the practice is most common in haredi Orthodox communities, where the norms around shidduch dating are well known and closely followed. Daters have a “shidduch resume” outlining their education, interests and family background; parents are involved in the process; and dating is intended to move quickly toward marriage. Dates typically take place in public spaces and couples are expected not to touch until they are married.
In formal Orthodox matchmaking, the shadchan, or matchmaker, is usually compensated by the parents, receiving around $1,000 upon a couple’s engagement, although higher-end services may charge more. Some matchmakers may charge a smaller amount for the initial meeting with a client, while Ben Shalom’s company, Marriage Minded Mentor, charges $50 to $100 an hour on a sliding scale based on the client’s salary. (Sima Taparia, the star and host of “Indian Matchmaking,” the Netflix show that inspired “Jewish Matchmaking,” reportedly charges her clients around $1,330 to $8,000 for similar services.)
Matchmakers keep records of who in their communities is looking for a match, but they can also tap into networks of other matchmakers and databases of singles as they seek to pair their clients. “We don’t believe in competition, we believe in collaboration,” said Ben Shalom, who is currently based in Israel.
Ben Shalom grew up in a Conservative Jewish community where matchmaking was not the norm, and later became Orthodox. She knew her husband for three weeks before becoming engaged, then touched him for the first time during their wedding four months later.
She knows that most participants on “Jewish Matchmaking” are unlikely to follow those same restrictions. Still, she encourages them to at least try.
“I’m really trying to have you guys touch hearts,” Ben Shalom tells Harmonie Krieger, a marketing and brand consultant in her 40s, as she explains why she wants Krieger to abstain from physical contact for five dates. “You will gain clarity. If there’s no physical glue holding the relationship together, then there’s actually value-based glue that’s holding the relationship together.”
“I will accept the challenge,” Krieger says. “Maybe. Let’s see how it goes.”
Harmonie Krieger, one of the clients and cast members of the show, is challenged not to touch her dates for their first five dates. (Netflix)
Krieger is one of a number of non-Orthodox Jews who opted to be cast on “Jewish Matchmaking” after being unsatisfied with their own dating efforts. There’s Nakysha Osadchey, a Black Reform Jew who is desperate to get out of Kansas City, Missouri, where she hasn’t had luck finding a partner who understands her multicultural background. Living in Tel Aviv via Rome, Noah Del Monte, 24, is the youngest of the group, an Israeli army veteran and diplomat’s son who wants to transition from so-called “king of nightlife” to husband. In Los Angeles, Ori Basly, who works for his family’s wedding planning business, is looking for a blue-eyed, blonde-haired Israeli woman to fall in love with and bring home to his family.
The Jews cast on the show are all in different places in their lives, some grieving serious breakups or committed to specific religious identities, some picky about looks or hoping their partner will be OK with riding motorcycles. Some of them are looking for particular Jewish commitments to concepts such as tikkun olam, which means “repairing the world” and has come to represent a social justice imperative for many liberal Jews; others want to be sure they’re matched only with people who share their approaches to observing Shabbat and keeping kosher.
Nakysha Osadchey from Kansas City, Missouri is looking for someone who understands her multicultural background as a Black Reform Jew. (Netflix)
Pamela Rae Schuller, a comedian whose material frequently centers on living with Tourette syndrome, a nervous system disorder, demurred when Ben Shalom first offered to set her up about seven years ago, after attending one of Schuller’s shows in Los Angeles.
“I was picking career first. And there are a lot of complicated feelings around dating and disability,” said Schuller, who stands 4 feet 6 inches tall and frequently barks because of her syndrome. “And I never even thought about a matchmaker.”
But in 2022, Ben Shalom reached out again, this time with a possible match, and a catch — it would be for a new Netflix show she was set to host. This time, Schuller was ready.
“I have this life that I really, really love. I’m just at the point where I’ve realized I’d like someone to start to share that with,” she said. “I’m not going into this looking for anyone to complete me.”
Pamela Rae Schuller, a comedian whose material frequently deals with living with a disability, makes an appearance on “Jewish Matchmaking”. (Courtesy Pamela Rae Schuller)
Getting back into dating and then appearing on the show, which Schuller hasn’t seen yet, was both scary and exciting, she says
“I’m about to put myself out there. I think that’s scary for everyone, disability or otherwise,” Schuller said. “But I also want to see a world where we remember that every type of person dates.”
