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Former Winnipegger Rabbi Shawn Zell’s new book a reflection on loss of loved ones
By MYRON LOVE Rabbi Shawn Zell’s newest publication, “Meaningful Mourning: Reflecting on the Life and Death of a Loved One,” is a thought-provoking and comprehesive contemplation of dealing with the process of grieving. In essence, “Meaningful Mourning” is a follow up to the former Winnipegger’s earlier book, “For Those Who Grieve,” which was published three years ago.
In an earlier interview with the Jewish Post regarding “For Those Who Grieve,”, Rabbi Zell noted that “one of the greatest frustrations when it comes to a shivah house is that, all too often, the atmosphere leaves much to be desired” – with people telling jokes, catching up on gossip and generally avoiding the subject of death and dying rather than rather than “sharing words of comfort and reflection and anecdotes and recollections of the deceased.”
“For Those Who Grieve,” he continues, aims to replace “tired and worn” readings in current shivah books with his own compositions which, he hopes, will give readers “new food for thought” that may “serve as a source of comfort to the bereaved and render the atmosphere of the shivah house more meaningful.”
‘What compelled me to write Meaningful Mourning”, Rabbi Zell says, “is to offer suggestions that may help clergy as well as others are uncomfortable dealing with.”
He cites, as an example, the funeral of a mentally-handicapped individual in our community roughly 50 years ago where Rabbi Peretz Weizman officiated. The individual was hit by a bus.
“I still recall Rabbi Weizman’s well-thought out words that the deceased had a tragic life and died a tragic death.”
Rabbi Zell also spoke of a more recent funeral at which he officiated where the widow was very angry that her husband had died. “The deceased had become involved in a dispute with the city over some property. His wife was adamant that he not try to fight city hall. He persisted and died of a heart attack. I tried to focus on appreciation of his life.”
In the introduction to “Meaningful Mourning,” he notes that “rifts in families are not uncommon. But how many readings in our canon broach such subjects?” he asks.
“And,” he continues, while Judaism makes it quite clear that you should choose life over death, there are occasions when one gives up one’s life to protect others.”
“Meaningful Mourning” consists of 15 chapters, each with a specific theme and each divided into a series of two-page readings – consisting of an exposition of how each day of the week, each month of the year, every Jewish festival, can provide comfort to mourners. Each reading also consists of a relevant poem and psalm.
In the first chapter, for example – which focuses on the daily order of creation, one comment in particular caught my attention – and made me think: When someone I know died suddenly, I sometimes wonder what that individual had planned for the rest of the day, what celebrations were coming up, what trip might the deceased have been looking forward to?
I recall one fellow coming to the evening minyans at my shul to say kaddish for his brother. Then, one day, he didn’t appear. I subsequently heard that he had developed an infection and died unexpectedly. I remember thinking that he wasn’t supposed to die. He still had several months left to say kaddish.
As Zell points out in “Meaningful Mourning,” “unlike the creation process, death does not necessarily wait for the deceased to complete everything he hoped to accomplish. In many cases, death has been compared to an unfinished symphony.
“From the Jewish perspective, the Angel of Death has little, if any, regard for projects yet to be completed, plans yet to be realized and dreams yet to be fulfilled.”
Another reading speaks of the signs of the zodiac and their connections to the equivalent Jewish months. “The sign for the month of Shvat is Aquarius, the water carrier,” Zell observes. “In Judaism, water is prayed for because water is seen as a blessing. But what happens when the natural flow of water is interrupted? How do we respond when tranquil water is usurped by troubled or turbulent water i.e., death?
“In a perfect world, the mourner would find solace in believing that he enriched with happiness and joy the one who was summoned from above.”
The accompanying reading with this topic is a poem intended to bring some comfort for mourners who are overcome with remorse or regret.
In “One Small Step,” Zell riffs on the immortal words of astronaut Neil Armstrong, the first man to step foot on the moon. “Little did Neil Armstrong realize that he was echoing the words of many a religious leader counselling a bereaved individual,” the rabbi comments. “Mourning that is proper and effective is a process of small steps and giant leaps.”
