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Letty Cottin Pogrebin wants Jews to own up to the corrosive power of shame
(JTA) — When a lawyer for Donald Trump asked E. Jean Carroll why she didn’t scream while allegedly being raped by Donald Trump, I thought of Letty Cottin Pogrebin. In her latest book, “Shanda: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy,” she writes about being assaulted by a famous poet — and how the shadow of shame kept women like her silent about attacks on their own bodies.
That incident in 1962, she writes, was “fifty-eight years before the #MeToo movement provided the sisterhood and solidarity that made survivors of abuse and rape feel safe enough to tell their stories.”
Now 83, Pogrebin could have coasted with a memoir celebrating her six decades as a leading feminist: She co-founded Ms. magazine, its Foundation for Women and the National Women’s Political Caucus. She served as president of Americans for Peace Now and in 1982 blew the whistle on antisemitism in the feminist movement.
Instead, “Shanda” is about her immigrant Jewish family and the secrets they carried through their lives. First marriages that were kept hidden. An unacknowledged half-sister. Money problems and domestic abuse. An uncle banished for sharing family dirt in public.
“My mania around secrecy and shame was sparked in 1951 by the discovery that my parents had concealed from me the truth about their personal histories, and every member of my large extended family, on both sides, was in on it,” writes Pogrebin, now 83. “Their need to avoid scandal was so compelling that, once identified, it provided the lens through which I could see my family with fresh eyes, spotlight their fears, and, in so doing, illuminate my own.”
“Shanda” (the Yiddish word describes the kind of behavior that brings shame on an entire family or even a people) is also a portrait of immigrant New York Jews in the 20th century. As her father and mother father move up in the world and leave their Yiddish-speaking, Old World families behind for new lives in the Bronx and Queens, they stand in for a generation of Jews and new Americans “bent on saving face and determined to be, if not exemplary, at least impeccably respectable.”
Pogrebin and I spoke last week ahead of the Eight Over Eighty Gala on May 31, where she will be honored with a group that includes another Jewish feminist icon, the writer Erica Jong, and musician Eve Queler, who founded her own ensemble, the Opera Orchestra of New York, when she wasn’t being given chances to conduct in the male-dominated world of classical music. The gala is a fundraiser for the New Jewish Home, a healthcare nonprofit serving older New Yorkers.
Pogrebin and I spoke about shame and how it plays out in public and private, from rape accusations against a former president to her regrets over how she wrote about her own abortions to how the Bible justifies family trickery.
Our conversation was edited for length and clarity.
I found your book very moving because my parents’ generation, who like your family were middle-class Jews who grew up or lived in the New York metropolitan area, are also all gone now. Your book brought back to me that world of aunts and uncles and cousins, and kids like us who couldn’t imagine what kinds of secrets and traumas our parents and relatives were hiding. But you went back and asked all the questions that many of us are afraid to ask.
I can’t tell you how good writing it has been. I feel as though I have no weight on my back. And people who have read it gained such comfort from the normalization that happens when you read that others have been through what you’ve been through. And my family secrets are so varied — just one right after the other. The chameleon-like behavior of that generation — they became who they wanted to be through pretense or actual accomplishment.
In my mother’s case, pretense led the way. She went and got a studio photo that made it look like she graduated from high school when she didn’t. In the eighth grade, she went up to her uncle’s house in the north Bronx and had her dates pick her up there because of the shanda of where she lived on the Lower East Side with nine people in three rooms. She had to imagine herself the child of her uncle, who didn’t have an accent or had an accent but at least spoke English.
You describe yours as “an immigrant family torn between loyalty to their own kind and longing for American acceptance.”
There was the feeling that, “If only we could measure up, we would be real Americans.” My mother was a sewing machine operator who became a designer and figured out what American women wore when she came from rags and cardboard shoes, in steerage. So I admire them. As much as I was discomforted by the lies, I ended up having compassion for them.
