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Converting to Judaism has defined my high school experience
This article was produced as part of JTA’s Teen Journalism Fellowship, a program that works with Jewish teens around the world to report on issues that affect their lives.
(JTA) — During the pandemic, my mom decided to start baking; my friend Reagan learned Osage, a Native American language; my brother taught himself how to skateboard.
I decided to channel my free time and energy into converting to Judaism.
Growing up in the Bible Belt, I was only ever exposed to Christian theology. Almost everyone around me was a Baptist. Although my parents intentionally raised my brother and me without a focus on religion, I grew up going to Christian preschool, Christian summer camps, and being surrounded by other Christians–just because there weren’t other options. While this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, I always knew that Christianity wasn’t right for me.
At first, the idea of eternal life and an all-knowing God provided comfort, but as I got older I started to feel disconnected from Christianity. Concepts like the Holy Trinity never made sense to me, and by age 12 I thought I had given up on religion entirely.
I first started looking into Judaism towards the end of 2020. I’m not really sure what led me to this; I just stumbled upon it and found that its emphasis on making the ordinary holy, repairing the world, and the pursuit of knowledge was a perfect fit for my already existing beliefs. My parents were a little bit shocked but ultimately supportive when I told them that I wanted to convert. My mom’s main concern was that I would become the target of antisemitism. “I’m happy for you and try not to think about the what-ifs,” she said while driving me to the Jewish community center so that I could board the bus headed to the BBYO Jewish youth group’s International Convention.
In the spring of 2021, I emailed the rabbi at a local synagogue about my potential conversion. During our first conversation, he asked me if I’d heard about the custom of rabbis turning away potential candidates three times. I told him I had, but that if he turned me away I would just keep coming back. After the meeting, I signed up for conversion classes and started attending services regularly — and I wasn’t alone.
According to a 2021 Tablet survey, 43% of American rabbis are seeing more conversion candidates than before. The reasons for conversion are diverse. Some candidates fell down an internet rabbit hole that led to a passion for Judaism. Others took an ancestry test and wanted to reconnect with their Jewish heritage. Many were raised as Reform Jews but weren’t Jewish according to stricter halachic, or Jewish legal, standards and decided to convert under Conservative or Orthodox auspices. Despite the common stereotype that Jews by choice must be converting for the sake of marriage, many rabbis said that converts are less likely than ever to be converting for a Jewish partner.
After meeting with a rabbi about the potential conversion, candidates are expected to learn everything they can about Judaism. In my case, that meant 21 weeks of hour-long, weekly conversion classes in addition to independent study on Jewish mysticism, traditions, and ideas. Candidates are also expected to become active members of their local Jewish community and attend services regularly.
Once the candidate and the rabbi feel they are ready to convert, a beit din, or a court usually made up of three rabbis, is assembled. They will conduct an interview, asking the candidate about what brought them to Judaism and basic questions about what was taught during conversion classes. When the beit din has guaranteed that the candidate genuinely wants to convert, the candidate immerses in the mikveh, a pool used for ritual purification. After submerging in the mikveh, the convert is considered to be officially Jewish and is typically called up for an aliyah, ascending the platform where the Torah is read.
According to Rabbi Darah Lerner, who served in Bangor, Maine before her retirement last year, the main difference between teens converting alone and teens converting with their family is the parental approval that’s needed, but otherwise the process is very similar. “I treated them pretty much as I did with adults,” she said. For me, the only parental approval needed was my mom telling my rabbi that she and my dad were fine with me starting the conversion process. She also noted that it was easier for teens to integrate into the Jewish community because people were excited to see young people interested in Judaism.
A mikveh, like this one at Mayyim Hayyim outside of Boston, is a ritual pool where Jews by choice immerse as part of the conversion process. (Courtesy Mayyim Hayyim)
She said that the Jewish community gave the teens a place where they could ask questions and not be shut down. “If they have a pushback, or a curiosity, or a problem we allow them to ask it and we give them real answers or resources,” she said.
“I feel extremely privileged when youth come to me with these questions and these desires,” Rabbi Rachael Jackson, from Hendersonville, North Carolina. Jackson has worked with three teens in the conversion process over the past two years. Like Lerner, she doesn’t require teens to wait until they turn 18 to begin the conversion process. However, it’s not unusual for rabbis to recommend that teens wait until they turn 18 to begin their conversion.