A leap of faith is necessary for several reasons, Zell adds, most of all so that the mourner is not consumed by pangs of guilt for not having been a better child, sibling or spouse. He quotes Ecclesiastes in saying that “when the dead is at rest, let his remembrance rest.”
“I hope that the readings in this book help to lessen the pain for the bereaved,” he writes.
Zell, who was formerly the spiritual leader of Congregation Tiferet Israel in Dallas, grew up in Winnipeg. The son of the late Ida and Phil Zell was initially ordained as a Conservative rabbi in the mid-1980s. He served in pulpits in that capacity in Sioux City, Iowa, and Clark, New Jersey. In 2004-2006 – while between congregations, he received his Orthodox smicha. He currently lives in retirement in New Jersey..
“Meaningful Mourning” is his fourth book – and his third focusing on different aspects of death and mourning. The book was published by Scribal Scion Publishers out of Teaneck, New Jersey.
Local News
Ami Hassan returning as owner of Falafel Place
By BERNIE BELLAN In a surprise move – and after more than a six-year absence as owner of Falafel Place (Corydon at Wilton) the legendary Ami Hassan has decided to return as owner of one of Winnipeg’s most famous eateries.
Long known for his sometimes irreverent attitude to his customers, e.g., “If you’re finished, get out!”, Ami decided to return to running Falafel Place after having retired years ago (or so he thought) from running the Corydon Avenue restaurant.
We asked Ami whether he’ll be sending a special invitation to Julia Roberts to come visit him at Falafel Place. He asked again: “Who’s Julia Roberts?” (Just kidding – he really does know how Julia Roberts is.) Read the story how Ami told her to leave the restaurant and come back later at Julia Roberts turned away from Falafel Place
Ami did note that when customers saw him inside the restaurant one recent day as he was getting it ready for the reopening Monday, August 10, over 20 of them came in asking him if he was open already.
We asked Ami whether the menu will be the same as it was when he last ran the place and he said everything will be the same.
Falafel Place will be open 7 days a week from 7 am – 2 pm. Remember, if you’re finished – get out!
Local News
The enormous – but little known role that Sheldon Berney played in the building of the Asper Campus
By BERNIE BELLAN Sheldon Berney passed away on July 28 in Palm Beach, Florida.
While his name may not be all that familiar to many members of Winnipeg’s Jewish community – other than the campus’s theatre having being named for him, at one time Sheldon Berney played an indispensable role in the building of the Asper Community Campus.
Six years ago I interviewed Bob Freedman about how the Asper Campus came about. Bob is one great story teller and if you want to see the entire interview (which is over an hour long, you can see it on YouTube at Freedman 2020 interview.)
The reason I’m harkening back to that interview now is to remind readers of the vital part that Sheldon Berney played in the building of the campus.
In fact, he was the the first president of the Asper Jewish Community Campus Board and, while the Berney Theatre is named for him and his picture adorns the entrance of the campus – along with Marjorie Blankstein’s and Bob Freedman’s, the contribution Sheldon Berney made to the building of the Asper Campus deserves to be recounted.
The story begins in 1986 when Bob Freedman had agreed to become the new executive director of what was then the Winnipeg Jewish Community Council. At the time he was executive director of Legal Aid Manitoba.
As Bob told me during our 2020 interview, “I said: ‘Look the only way I would consider doing that is if there was a commitment by the leadership of the WJCC to move the community forward.’ I had no intention of being a caretaker on a sinking ship.”
At the time, it should be noted, Winnipeg had begun to descend into the kinds of problems that have only been magnified in more recent years, including a deteriorating downtown – where the old YMHA was located, on Hargave – and to where an increasing number of parents were hesitant to send their children. Further, many young people had been leaving the city for better opportunities elsewhere.
Bob wanted to bring together a coalition of partners whose goal would be to develop a strategic plan that would move the Jewish community forward and revitalize it.
The first person he approached to be a part of that group was Marjorie Blankstein. As Bob explained, “I approached her and said ‘Marjorie, you’d be the perfect chair of our long-range planning committee’ and she agreed right on the spot. She didn’t need any convincing and that was May 2nd, 1986.
We then started the process, but we didn’t recruit Sheldon Berney, by the way, until a few years later,” he noted.
