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Marriage Tips from Jacob?
Jacob Meets Laban by Antonio Balestra. Photo: Wikipedia.
JNS.org – They say that the definition of a successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend. And the definition of a successful woman is one who can find such a man.
It’s been more than a thousand years since polygamy was prohibited in Jewish life. One can only wonder how they managed it. Today, we have difficulty satisfying just one spouse. How on earth did people handle multiple marriage partners?
This week in Vayetze, Genesis 28-32, we read of Jacob going off to Haran to find a wife. In the end, due to his father-in-law Laban’s deceptiveness, he ends up with two wives, Rachel and Leah. As the story unfolds, he adds another two wives as well, Bilhah and Zilpah. Remarkably, over the next 20 chapters, as we follow the long life of Jacob, we only find one argument, that which he had with Rachel. When she complained that she was suffering from infertility, he exclaimed, “Am I G-d? Have I deprived you of offspring?” If the Torah only mentions one incident of marital strife in all of the decades of Jacob’s life, that is quite a tribute to his success in handling his marriage to four wives.
Today, most of us struggle with a single marriage partner.
When times are tough, the tough get going … right out of the house. Too many men and women leave their marriages because of the pressures of life in our contemporary milieu. We may well live in the most affluent society in all of history, but the expectations are unreasonably high, and the standards we are expected to emulate are often beyond our reach.
She: “My husband is a shlemiel, a shlemazel, a jerk. I’m telling you, I should have married my first boyfriend! He’s made a success of his life.”
He: “And if you would only be a little more supportive, we could be managing a lot better. I get no support from you. Only bills!”
Often, marriages that are basically sound and solid face serious strain over financial stresses.
There are whole pages in the Talmud Megillah (27b-28a) recording conversations between some of the great sages who were blessed with long lives and their students, “Rabbi, how did you merit longevity?” the students asked. Each venerable rabbi gave his own suggestion as to what special practice he was scrupulous with, which may have been the righteous deed that earned him a long life.
The answers of these great learned men ranged from the sublime to the simple. One said, “I never gained honor from the humiliation of a colleague.” Another said he was always the first one to the house of study. A third said he never used the synagogue as a shortcut. Some of them are more notable than others. But the one that most impressed me was Rabbi Zeira, who said, “In all my days, I never got angry at home.” Wow! If any of all those good practices deserves a long life, surely, that’s the one. How I wish I could say that of myself.
During the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States, a popular slogan stressing the need for cool, calm and rational heads on both sides of the divide was “Coexistence or no existence!” It warned us of the consequences if the Cold War got too hot. With nuclear bombs at the disposal of both sides, global obliteration, horrible as it may be, had to be contemplated.
Coexistence is imperative on the micro level, too, in our personal lives and in our marriages. Open and honest communication between men and women is critically important.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing and helpful if a macho man might say, “Y’know honey, the business isn’t doing as well as it was. I could really use some more support, maybe even affection, these days.” And how many spouses, men and women, actively listen? And hear? There’s an old Jewish proverb: “Why did God give us two ears and one mouth? To listen twice as much as we speak.”
Ceasefires seem to be the order of the day. I appeal to warring marriage partners to call a ceasefire of their own and seek help and support from trusted professionals.
We’re on the same team. These are times for families to pull together, not to tear apart. Marriage counseling can and does work. There are excellent people in the helping professions in every community. Reach out to an honest broker. It may be a therapist, social worker or rabbi. They are only too happy to help. I’ve seen many families with problems who addressed their problems and are today happier than ever.
Jacob loved and respected all his wives. We only have one significant other to deal with. May we follow the lead of our founding father and be blessed with long, happy marriages and healthy and harmonious families.
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Germany: 5 Killed, Scores Wounded after Saudi Man Plows Car Into Christmas crowd
Magdeburg Christmas market, December 21, 2024. Photo: REUTERS/Christian Mang
i24 News – A suspected terrorist plowed a vehicle into a crowd at a Christmas market in the German city of Magdeburg, west of the capital Berlin, killing at least five and injuring dozens more.
Local police confirmed that the suspect was a Saudi national born in 1974 and acting alone.
German Chancellor Olaf Scholz expressed his concern about the incident, saying that “reports from Magdeburg suggest something bad. My thoughts are with the victims and their families.”
