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This New York-based dating coach has sage advice for Jewish singles
(New York Jewish Week) — On the Netflix reality show “Jewish Matchmaking,” matchmaker and star Aleeza Ben Shalom jet-sets around the world, meets her clients one-on-one, and dives deep into her little black book in order to make connections based on what attributes people seek in a partner and what sort of values they have.
“Jewish Matchmaking” may be entertaining, but it’s not exactly representative of how most Jews meet their romantic partners today. As anyone who’s been on a date in the past 10 or 20 years knows, outside the Orthodox community, the primary way people get together is via online dating apps. This cultural shift has paved the way for new types of matchmakers, like Jewish “online dating coach” Erika Ettin. Her process may be different than it was back in the day, but the goal remains the same: to find finds and catch catches.
Ettin, who finesses her clients’ online dating profiles and helps them establish their dating priorities, has a pragmatic approach to modern dating. “I don’t believe in bashert,” she told the New York Jewish Week, using the Yiddish word for “preordained” that is colloquially used to mean “soulmate.” “I don’t believe in one person for everyone. I think many people can make you happy for different reasons.”
Ettin, 42, founded her modern-day matchmaking business, A Little Nudge, in 2011. The name, Ettin clarifies, is pronounced “nuhdge” — as in gentle encouragement — and not the Yiddish “noodge,” meaning to annoy or pester. “Only my mom is allowed to call me that,” Ettin quips. “But I’m giving people a push. I’m giving them the tools they need to get out there.”
Though Ettin’s clients are not exclusively Jewish, she estimates that some 15 percent of them are — “which is a lot more than the national average!” Ettin joked. (A recent Pew study found that Jews make up about 2.4% of the U.S. population.)
Through her business, Ettin offers three levels of service, with pricing from $500: The standard “little nudge” includes a Zoom consultation, after which Ettin will write a client’s online dating profile and select their pictures. Her aim, she said, is to help people put their best proverbial foot forward while simultaneously ensuring that they don’t represent themselves inaccurately.
“Anything that lets your personality shine, shows your quirks and stays positive,” she advises. “But it’s more than a profile. It’s being proactive on the sites that makes you successful.”
The next tier is A Little Nudge Plus, in which Ettin also presents her clients with some handpicked matches and helps draft those initial, particularly anxiety-inducing messages. Finally, there’s “A Little Nudge Platinum,” the whole enchilada of Ettin’s services, in which clients hand over their dating reins: Ettin will swipe and message on her client’s behalf — but only to the point of setting up the first meeting. “Ultimately, they’re the ones going on the date,” she said.
Ettin’s approach to dating is born out of first-hand experience: Formerly an economist at Fannie Mae in Washington, D.C., Ettin was an early adopter of online dating in 2001. Using the Jewish dating site JDate, she relied on her savvy with statistics to usher her through the complicated process, from talking online (and later, via app) to meeting in real life.
“I put two things I really liked together: online dating and spreadsheets,” Ettin said, explaining that she initially created the spreadsheet to ensure she didn’t write to the same person twice. Soon, however, she realized she could employ this tracking system to ask questions like, “What’s my response rate if I write to somebody? If I make little tweaks, is the probability of getting a response higher? What’s my conversion rate if this person writes back? Do we go on a date?”
Eventually, friends started to notice how successful she was at garnering online dates and requested her assistance with their profiles, inspiring Ettin to quit her job at Fannie Mae and make the jump to full-time date doctoring. “Best decision I ever made,” she declared.
Recently, Ettin made another big, long-awaited jump: After 19 years in Washington, she moved to Brooklyn Heights in December 2022. Ettin had found she was making frequent trips to New York, both to meet with clients and — “here’s where it gets fun,” she said — to compete in the live pun competition Punderdome (she even won the show’s last outing in June).
“I finally decided, if not now, then when?” she said, quoting Jewish sage Hillel. “There’s usually something holding you back — either you’re taking a class, or you’re in a relationship, or you’re… something. It was the first time in a long time where nothing was keeping me anymore.”
