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‘Say yes to the dress’: Temple Emanu-El program gives NYC high schoolers a luxury prom dress experience

(New York Jewish Week) – After 30 minutes of perusing the racks of formal dresses and trying on half a dozen of them, Raelynn finally finds the one she’ll wear to the prom: a long, royal blue gown covered in sequins. 

Her personal shopper, a Jewish mom who is helping Raelynn pick out coordinating shoes and accessories, announces to the room: “Raelynn, do you say yes to the prom dress?”

Raelynn, a high school senior at Young Women’s Leadership School of East Harlem, nods with a huge smile on her face. The room — which is not a dress shop or a department store, but the basement social hall at Manhattan’s Temple Emanu-El — breaks out into cheers and a round of applause. 

Raelynn, who declined to share her last name, is one of more than 350 high school girls from around New York City who will come to the Upper East Side Reform synagogue this week. Now in its eleventh year, Project Prom invites seniors from high schools serving low-income neighborhoods to pick out prom outfits for free.

In addition to serving as personal shoppers, volunteers decorate the social hall with festive streamers and banners, prepare a snack table and set up dress displays in the center of the room.

“This is one of many things we do. We work on food insecurity, we partner with many non-profit organizations, we do whatever we can to repair the world that we live in,” said Rabbi Amy Ehrlich of the work of the synagogue’s tikkun olam, or social action, committee. “But [Project Prom] is a particular joy, especially the women who have come to act as personal shoppers. They want these young women to feel transformed as they step into a gown, maybe for the first time.”

Raelynn was thrilled with her dress, especially as she didn’t think she’d find something she would like. “I’m very picky and dresses aren’t really my thing,” she told the New York Jewish Week while trying on a pair of sparkly silver heels. “I was surprised coming here, I won’t lie.”

Raelynn poses with her prom dress. (Julia Gergely)

The personal shoppers act as styling assistants for the hundreds of girls who will walk through the “boutique” to pick out their prom outfit, shoes and accessories. In addition to some 1,000 dresses to choose from — donated by brands such as BCBG, Steve Madden and Marc Fisher — there are nearly 2,000 pairs of heels in every color, and tables laden with jewelry and handbags. 

“It’s my favorite thing to do in my life,” said volunteer Debbie Hailpern.

The girls don’t need to work with a shopper, but having access to one is “a big part of it,” said volunteer and shopper Dana Covey. “At first, the girls are sometimes shy or nervous. Some don’t know what they like or what will fit.” The shoppers and the students also make connections with someone outside of their community and demographic, which can be rare, she said.

“We bring about a better world when we work with people outside our community,” said Ehrlich. “We have to extend our hands to others and also take the hands that are extended to us.”

In between school arrivals, volunteers hustle to rerack dresses and clean up display tables. (Julia Gergely)

Throughout the day on Wednesday and Thursday, girls from 17 schools will arrive at Project Prom via school bus or subway. As Project Prom has grown in size, word of mouth has carried its impact across the city and a growing number of schools and nonprofits have reached out to be included. 

Once inside, the students are given a brief orientation and assigned a personal shopper. The shoppers hustle around the room, discussing color, length, fit and cut, the volunteers treating their jobs with commitment you’d see from a Kleinfeld Bridal associate pulling wedding dress options on TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress.”

Planning the event begins just after Thanksgiving, said Hailpern, who has been volunteering with Project Prom since 2017. “I love just seeing the girls come out in their dresses and helping them with the accessories,” she said as she readjusted the shoe display. “They’re just really super sweet. Some of them know exactly what they want and they have a strong sense of fashion, others don’t. It’s a very joyful thing.” 

“You’re making a girl feel beautiful,” she added. “What could be better than that?”

Initially, Temple Emanu-El sourced the dresses through drives and donations from community members. Eventually the committee shifted to reaching out directly to manufacturers — most of whom are happy to donate several dozen dresses in all sizes. Accessories companies get in on the action, too: This year Dessy, a bridal company, donated 400 pairs of ballet flats.

Some 1,700 pairs of shoes were donated by manufacturers for Project Prom this year, according to a volunteer. (Julia Gergely)

Wendy Bienstock, a science teacher at Young Women’s Leadership School, has been bringing her seniors to Project Prom for nearly a decade. “My favorite part is that I know how much fun it is,” she said. “They are very hesitant at first, but they always leave thanking me.”

Bienstock said her students look forward to Project Prom as much as a year in advance. “Some of them will wear these dresses to prom,” she said. “Some of them will wear them to graduation. And some of them will just take them and have a great dress in their closet for summer or college.” 

