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‘I wanted to be more me’: Teens propel a trend toward gender-neutral mitzvah ceremonies
This article was produced as part of JTA’s Teen Journalism Fellowship, a program that works with Jewish teens around the world to report on issues that affect their lives.
(JTA) — Like many Jewish teens, Ash Brave was nervous for their b’nai mitzvah. Memorizing the Torah portion, sending invitations, planning a party: It’s a lot for a 13-year-old to think about during what can already be an anxiety-filled age.
Despite the typical stress involved with preparing to enter the adult Jewish community, Brave cheerfully described their gender-neutral b’nai mitzvah last summer, recalling feeling “really supported [by] the whole synagogue.” For teens like Brave, an eighth grader from Boulder, Colorado who uses he and they pronouns interchangeably, gender-inclusive b’nai mitzvahs (often termed “b’mitzvahs”) offer an opportunity to come of age as their full selves.
Across the country, there is an expanding list of Jewish community centers, day schools, Hillels, organizations and more that include and celebrate LGBTQ+ identities. Many synagogues are following suit with the ceremonies they offer and the language they use. Some congregations are initiating these changes on their own; in other cases, the teens themselves are propelling the shifts.
Traditionally, most synagogues hold gendered b’nai mitzvah, with bar mitzvahs for boys and bat mitzvahs for girls (“b’nai” is the Hebrew plural form meanings “sons and daughters,” although it is technically masculine). Increasingly, many Jewish congregations are moving towards gender-inclusive b’nai mitzvah ceremonies. Synagogues like Har Hashem, a Reform synagogue in Boulder, have been offering these ceremonies for years at the request of their congregants. Because of these shifts, many gender nonconforming Jewish teens feel a deeper sense of belonging in their religious communities.
According to Rabbi Fred Greene of Har Hashem, the synagogue holds approximately 25 b’nai mitzvah ceremonies annually. In the last year, three of those were gender-neutral. Although the congregation has offered the option for almost five years, this is the first year they have had teens opting for the inclusive version. Greene said that the congregation also has teens who have transitioned after their b’nai mitzvah. He estimates that they have 5-7 teen congregants who identify as trans or genderqueer, meaning they do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.
B’mitzvahs at Har Hashem mirror the traditional gendered ceremonies in everything but language. “We have folks that don’t feel like a ‘ben’ or a ‘bat,’” said Greene, using the Hebrew words meaning “son” and “daughter.” “So we come up with other Hebrew terms, [such as] ‘beit,’ which is from “the house of [parent name].” He said that a number of changes can be made to the Hebrew to increase inclusivity, ranging from the creation of new terms to using the infinitive version of words that would otherwise be gendered. “We’re not treating anybody any differently, other than being sensitive to their needs,” he said.
Ruby Marx, a 16-year-old who uses she/her pronouns, had a gender-neutral b’mitzvah with Temple Beth Zion in the Boston area in early 2020, pre-pandemic. “I always knew that I was gonna have to have [a b’nai mitzvah]. But when it came time to start thinking about it, I was like, ‘I really don’t feel comfortable having a bat mitzvah.’ But I wasn’t comfortable [having a bar mitzvah], either. So someone suggested that I do something in the middle. And that felt right for me.”
Marx, who describes herself as gender-fluid, was the first teen in her congregation to have a ceremony that didn’t fall within either the bar or bat categories. In the years following, several other teens in her community have had gender-neutral ceremonies, including one having an upcoming ceremony in mid-March.
“I don’t think anyone else had done something like that before,” said Marx. “I think a lot of other kids started to feel comfortable being like, ‘oh, maybe that’s something I would want to do,’ or incorporating different things that they’re passionate about [into their ceremonies].”
For her ceremony, she wore a prayer shawl featuring rainbow trimming and various rock n’ roll patches from her favorite bands. Marx said that the most rewarding part of her experience has been being a trailblazer for inclusion in her congregation. “It definitely feels good to know that I can help other kids feel comfortable being who they are, because I know that sometimes I’m not always comfortable being who I am. It’s nice to know that kids can look up to me,” she said.