It’s also a story of thwarted women, and all that lost potential of a generation in which few could contemplate a college degree or a career outside the home. Your mother worked for a time as a junior designer for Hattie Carnegie, a sort of Donna Karan of her day, but abandoned that after she met your dad and became, as you write, “Mrs. Jack Cottin.”
The powerlessness of women was complicated in the 1950s by the demands of the masculine Jewish ideal. So having a wife who didn’t work was proof that you were a man who could provide. As a result women sacrificed their own aspirations and passions. She protected her husband’s image by not pursuing her life outside the home. In a way my feminism is a positive, like a photograph, to the negative of my mother’s 1950s womanhood.
“I’m not an optimist. I call myself a ‘cockeyed strategist,” said Pogrebin, who has a home on the Upper West Side. (Mike Lovett)
You write that you “think of shame and secrecy as quintessentially Jewish issues.” What were the Jewish pressures that inspired your parents to tell so many stories that weren’t true?
Think about what we did. We hid behind our names. We changed our names. We sloughed off our accents. My mother learned to make My*T*Fine pudding instead of gefilte fish. Shame and secrecy have always been intrinsically Jewish to me, because of the “sha!” factor: At every supper party, there would be the moment when somebody would say, “Sha! We don’t talk about that!” So even though we talked about what felt like everything, there were things that couldn’t be touched: illness, the C-word [cancer]. If you wanted to make a shidduch [wedding match] with another family in the insular communities in which Jews lived, you couldn’t let it be known that there was cancer in the family, or mental illness.
While I was writing this memoir, I realized that the [Torah portion] I’m listening to one Shabbat morning is all about hiding. It is Jacob finding out that he didn’t marry Rachel, after all, but married somebody he didn’t love. All of the hiding that I took for granted in the Bible stories and I was raised on like mother’s milk was formative. They justified pretense, and they justified trickery. Rebecca lied to her husband and presented her younger son Jacob for the blessing because God told her, because it was for the greater good of the future the Jewish people.
I think Jews felt that same sort of way when it came to surviving. So we can get rid of our names. We wouldn’t have survived, whether we were hiding in a forest or behind a cabinet, a name or a passport, or [pushed into hiding] with [forced] conversions. Hiding was survival.
I was reading your book just as the E. Jean Carroll verdict came down, holding Donald Trump liable for sexually assaulting her during an encounter in the mid-’90s. You write how in 1962, when you were working as a book publicist, the hard-drinking Irish poet Brendan Behan (who died in 1964) tried to rape you in a hotel room and you didn’t report it. Like Carroll, you didn’t think that it was something that could be reported because the cost was too high.
Certainly in that era powerful men could get away with horrible behavior because of shanda reasons.
Carroll said in her court testimony, “It was shameful to go to the police.”
You know that it happened to so many others and nobody paid the price. The man’s reputation was intact and we kept our jobs because we sacrificed our dignity and our truth. I was in a career, and I really was supporting myself. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. I would have been pilloried for having gone to his hotel room, and nobody was there when he picked up an ashtray and threatened to break the window of the Chelsea Hotel unless I went up there with him.The cards were stacked against me.
In “Shanda,” you write about another kind of shame: The shame you now feel decades later about how you described the incident in your first book. You regret “how blithely I transformed an aggravated assault by a powerful man into a ‘sticky sexual encounter.’”
I wrote about the incident in such offhand terms, and wonder why. I wrote, basically, “Okay, girls, you’re gonna have to put up with this, but you’re gonna have to find your own magical sentence like I had with Behan” to get him to stop.
You write that you said, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a nice Jewish girl!” And that got him to back off.
Really painful.
I think that’s a powerful aspect of your book — how you look back at the ways you let down the movement or your family or friends and now regret. In 1991 you wrote a New York Times essay about an illegal abortion you had as a college senior in 1958, but not the second one you had only a few months later. While you were urging women to tell their stories of abortion, you note how a different shame kept you from telling the whole truth.