Plus, she added, “I love the idea that Netflix is willing to show diversity in Judaism, diversity in dating.”
Ensuring that she show accurately represented American Jews was the responsibility of Ronit Polin-Tarshish, an Orthodox filmmaker who worked as a consulting producer on “Jewish Matchmaking.” Her role was to ensure that Judaism was portrayed authentically. She also worked to help the Orthodox cast members feel more comfortable with their involvement on the show.
“Being Orthodox is who I am, and of course it infused every part of my work,” said Polin-Tarshish, who herself used a matchmaker to find her husband.
Multiple recent depictions of Orthodox Judaism in pop culture — including the Netflix reality show “My Unorthodox Life” — have drawn criticism from Orthodox voices for getting details of Orthodox observance wrong or seeming to encourage people to leave Orthodoxy. Both “My Unorthodox Life” and “Unorthodox,” based on the Deborah Feldman memoir of the same name, depict formerly Orthodox women who left arranged marriages they described as oppressive.
Meanwhile, other depictions of Jews have been panned for botching details. Those include a grieving widow (herself not Jewish, but mourning a Jewish husband) serving hamantaschen at the shiva in the 2014 film “This is Where I Leave You,” and a storyline on the Canadian show “Nurses” about an Orthodox man rejecting a bone graft from a non-Jew.
“So many times we watch shows as Jews and we kind of gnash our teeth, and are like, ‘They got it wrong! They got a basic thing wrong!’” said Polin-Tarshish, who previously produced the first-ever feature-length film by Orthodox women and worked on another reality show about arranged marriages across cultures. “That was my whole job, to make sure that they got it right. And thank God, baruch Hashem, I think we really did.”
Asked if her involvement on “Jewish Matchmaking” has received any pushback, Ben Shalom said she had gotten questions about how she could know whether the showrunners will accurately represent who she is.
Ben Shalom said she was confident in the production based on what she saw on “Indian Matchmaking,” but also because she believed she could pull off the delicate balance needed to represent her own community and make for great entertainment.
“You have to be smart about how you share who you are with the world, and you have to be authentic, and you have to be real, and you have to be true,” she said. “And you have to do that on reality TV with strangers that you’ve just met, and you have to do an interview. So only because I saw it done beautifully before, I knew that I had the ability to do that as well.”
Polin-Tarshish is excited for viewers at home to identify with the cast of “Jewish Matchmaking,” and to even get frustrated by some of the cast members’ actions. But most importantly, she says she is excited to have real, three-dimensional Jewish characters on screen.
“They’re real people in every sense of the word,” Polin-Tarshish said. “There are characters you’re going to love, there are characters you might even love to hate. But that’s life.”
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The post In ‘Jewish Matchmaking,’ a diverse set of Jews experience Orthodox dating practices appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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Are Jews Fools to Consider Forgiving Kanye West?
Ye, formerly known as Kanye West. Photo: BANG Showbiz via Reuters Connect
Kanye West’s advertisement apologizing to Jews in The Wall Street Journal, which was not a good choice of publication, as it plays into stereotypes of Jews controlling money, has raised an important question at a time when many Jews feel desperate in the wake of rising antisemitism:
Should Jews forgive Kanye?
The conventional wisdom would be not to. In October 2022, he tweeted that he was going to go “death con 3 on Jewish people” and sadly opened a Pandora’s box, where it was cool to be antisemitic. This, of course, was before the attacks of October 7, 2023, and set up a prelude to podcasters blaming Israel for all the world’s ills, and saying that “it shouldn’t be forbidden to criticize Israel” (which, of course, it isn’t).
West is addicted to attention, and his outspoken hatred of Jews clearly gave him that. There are also people who claimed that West hated Jews because he blamed them for his break-up with Kim Kardashian.
But Jews cannot react out of fear or appeasement, and I am embarrassed for some Jewish influencers online who posted that Kanye should be forgiven. Mental illness or not, Kanye West has done incredible damage to the Jewish community.
His song “Heil Hitler” was one of the worst things I’ve seen. He also offended the Black community by psychotically saying that “slavery was a choice.”
Would his followers who say that Hitler was right suddenly flip if Kanye did? It’s hard to say. They might claim that Jews or Israel paid West to change his position.