Gender inclusion in b’nai mitzvahs has been expanding for decades, beginning with the American introduction of the bat mitzvah in 1922 for the daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of Reconstructionism, in New York City. Before that, only boys were allowed to engage in the important coming of age tradition. After Judith Kaplan’s ceremony, the custom slowly spread across the country in non-Orthodox synagogues. For decades, however, the ceremonies for girls differed from those offered to boys: In many synagogues, girls were not allowed to read from the Torah, and their services were held on Friday nights rather than Saturday mornings. Orthodox synagogues were slow in accepting the bat mitzvah, and still maintain strict gender roles in synagogue.
Ruby Marx playing the guitar during a benefit concert they held for their mitzvah project. (Courtesy Pamela Joy Photography).
As feminism progressed both outside and within Jewish communities, girls pushed to be allowed to read from the Torah and to be counted towards a minyan, the 10-person quorum required for public prayer. Full bat mitzvahs became an accepted norm. A similar pattern is now occurring for b’mitzvahs.
As a coming of age ritual, b’nai mitzvahs occupy a unique role in Jewish life. Their goal is to integrate young Jews into the broader community, signaling that they have the knowledge and maturity to take on adult ritual responsibilities. Because of this, many young trans Jews wish to have a ceremony that will fully reflect them as they become more involved in their community and beyond.
Brave, the Colorado teen, chose to have their ceremony gender-neutral to ensure it still fit them down the road. “I don’t really know what I’m going to identify as in the future, because identity is fluid. And while I may be comfortable right now with being closer to a male identity, [later] I might be less comfortable with that,” they said.
Marx, the gender fluid teen outside of Boston, said entering the community as her authentic self was an integral part of her choice. “I had grown up watching all my cousins, and then my sister, have [ceremonies]. Afterwards, they were a lot more independent in their Jewish identity. That was something that appealed to me, because I wanted to be connected to the Jewish community, but I wanted to do it in my own way,” said Marx.
B’mitzvahs aren’t the only gender-inclusive ceremony offered now. Many Reform congregations have also created ceremonies for gender transitions, Hebrew name changes, and coming out, often based on a curriculum offered by the Central Conference of American Rabbis. “These are holy moments of growth and transformation, and we want to be supportive in their journeys,” Rabbi Greene of Har Hashem said. Brave also had a ceremony with Har Hashem to change their Hebrew name, and the synagogue made them an updated yad — a pointer used in reading Torah — to match.
Teens who were not able to do their ceremony gender-neutral say having access to inclusive ceremonies would have increased the enjoyment and meaning of their b’nai mitzvahs. “I would have felt more like I was stepping into my own skin, instead of the skin [of someone] that I was pretending to be,” said Mica Newmark. The 17-year-old, who uses they/them pronouns, had a gendered ceremony at Nevei Kodesh, a Renewal synagogue in Boulder, before coming into their identity more. Since their ceremony, Newmark has grown apart from religion. “I don’t really relate anymore,” they said.
Even teens who were more clear on their identity struggled with having gendered ceremonies. Jay, a 15-year-old from Boulder, came out immediately following their ceremony. (Jay, estranged from a parent who has a leadership role in their synagogue, asked that their last name be omitted.) They found the ceremony “pretty stressful” and their coming out experience difficult, explaining that they wanted everyone to understand the concept of existing outside of the gender binary, but didn’t feel that was possible at the time. “I had really long hair then, so I wanted to cut it, and just be more me,” Jay said. “But I was really stressed, because I knew I was going to get misgendered at the ceremony.”
Keshet publishes a guide to “design and support affirming b’mitzvah celebrations.” (Keshet)
In the following years, Jay helped to institute the use of pronoun pins at synagogue events, as well as generally making an effort to educate community members on transgender issues. “I think [gender-neutral ceremonies] allow queer Jewish people to embrace their religion and continue to flourish within Judaism without feeling gendered,” they said.