Police declined to give casualty numbers, confirming only a large-scale operation at the market, where people had gathered to celebrate in the days leading up to the Christmas holidays.
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Syria’s New Rulers Name HTS Commander as Defense Minister
A person waves a flag adopted by the new Syrian rulers, as people gather during a celebration called by Hayat Tahrir al-Sham (HTS) near the Umayyad Mosque, after the ousting of Syria’s Bashar al-Assad, in Damascus, Syria, Photo: December 20, 2024. REUTERS/Ammar Awad/File Photo
Syria’s new rulers have appointed Murhaf Abu Qasra, a leading figure in the insurgency which toppled Bashar al-Assad, as defense minister in the interim government, an official source said on Saturday.
Abu Qasra, who is also known by the nom de guerre Abu Hassan 600, is a senior figure in the Islamist Hayat Tahrir al-Sham (HTS) group which led the campaign that ousted Assad this month. He led numerous military operations during Syria’s revolution, the source said.
Syria’s de facto leader Ahmed al-Sharaa discussed “the form of the military institution in the new Syria” during a meeting with armed factions on Saturday, state news agency SANA reported.
Abu Qasra during the meeting sat next to Sharaa, also known by the nom de guerre Abu Mohammed al-Golani, photos published by SANA showed.
Prime Minister Mohammed al-Bashir said this week that the defense ministry would be restructured using former rebel factions and officers who defected from Assad’s army.
Bashir, who formerly led an HTS-affiliated administration in the northwestern province of Idlib, has said he will lead a three-month transitional government. The new administration has not declared plans for what will happen after that.
Earlier on Saturday, the ruling General Command named Asaad Hassan al-Shibani as foreign minister, SANA said. A source in the new administration told Reuters that this step “comes in response to the aspirations of the Syrian people to establish international relations that bring peace and stability.”
Shibani, a 37-year-old graduate of Damascus University, previously led the political department of the rebels’ Idlib government, the General Command said.
Sharaa’s group was part of al Qaeda until he broke ties in 2016. It had been confined to Idlib for years until going on the offensive in late November, sweeping through the cities of western Syria and into Damascus as the army melted away.
Sharaa has met with a number of international envoys this week. He has said his primary focus is on reconstruction and achieving economic development and that he is not interested in engaging in any new conflicts.
Syrian rebels seized control of Damascus on Dec. 8, forcing Assad to flee after more than 13 years of civil war and ending his family’s decades-long rule.
Washington designated Sharaa a terrorist in 2013, saying al Qaeda in Iraq had tasked him with overthrowing Assad’s rule and establishing Islamic sharia law in Syria. US officials said on Friday that Washington would remove a $10 million bounty on his head.
The war has killed hundreds of thousands of people, caused one of the biggest refugee crises of modern times and left cities bombed to rubble and the economy hollowed out by global sanctions.
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Sweden Ends Funding for UNRWA, Pledges to Seek Other Aid Channels
View of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) building in Rafah in the southern Gaza Strip. Photo: Abed Rahim Khatib / Flash90.
i24 News – Sweden will no longer fund the U.N. refugee agency for Palestinians (UNRWA) and will instead provide humanitarian assistance to Gaza via other channels, the Scandinavian country said on Friday.
The decision comes on the heels of multiple revelations regarding the agency’s employees’ involvement in the October 7, 2023, Hamas-led massacre in southern Israel that triggered the war in Gaza.
Sweden’s decision was in response to the Israeli ban, as it will make channeling aid via the agency more difficult, the country’s aid minister, Benjamin Dousa, said.
“Large parts of UNRWA’s operations in Gaza are either going to be severely weakened or completely impossible,” Dousa said. “For the government, the most important thing is that support gets through.”
The Palestinian embassy in Stockholm said in a statement: “We reject the idea of finding alternatives to UNRWA, which has a special mandate to provide services to Palestinian refugees.”
Israeli Deputy Foreign Minister Sharren Haskel thanked Dousa for a meeting they had this week and for Sweden’s decision to drop its support for UNRWA.
“There are worthy and viable alternatives for humanitarian aid, and I appreciate the willingness to listen and adopt a different approach,” she said.
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