Jewish girls could be, you know, plain or ordinary, but they had to be smart, and I had been stupid. I could out myself as one of the many millions of women who had an abortion but not as a Jewish girl who made the same mistake [of getting pregnant] twice.
The book was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. In the book you write powerfully about the shame, danger and loneliness among women when abortion was illegal, and now, after 50 years, it is happening again. Having been very much part of the generation of activists that saw Roe become the law of the land, how have you processed its demise?
Since the 1970s, we thought everything was happening in this proper linear way. We got legislation passed, we had litigation and we won, and we saw the percentage of women’s participation in the workplace all across professions and trades and everything else rise and rise. And then Ronald Reagan was elected and then there was the Moral Majority and then it was the Hyde Amendment [barring the use of federal funds to pay for abortion]. I was sideswiped because I think I was naive enough to imagine that once we articulated what feminism was driving at and why women’s rights were important, and how the economic reality of families and discrimination against women weren’t just women’s issues, people would internalize it and understand it and justice would be done.
In the case of Roe, we could not imagine that rights could ever be taken away. We didn’t do something that we should have done, which is to have outed ourselves in a big way. It’s not enough that abortion was legal. We allowed it to remain stigmatized. We allowed the right wing to create their own valence around it. That negated solidarity. If we had talked about abortion as healthcare, if we had had our stories published and created organizations around remembering what it was like and people telling their stories about when abortion was illegal and dangerous…. Instead we allowed the religious right to prioritize [fetal] cells over a woman’s life. We just were not truthful with each other, so we didn’t create solidarity.
Are you heartened by the backlash against restrictive new laws in red states or optimistic that the next wave of activism can reclaim the right to abortion?
I’m not an optimist. I call myself a “cockeyed strategist.” If you look at my long resume, it is all about organizing: Ms. magazine, feminist organizations, women’s foundations, Black-Jewish dialogues, Torah study groups and Palestinian-Jewish dialogues.
Number one, we have to own the data and reframe the narrative. We have to open channels for discussion for women who have either had one or know someone who has had one, even in religious Catholic families. The state-by-state strategy was really slow, but Ruth Bader Ginsburg wanted that. She almost didn’t get on the court because she didn’t like the nationwide, right-to-privacy strategy of Roe but instead wanted it won state by state, which would have required campaigns of acceptance and consciousness-raising.
So, the irony is she hasn’t lived to see that we’re going to have to do it her way.
You share a lot of family secrets in this book. Is this a book that you waited to write until, I’ll try to put this gently, most of the people had died?
I started this book when I was 78 years old, and there’s always a connection to my major birthdays. And turning 80 – you experience that number and it is so weird. It doesn’t describe me and it probably won’t describe you. I thought, this could well be my last book, so I needed to be completely transparent, put it all out there.
My mother and father and aunts and uncles were gone, but I have 24 cousins altogether. I went to my cousins, and told them I am going to write about the secret of your parents: It’s my uncle, but it’s your father. It’s your family story even though it’s my family, but it’s yours first. And every cousin, uniformly, said, “Are you kidding? You don’t even know the half of it,” and they’d tell me the whole story. I guess people want the truth out in the end.
Is that an aspect of getting older?
I think it’s a promise of liberation, which is what I have found. It’s this experience of being free from anything that I’ve hid. I don’t have to hide. Years ago, on our 35th wedding anniversary, we took our whole family to the Tenement Museum because we wanted them to see how far we’ve come in two generations.
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Board of Peace Publishes Roadmap for Gaza Peace Plan
Palestinians walk among piles of rubble and damaged buildings in Khan Younis in the southern Gaza Strip, Nov. 24, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Ramadan Abed
The US-led Board of Peace has unveiled an ambitious roadmap aimed at bringing the Gaza war to an end, dismantling Hamas’s military capabilities, and replacing its rule with a new governance structure backed by international oversight and Palestinian technocrats.