So far, Ettin is adjusting to her new scene in Brooklyn Heights nicely, calling it the perfect mix of “quiet and quaint,” perfect for walking her dog, Scruffy, a mutt she suspects is a terrier dachshund mix. She often heads to Times Square to “feed my Broadway addiction,” she said.
“Everything about me makes sense here,” said Ettin, who declined to share her relationship status. (“I generally try not to mix personal and professional,” she said.)
Of course, the same issues that plague any New Yorker plague her as well, like attempting to cook a seven-pound brisket for Passover in her New York-sized oven. (Per Ettin’s review, it was “a mess, but delicious.”) For 20 years, Ettin has hosted a Passover seder in her home; it’s one of many ways she celebrates her cultural Judaism.
Growing up in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, Ettin was raised Jewish and had a bat mitzvah. It wasn’t until she was a student at Cornell University that she began to connect with her culture on a deeper level. That’s mainly because she missed the taste of matzah ball soup — a powerful motivator for an 18-year-old living away from home for the first time. Ettin attended Reform synagogue in college, and upon relocating to Washington, helped to lead services for young professionals at the historic Sixth & I synagogue alongside Jewish rocker Rick Recht.
Despite what “Sex and the City” and Instagram meme accounts have led many to believe, Ettin doesn’t necessarily subscribe to the notion that dating is harder in New York City than other locales. “Every city has its quirks,” she said. “And there are so many options, and I know that does frustrate people. The paradox of choice, right? When you have so many things to choose from, you’re not actually happy with your choice. There’s always another person a swipe away.”
“But I think dating in New York can be great,” she added. “Most people complain about their own city, but every city can’t be the worst, you know? Are you going to come across every stereotype you think you’re going to come across in New York City? Absolutely, but are you also going to come across amazing people who are looking for what you’re looking for? Yeah, but it takes digging.”
One trend Ettin has noticed among her Jewish clients: Many of them want to meet someone who is also Jewish, even if they’re not particularly observant. That’s good news for any Jewish single looking for a partner — and maybe even better news for any bubbe-figure who wants a loved one to be searching for a Jewish partner.
Ettin’s advice for meeting another Jewish New Yorker is simple: “Pay for the filters on the dating apps so they can filter religion,” she said. “Because it cracks me up when they say ‘This is a dealbreaker’ and then they refuse to pay the $20 to actually use the filter to filter for religion.”
This advice holds true for whatever your dealbreakers are, Ettin advises. “If those checkboxes are there on the dating sites, use those to your advantage,” she said. “On the flip side, just because the option is there doesn’t mean you have to use it. Just because you can search by every inch of height, does not mean you need to.”
While her speciality may be online dating, Ettin believes it’s still possible for people to connect and fall in love IRL in NYC. “Put yourself in places where you want to be, anyway, and then if you meet someone it’s an added bonus,” she advises. “If going to synagogue is important to you, find one that you really like and then you’re already in your element. If you meet someone there, it’s an added bonus. If you want to take some kind of Israeli cooking class, you’re already enjoying yourself because it’s something you want to be doing. If you meet someone it’s an added bonus.”
No matter your situation, or what you’re seeking in a partner, central to much of Ettin’s advice is asking for the things you want. “I think it’s not only OK but encouraged to tell people exactly the types of behaviors you want,” she said. “If you are in a relationship and you want flowers three times a year, tell your partner, ‘I want flowers three times a year.’ You’re not going to be upset when they then give you flowers because you told them — you’ll be happy.”
These types of communication tools were invaluable to Elizabeth Cutler, a former client who recently moved from a career in government “into the creating writing chapter” of her life. She said Ettin “really helped me refresh myself and to present the best version of myself” and to “really listen to my instincts.”
“Everyone is trying to do what they think they’re supposed to do in dating, and sometimes that gets a little mixed up with putting forward authentic selves,” Cutler, 35, said of the wisdom she learned. “It’s good to give people grace around that.”
On “Jewish Matchmaking,” Ben Shalom famously says she has “the hardest job in the world.” Ettin’s approach, meanwhile, is a bit more practical. “The desire to meet someone or find a partner is never going to go away,”she said. “If the economy changes, or anything changes, people will still have the desire to meet a partner. I think I will always have work to do.”
