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How to Rebuild a Relationship When One Partner Has a Chronic Illness or Disability

Rebuilding a relationship when one partner has a chronic illness or disability can feel overwhelming, but it is absolutely possible. Life may look different, but love, laughter, and connection can still grow. What matters most is learning how to support each other with patience and understanding.

Both partners face new emotions, new limits, and sometimes new fears. But with honest communication and small daily acts of care, a relationship can become even stronger than before. Together, you can build a bond that is steady, supportive, and full of heart.

Rebuilding Trust Through Better Communication

Rebuilding trust through better communication is one of the most important steps when one partner has a chronic illness or disability. Trust can feel fragile when life changes suddenly, but clear and honest communication can help you reconnect and feel secure again. 

It’s about understanding each other, listening carefully, and sharing your feelings without fear; support that professional couples counselling can guide you through.

Talk Openly About Needs and Fears

When a partner has a chronic illness or disability, everyday life can bring unexpected challenges. The first step to rebuilding trust is to talk openly about how you feel and what you need. This isn’t about blaming each other—it’s about letting your partner know your struggles and listening to theirs. Being honest about fears, frustrations, and limits helps both partners feel understood and valued.

Use Calm and Honest Language

The way you communicate matters as much as what you say. Calm, honest words prevent misunderstandings and reduce tension. Avoid raising your voice or blaming each other for difficulties. Instead, focus on expressing your emotions clearly and respectfully. Simple phrases like “I feel…” or “I need…” can make conversations less stressful and more productive.

Check In Regularly

Trust grows over time, and regular check-ins are key. Set aside moments to talk about how things are going, how you’re coping, and how you can support each other better. These conversations don’t need to be long—they just need to be consistent. Regular check-ins show your partner that you care, that you are listening, and that you are committed to rebuilding trust together.

Avoid Blame During Tough Moments

Every relationship faces difficult days, but focusing on blame can damage trust quickly. Instead, approach challenges as a team. When both partners work together to solve problems, it strengthens the relationship and shows that you can rely on each other, even during tough times.

Understanding the New Reality

Understanding the new reality is the first step when one partner has a chronic illness or disability. Life changes in ways you might not expect, and both partners need to adjust together. Accepting these changes doesn’t mean giving up—it means learning how to live fully and love deeply in a new situation.

Recognize How Life Has Changed

A chronic illness or disability often changes daily routines, responsibilities, and energy levels. Things that were simple before may now feel challenging. Recognizing these changes is not about feeling sorry for yourselves—it’s about seeing the situation clearly. When both partners understand what has shifted, it becomes easier to find ways to cope together.

Accept That Roles May Shift

Sometimes one partner may take on more responsibilities, while the other may need more support. This can feel frustrating or unfair, but it’s a natural part of adjusting to new circumstances. Accepting role changes helps reduce tension and builds a foundation for teamwork.

Focus on Mutual Support

In a healthy relationship, both partners support each other emotionally, even if physical tasks change. Asking for help is okay, and offering help without judgment strengthens trust. Small acts of care, like checking in on each other’s feelings or celebrating little successes, make a big difference.

Build a Shared Understanding

Understanding the new reality also means talking openly about expectations, limits, and hopes. When both partners share their thoughts and feelings, it creates a sense of unity. This shared understanding helps the relationship feel stronger and more resilient, even when challenges arise.

By recognizing changes, adjusting roles, and supporting each other, couples can navigate this new reality together and build a relationship that grows stronger despite challenges.

Rebuilding Trust Through Better Communication

Rebuilding trust through better communication is essential when one partner has a chronic illness or disability. Life can throw unexpected challenges, and these changes sometimes create tension or misunderstandings. Open, honest conversations can help both partners feel understood, supported, and emotionally connected again.

Talk Openly About Needs and Feelings

The first step in rebuilding trust is sharing your thoughts, fears, and needs openly. Chronic illness or disability often brings frustration, fatigue, and uncertainty. Talking about these feelings without blaming each other creates a safe space. When both partners are honest about what they need, it strengthens understanding and emotional closeness.

Use Calm and Respectful Language

How you speak matters just as much as what you say. Calm, respectful words reduce misunderstandings and prevent arguments from escalating. Simple phrases like “I feel…” or “I need…” can help communicate emotions clearly. Avoiding blame or criticism ensures that conversations remain productive and supportive.

Check In Regularly

Trust grows when communication is consistent. Set aside time to check in with each other about how you are coping, what support is needed, and how the relationship is feeling. Regular check-ins show that you care, that you are listening, and that you are committed to rebuilding trust together.