My conversion process has defined my high school experience. I’ve been able to connect with other Jews at my school through BBYO, which has helped me find a community at school and meet people who I might not have met otherwise. Although it’s made me feel farther from the Christian community I was once a part of, Judaism has given me spiritual fulfillment, a love for Israel, and a sense of community — both in my synagogue and my BBYO chapter.
Others who have gone through the process feel much the same way. “I wouldn’t even recognize myself,” said Haven Lail, 17, from Hickory, North Carolina. “My whole personality is based on being Jewish. That’s what I love.” Adopted into a Jewish family at age 12, Lail felt drawn to Judaism because of the loving and accepting community she found.
Raised as a nondenominational Christian, Lail attended church regularly with her biological parents, but not for the religious aspect. “It was all hellfire and brimstone,” she said. Neglected by her birth parents, she only went to church because she knew there would be food there.
Lail started the conversion process at age 12 through a Hebrew high school, and four years later, she submerged in the mikveh and signed a certificate finalizing her conversion. The process was simple, but she was shocked that so few Jews knew about the conversion process. “It was a little weird,” she said.
The Talmud says that because “the Jewish people were themselves strangers, they are not in a position to demean a convert because he is a stranger in their midst.” However, it isn’t uncommon for converts to feel alienated from the rest of the Jewish community. “There’s this fear of going to college and still being othered because you still won’t quite fit in with the people who have been raised Jewish,” said one high school senior from North Carolina.
He was shocked by how alienated he felt after making his conversion public, and wanted to stay anonymous because he worries that once people find out that he converted, they’ll see him differently. “I didn’t ever really explain it to anybody except for the people really close to me,” he said. But after his rabbi called him up for an aliyah — a blessing recited during the reading of the Torah — one woman from the congregation began to bring it up to him every time she saw him. “People don’t realize that it can be a touchy thing and very, very othering,” he said.
I usually don’t mind personal questions about my conversion, but asking someone why they converted or pointing out that someone is a convert is frowned upon by Jewish law. I used to feel like everyone could tell that I wasn’t raised Jewish, but after one of my BBYO advisors thought that my conversion was just a rumor and couldn’t believe that it was true, I realized that wasn’t the case.
All of my friends and peers who were raised Jewish have memories of Jewish summer camps, Shabbat dinners with family, and a lifetime of other experiences. I often struggle with not feeling “Jewish enough” or like I missed out, especially because so many Jewish customs revolve around the home and family. My parents will often come with me to Shabbat services, but don’t participate in Jewish customs or celebrate Jewish holidays with me. “Anything that is a ritual in the home, they don’t really have the ability to have that autonomy,” said Rabbi Rachael Jackson of Agudas Israel Congregation in Hendersonville, North Carolina.
Grace Hamilton, a student at Muskingum University in New Concord, Ohio, has struggled with imposter syndrome during her conversion. Ever since she started college, she’s been questioning her place in the Jewish community and hasn’t been practicing Judaism as much as she used to. “I haven’t prayed in a really long time,” she said. She used to tell herself that once she finalized her conversion she would finally feel Jewish enough, but after a conversation with her rabbi, she realized that wasn’t the case.
According to Rabbi Rochelle Tulik at Temple B’rith Kodesh in Rochester, New York, many converts feel like they will never be Jewish enough. “That, no matter how hard they try, how many books they read or put on their shelves, no matter how often they come to services, or how many menorahs they light, somehow they’ll be caught,” she said in a Rosh Hashanah sermon she named “You Are Not an Imposter.”
Despite the struggles that many converts face, others like Rabbi Natasha Mann, who now serves as a rabbi at New London Synagogue in England, immediately felt at home within the Jewish community. “I felt like people were excited to have me there and wanted to hear what I had to say,” she said. After a family member mentioned that she might have Jewish ancestry, Mann began exploring out of curiosity. “I started looking into it, just because I felt that it was another piece of the puzzle,” she said.