Keshet, a national Jewish LGBTQ+ organization, published a guide for b’mitzvah ceremonies. “Celebrating the Age of Mitzvah: A Guide for all Genders” includes information from what to call the ceremony to what the dress code should be, all aimed at helping communities create inclusive and meaningful traditions.
The need for the resources came from synagogues and young congregants, said Jackie Maris, the Chicago education and training manager for the organization. “It’s not just Jewish boys and girls becoming Jewish men and women, it’s Jewish kids of all gender identities becoming Jewish adults,” said Maris. “Having a tool that helps guide everyone through that process, with gender-expansive language and rituals that include folks beyond the binary, is very needed.”
Keshet recently updated the resources. “Adjusting practices to make them more inclusive is what has always been done in Jewish tradition,” said Maris. “Even ancient practices and rituals have evolved over time, and because they are human constructed, we continue to humanly evolve them.”
However, a number of communities still mainly offer gendered ceremonies. Orthodox synagogues and others that are non-egalitarian have not made widespread shifts towards gender-neutral ceremonies.
Despite the strict gender separation in Orthodoxy, there is also a growing push for inclusion of LGBTQ+ individuals in these spaces. Organizations like Eshel, a nonprofit based in the United States and Canada, work to provide LGBTQ+ Orthodox jews and their families with resources for living and thriving in Orthodox Jewish spaces. Other organizations are targeted specifically at teens, such as Jewish Queer Youth, which engages queer youth from Orthodox, Hasidic and traditionalist Sephardi/Mizrahi communities.
“LGBTQ youth who live in a community that is accepting of LGBTQ people reported significantly lower rates of attempting suicide than those who do not,” reports The Trevor Project. For both Brave and Marx, their communities, families and friends were largely supportive of their decision to have non-gendered ceremonies. “It definitely felt like the community showed me a lot of love to be able to do that,” Marx said. “I was really able to be myself.”
By expanding inclusion, Jewish institutions are expanding their reach and impact, as well as creating more engaging communities. “I don’t think that God creates in vain. And so, while there’s a lot of people that are still learning, including myself, about issues relating to gender and identity, our role as a sacred space and a Jewish community is to have an open tent where folks can enter in any doorway they want, because there are no doors,” said Rabbi Greene of Har Hashem.
Brave said that their ceremony made them feel fully included in their synagogue. “It felt good to officially be a part of a community that I can’t really get taken away from,” they said.
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Maryland kosher pizzeria to furloughed federal workers: You can pay us back later
Earlier this month, Josh Katz noticed a dip in sales at his kosher restaurant, Ben Yehuda Pizza in Silver Spring, Maryland.
He knew the culprit, and it wasn’t antisemitism or an anti-Israel boycott. The federal government’s shutdown had left hundreds of thousands of federal employees across the country furloughed, and his regular customers were tightening their belts.
“People are being a little bit more vocal about their financial insecurities at the moment,” said Katz. “They’re just not sure when they’re going to be getting a paycheck.”
In Silver Spring alone, the headquarters of the Food and Drug Administration draws over 10,000 federal employees. In the greater Washington, D.C. area, roughly 280,000 workers are employed by the federal government. With all of those workers going multiple weeks without paychecks, Katz said he’d heard from members of his community who were feeling the financial strain.
So last week, he posted an offer on Facebook: “Order now, and pay us down the road when the paychecks come in.” Soon, the first requests started rolling in.
“We’re not giving anything away for free here, but I realized by just allowing people to defer payments, that could really help with their sense of normalcy,” Katz said.
The post did not take a stance on the shutdown, which has hinged on a stalemate between Democratic and Republican senators over competing spending bills and does not appear to be near resolution. “We try to avoid politics at Ben Yehuda,” it said. “We support the Pizza Party, but that’s about as far as we go.”
Ben Yehuda Pizza is located in Kemp Mill, a neighborhood of Silver Spring with a sizable Orthodox Jewish population and multiple synagogues and Jewish community centers. Katz said that while the deal was open to all federal workers, most of his regular customers are Jewish.