Approach Challenges as a Team

Difficult days will come, but blaming each other only creates distance. Treat problems as a shared challenge rather than a personal failure. Working together to solve issues reinforces trust and strengthens your bond, even during the hardest times.

By talking openly, using respectful language, and staying connected through regular check-ins, couples can rebuild trust and create a stronger, more supportive relationship.

Strengthening Emotional and Physical Connection

Strengthening emotional and physical connection is key when one partner has a chronic illness or disability. Changes in health can make closeness feel harder, but it’s still possible to maintain intimacy and feel connected. Small, consistent efforts help keep love and affection alive.

Find New Ways to Show Love

Sometimes the ways you used to connect physically or emotionally may need to change. Holding hands, giving hugs, leaving supportive notes, or spending quiet time together can be just as meaningful as before. Showing love in ways that suit your current situation helps both partners feel valued and cared for.

Prioritize Quality Time Together

Even short, simple moments can strengthen your bond. Watching a favorite show, sharing a meal, or taking a brief walk together can create emotional closeness. Focus on being fully present during these moments, rather than worrying about what can’t be done.

Keep Intimacy Alive in Simple Ways

Intimacy doesn’t always have to be physical. Sharing thoughts, expressing gratitude, or reminiscing about happy memories can deepen connection. Finding small, meaningful ways to connect emotionally helps both partners feel secure and supported.

Celebrate Small Wins Together

Acknowledging achievements, progress, or acts of kindness builds positivity in the relationship. Celebrating small wins reminds both partners of their teamwork and strengthens emotional resilience. Even tiny moments of joy can create lasting closeness.

Growing Together as a Stronger Team

Growing together as a stronger team is essential when one partner has a chronic illness or disability. Challenges can feel overwhelming, but facing them together can make your relationship stronger and more resilient. Teamwork, understanding, and shared responsibility build a lasting bond.

Share Responsibilities Fairly

Chronic illness or disability can shift daily responsibilities, so it’s important to divide tasks in a way that feels fair. Open discussions about what each partner can manage reduce stress and prevent resentment. Working together shows respect for each other’s limits and strengths.

Ask for Help When Needed

It’s okay to seek support from family, friends, or professionals. Getting help doesn’t mean weakness—it means you are committed to keeping the relationship healthy. Asking for guidance, advice, or practical support can ease burdens and strengthen trust.

Plan for the Future Together

Talking about long-term goals, expectations, and possible challenges helps you both feel prepared and connected. Planning together ensures that decisions consider each partner’s needs, creating security and confidence in the relationship.

Stay Hopeful and United

Even when days are tough, focusing on what you can do as a team builds resilience. Celebrating successes, supporting each other through struggles, and maintaining hope helps both partners feel empowered. Facing challenges together strengthens the sense that you can overcome anything as a couple.

By sharing responsibilities, asking for support, planning ahead, and staying united, couples can grow stronger together. Chronic illness or disability may change life, but it can also deepen trust, love, and teamwork, creating a relationship that is stronger than ever.

Conclusion

A chronic illness or disability does not end a relationship; it reshapes it. With empathy, teamwork, and steady communication, couples can rebuild trust, deepen love, and stand strong together. Every step you take as a team helps you create a relationship that is kinder, closer, and built to last.

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Features

A People and a Pulse: Jewish Voices in Jazz and Modern Music

Author Laurence Seeff/cover of "Jewish Voices in Jazz and Modern Music"

By MARTIN ZEILIG Jazz history is usually told through its most iconic names — Armstrong, Ellington, Parker, Davis — yet running alongside that familiar story is another, often under‑acknowledged one: the deep and enduring contribution of Jewish musicians, bandleaders, composers, and cultural intermediaries.

From the moment jazz emerged at the turn of the 20th century, Jews were not simply observers but active shapers of the music and the industry around it. Their influence — artistic, entrepreneurial, and cultural — has been both significant and, in many respects, disproportionately large. Jews and Jazz (171 pg. $18.75 US) a self‑published work by Laurence Seeff, brings this parallel narrative into sharp, affectionate focus.

Seeff is an ideal guide.

Born in London in 1951, he built a career that moved from statistics to energy policy in Paris, from financial markets at Bloomberg to corporate training in the City of London, all while writing poetry, songs, and humorous verse. Today he lives in Israel, where he continues to write, perform, learn Ivrit, and enjoy life with his large family. Through all these chapters runs a constant passion for jazz — a passion sparked more than fifty‑five years ago when he first heard Terry Lightfoot’s Jazzmen in a Bournemouth pub.