The plan, presented by the Board of Peace’s director-general and high representative for Gaza, Nickolay Mladenov, marks the most comprehensive effort yet to convert a fragile ceasefire into a durable post-war agreement, one that requires Hamas’s disarmament as a necessary component for any political or economic future for the enclave.
Calling Hamas’s refusal to lay down its arms and relinquish control the “principal obstacle” to implementation, Mladenov told the UN Security Council in New York on Thursday that “reconstruction financing [for Gaza] will not follow where weapons have not been laid down. No investment, no movement, no horizon.”
US President Donald Trump set up the Board of Peace to oversee his plan to end the Israel-Hamas war in Gaza, a conflict started by the Palestinian terrorist group’s Oct. 7, 2023, invasion of and massacre across the Jewish state. The UN has recognized the board, although several countries opted not to join despite being invited to do so.
After Israel and Hamas agreed to a ceasefire in October, Israeli forces partially withdrew and now control at least 53 percent of Gazan territory, with Hamas ruling the rest of the Palestinian enclave and the vast majority of its residents. Talks to further the peace plan have stalled since then, with Hamas tightening its control over its part of Gaza, largely through a brutal crackdown, and working to rebuild its military capabilities.
“The risk is that the deteriorating status quo becomes permanent – a divided Gaza, Hamas holding military and administrative control over 2 million people across less than half the territory,” Mladenov told the Security Council.
His proposal calls for a strict sequencing of steps that conditions reconstruction and political transition on Hamas giving up its weapons and military infrastructure.
According to Mladenov’s presentation and supporters of the plan, rebuilding efforts cannot credibly proceed while an armed terrorist organization retaining control over territory, borders, and civilian life. Earlier this month, for example, Hamas members blocked international efforts to begin reconstruction work in Rafah, a city in southern Gaza, threatening contractors who were set to enter an area under Israeli control in coordination with Israeli and American forces to begin reconstruction work funded by the United Arab Emirates (UAE).
Mladenov contended that efforts to rebuild the infrastructure of Gaza will commence when “commitments to stop internal killings, prohibit reprisals, ban armed demonstrations, and end displays of armed force.”
“The faster implementation progresses, the faster Gaza can begin rebuilding homes, schools, hospitals, infrastructure, and economic life at scale,” he said.
Under the roadmap, Hamas would be required to surrender its heavy weapons, dismantle its tunnel networks, and withdraw from any governing role in Gaza. Security responsibilities would gradually shift toward vetted local Palestinian forces supported by international partners, in what is designed as a phased transition rather than an immediate power vacuum. Israeli officials and supporters of the framework have emphasized that this sequencing is essential to prevent a repeat of past cycles in which reconstruction and governance reforms were ultimately overtaken by renewed militarization.
The governance model outlined by the Board of Peace envisions Gaza being administered through a hybrid structure combining a Palestinian technocratic committee responsible for day-to-day civil affairs with an international supervisory body tasked with overseeing reconstruction funding, security benchmarks, and implementation of the broader transition plan. The aim, according to officials involved in the effort, is to bypass Hamas entirely while also avoiding a return to full Israeli administrative control, instead placing long-term coordination under an internationally backed framework.
Reconstruction itself would be tightly tied to compliance with security conditions, meaning that large-scale rebuilding of housing, infrastructure, and utilities would only accelerate once demilitarization milestones are met. The board has also been pressing donor countries to follow through on approximately $17 billion in pledged reconstruction funding, warning that only a small portion of those commitments has been disbursed so far, leaving early recovery efforts stalled despite widespread international promises.
That funding gap has emerged as one of the central obstacles to implementation. While donor states signaled major financial support during earlier conferences, officials say the lack of actual disbursement has left the plan underpowered at a critical moment, effectively freezing reconstruction on paper while humanitarian needs continue to persist on the ground.
Hamas, for its part, has rejected the framework’s core premise, insisting that disarmament cannot be separated from a full Israeli withdrawal and broader political guarantees. The group has accused international mediators of advancing a process that ignores what it describes as unresolved core issues of sovereignty and ceasefire enforcement, deepening the diplomatic deadlock that has defined previous attempts to stabilize Gaza.