As for Raelynn, she’s excited to wear her dress to her school’s prom on June 9. “They have so many sizes and options, there’s something for everyone here,” she said. 


The post ‘Say yes to the dress’: Temple Emanu-El program gives NYC high schoolers a luxury prom dress experience appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

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Soccer helped my family survive the Nazis. Our community has lost sight of that story’s meaning

A new exhibit at the Holocaust Museum LA should be telling my great-grandfather’s story as part of its study of soccer, Jews and the Holocaust. But it won’t, because the museum failed to internalize the great moral lesson that my family learned from surviving the Holocaust: to never value the safety of one group over that of others.

The museum describes The Beautiful Game: The Untold Story, which opened this week, as an exploration of “the deep and often overlooked relationship between Jewish life and the global game.” It could have been curated specifically to tell my family’s story, because it was soccer that saved them from the Holocaust.

Pavel Mahrer, my great-grandfather, was a Jewish professional soccer player for Czechoslovakia. He played for teams in Teplitz and Prague, as well as at the 1924 Olympics. In the 1920s and 1930s he moved across the Atlantic to play for the Brooklyn Wanderers and for a Jewish team, New York Hakoah. His son Jerry was born during that time; eventually, the fact that Jerry held American citizenship would save much of the Mahrer family from the Holocaust.

During the Shoah, Pavel became the star player in the league at the Theresienstadt ghetto. He once wrote to his wife, as they were imprisoned separately, “tell our boys that I played soccer again and even played well and was successful.” Soccer brought him joy during those years of total despair. He avoided transport to Auschwitz — possibly because he was a famous athlete — and eventually reunited with his family in New York after the war.

The Holocaust Museum LA exhibit doesn’t tell that story, but it wanted to. My family pulled out of the exhibit because we didn’t want our story told by an institution that we think has faltered in holding true to the back half of its stated mission of inspiring “a more dignified and humane world.”

‘Never Again’ for whom?

We had already been in contact with the exhibit curators when the museum became entangled in a public relations crisis last fall over an Instagram carousel featuring a cover image of six interlocking arms of different colors with the text: “’Never Again’ can’t only mean never again for Jews.” 

Further slides added: “Jews must not let the trauma of our past silence our conscience” and “To be Jewish is to remember and act.”

Finally, I thought, a Jewish institution that will stand against genocide and violence, full stop. Not just genocide and violence against Jews.

Over the past few years, I’d watched the Jewish institutions I grew up respecting make excuses for or ignore Israel’s assault on Gaza. At best, they remained silent as Israel killed innocent civilians in the name of the Jewish people. At worst, they supported Israel’s actions unreservedly.

But here was one Jewish institution that was sending the right, albeit subtle, message.

My family agreed that this was a museum that was teaching the history and lessons of the Holocaust in a way we wanted to support. We had told the museum of our interest in loaning them Pavel’s 1924 Paris Olympics jersey and photos of his soccer career for the exhibit, and grew more excited for the collaboration.

But not everyone had the same reaction to the post that we did. Comments flooded the museum’s page claiming that the phrase “Never Again” was only for Jews, and criticizing the museum for generalizing the Holocaust — as if Jews have a monopoly on being victims of genocide. I figured the museum must have been prepared for some backlash, but had decided it was worth upsetting some to show that they cared for all.

I was wrong.

The museum deleted the post, then issued an apology, calling the post “easily open to misinterpretation by some to be a political statement reflecting the ongoing situation in the Middle East.” To us, it read as if they were apologizing for giving the appearance of caring about Palestinian lives. The apology post drew outrage as well — although not in the comments section, which was disabled.

A humane world for everyone

The apology felt like cowardice to me and my family. So we asked to meet with Beth Kean, the museum’s CEO. By the time we connected with her over Zoom in October, the apology post had been deleted as well. We wanted to understand what was behind their decision to post, remove, apologize and then act like none of it ever happened.

After the meeting, we understood that the museum hadn’t expected the response to the first post; some museum staff, horrifyingly, had received death threats. But we didn’t get a good answer as to how capitulating to hateful comments and violent threats aligned with the stated mission of the museum. We were promised an updated public statement that would specifically state the museum’s humanitarian goals; but if one was ever published, I didn’t see it.

We decided that we no longer felt comfortable lending the material that told Pavel’s story to the museum. I take pride in being the descendant of Holocaust survivors, and I’m especially proud that my family has always told our story in a way that emphasizes that the safety of all peoples is and has always been intertwined. I don’t think Pavel would be proud to see his story used to help suggest in any way that Jewish lives should be valued over others.