His writing blends clarity, humour, and genuine love for the music and the people who made it.

The musicians he profiles often came from immigrant families who brought with them the musical DNA of Eastern Europe — the cadences of synagogue chant, the urgency of klezmer, the cultural instinct for learning and artistic expression. When these sensibilities met the African American genius of early jazz, the result was a remarkable creative fusion.

Some figures, like Chico Marx, are better known for comedy than musicianship, yet Seeff reminds us that Chico was a serious pianist whose jazz‑inflected playing appeared in every Marx Brothers film and whose orchestra launched young talents like Mel Tormé. Others — Abe Lyman, Lew Stone, and Oscar Rabin — shaped the dance‑band era on both sides of the Atlantic.

Canadian readers will be pleased to find Morris “Moe” Koffman included as well: the Toronto‑born flautist and saxophonist whose “Swinging Shepherd Blues” became an international hit and whose long career at the CBC helped define Canadian jazz.

Seeff also highlights artists whose connection to jazz is more tangential but culturally revealing. Barbra Streisand, for example — a classmate and choir‑mate of Neil Diamond at Erasmus Hall High School — was never a natural jazz singer, yet her versatility allowed her to step into the idiom when she chose.

She opened for Miles Davis at the Village Vanguard in 1961 and, nearly half a century later, returned to the same club to promote Love Is the Answer, her collaboration with jazz pianist Diana Krall. Her contribution to jazz may be limited, but her stature as one of the greatest singers of all time is unquestioned.

Neil Diamond, too, appears in these pages.

Though not a jazz artist, he starred — with gusto, if not great acting finesse — in the 1980 remake of The Jazz Singer, 53 years after Al Jolson’s original. The film was not a success, nor was it truly a jazz picture, but its title and its star’s Jewish identity make it part of the cultural tapestry Seeff explores.

Diamond and Streisand recorded together only once, in 1978, on “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers,” a reminder of the long‑standing artistic ties between them.

Mel Tormé, by contrast, was deeply rooted in jazz. Nicknamed “The Velvet Fog,” he was a prodigy who sang professionally at age four, wrote his first hit at sixteen, drummed for Chico Marx, and recorded with Benny Goodman and Artie Shaw. Ethel Waters once said he was “the only white man who sings with the soul of a black man.” His story exemplifies the porous, collaborative nature of jazz.

Seeff also includes non‑Jewish figures whose lives intersected meaningfully with Jewish culture. Frank Sinatra — perhaps the greatest crooner of them all — was a steadfast supporter of Jewish causes, from protesting during the Holocaust to raising funds for Israel Bonds and the Hebrew University. His multiple visits to Israel, including a major concert in Jerusalem in 1975, underscore the depth of his connection.

Danny Kaye earns his place through his close work with Louis Armstrong, his pitch‑perfect scat singing, and his starring role in The Five Pennies, the biopic of jazz cornetist Red Nichols. Though not a jazz musician per se, his performances radiated a genuine feel for the music.

A later generation is represented by Harry Connick Jr., whose Jewish mother and New Orleans upbringing placed him at the crossroads of cultures. A prodigy who played publicly at age five, he went on to become one of the most successful jazz‑influenced vocalists of his era, with ten number‑one jazz albums.

Even Bob Dylan appears in Seeff’s mosaic — another reminder that Jewish creativity has touched every corner of modern music, sometimes directly through jazz, sometimes through the broader cultural currents that surround it.

Taken together, the concise portraits in Jews and Jazz form a lively, engaging mosaic — a celebration of creativity, resilience, and cross‑cultural exchange. They show how Jewish musicians helped carry jazz from vaudeville and dance halls into swing, bebop, cool jazz, pop, rock, and film music.

They remind us that jazz, at its heart, is a meeting place: a space where people of different backgrounds listen to one another, learn from one another, and create something larger than themselves.

For further information, contact the author at the following email address: laurenceseeff@yahoo.co.uk

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Features

Jews in Strange Places

Abel Meeropol - who wrote the poem "Strange Fruit"/Billie Holiday - who made the song by the same name famous

By DAVID TOPPER The Jewish contribution to 20th century popular music is well known. From Jerome Kern through to Stephen Sondheim, Jews played major roles as both composers and lyricists in the so-called Great American Songbook. (An exception is Cole Porter.) It continued in Musical Theatre throughout the rest of the century.