He said the timing of the shutdown, which began on Oct. 1 and coincided with the beginning of Yom Kippur, had further compounded the strain on local Jewish families he serves.
“When it started during the holidays, all of a sudden we have massive food bills, because we have to pay for all these festive meals,” said Katz. “When you’re not sure when the next check is going to come, you tighten the belt, or maybe you’re not as festive as you’d ideally like.”
Jewish leaders and groups across the country have mobilized to support unpaid federal government workers affected by the shutdown, some of whom are working essential roles without being paid.
In San Diego, the local branch of the Jewish Family Service began distributing bags of groceries to affected federal workers just days into the shutdown. It has has since provided over 5,700 meals to about 1,000 families.
And multiple free loan societies have created special programs for federal workers, echoing an initiative offered by the Hebrew Free Loan Association of Greater Washington during the 2018 shutdown that lasted 35 days, setting a record that could soon be eclipsed. The Hebrew Free Loan Society of New York, for example, is providing interest-free loans of up to $7,500 for federal employees affected by the current shutdown.
On Friday, Katz said two families had already signed up for Ben Yehuda’s payment deferment deal. But far more community members, he said, had reached out asking how they could contribute a meal to a federal employee.
“That’s really what inspires me, is seeing people who are willing to do that,” he said. “That’s really been the most beautiful thing that comes out of this.”
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Rep. Randy Fine denounces Tucker Carlson as ‘most dangerous antisemite in America’
LAS VEGAS — Most of the Republicans denouncing an explosion of antisemitism on the right at this weekend’s Republican Jewish Coalition convention refrained from naming names.
Not so for Randy Fine, one of four Jewish Republicans in Congress.
“Make no mistake. Today, Tucker Carlson is the most dangerous antisemite in America,” he said during an address Saturday morning. “He has chosen to take on the mantle of leader of a modern-day Hitler Youth.”
He continued by listing Carlson’s offenses: “To broadcast and feature those who celebrate the Nazis, those who call for the extermination of Israel, to defend Hamas, to even criticize President Trump for stopping Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Friends, make no mistake: Tucker is not MAGA.”
In front of Fine, dozens of student volunteers held up signs with that message that the RJC had prepared. The group’s convention has taken place under a shadow cast by Carlson, the former Fox News host who last week hosted the white supremacist Nick Fuentes on his popular streaming show.
In their first-ever joint appearance, the duo discussed “these Zionist Jews” at length, with Carlson and Fuentes both expressing opposition to U.S. support for Israel and Fuentes describing his views on Jews and Judaism at length.
The interview spurred distress from some on the right who saw it as evidence of a broad mainstreaming of antisemitism within the Republican Party. It also elicited a striking response from the Heritage Foundation, the conservative think tank that envisioned many of the policies being advanced by the party today.
On Thursday, the foundation’s president, Kevin Roberts, announced in a video statement that not only was he rejecting calls to cut ties with Carlson, but he saw Carlson’s critics as evidence of a “venomous coalition” threatening the party from within.
“If those who support Tucker Carlson want to see a venomous coalition, all they need to do is go look in the mirror,” Fine said, announcing that he was canceling a planned appearance at a Heritage Foundation event next week.
Fine declared that he would no longer allow Heritage staffers entry to his Capitol Hill office.
“I will be calling on all of my colleagues on the Republican side to do the same,” he said.
Fine, who represents a district in central Florida, has the backing of President Donald Trump and has sought to carry the mantle of Trump’s MAGA movement. Calling himself the “Hebrew Hammer,” he has drawn attention for his pugnacious style and unwavering support for the Israeli government.
Fine began his speech by boasting of being the first member of Congress to wear a kippah on the House floor — a move he said was motivated by defiance, not religious piety. He also railed against multiple liberal and pro-Palestinian politicians who are a frequent target of his ire: Reps. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib, as well as New York City mayoral frontrunner Zohran Mamdani, whom he has called to have deported.