I didn’t expect the museum to change its mind because of a thirty minute Zoom call with my family, but its willingness to, in my eyes, bend on its principles left me disheartened. If we can’t take stories of Jewish suffering and strength — like that of my family — and apply their lessons to the suffering that is occurring to this day around the world, what is the point of telling them?

I’m a soccer player myself. Every time I score a goal or make a tackle I think of how I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for this beautiful game. I feel a kinship with other players, other soccer fans, because we share that love of the game. It brings us joy, it brings us hope.

I find my family’s story compelling not just because it is a story about Jews during the Holocaust, but because it is a story about survival — a story about luck, talent and both good and terrible timing. The drive to survive, and the need to ensure others’ survival, should be universal. If the message that our Jewish institutions send is that Jewish survival matters most, who is that message for? How can we expect the rest of the world to care about our safety if we don’t do anything to prove that we care about theirs?

Dani Mahrer is a former Jewish educator who now works in renewable energy in Los Angeles.

The post Soccer helped my family survive the Nazis. Our community has lost sight of that story’s meaning appeared first on The Forward.

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Eliya Smith says plot is what happens when you’re busy doing nothing

Eliya Smith’s dad has seen her play Dad Don’t Read This. He’s kvelled at its every iteration.

“He’s always like, ‘Are people gonna know that I’m Dad?’” Smith, 28, said on the day of the Knicks Victory Parade. The streets of the West Village, where we met for coffee, were teeming with orange and blue; she was wearing a baseball cap with some sort of bird, a heron or maybe a penguin, swallowing a fish.

“I always think it’s funny that he’s like, ‘I’m here and I have no complicated feelings.’”

Smith’s father isn’t the title character of the piece, which is about four high school friends, the computer game The Sims and the existential angst of adolescence, but technically he is. Smith started writing the show about a decade ago, during Thanksgiving break from Harvard. She needed the pages printed and emailed them to her father with the injunction as a kind of title page. (The following page read, “If you’re reading this page, it means you started to read. Stop reading.”)

The play is a work of fiction, as are all its characters. But the real-life command became a guiding principle — and the first lines — of the show.

“There is like a sort of frame of, ‘This play isn’t for you,’” said Smith, a former Forward editorial fellow who, last year made her Off-Broadway debut with the play Grief Camp. “I think the audience should reckon with the experience of watching it. Not that I’m like, ‘Fuck you for coming to my play,’ I’ll always be grateful, but I think my favorite parts of the play are when it really feels like they’re like doing the play for each other.”

Dad Don’t Read This is what Smith calls her first real, full play. Unsatisfied with her earlier attempts, she took a crack at writing what she knew: boredom and Ohio (in her mind synonymous) and the endless hours she spent in her basement chatting with friends. That and The Sims, the life simulator where players construct the world and circumstances of flailing, gibberish-spewing suburbanites.

“When I was in high school, I feel like I would sometimes play The Sims and be like, ‘If only it were this easy,’” Smith said. She had a cheat code that could defy Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: When a Sim had to pee, you could drag the need away. She found herself thinking, “’I wish I could do that for myself, that I could just like drag away the sadness.”

In the show, this sentiment is embodied by Mal (Amalia Yoo, hot off her turn as another high schooler in the midst of a best friend breakup in John Proctor is the Villain), who tries to manipulate her friends the way she does her pixilated people.

Smith isn’t Mal, but the character’s Ohio ennui (Smith’s from Columbus) and some of her feelings are true to her high school self. OK, Smith’s like her in one way: She, like Mal, had a cousin who gave her a Sims cheat code for unlimited money.

The connection between the world of The Sims, and the control it signifies, has a natural extension in playwriting.

“You become a playwright because you have control issues,” Smith conceded. “When I’m writing it on the page, I can manipulate the characters how I want, and then we start rehearsing it, and I lose a little more control, and then it’s like the more the play becomes its own thing.

“I think it is actually the reason I became a playwright, because I love the moment where my desire to control everything is sort of overruled,” Smith said. Still, it’s often painful for her to be present as her words are performed.

About the hat — the one with the bird — she often feels the need to wear one when she sits in the audience, not to be incognito (she’s been told it makes her more conspicuous) but to block some of her field of vision so she doesn’t have to see some patron sigh or look at their phone.

Eliya Smith Photo by Hana Mendel

Smith and I move from the coffee shop — whose vibe she compares, no shade, to the fast fashion brand Brandy Melville — over to the Greenwich House Theatre, where Dad Don’t Read This just transferred from St. Luke’s Theatre in midtown, earning a New York Times Critic’s Pick.

We plop into swivel chairs in the dressing room and catch up. Eliya left the Forward in 2021 to go to grad school at UT Austin. She’s only really been living in New York full time for about a year, calling Park Slope home. Life in Austin, she said, felt almost like an extension of high school in Ohio. She’d drive around bored with her friends. She misses the heat.