Ultimately, when it comes to love, Ettin doesn’t believe in luck. “I believe in hard work,” she said.
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The post This New York-based dating coach has sage advice for Jewish singles appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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University of Connecticut Rejects Dialogue With Pro-Hamas Group After Antisemitic Incident Targeting President
UConnDivest, a Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) spinoff demonstrating at University of Connecticut. Photo: UConnDivest/Instagram
University of Connecticut administrators have canceled a planned meeting with UConnDivest (UDC), a spinoff of Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP), following the group’s creating what a local newspaper described as an antisemitic caricature of President Radenka Maric, who is Jewish.
According to The Hartford Courant, UDC on Monday distributed an illustration portraying Maric as a devil-like figure with red horns against a backdrop of money and missiles. The tactic continued a smear offensive SJP has been waging against Maric since Hamas’s Oct. 7 massacre across southern Israel, which has included creating altered images in which the face of a clown — graffitied across the forehead with the phrase “I Genocide — is imposed on her visage. In other communications, SJP has accused Maric of being both a puppet and puppet master, one who facilitates a genocide of Palestinians and, as it said in May, “inherently sides with ruling class interests.”
Maric’s administration, aiming to calm the campus months after she ordered the arrests of some two dozen pro-Hamas protesters, still agreed to hold several meetings with UCD to discuss their demands for a boycott of Israel and amnesty for protesters facing criminal charges despite their repeated violations of school rules and promotion of antisemitic tropes. The first of what was to be a series of meetings was held in late August. They were slated to continue throughout the fall semester, but after UCD’s latest outburst, the administration has stated that its patience is exhausted and that a dialogue with the students cannot continue.
“Whatever the intent, these images are examples of grotesque and unacceptable antisemitism that will be instantly recognizable to countless Jews,” high-level university officials on Thursday told UCD in a letter, portions of which were shared by the Hartford Courant. “It is deeply wrong and dangerous to deploy imagery such as this. Depicting a Jewish female administrator with ‘devil horns,’ as a pig, or using obscene and vulgar expressions, are not amusing caricatures — they are dark and troubling images deeply rooted in history that have been associated with hatred and violence for centuries, in addition to being openly misogynistic.”
The letter continued, “We witnessed expressions and actions that are deeply disturbing, counter to our values as an inclusive community, and make further meetings or discussions with your student group at this time untenable.”
UCD responded to the letter by vowing to continue its behaviors until its demands, which include a face-to-face standoff with Maric, are met.
“UConnDivest is fighting to end the genocide of Palestinians and to end the violence and oppression imposed upon so many other peoples around the globe,” the group said in an Instagram post. “UConnDivest will never cease speaking out against human rights abuses and fighting for what is right. Our Palestinian siblings are forever in our hearts.”
Writing to the Courant, the group accused the university of fabricating antisemitism allegations to sidestep Israel’s war with Hamas.
“UConnDivest condemns the administration’s weaponization of antisemitism to deflect criticism over its involvement in the ongoing genocide of Palestinians in Gaza,” it said.
Pro-Hamas and anti-Zionist groups are already resuming the disruptive behavior they perpetrated last academic year, when Jewish students across the US were assaulted, spit on, and threatened with mass murder.
In August, pro-Hamas students at Cornell University vandalized an administrative building, graffitiing “Israel Bombs, Cornell pays” and “Blood is on your hands” on it and shattering the glazings of its glass doors. Earlier this month, several resident assistants employed by Rutgers University left an antisemitism awareness program because a speaker explained that Hamas’s antisemitism and desire to destroy the world’s only Jewish state precipitated the Oct. 7 massacre. Weeks earlier, a masked man poured red paint on the Alma Mater sculpture at Columbia University, symbolizing the spilling of blood.
Anti-Israel activity on college campuses has reached crisis levels in the 11 months since Hamas’s Oct. 7 massacre across southern Israel, according to a new report the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) issued on Monday.
Revealing a “staggering” 477 percent increase in anti-Zionist activity involving assault, vandalism, and other phenomena, the report — titled “Anti-Israel Activism on US Campuses, 2023-2024” — paints a bleak picture of America’s higher education system poisoned by political extremism and hate.