But Fine quickly shifted gears to direct his attention to his own party — and explain why he was one of the few speakers to criticize Carlson explicitly.
“It’s easy to talk about antisemitism on the left. I want to talk about the dark force rising on our side,” he said. “Multiple speakers have talked about the rise of antisemitism on the right. But it is not enough to speak in platitudes or generalities about the fight. We must call evil by its name.”
In addition to Carlson, he also condemned two far-right Republicans in Congress by name: Thomas Massie and Marjorie Taylor Greene, each of whom has criticized U.S. support for Israel and drawn censure for advancing antisemitic conspiracy theories.
As the crowd booed at their names, Fine said, “Some days I marvel at their stupidity. Other days, at their evil. It makes my stomach crawl that I have to sit in the same room as them.”
Fine likened their presence in the party to what he said was a once-fringe presence of antisemitism on the left that had metastasized over time.
The Democrats “said, ‘It’s no big deal. They’re the fringe, no one listens to them, no one will believe them.’ And they didn’t do anything about it, and look where we are now,” he said.
Echoing a message broadcast at the start of the RJC confab by Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, he then said: “So now we have to choose: Will we ignore these embarrassments to our party? Will we pretend that they don’t matter or don’t exist? Will we make the same mistakes the Democrats made so many years ago? I know what I’m going to choose. I’m going to choose to fight.”
Fine did not mention another prominent Republican who has recently ignited antisemitism concerns of his own: Vice President JD Vance, who earlier this month downplayed a Young Republicans’ group chat in which some participants praised Hitler and this week sidestepped an antisemitic question posed to him by a student at the University of Mississippi.
In an interview, Fine said thought Vance was right to forgive the Young Republicans’ chat, saying, “Kids do stupid things.” (Most of the people on the chat were young professionals, some in their 30s.)
But he said he could not comment on Vance’s Ole Miss encounter. “I haven’t seen it, so I couldn’t comment about it,” he said. “I think that was a pretty long event so I haven’t watched it.”
He said he was proud of his own advocacy around college campuses, citing both his activism against pro-Palestinian student protesters at universities and the engagement of the young Jewish Republicans who joined his speech.
“It was very cool for me to have all those kids down there,” Fine said. “It’s part of why I do what I do — to make sure kids feel safe on college campuses.”
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Turkish FM Hosts Hamas Delegation Ahead of Guarantors Meeting in Istanbul
Turkey’s Foreign Minister Hakan Fidan speaks during a press conference following the inaugural meeting of the Balkans Peace Platform, a Turkish-led initiative aimed at fostering dialogue and cooperation across the Western Balkans, in Istanbul, Turkey, July 26, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Murad Seze
i24 News – Turkish Foreign Minister Hakan Fidan met with Hamas chief Khalil al-Khayya and other senior members of the jihadist group’s political bureau in Istanbul on Saturday.
Al-Hayya, a senior Hamas negotiator, was among the terror chiefs surviving an Israeli strike on their Doha residence last month. Topics of discussion, according to the Turkish foreign ministry, included the state of the ceasefire and the flow of humanitarian aid.
The meeting comes ahead of Monday’s Istanbul gathering of the foreign ministers of the so-called “guarantor countries” as stipulated in the ceasefire plan put forth by the U.S. administration of President Donald Trump. The countries include Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Turkey and Saudi Arabia.
Meanwhile Israel determined that partial remains of three deceased individuals handed over to Israel by Hamas in Gaza overnight were not those of any of the hostages held in the war-ravaged enclave.
The bodies of 11 hostages are thought to still be in Gaza. Hamas has released 20 living hostages and handed over the remains of 17 others since a U.S.-brokered ceasefire took effect on October 10, bringing to a halt the two-year war sparked by the October 7, 2023 massacre.
The U.S.-brokered truce, which left thorny issues like the disarmament of Hamas unresolved, has seen the jihadist group reassert its control over parts of Gaza by brutal reprisals against Palestinians perceived to be hostile to its rule. The outbreaks of violence by Hamas against both Gazans and Israeli forces have tested the fragile truce.