“I feel like there’s a sort of leveling thing that happens,” she said between sips of her iced coffee. “I feel like in New York you like get off the subway and you somehow are supposed to not be sweaty from being like packed in with hundreds of other people underground, and I feel like in Texas it’s so hot that it’s just totally fine, everyone is kind of disheveled and gross, and it’s just like what the vibe is, and I feel like it’s really equalizing, like ‘We’re all like looking not our best,’ and I liked that.”

She has yet to write her Texas play — or her New York one.

“I feel like everything I write is on a five-year delay,” said Smith, whose produced plays often circle the Buckeye State. (Last season’s Grief Camp took place in Virginia, but also followed young people; another play, about Holocaust memory, was called Deadclass, Ohio and, aptly, played at the New Ohio Theatre in Manhattan.)  “Until I was like 23 I was like I can only write about being 17.”

Her new projects, Two Girls, a metatheatrical work about a shock porn video, and Biography (her least autobiographical piece to date), are departures.

It’s hard to explain the exact vibe of Dad Don’t Read This. Some have likened Smith’s work to Annie Baker, who she knows from UT Austin. I propose, in moments, it approaches Chekhov at a sleepover. Smith says she would never compare herself to the Russian master, but is happy to sing his praises. Though I meant this as a compliment, it could be seen as critique: On the surface, there isn’t much of a plot.

“I often joke that I don’t like plot,” Smith said. “But that actually isn’t true. I rigorously plot all my plays, it’s just the plot is like: This character is deeply wounded because of the perceived subtext from a line about a soda, and to me, that is plot.”

She also believes Top Gun: Maverick is the best movie ever in part because of how much happens. You can tell she is sincere, while knowing this is somewhat absurd to discuss in the same breath as The Cherry Orchard.

“You can have great art like Top Gun: Maverick, that is very sort of like there’s a story and these are all the beats, and you can also have Chekhov where the plot is like a wound that you couldn’t even name.”

Ineffable feelings are the engine of Dad Don’t Read This. Mal and her friends try and fail to articulate just what is going on in their little lives, where the inconsequential is the only thing that matters.

While firmly of a generation — it’s set in 2014, the actors are a few years younger than Smith — the play has found older admirers. Helen Shaw of The New York Times ranked it one of her top shows of the season. The New Yorker’s Adam Gopnik will participate in a “Dad Affinity Night” on June 28.

The key to its connection may well be what’s absent from the stage — smart phones and social media are nowhere to be seen. It’s intentional.

“We like don’t have boredom anymore, because we have phones, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how do I put characters in a situation where they can be extremely bored and where that can be dramatically intriguing,” Smith said. “And also, like, how do I make boredom resonate with an audience that doesn’t experience boredom because we look at our phones, and I do feel like being bored in Ohio is like something that I knew so intimately.”

Onstage at the Greenwich House Theatre, boredom lives. And it’s riveting.

The post Eliya Smith says plot is what happens when you’re busy doing nothing appeared first on The Forward.

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Shots fired in Jewish neighborhood of Montreal

(JTA) — Montreal police said an alleged shooter in a neighborhood known for its large Jewish population had been “neutralized” after killing one police officer and wounding another officer and a civilian Monday.

“A suspect has been neutralized,” the official police account posted on X after advising residents Côte-des-Neiges to stay indoors. “Two police officers and one citizen have been injured. The police operation is still underway. Continue to avoid the area. Further details to follow.”

The Montreal Gazette later reported that the suspect and the civilian also were dead.

It was not clear if the intended targets were Jewish, but a Chabad emissary in the neighborhood told Ynet, an Israeli news site, that a nearby building was targeted and that he was sheltering about 100 people.

The Yeshiva World News news site posted a video of a SWAT team swarming around a home belonging to a family affiliated with Chabad, the Orthodox Jewish movement.

Côte-des-Neiges was the scene of postwar Jewish settlement as Jewish families ascending from the working to the middle class moved west from the area of St. Laurent Boulevard. The area, with treelined streets studded with duplexes and low-rise apartment buildings, had a friendly neighborhood ambience and lacked the anti-Jewish restrictions some of the wealthier enclaves maintained at the time.

There are a number of Jewish schools and synagogues in the area, including the Spanish and Portuguese synagogue, the oldest congregation in the country, established in 1768 and which moved to the neighborhood in 1947. The neighborhood is now the site of a large Chabad community and a number of Jewish restaurants and delis.

This is a developing story.

The post Shots fired in Jewish neighborhood of Montreal appeared first on The Forward.

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