The report added that 10 campuses accounted for 16 percent of all incidents tracked by ADL researchers, with Columbia University and the University of Michigan combining for 90 anti-Israel incidents, 52 and 38, respectively. Harvard University, the University of California, Los Angeles, Rutgers University New Brunswick, Stanford University, Cornell University, and others filled out the rest of the top 10. Violence, the report continued, was most common at universities in the state of California, where in one incident anti-Zionist activists punched a Jewish student for filming him at a protest.
The ADL also provided hard numbers on the number of pro-Hamas protests which struck campuses across the country following Oct. 7, a subject The Algemeiner has covered extensively. According to the report, 1,418 anti-Zionist demonstrations were held at 360 campuses in 46 states during the 2023-2024 academic year, a 335 percent increase from the previous year.
“The antisemitic, anti-Zionist vitriol we’ve witnessed on campus is unlike anything we’ve seen in the past,” ADL CEO Jonathan Greenblatt said in a statement announcing the report. “Since the Hamas-led Oct. 7 attack on Israel, the anti-Israel movement’s relentless harassment, vandalism, intimidation and violent physical assaults go way beyond the peaceful voicing of a political opinion. Administrators and faculty need to do much better this year to ensure a safe and truly inclusive environment for all students, regardless of religion, nationality, or political views, and they need to start now.”
Follow Dion J. Pierre @DionJPierre.
The post University of Connecticut Rejects Dialogue With Pro-Hamas Group After Antisemitic Incident Targeting President first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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Houthis Prepared for ‘Long War of Attrition’ With Israel, Says Terror Group’s ‘Defense Minister’
Houthi policemen ride on the back of a patrol pick-up truck during the funeral of Houthi terrorists killed by recent US-led strikes, in Sanaa, Yemen, Feb. 10, 2024. Photo: REUTERS/Khaled Abdullah
Yemen’s Iran-backed Houthi militia is prepared for a “long war” against Israel and its allies, according to the US-designated terrorist organization’s so-called “defense minister,” who described fighting the Jewish state as a “religious duty.”
“The Yemeni Army holds the key to victory, and is prepared for a long war of attrition against the usurping Zionist regime, its sponsors, and allies,” Mohamed al-Atifi was quoted as saying on Thursday by Iran’s state-owned Press TV network.
“Our struggle against the Nazi Zionist entity is deeply rooted in our beliefs. We are well aware of the fact that this campaign is a sacred and religious duty that requires tremendous sacrifices,” added Atifi, who has been sanctioned by the US government.
His remarks echoed those of Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, who on Monday said his Palestinian terrorist group was prepared for prolonged fighting against Israel in a message to the Houthis.
“We have prepared ourselves to fight a long war of attrition that will break the enemy’s political will,” Sinwar said, claiming that Hamas and allied Iran-backed groups across the Middle East would defeat the Jewish state.
The Houthis began disrupting global trade in a major way with their attacks on shipping in the busy Red Sea corridor after Hamas’s Oct. 7 massacre across southern Israel, arguing their aggression was a show of support for Palestinians in Gaza.
The Houthi rebels — whose slogan is “death to America, death to Israel, curse the Jews, and victory to Islam” — have controlled a significant portion of Yemen’s land in the north and along the Red Sea since 2014, when they captured it in the midst of the country’s civil war.
The Iran-backed movement has said it will target all ships heading to Israeli ports, even if they do not pass through the Red Sea, and claimed responsibility for attempted drone and missile strikes targeting Israel. Since Hamas’s Oct. 7 onslaught, which launched the ongoing war in Gaza, Houthi terrorists in Yemen have routinely launched ballistic missiles toward Israel’s southern city of Eilat. In July, they hit the center of Tel Aviv with a long-range Iranian-made drone.
Then on Sunday, the Houthis reached central Israel with a missile for the first time. Israeli air defenses intercepted fragments of a surface-to-surface missile launched from Yemen that exploded over Israel’s central region. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Israel would inflict a “heavy price” on the Houthis for the attack.
Sinwar congratulated the Houthis for Sunday’s attempted strike.