I’ve also seen some people say that they believe West is sincere. But in life, one shows sincerity by actions, not by words. The question of forgiveness should not even be addressed until West takes some actions that show he means business.
Here are a few things he could do to show contrition:
1. Tell Candace Owens to Chill
Owens has fallen off the deep end, obsessing over Israel, possibly due to her anger of being fired by The Daily Wire. West should call for her to apologize, and stop blaming Israel for everything from the Charlie Kirk murder to the assassination of JFK. West would be helping to stop antisemitism, and also helping Owens, who he says is a friend.
2. Tell Tucker Carlson to Start Acting Like an American
Carlson is head over heels in love with Qatar and Russia, and hates Israel. Perhaps West could also remind Carlson that Winston Churchill was a good guy, not a villain, and that Carlson should stop demonizing Israel.
3. Rebuke Nick Fuentes
Fuentes, a young antisemite growing in popularity, wants to be West’s friend. West should tell Fuentes that he should be a man and stop blaming all the world’s problems on Israel, as if the Jewish State controls the universe — which it does not.
4. Go to Israel and Have Discussions with Jews of Color
Due to the myth of Israel being the “white colonizer,” many are unaware there are Jews of color. When you count Arabic Jews in the fold, more than half of Israel would be considered “diverse” by US standards. Unfortunately, these Jews are not given enough screen time on news shows and debates, and it would be educational for the world to see the truth.
5. Create a Music Video Where He Mocks Antisemitism
In a video with Jewish artists, West can show that antisemitism is neither cool nor strong, and the sign of a weak person who seeks to scapegoat a small minority in order to feel powerful.
6. West Should Study Judaism with a Group of Rabbis for a Set Period of Time
This would show the beginnings of contrition.
All in all, it is foolish to immediately say that West should be forgiven, and it is a sign of people who live in fear or simply want attention or hope that West actually is sincere. But as the automated New York City subway message reminds us, we need to see something before we say something.
The author is a writer based in New York.
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Prominent British LGBTQ activist arrested for carrying ‘globalize the intifada’ sign in London
(JTA) — British LGBTQ activist Peter Tatchell was arrested for holding a sign with the phrase “globalize the intifada” at a pro-Palestinian march in London on Saturday.
Tatchell’s arrest comes weeks after the police in London announced that they would arrest pro-Palestinian protesters who chant “globalize the intifada.” While the common pro-Palestinian phrase is defended by its supporters as a rallying call to expand international pressure on Israel, critics say it amounts to a call for violence against Jews.
The policy change came in the wake of the attack on a Hanukkah celebration in Sydney that killed 15. It followed other efforts by the British government to tighten limits on what pro-Palestinian protesters can say and do, including a ban on the activist group Palestine Action that has made any show of support illegal.
Tatchell, 74, who is known as one of England’s most prominent gay rights activists, wrote in a post on X that he had “opposed Hamas since it was formed & opposed ALL Islamists (Iran, Hezbollah etc).” But he said the Metropolitan Police’s new policy was an overreach.
“Police are fabricating new laws. There is no legal statute that criminalises ‘intifada,’” wrote Tatchell in a post on X decrying his arrest. “By arresting me, police seem to be reacting to pressure from a foreign regime – Israel – & Netanyahu apologists, to silence public support for Palestinians’ right to resist Israeli occupation.”
The full text of Tatchell’s sign at the rally read “Globalise the intifada: Non-violent resistance. End Israel’s occupation of Gaza & West Bank.” Tatchell said he was detained for 12 hours.
Last May, Tatchell was arrested at another pro-Palestinian protest in London for carrying a sign that read “STOP Israel GENOCIDE! STOP Hamas executions!” He said police had accused him of breaching the peace and that pro-Palestinian protesters had accused him of being a pro-Israel plant because he called out Hamas in addition to Israel.
Thirteen people were arrested on Saturday during the Palestine Coalition protest and one person was arrested from the Stop The Hate UK counter protest, according to London’s Metropolitan Police.
The London protest was not the only pro-Palestinian demonstration this weekend to feature calls for an “intifada.”
A coalition of Jewish groups denounced a rally in Philadelphia on Sunday in which marchers chanted calls for an intifada. According to the groups, one speaker said, “Martyrdom is a commitment, a principle. It gives life to the movement and carries it forward…our task is to identify tangible, precise ways to attack the genocidal Zionist enemy and actually f—ing attack.”