As Bob explained, together with Marjorie Blankstein, the two of them set out to assess community support for what had still not been identified as the campus project per se; it was more of a “sounding out” of as many different factions within the community as possible to determine how strong the determination was to move forward with a project that would complete rewrite the Jewish community’s direction.
I asked him during that interview how Sheldon Berney was eventually brought on board as a key member of the team.
Bob said that he didn’t really know Sheldon well, saying “I only met Sheldon once or twice. He was busy running the business. It was called “Reliance Products.'”
Here’s a brief excerpt from Sheldon Berney’s obituary as it appeared in the Globe & Mail that gives some detail about his business career, and his commitment to community service and philanthropy :
“Born to Ada (Loban) and Martin Berney, Sheldon lived an extraordinary life in Winnipeg before retiring to Florida. He built a distinguished career in business, joining his father at Reliance Products, which he expanded into an internationally respected manufacturer of plastic containers and camping equipment, celebrated for design excellence.
“A pillar of Winnipeg’s Jewish community and dedicated philanthropist, Sheldon chaired the Society of the Plastics Industry, the Manitoba Institute of Management, and the Young Presidents’ Organization. He served on the boards of the YMHA, CJA, and Victoria Hospital and was a core donor to the Canadian Museum for Human Rights. In the 1990s, he chaired the Asper Jewish Community Campus Board, taking immense pride in helping to bring the project to life.”
It was around the time that the idea for the campus project was being formulated that Sheldon Berney had sold Reliance Products, Bob Freedman recounted.
“Sheldon, at that time, was in his 50s and was basically retired,” Bob said.
“Even though he was not well known in the community,” Bob continued, “he had good relationships with people.” Sheldon Berney also socialized with Izzy Asper; they both had properties near each other in Florida, Bob noted.
“They shmoozed around and socialized…and we figured also he had credibility and had time on his hands, so we approached him, we briefed him, and convinced him we would need someone like him to do a job…In terms of how it was done it was a small nucleus of people who were really the movers and shakers on this….We started what was called the long-range planning committee” and Sheldon Berney “started recruiting people to serve on the committee – so we had financial people who were business people – who were ordinary people in the community.” (In fact, the name of the committee evolved to become the “Implementation Committee.”)
“I think we recruited Sheldon around 1989,” Bob recalled.
“There were two things he (Sheldon) said to us (Marjorie and Bob): “He said if I understand how things work with committees and boards – I have no patience for that…I don’t want to come to a ton of meetings. I want to have the authority to move forward and do things…and perhaps we have to spend money and need board approval – I understand that, but I don’t want the politics. I’ve got no patience for that.
“The other thing he said was when the time comes to raise money,” Sheldon said he wanted to check with certain people to see whether they would give their support to the project.
As Bob said (in his own inimitable way): “He didn’t want them to say you’re out of your f….king mind” and Sheldon would have wasted a year or two of his time.
“And Sheldon came back,” Bob said, “and every last one” of the people he had approached, which were about “four or five or six people and all of them said ‘go for it’ – and Sheldon Berney was on board, not only as a key fundraiser, but as someone who was very involved with finding the right location for the campus.
Bob told this somewhat amusing story about what happened when the initial proposal to build a community campus was for it be built at Waverley and Wilkes.
“But there were hydro towers there…and we had a public meeting and the screaming and the yelling that was going on…” and, as Bob explained, someone approached Sheldon and told him to hire someone with a Geiger counter (to measure radiation levels at the proposed site) – and this was already (19)93.” (It’s hard to imagine that the Asper Campus opened only four years later.)
Even though whoever measured the radiation levels at Waverley and Wilkes ultimately reported that there was more radiation “in your kitchen with appliances” than there was radiation from the hydro lines, Sheldon Berney was warned by someone else that “all we need god forbid is one kid in the school gets cancer and you will be dead in the water, so we agreed to move off” the Waverley and Wilkes site.
Once the plan to build at Waverley and Wilkes was dropped the focus turned to the possibility of buying what had been the Fort Osborne Barracks from the province.
Later on, when the fundraising was in full scale, Bob said that Sheldon Berney again played a key role in convincing Izzy Asper to scale back his insistence on having more representatives on the campus board than anyone else. Asper argued that if he puts up “$500,000 he should have 500,000 votes.”