“I congratulate you on your success in sending your missiles deep into the enemy entity, bypassing all layers and defense and interception systems,” Sinwar said in his message addressed to Houthi leader Abdul Malik al-Houthi.
According to reports, Houthi fighters recently arrived in Syria from Yemen as “a prelude to a new phase of escalation against Israel.” The Algemeiner could not independently verify these reports, although they fit with Sinwar’s stated goal of fighting Israel on all fronts.
“Our combined efforts with you” and with groups in Lebanon and Iraq “will break this enemy and inflict defeat on it,” the Hamas leader said on Monday to his Houthi counterpart.
Meanwhile, the leader of the Iran-backed Iraqi militia Asa’ib Ahl al-Haq, another US-designated terrorist organization, also praised the Houthis for their opposition to Israel.
“Yemen’s support for Palestine represents a model to be emulated. Yemenis have proven to the whole world that they are capable of creating miracles and changing the balance of power,” Qais al-Khazali told al-Masirah TV on Thursday. “What the Yemeni nation has obtained under the aegis of leader of the Ansarullah resistance movement Abdul-Malik al-Houthi is a great achievement, which every Arab and Muslim could be proud of.”
The US Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) released a report in July revealing how Iran has been “smuggling weapons and weapons components to the Houthis.”
The report noted that the Houthis used Iranian-supplied ballistic and cruise missiles to conduct over a hundred land attacks on Israel, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and within Yemen, as well as dozens of attacks on merchant shipping.
Iran also backs Hamas, providing the Islamist terror group with weapons, funding, and training.
While the Houthis have increasingly targeted Israeli soil in recent months, they have primarily attacked ships in the Red Sea, a key trade route, having a major economic impact by disrupting global shipping and raising the cost of shipping and insurance. Shipping firms have been forced in many cases to re-route to longer and more expensive journeys around southern Africa to avoid passing near Yemen.
Beyond Israeli targets, the Houthis have threatened and in some cases actually attacked US and British ships, leading the two Western allies to launch retaliatory strikes against Houthi targets in Yemen.
The post Houthis Prepared for ‘Long War of Attrition’ With Israel, Says Terror Group’s ‘Defense Minister’ first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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Israeli Singer Eden Golan to Perform at UN ‘October Rain’ Song About Hamas Attack Rejected by Eurovision
Eden Golan performing “Hurricane” for Israel at the second semi-final for the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest at Malmo Arena on May 9, 2024. Photo: Corinne Cumming/EBU
Eden Golan, Israel’s representative in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest, will perform her original song “October Rain” at the United Nations to mark the one-year anniversary of the deadly Oct. 7 Hamas terrorist attacks in southern Israel.
Golan will perform the track at a ceremony on Oct. 7 that will be hosted by Israel’s Foreign Ministry, according to ILTV News. Families of hostages currently being held by Hamas in the Gaza Strip are expected to attend the event along with Israel’s Foreign Minister Israel Katz, US Ambassador to the UN Linda Thomas-Greenfield, and diplomats from other countries, the news outlet reported.
The lyrics of “October Rain” reference the Oct. 7 massacre, and in the chorus, Golan sings: “Dancing in the storm/We got nothing to hide/Take me home/And leave the world behind/And I promise you that never again/I’m still wet from this October rain.”
Golan had originally planned to perform “October Rain” at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest in Sweden, but the European Broadcasting Union (EBU), which organizes the contest, rejected the song, deeming it too political. Golan instead competed in the Eurovision with a reworded version of the song that was retitled “Hurricane.”
Golan finished in fifth place in the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest. She made it to the top five after being booed on stage by anti-Israel protesters, experiencing death threats, and having one of the competition’s jury members refuse to give her points because of his personal opposition to Israel. Golan later revealed that she was forced to wear a disguise outside her hotel during the song competition in Malmo, Sweden, because of the threats she faced by those who opposed Israel’s involvement in the contest.
Shortly after the conclusion of the competition, Golan performed “October Rain” at a rally in Tel Aviv in support of the hostages taken by Hamas on Oct. 7.
The post Israeli Singer Eden Golan to Perform at UN ‘October Rain’ Song About Hamas Attack Rejected by Eurovision first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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