The rally was organized by the Philly Palestine Coalition, which has previously targeted Jewish-owned restaurants in the city.
“This was not a metaphor or abstract political speech,” said the statement from the groups, Jewish Federation of Greater Philadelphia, Anti-Defamation League Philadelphia and American Jewish Committee Philadelphia/Southern NJ. “It was explicit incitement for violence. Such language and imagery are dangerous, antisemitic and unacceptable.”
The post Prominent British LGBTQ activist arrested for carrying ‘globalize the intifada’ sign in London appeared first on The Forward.
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Tu B’Shvat, Conscious Eating, and the Jewish Call to Return
Orange trees in Israel’s northern Galilee region. Photo: פואד מועדי / Wikimedia Commons
Tu B’Shvat, the Jewish New Year for the Trees, is often celebrated simply: fruit on the table, blessings over figs and dates, and a nod to nature in the middle of winter. For those who do things a bit more lavishly, a ceremony or seder is conducted.
But at its core, the holiday of Tu B’Shvat is far more than a seasonal celebration. It is a day that offers a profound Jewish teaching about food, responsibility, and the possibility of return.
To understand that teaching, we have to go back to the very first act of eating in the Torah.
In the Garden of Eden, God gives Adam and Eve permission to eat freely from nearly everything around them. Only one boundary is set: there is one tree that is off limits. When Adam and Eve cross that boundary, the result is a rupture of faith between humans and God, which results in a series of other ruptures between humans and the earth — and humans and themselves.
One of the great Chassidic masters, Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen (1823-1900), suggested that the problem was not simply what they ate, but how they ate: without awareness, without restraint, and without consciousness. They consumed, rather than received.
Five hundred years ago, the kabbalists of Tzfat transformed Tu B’Shvat from a technical agricultural date into a spiritual opportunity. They taught that the world is filled with sparks of holiness, and that our everyday actions, especially eating, can either elevate those sparks or bury them further. This lesson has recently been discussed by the Jerusalem-based educator Sarah Yehuit Schneider.
Eating, in Jewish thought, is never neutral.
When we eat with intention and gratitude, we participate in tikkun olam, repairing the world. When we eat mindlessly, we reenact the mistake of Eve and Adam from the Garden of Eden.
The holiday of Tu B’Shvat invites us to try again.
There is another detail worth noting. The Torah’s first description of the human diet is explicitly plant-based: “I have given you every seed-bearing plant and every fruit-bearing tree; it shall be yours for food.” That diet, which was given in Eden, does not end with humanity’s exile from paradise. For generations to come, until after the great flood in the time of Noah, that diet continued in a world already marked by moral compromise.
On Tu B’Shvat, when Jews sit down to a table of fruit, we are quietly returning to that original vision of eating plant-based food that sustains life without taking it, nourishment that reflects restraint rather than domination.
That idea feels especially urgent today.
Our food choices now affect far more than our own bodies. They shape the treatment of animals, the health of the planet, and the sustainability of our food systems. Eating “without knowing” is something that carries grave consequences, which are all too visible in our society.
To observe conscious eating today means asking hard questions: Who is harmed by this choice? What systems does it support? What kind of world does it help create?
In my work as a rabbi and educator with Jewish Vegan Life, I encounter many Jews grappling with these questions, most of whom possess a desire to align their daily choices with enduring Jewish values of compassion, responsibility, and reverence for life.
Tu B’Shvat reminds us that Judaism does not demand perfection, but it does demand awareness. It teaches that repair is possible, not only through grand gestures, but through daily choices repeated with intention.
Redemption begins when a person makes a choice to eat their meal consciously. This is what the seder on Passover is for and what it reminds us of, and the same holds true for the seder on Tu B’Shvat.
The custom to eat fruits on Tu B’Shvat, the choice to have a seder or ceremony, reminds us of the consciousness that we must approach all of our meals with. On Tu B’Shvat, we are being asked to reconsider how we eat, how we live, and how we might take one small step closer to the world as it was meant to be. It is, after all, according to the Mishna in tractate Rosh Hashanah, one of the four New Years of the Jewish calendar.
Rabbi Akiva Gersh, originally from New York, has been working in the field of Jewish and Israel education for more than 20 years. He lives with his wife, Tamar, and their four kids in Pardes Hanna. He is the Senior Rabbinic Educator at Jewish Vegan Life. https://jewishveganlife.