Israel has said it will not withdraw its forces any further until Hamas, which openly seeks the Jewish state’s destruction, disarms.
Despite the ceasefire framework that underpins the Board of Peace initiative, the situation on the ground remains fragile, with sporadic violence, unresolved security disputes, and widespread displacement continuing to strain civilian life. Humanitarian conditions remain severe, and reconstruction has yet to meaningfully begin at scale, reinforcing the sense that the political framework and the realities in Gaza are still far apart.
In statements to the UN Security Council, Mladenov warned that intermittent violence in Gaza risks “unraveling” the unstable ceasefire.
“There is no third option,” he stressed. “There never was, and the people of Gaza should not be made to wait while some pretend there is.”
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Giuliani Says Mamdani Has ‘Hatred’ for Jews for Declining to Attend Israel Day Parade in New York City
Former Donald Trump lawyer and former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani arrives at US federal court in New York City, US, Nov. 26, 2024. Photo: REUTERS/Brendan McDermid
Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani has lambasted the city’s current mayor, Zohran Mamdani, for the latter’s decision not to attend the annual Israel Day parade, which is set to take place later this month.
“Mamdani’s decision to snub the Israel Day Parade demonstrates his deep disdain and hatred of the Jewish community,” Giuliani, a Republican, told the New York Post on Wednesday. “When you combine this with his failure to attend the investiture of the new Catholic Archbishop [Ronald Hicks], a pattern emerges, revealing a man on a mission to tear down the foundations of Western civilization.”
Mamdani, a far-left democratic socialist, has made fierce anti-Israel activism a cornerstone of his political career, leading many Jewish leaders and other critics to accuse him of antisemitism.
“Have New Yorkers awakened to the fact that they made a disastrous decision in November 2025 by electing this man?” added Giuliani, who served as New York City’s mayor from 1994 through 2001.
Mamdani confirmed earlier this month that he will skip this year’s Israel Day Parade. However, the avowed anti-Zionist first indicated that he would not attend the event in October 2025, the month before his election. At the time, he told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency that he looked forward “to joining — and hosting — many community events celebrating Jewish life in New York and the rich Jewish history and culture of our city,” but not including the parade.
“While I will not be attending the Israel Day Parade, my lack of attendance should not be mistaken for a refusal to provide security or the necessary permits for its safety,” Mamdani said last year. “I’ve been very clear: I believe in equal rights for all people — everywhere. That principle guides me consistently.”
Mamdani is reportedly the first mayor of New York City to skip the Israel Day Parade, which has been held annually since 1964. The parade takes place along Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue and is set this year for May 31 under the theme, “Proud Americans, Proud Zionists.”
For what is believed to be the first time in history, a Muslim group will march in the parade. Supporters of the nonprofit American Muslim & Multifaith Women’s Empowerment Council will participate and be led by Anila Ali, the organization’s board chair and president.
As a supporter of the boycott, divestment, and sanctions (BDS) movement against Israel, Mamdani has been highly critical of the country and has refused to recognize it as a Jewish state. New York City is home to the world’s largest population of Jews outside of Israel.
“Since the very first Israel Parade in 1964, every single sitting mayor of New York City has joined in the festive celebrations. New York has historically been proud of its deep relationship with Israel. Not joining the parade is an affront to the history of New York City,” Moshe Davis – former executive director of the Mayor’s Office to Combat Antisemitism, a body formed by Mamdani’s predecessor, Mayor Eric Adams – told Fox News Digital.
Adams told the news outlet that the Israel Day Parade “is a testament to one of New York City’s most important relationships.”
“From health care to technology to innovation, Israel and New York City are partners in building a better future,” he explained. “I want every New Yorker to join the Parade on Fifth Avenue because celebrating this bond isn’t just for the Jewish community; it’s for our entire city.”