Coming from an interreligious and intercultural family, she wanted to explore another aspect of her heritage, but ended up connecting with Judaism in a way that she hadn’t connected with any other religion. After two years of study, she decided to officially start her conversion process.
The Jewish community gave Mann a place where her ideas were taken seriously and she could have religious discussions, even as a teen. “I don’t know what my life would have looked like if I hadn’t found somewhere to really express and delve into that,” she said. “And luckily, I never have to.”
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Just before Hanukkah attack, Jewish mayor of Bondi Beach region had been praised for fighting antisemitism
Three weeks before the Hanukkah mass shooting in Australia that has become the deadliest attack on Diaspora Jews in decades, the mayor of the affected region had been feted at a global summit for fighting antisemitism.
“I think it’s really important for us here in Australia, and particularly Waverley, to be proud that we’ve been put on the international stage talking about what we have done in Australia to combat antisemitism,” Will Nemesh, the mayor of the Sydney-area region of Waverley, told the Australian Jewish News about his appearance and panel discussion at the Combat Antisemitism Movement’s mayoral summit held in Paris.
Nemesh’s participation there followed one at an earlier event in September, with other Australian mayors, also put on by the Combat Antisemitism Movement. Jewish himself, Nemesh was committed enough to the cause of fighting antisemitism that he gave a presentation to his city council just days before the attack.
Nemesh’s staff was unable to make him available to comment for this article. But he spoke about his efforts to curb antisemitism during a gathering last week when he convened other mayors from the region in the aftermath of the terrorist attack in which a father and son who had pledged allegiance to ISIS killed 15 people and wounded more than two dozen others at a menorah lighting at Waverley’s Bondi Beach.
“The last time we gathered as mayors in this same place was in February of this year. We gathered with a mission calling for action on antisemitism,” Nemesh said. “We had seen hate spreading through our communities. We knew then, as we know now, that hatred targeted towards the Jewish people never ends there. It spreads like a virus, infects our social cohesion and our Australian way of life, and tragically now it has directly led the loss of life.”
About his fellow mayors, he added, “Being here demonstrates their commitment to combating antisemitism at a local level.”
The Combat Antisemitism Movement has long pressured governments and institutions to follow its playbook in order to prevent antisemitic incidents. Now, with a vocal adherent of its strategy having experienced a violent antisemitic attack under his watch, an emissary for the movement has nothing but praise for him.
“You can definitely not blame him. He’s the last person you can blame,” Yigal Nisell, an advisor for the Combat Antisemitism Movement’s Australia branch, told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency about Nemesh. “He’s not just a supporter of the Jewish community, he’s probably the most active mayor in Australia against antisemitism.”
At the same time, Nisell said, the organization has “a lot of anger coming out now for the government, massive anger.”
That anger, he said, should be directed at senior Australian officials, including Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, whom Nisell believes helped encourage the attack by recently recognizing a Palestinian state in the aftermath of the Oct. 7 Hamas attacks and Israel-Gaza war.
Nisell took little heart in statements from Albanese and others, both before the attack and after, that condemned antisemitism and vowed to root out influence from foreign actors like Iran.
“It’s all bulls–t,” he said. “They didn’t protect the Jewish community… If you look at other governments in the past, this would have never happened because they were very strict, they stood supportive of the Jewish community.”

A sign reading “Jewish Lives Should Matter, Too” is seen at the floral tributes area outside Bondi Pavilion in Sydney on December 18, 2025, to honour victims of the Bondi Beach shooting. The attack at Bondi Beach on December 14 was one of the deadliest in Australian history. (Photo by DAVID GRAY / AFP via Getty Images)
Days after Nisell first spoke with JTA, Albanese gave an address in which the prime minister said he would “accept my responsibility” in failing to safeguard Australia from antisemitism. He unveiled a new plan that includes harsher penalties for speech targeting Jews, shortly after the United Kingdom announced that it would also begin stricter speech prosecution.
“It’s a very, very good step,” Nisell said of Albanese’s plan. “Unfortunately, we had to wait for this kind of incident to make it clear for him that this is necessary.”
But Albanese later declined to convene a state commission to investigate intelligence failings in the lead-up to the attack, inflaming his critics’ anger. Hundreds of thousands of people have signed an online petition calling for his resignation.