One very small piece of this story involves what Time magazine in the December 1999 issue called “the tune of the century.” First recorded sixty years before that, it is the powerful and haunting tune called “Strange Fruit,” which is about the lynching of black people in the southern USA. First sung by Billie Holiday in 1939, it became her signature tune.

So, why do I bring this up? Because there is a multi-layered Jewish connection to this song that is worth recalling, which may not be known to many readers.

Let’s start with the lyrics to “Strange Fruit,” which are the essence of this powerful piece:

Southern trees bear strange fruit,Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.Pastoral scene of the gallant south,The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,Here is a strange and bitter crop.

Before becoming lyrics in a song, this poem stood alone as a potent statement about the lynchings still taking place throughout the American South at the time. The strong metaphorical imagery never explicitly mentions the lynching, which adds to the poetic power of this poem. Standing alone, I believe it’s an important protest verse from the 20th century.

Searching it on the internet, you may find the author listed as Lewis Allan. But that’s not his real name. “Lewis Allen” is the often-used pen name of Abel Meeropol, a Jewish High School teacher from the Bronx in New York. He and his wife, Anne (nee Shaffer), had two stillborn children with those names – a fact that adds a poignant element to this story.

The origin of the poem for Abel was a photograph he had seen of a lynching of black men in the South. I have seen such images, possibly even the one Abel saw: for example, a sepia photograph of two black men hanging from a long tree limb, and a large crowd of white people below (men, women and even children!), most seeming dressed in their Sunday best (some men with straw hats) looking up and gawking at the sight, some with smiles on their faces – as if attending a festive spectacle. Like Abel, I felt repelled by the picture: it turned my stomach. This communal display of horrific cruelty gave me a glimpse into Abel’s mind, and I understood how it compelled him to write about it. He thus wrote the poem, and it was published in a teacher’s magazine in 1937.

Being a songwriter too, in 1938 Abel added a melody and played it in a New York club he often attended. But here’s where this story’s documentation gets contradictory, depending upon who is recalling the events. The club owner knew Billie Holiday, and he showed the song to her. What her initial response was, we cannot know for sure. But we do know that in a relatively short time, she added it to her repertoire. It eventually became her signature tune. She initially sang it in public, but because of its popularity among her fans, there was pressure to record it too.

There were initial rejections from recording companies because of the controversial content. But Commodore Records took a chance and pressed the first recording in April 1939. This was the same year the movie “Gone with the Wind” came out; it was steeped in racial stereotyping. It was also sixteen years before Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama.

As a record, the song obviously reached a large audience. Since the content was about racism, the song was seen as politically radical; not surprisingly, many radio stations banned it from the airwaves.

Furthermore, it’s also not surprising that Abel, a schoolteacher, was called to appear before a committee of New York lawmakers who were looking for communists in the schools. Possibly they were surprised to find that the poem and the song were written by a white man – and a Jew to boot. In particular, they wanted to know if he was paid by the Communist Party to write this song. He was not. And, in the end, they let him go. But shortly thereafter he quit his teaching job.

This took place in 1941 and was a precursor to the continued American obsession with communism into the 1950s, under Senator Joe McCarthy.

Indeed, that episode had an impact on Abel and Anne too. In 1953 Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted of giving information about nuclear science to the Soviet Union, and they were the first married couple to be executed in the electric chair. They left two sons, Michael (age 10) and Robert (age 6). Apparently, immediate family members were reticent to get involved with the boys, possibly afraid of being accused of sympathizing with communism.

Enter Abel and Anne. Without a moment’s hesitation they stepped in, taking and raising the boys. As Michael and Robert Meeropol they eventually went on to become college professors – and naturally were active in social issues. Anne died in 1973. Abel died in 1986 in a Jewish nursing home in Massachusetts, after a slow decline into dementia. Long before that, Billie Holiday died in 1959, ravaged by the drug addition that took her life at forty-four years of age.

See why I called this a multi-layered Jewish story that’s worth telling?

To hear Billie Holiday singing “Strange Fruit” click here: Strange Fruit

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Features

Is This the End of Jewish Life in Western Countries?