Last week, Mamdani posted a video on social media in honor of “Nakba Day.” The word “nakba” is Arabic for “catastrophe” and used by Palestinians to describe Israel’s founding and the displacement of hundreds of thousands of Arabs during Israel’s 1948 War of Independence.
Many Arabs left for varied reasons, including that they were encouraged by Arab leaders to flee their homes to make way for the invading armies to destroy the nascent Jewish state. At the same time, about 850,000 Jews were forced to flee or expelled from Middle Eastern and North African countries in the 20th century, primarily in the aftermath of Israel’s declaring independence.
Several pro-Israel Jewish groups found the video posted by Mamdani offensive, and as a result, some Jewish leaders decided not to attend a pre-Shavuot event Mamdani hosted at Gracie Mansion in honor of Jewish Heritage Month.
The UJA Federation of New York and the Jewish Community Relations Council of New York, both of which are organizing the Israel Day Parade, declined to attend the gathering. They told the New York Post they made the decision because the event’s host is a mayor who “denies the core pillar of our heritage, the State of Israel as the homeland of the Jewish people.” At the event, Mamdani announced that his administration will allocate $26 million annually to expand efforts made by the city’s Office for the Prevention of Hate Crimes.
Since Mamdani assumed office, Jews have been targeted in the majority of all hate crimes committed in New York City, continuing a troubling trend of rising antisemitism following Hamas’s Oct. 7, 2023, massacre across southern Israel.
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Vermont Police Investigate Anti-Israel Vandalism of Jewish-Owned Store as Possible Hate Crime
Graffiti is seen on the windows of DG Bodyworks in Cavendish on Wednesday, May 20, 2026. The Vermont State Police has partially redacted profanity that appears on the window to the right. Photo: Vermont State Police
A Jewish woman’s store in Vermont was vandalized early Wednesday morning with anti-Israel graffiti in an incident that police are investigating as a possible hate crime.
“Free Palestine” and “F–k Israel” were spray-painted on the windows of DG Bodyworks, where Israeli flags were on display.
Vermont State Police said they are investigating the vandalism in the Windsor County town of Cavendish as a possible hate crime and will inform the Attorney General’s Office of the incident. Officers who responded to the crime scene reviewed security footage and saw an individual vandalizing the store with purple spray paint during the early hours of Wednesday morning. Police released a photo of the suspect, a white male who wore a cap and covered his face while spray-painting the messages.
Shop owner Denise Gebroe said that her store was targeted because she is Jewish and that while she was “shaken” to discover the graffiti, “I am OK and will not be broken.”
“This was an act of intimidation directed at me because I am Jewish,” she added, in a statement shared with The Algemeiner by Vermont Friends of Israel. “I made Vermont my home because I love it here, but it does not feel the same as it once did. Incidents like this are happening more than many people realize, and most go unreported. I fear for the future of the Jewish community here, and Jewish friends of mine have already left.”
In a statement given to The Algemeiner, Mark Treinkman, president of Vermont Friends of Israel, also called the vandalism an anti-Jewish hate crime and said such an incident “is the predictable consequence of a political campaign in Vermont that demonizes Israel and pressures local communities to treat Jews and Zionists as equivalent to Nazis.” He referenced an Apartheid Free Community campaign active in Vermont, promoted by the Palestine Solidarity Coalition, that is marketed locally as “grassroots activism.”
“When anti-Zionist activists tell people that Jews with deep spiritual, cultural, and familial ties to Israel are ‘baby killers’ and ‘genocide supporters,’ it sends a dangerous signal that intimidation against them is understandable, deserved, or even justified,” Treinkman noted. “History teaches us where this goes. First come campaigns of dehumanization, slogans, pledges, and public shaming. Now a Jewish woman’s storefront has been vandalized in rural Vermont.”
“Synagogues in Vermont have been sent death threats. Swastikas are found on Vermont school walls,” he added, referring to threatening letters sent to several local synagogues and antisemitism graffiti discovered at an elementary school last year. “Jewish students are bullied. What comes next if this is not confronted?”