Nisell, who is a former senior executive at CAM, lived in Australia for years before moving to Israel in 2023. He is currently head of Mosaic United, a project of Israel’s Ministry of Diaspora Affairs and Combating Antisemitism.
In his time in Australia, he said, Nemesh was one of the few government officials who took the threat of rising antisemitism in Australia seriously.
“Will stood almost every day and warned the government that all these hate crimes were happening in his backyard, and warned them that if this won’t be stopped it could get much, much worse,” he said.
It was a mission that Nemesh felt acutely. Born and raised in Sydney, he is a member of Emanuel Synagogue, a leading liberal congregation in Sydney, and a former staffer at the New South Wales Board of Deputies, a Jewish representative body. In university, he was a leader in Australia’s Jewish student group. He was elected to the Waverley Council in 2017 and chosen for a two-year term as its mayor last year, making him the first Jew to hold the role in the heavily Jewish area in 16 years.
The election followed a controversy on the council, when a deputy mayor voted against condemning Hamas’ Oct. 7, 2023, attack on Israel.
“I think it’s very important to have a strong voice for the Jewish community. Particularly since October 7, communities have felt traumatized and, in some respects, marginalized,” Nemesh told the Australian Jewish news outlet J-Wire at the time, adding that he thought it was important to be “in a position to call out hate and particularly antisemitism and to show strong leadership on that.”
Just prior to the Bondi Beach attack, CAM — which frequently pressures governments to adapt more stringent policies to fight antisemitism — had celebrated Nemesh as one of the few officials doing the right thing.
The movement praised the “Model Antisemitism Strategy” Nemesh had instituted in Waverley, and had him share the strategy with European mayors in Paris. Nemesh’s plan, a CAM release stated two weeks ago, “offers a practical guide to support councils across the country to build their own locally tailored initiatives to counter antisemitism.”
Among the policies the group applauded was the promotion of the International Holocaust Remembrance Association’s definition of antisemitism. “If you are an anti-Zionist, you are an antisemite,” Nisell said, when asked what CAM’s biggest policy priorities are. “This is the biggest thing we want to be clear.”
Mayors have been a major focus of CAM’s activism in recent months, with the group engaging hundreds of such local leaders worldwide on the issue of curbing antisemitism in their communities.
But after the attack, Nisell downplayed the ability of mayors like Nemesh to stand as such bulwarks.
“His power is very, very limited,” he said, of Nemesh. “Will was very active. His council was very active promoting IHRA, promoting statements against antisemitism. I’m just making a point here that everything he has done is just a drop in the sea.”
In fact, Nisell theorized, the mayor’s embrace of such policies may have drawn more attention from antisemitic actors, because he was one of the few mayors in the country who adopted them.
“Because he was only one of very few leaders in Australia that stood against antisemitism, this happened. If there were more, this would never have happened,” Nisell said.
Does the fact that a mayor who proudly and openly embraced CAM’s policies still experienced such a horrific antisemitic attack on his watch mean that there is no way to prevent such incidents? Nisell doesn’t think so. CAM, he said, would continue to promote mayoral summits and policies like Nemesh’s. He hopes that mayors who had declined invitations to attend CAM’s last summit will be compelled by the attack to come to the next one.
On Tuesday the group released an open letter it had circulated to other mayors in its coalition in Australia and beyond, addressed to Nemesh, that offers words of solidarity and encouragement.
“As mayors and council members from around the world, we see firsthand that antisemitism is not an abstract threat — it manifests in our streets, our schools, and our communities,” the letter reads. “Cities are on the front lines of this fight, but governments at all levels must now fully assume their responsibility: to protect Jewish communities, to confront antisemitism decisively, and to ensure that those who incite or commit hatred face real consequences.”
It’s signed, “Mayors and Council Members from Around the World.”
Not every response to the letter has been positive. During the signing phase, an Australian council member told CAM that, while “I unequivocally condemn antisemitism in all its forms … it is essential to distinguish antisemitism from legitimate political and moral positions.”