According to Bob, it was Gerry Gray who told Izzy Asper that, in order for the campus project to be a true community project, if someone were to give “$1,000 that could be a really good gift considering their income and that gift is as important, if not more important than your five hundred thousand.”
But, Aper was persistent, Bob said, and one day Sheldon Berney phoned Bob and said Asper “is driving me nuts…so I said ‘Sheldon, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you suggest to Izzy” that he contribute two million and “at that time two million was a lot of money…and tell him (Asper) he can have two people on the board.” (Bob explained that they were planning a nine-person board so having two representatives on the board would be a significant number, but at the same time the board was envisioned as not having much responsibility: It “would make sure carpets were cleaned, that the taxes were paid, and all that stuff.”
The next day, Bob said, Sheldon Berney met with Izzy and said to him: “Look, we got to put this to bed because I’m not sleeping at night.” Sheldon said to Izzy: “Here’s the deal: Two million bucks – you get two people on the board. He (Asper) says ‘okay.'”
But, as Bob noted, Izzy Asper continued to be very hands-on with the building of the campus and “he would drive Sheldon nuts and he would drive me nuts and he would drive all of us nuts.”
Sheldon Berney continued to play a key role in the campus project throughout its planning and construction. But when you realize that the campus actually went from an idea on paper in as late as 1994 to a fully finished project when it opened in 1997 (although construction continued even after the official opening in the summer of 1997), it’s rather amazing to contemplate how it all came together in such a relatively short period of time.
In an article in The Jewish Post & News published in May 1995 here is what my late brother Matt wrote about the groundbreaking ceremony for what was to become the Asper Campus. Berney, who was master of ceremonies at the ceremony was quoted as saying ” ‘Over the past six years, we’ve talked to people about the campus many times.’ “
The article continued: “The ceremony ended with Berney taking the controls of a huge yellow track excavator and scooping out a big chunk of earth.
“The groundbreaking was a ‘very exciting step’, he added, noting that demolition of some Fort Osborne Barracks buildings and campus construction would start the next week. ‘You’re all here to dream with me about the day in the summer of 1997 when we’ll all be back again to cut the ribbon on a campus that will be a source of pleasure for all of us.’ “
In the photo, Sheldon Berney (left), president, Asper Jewish Community Campus, is with Larry Hurtig, Winnipeg Jewish Community Council president, who is about to present Berney with a certificate of appreciation.
Later, in our September 17, 1997 issue, Matt chronicled the opening ceremonies of the Asper Campus, which were held on Sunday, September 7 of that year.
Again, Sheldon Berney was front and centre, as Matt noted in his report: “Sheldon Berney gazed at the crowd sitting in bridge chairs on the front lawn of the Asper Jewish Community Campus on the warm, sunny day.
” ‘Many times over the past several years, I’ve painted a mental picture of exactly this scene … ‘ the campus president told the crowd.
” ‘… Standing here at the formal dedication ceremony for the Asper Jewish Community Campus, feeling an enormous sense of pride, an enormous sense of accomplishment.’ “
And, because Sheldon Berney was a behind the scenes kind of guy we never really heard a lot of, yet he’s one of three people (the others being Marjorie Blankstein and Bob Freedman himself) to have plaques with their faces on them greeting anyone who walks through the front entrance of the campus we thought it appropriate to pay Sheldon Berney his proper due.
As the inscription on Sheldon Berney’s plaque notes:
The Asper Jewish Community Campus of Winnipeg
The Centre of Life and Learning
Records its sincerest appreciation to
Sheldon Berney
in recognition of his very special efforts
first, as Chair of the Implementation Committee,
and latterly as Chair of the Board of Directors,
for his outstanding leadership in the conception,
fundraising and construction of these facilities
His dedication and style of leadership stand as an
example to all who would serve.
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Scenes from Shalom Square 2026
Shalom Square – the Israel pavilion, is on until Saturday night, August 8. As usual, audiences have been packing the Rady JCC gym to watch entertainment provided by the Chai Folk Ensemble and Kadima Dance Troupe.
(All photos courtesy of Keith Levit)