By HENRY SREBRNIK “Globalize the Intifada” has been the chant echoing through streets since October 7th, 2023. It was never a metaphor, and we now see the gruesome results across the western world, from Australia to Canada: the rise of groups of large, active networks of Islamist and anti-Zionist organizations.
Jews in the West are discovering that the nations they defended, enriched, and profoundly shaped have become increasingly inhospitable. After the Holocaust, explicit Jew-hatred became unfashionable in polite society, but the impulse never disappeared. The workaround was simple: separate Zionism from Judaism in name, then recycle every old anti-Jewish trope and pin it on “the Zionists.”
We have seen the full legitimization of genocidal anti-Zionism and its enthusiastic adoption by large segments of the public. The protests themselves, as they began immediately on October 7th, were celebrations of the Hamas massacres. The encampments, the building occupations, the harassment campaigns against Jewish students, the open calls for intifada, the attacks on Jews and Jewish places have become our new norm. History shows us that antisemitism does not respond to reason, incentive or the honest appeals of the Jewish community. 
Outside the United States, there is no Western political establishment with either the will or the capability to address this problem, let alone reverse its growth. I’m sorry to say this, but the future of Western Europe, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand is likely to be increasingly Jew-free.
Today, police stand and watch mobs chant for Israel’s destruction, call for the genocide of its people, harass visibly Jewish citizens, and drive antisemitic intimidation deep into urban life. They now believe their job is to enforce the law only if it does not risk upsetting violent constituencies. This makes Jews expendable, because defending them risks confrontation. This was very clear in the Bondi Beach massacre.
Jews are again donning caps instead of kippot, dressing generically with no cultural markers, and avoiding even a tote bag with Hebrew on it.  A corrosive creep toward informal segregation in retail and service sectors is occurring, as Jewish customers report being refused service.  A mezuzah hanging from a rideshare mirror leads to cancellations. When Jews express frustration, they are accused of exaggeration or attempting to suppress criticism of Israel.  Jewish fear is not treated as a real problem.
“Jews Are Being Sent Back into Hiding,” the title of a Dec. 15 article in the New York Free Press by David Wolpe and Deborah Lipstadt, asserts that the attacks on Jews, including physical assaults, social media campaigns and, most tragically, the recent murders in Australia, are part of a purposive campaign designed to make Jews think twice about gathering with other Jews, entering a synagogue, going to kosher restaurants, putting a mezuzah on the doorpost of their apartments or dorm rooms, or wearing a Jewish star around their necks.
“We know of no one who would consider giving a niece, nephew, grandchild, or young friend a Jewish star without first asking permission of their parents,” they write. The unspoken, and sometimes spoken, question is: “Might wearing a star endanger your child’s well-being?”
Recently, a prominent American rabbi was entering a Target store in Chicago with her grandson, whom she had picked up from his Jewish day school. As they walked into the store the 10-year-old reached up and automatically took off his kippah and put it in his pocket. Seeing his grandmother’s quizzical look, he explained: “Mommy wants me to do that.”
Borrowing a phrase from another form of bigotry, they contend that Jews are going “back into the closet.” No public celebration of Hanukkah took place in 2025 without a significant police presence. Some people chose to stay home.
Lipstadt and Wolpe know whereof they speak. They are respectively a professor of history and Holocaust studies who served as the Biden administration’s ambassador tasked with combating antisemitism, the other a rabbi who travels to Jewish communities throughout the world, and who served on Harvard’s antisemitism task force in the aftermath of the October 7, 2023 pogrom.
What the world has seen over the past two years is a continual, often systematic attempt to terrorize Jews. When political leaders fail to condemn rather than merely “discourage” chants of “globalize the intifada,” we are seeding the ground for massacres like the Hannukah one in Sydney.
If each Jewish holiday will now be seen by antisemites as an opportunity for terror, then the prognosis for diaspora Jewry is bleak. There will be fewer public events, more alarms, more bag checks at doors; there will have to be more security and more police. Unless things change, Jewish life in the diaspora will become more sealed off from the larger society.
Why has this failure come about? Confronting antisemitism, stopping the mobs, challenging the activists, and disciplining antisemitic bureaucrats all carry electoral risk for politicians; Jews are demographically irrelevant, especially compared with Muslim voters, with the U.S. being the only partial exception.
There are those who suggest Jews stop donating funds to educational and other institutions that have turned against us. At this point, I doubt very much that withdrawing dollars will have an impact. For every dollar withdrawn, there will be 100 from Qatar and other sources in its place.
Throughout history, the way a society treats its Jews predicts its future with unerring accuracy. If Jews leave, it will be because a civilization that will not defend its Jews will also defend next to nothing and may itself not survive. 
Henry Srebrnik is a professor of political science at the University of Prince Edward Island

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