“Being anti-occupation, anti-genocide, and anti-oppression does not equate to antisemitism,” the official, Cumberland City Councellor Ahmed Ouf, continued in an email shared with JTA. “Condemning the occupation of Palestine, the systematic oppression of the Palestinian people, and the mass killing of tens of thousands of civilians over the past two years is a stance grounded in human rights and international law, not hatred of Jewish people.”
(The open letter does not mention Israel or Palestinians. However, CAM’s ask to its partners includes the statement, “Support for Hamas and terrorist organisations must be illegal, calls for a global intifada investigated, and extremist incitement eradicated.”)
After the attack, Nisell said, he was in contact with Nemesh. “Honestly he couldn’t speak,” he recalled of the mayor. “He is so shocked. Nobody in their wildest dreams could think that this could happen.”
Nisell believes the larger Jewish community should spare Nemesh from its ire. “I really, really hope that this won’t break him, and that this community will show him support,” he said.
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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Vance says ‘religious liberty is a Christian concept.’ Where does that leave Jews?
During his speech at Turning Point USA’s annual convention on Sunday, Vice President JD Vance claimed the “famously American idea of religious liberty is a Christian concept.”
Vance has made this argument before. At the International Religious Freedom Summit, held in Washington, D.C. in February, he said it was “a conceit of modern society that religious liberty is a liberal concept,” adding that “religious freedom flows from concepts central to the Christian faith.”
Vance is correct that the philosophical defense of the right to religious liberty has roots in Christian theology. Tertullian, an influential second-century Christian writer, argued that genuine worship must be a matter of free will rather than coercion — and is credited with coining the term “freedom of religion.”
But while Thomas Jefferson owned a copy of Tertullian’s work, the Christian philosopher was not Jefferson’s only inspiration. The Founding Fathers also drew on Enlightenment thinkers such as John Locke and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who justified religious freedom based on ideas about natural rights and limits on state power.
Nor is religious freedom an exclusively Christian innovation. Religious toleration predates Christianity — centuries earlier, the Roman Empire allowed conquered peoples to maintain their own religious practices, and the Persian Empire embraced religious pluralism.
And Tertullian’s ideas did not exactly translate into a durable Christian political tradition of religious liberty. The Crusades — a series of religious wars launched by Christian rulers — involved massacres, expulsions, and forced conversions of Jews and Muslims. During the Spanish Inquisition, Catholic authorities persecuted and expelled Jews and Muslims who refused to convert.
Indeed, the Founding Fathers’ commitment to religious freedom was shaped in part by Europe’s long history of Christian persecution — a record they sought to avoid replicating in the new American republic.
‘A Christian nation’
The First Amendment makes clear that religious freedom applies to all faiths — not just Christians. So why has Vance waded into a niche historical debate?
According to Rachel Laser, president and CEO of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, the telling line comes later in Vance’s speech: “The only thing that has truly served as an anchor of the United States of America is that we have been, and by the grace of God, we always will be, a Christian nation.” He added that he was “not saying you have to be a Christian to be an American,” but argued that “Christianity is America’s creed.”
Vance’s speech was attempting to “co-opt religious freedom and co-opt church-state separation, to make them all into the idea that Christians should have special favor in this country,” Laser, who is Jewish, said in a phone interview. “This is about an effort to redefine terms and distort them.”
Laser noted that this privileging of Christianity is already influencing federal policy, including allowing government employees to proselytize at work and encouraging co-workers to report each other for “anti-Christian bias” — as if Christians were the only potential targets of religious discrimination. At the state level, blurred lines between church and state have led to Bible-infused lessons in public schools and even an effort to make the Old and New Testament law — literally.
Those types of policies might ring alarm bells for Jews, who have long been among the strongest defenders of the separation of church and state, viewing it as a bedrock principle of religious liberty. The 1947 Supreme Court case Everson v. Board of Education of Ewing Township marked the first time Thomas Jefferson’s idea of a “wall of separation between Church and State” was explicitly recognized in law.
Yet some conservative legal scholars, such as Philip Hamburger, question the concept of church-state separation in its entirety, noting that the Constitution never explicitly mentions such a wall. Critics argue that the Supreme Court has, at times, offered not freedom of religion but freedom from religion, effectively privileging secularism and pushing religion out of the public square.
Vance, who converted to Catholicism in adulthood and has said he hopes his Hindu wife, Usha, will eventually convert to Christianity, has been a key proponent of that line of argumentation, explicitly rejecting church-state separation at an October Turning Point USA event.
“What I believe happened is the Supreme Court interpreted ‘Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion’ to effectively throw the church out of every public space at the federal, state, and local level,” Vance told the crowd. “I think it was a terrible mistake, and we are still paying for the consequences of it today.”
Laser rejected the characterization that church-state separation advocates are inherently secular, noting that roughly half of the plaintiffs in Americans United lawsuits are religious.
“Our opponents try to paint our cause as anti-religion, but it’s actually pro-religion,” Laser said. “Vance would be well served to remember that deeply religious people have been some of the greatest proponents of church-state separation, because they understand that it protects religion from being sullied by the government.”
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26 conceivably believable pop culture predictions for 2026
Picture me alone in some remote garret, clutching a copy of the American Jewish Year Book like it’s the Grimmerie in Wicked. Pages flutter, the wind howls, and I once more set out to divine what is in store for the year ahead.
But how did I do last year? Taylor Swift is still with Travis Kelce — she didn’t leave him for Manischewitz cover model Jeff Retzlaff. Instead, Manischewitz parted ways with Retzlaff, and he with Brigham Young University.
Elmo did not have a title fight with Larry David, but he did have an antisemitic tirade on X, in an apparent hack.
Billy Joel did not release a single called “Noshin’ Out.” For what it’s worth, though, he did tell the world, “No matter what, I will always be a Jew” in his HBO documentary.
My record is mixed, but I persist. If not now, when? If not me, who? Hence, my 26 quite conceivable (I think) predictions for what’s heading our way in pop culture in 2026.
1. Following Britney Spears’ viral Chabad beard appreciation post, in which she enthused over a group of young Lubavitch men playing chess, the “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” artist will tie the knot with husband number four, Mendel Bialybaum of Crown Heights.
2. 82-year-old actor and outspoken progressive Wallace Shawn will announce a politically-minded follow up to his 1981 film about a supper meeting with theater luminary André Gregory. Inspired by a similar summit at Mar-a-Lago in 2022, My Dinner with Fuentes is due to hit theaters in time for the midterms.
3. Diamond District jeweler Nachum Bernstein will be hailed as a real-life Howard Ratner — Adam Sandler’s character in the Safdie brothers’ Uncut Gems, known for his blinged-out Furby — when he unveils a diamond-studded Labubu, “the world’s most expensive.” The creation will be outfitted with pigeon-blood rubies that form the shape of a chai on its chest and a sterling silver backpack clip. It’s not for sale.
4. Alan Dershowitz will found a “spite store” in Martha’s Vineyard after being refused service last summer at a local pierogi stand. “Dersh’s Delights” boasts a legal theme: tarts are called torts, and a signature latte is the Almond Amicus Brief. It will shutter after three weekends, citing lack of interest — just one more reason to be spiteful.
5. The consolidation of HBO into Netflix will herald a number of unlikely franchise crossovers. Most controversial: Season 3 of Nobody Wants This, in which Rabbi Noah will relocate to Baltimore and welcome the family of now-reformed drug kingpin Avon Barksdale as congregants. “The Wire’s been crossed,” the Variety headline blasts.
6. Leslie Odom Jr.’s horror adaptation of a Rolling Stone article about Sammy Davis Jr.’s dalliance with the Church of Satan is reported to feature a scene where Davis — who was Jewish — and Anton LaVey, the Jewish-born founder of that church, play dreidel for one another’s souls.
7. Following Sydney Sweeney’s “good jeans” ad, which some argued was a eugenic dog whistle, American Eagle will launch a new spot, “Good Genes,” with Eugene Levy, Gene Simmons and Gene Shallot sharing a pair of oversized dungarees. Sales soar.
8. After his swearing-in as New York City mayor, Zohran Mamdani will become a Shabbos goy for his Upper East Side neighbors, promising them fast, free melakhot.
9. President Donald Trump’s new White House ballroom will feature a steam room — and Six13 will feature a parody song, “Ballroom Shvitz,” in their Hanukkah a cappella compilation.
10. Richard Kind will be revealed to excel at bocce, and be voted Manischewitz’s second matzo box cover athlete after Retzlaff. “It’s an honor I never dreamed of, and one I’m not certain I want,” Kind will say. His cover photo is dynamic, showing the character actor mid-bowl, releasing a matzo ball in the direction of a cluster of pallini.
11. Nachum Bernstein will awaken one night from a dreamless sleep to find the Labubu of his own creation perched on his chest, emerald pupils gleaming, the Hebrew word אֱמֶת (truth) now bedazzling its brow in fire opals.
12. The Swift-Kelce wedding will be the least Jewish social event of the season, despite the presence of Jack Antonoff.
13. The sequel to K-Pop Demon Hunters (KPDH: Certified Gold) will include a Neil Diamond cameo, in which the Basher — who attended NYU on a fencing scholarship — shish kebabs a string of baddies to the tune of Crunchy Granola Suite.
14. Timothée Chalamet will be cast as Olympian Mark Spitz in a forthcoming biopic directed by Barry Levinson. Sources close to the actor say he was looking for a role that let him keep his Marty Supreme mustache.
15. Billy Joel: Live at the Kotel will usher in an era of peace in a divided Jerusalem.
16. Following a well-received Sabrina Carpenter-led special. Seth Rogen will succeed in reviving The Muppet Show and get creative with its guest hosts. One standout edition will see Noam Chomsky appearing to give Dr. Teeth a crash course in Generative Grammar. (The lesson is interrupted by Animal thrashing on the drums, and Gonzo’s loose chickens stealing focus.)
17. Monty Pickle, the anthropomorphic Jewish gherkin with a mission to shed light on Jewish joy, will be seen wrapping tefillin on Rick and Morty’s Pickle Rick outside of 770 Eastern Parkway.
18. Preparing to play Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network sequel, Jeremy Strong will spend a continuous month living in the Metaverse, stopping only to guzzle Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce. “He’s wired in,” a gleeful Aaron Sorkin will tell The Hollywood Reporter.
19. After reimagining CBS News with new editor-in-chief Bari Weiss, Paramount Skydance CEO David Ellison will set his sights on reshaping CBS’ primetime sitcom lineup, greenlighting Chef in the IDF about a lone soldier with culinary ambitions. When ratings falter, Chuck Lorre will return to expand the Big Bang Theory universe with the show Old Wolowitz.
20. A Goyim Defense League march in Jacksonville, Florida will be disrupted by a near invisible force, which tosses the antisemites sky-high and dangles them over the same highway overpass where they hung a sign reading “6 Million Weren’t Enough.” Video captured on the scene, when slowed down and enhanced, appears to show the neo-Nazis heaved upward by a figure standing a few inches tall — with one full inch being bunny ears — glittering with gems, and wearing a distinctive sharp-toothed grin.
21. Antisemitism watchdog groups will be up in arms on learning that the Cyclops in Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey has a gigantic mezuzah at the entrance to his cave. Nolan explains that the Judaica was left there by the cave’s real-life owners (the Finkles) and vows to digitally remove it for its online release.
22. Nathan Fielder will finally figure out the elusive science of cold fusion on Season 3 of The Rehearsal.
23. After Nachum Bernstein’s family grows increasingly suspicious of his regular business trips, which always seem to coincide with a planned antisemitic rally in major cities, each of which is thwarted by an ostensibly supernatural force, he vows to stay put for the foreseeable future. In his home workshop, he can be heard tapping. When the family stirs awake the next morning, they discover the glittering Labubu on display next to the Shabbat candle sticks. The inscription on the toy’s brow now reads מֵת — “dead.”
24. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu will do Hot Ones. He taps out when host Sean Evans asks a surprisingly sophisticated question about settler violence in the West Bank.
25. Elmo’s X account will be hacked yet again — this time by advocates of hasbara, rather than antisemitism. “Elmo loves cherry tomatoes — did you know they were invented in Israel?” reads one of the posts.
26. After successfully launching its food truck in 2025, Manischewitz will buy several decommissioned Good Year blimps for the project’s next installment. The program will be terminated after injuries stemming from paradropped jarred gefilte fish.
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