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Yizkor: We Should Remember the Best Version of Our Loved Ones
In the Ashkenazi tradition, the Yizkor service stands out as an emotional highlight of each festival. On specially designated days, those who have lost parents, spouses, siblings, or children remain in the synagogue to recite memorial prayers, while those whose parents are still alive respectfully leave the sanctuary. The Hebrew word “Yizkor,” meaning “will remember,” initiates each prayer, emphasizing the enduring memory of those who have passed away and ensuring their remembrance even in their absence.
In the introduction to my latest book, Hearts & Minds on Jewish Festivals, I explore how deeply personal memories integrate into the observance of festivals. Reflecting on memories of shared experiences with my family throughout the Jewish calendar year over many years, I highlight the profound impact these memories have each time these festivals roll around again. Each treasured moment recalled enriches and profoundly enhances our celebrations:
These memories and so many more turn each festival and each significant Jewish date into a rich blend of history, tradition, Jewish laws and customs, memories, nostalgia, and new experiences. Every wine stain on the pages of the Haggadah we use, every forgotten High Holidays schedule tucked into the pages of the maḥzor, the special yomtov-connected drawings our kids made in preschool that reappear at the relevant time each year, the smell of yomtov food cooking in the kitchen—all these elements form a vivid mosaic of our Jewish experience, adding color, context, and depth to the practical aspects of the festivals and notable Jewish dates that punctuate our lives.
These reflections invite us to consider the dual nature of memory — with its inevitable mix of accuracy and embellishment — and the significant roles our remembered versions of events and experiences play in shaping our lives.
Psychology researcher and science communicator Dr. Julia Shaw, known for her exploration of memory and particularly false memories, addresses these themes in her book The Memory Illusion. She investigates how memories can be distorted, fabricated, and influenced by various factors.
Dr. Shaw explores the phenomenon of people recalling events that never happened, discussing the implications for fields like criminal law and our understanding of personal history. Interestingly, she suggests that these alterations in memory are not always detrimental; often, they serve to highlight the most favorable aspects of our loved ones and our past.
In eulogies, we often commemorate our loved ones in the most favorable light possible. The memories we recall are inherently selective and somewhat distorted, as they portray an idealized version of our departed loved ones — a version we all hope to be remembered by one day, when it is our turn to be eulogized.
When someone highlights less flattering aspects of a deceased person during a eulogy, it can shock the audience. I recall a funeral years ago for a university professor of mine, a celebrated scholar of history. His grandson’s eulogy began by acknowledging his grandfather’s reputation as a brilliant intellect and a fount of knowledge — then it shifted to a more personal note: “But there was more to him than that,” he added. “I will always remember him as the old man with dandruff on his jacket, who could be quite irritable and impatient. That was my grandpa.”
As he spoke, I couldn’t help but think, along with everyone else, “Is this really the memory to share at his funeral?”
The podcast Where There’s a Will, There’s a Wake, hosted by English actress Kathy Burke, is premised on a novel concept: “If you could plan your perfect death, what would you do?”
Each episode features celebrities who are asked to imagine their own untimely demise, take charge of their hypothetical funeral arrangements, choose their preferred way to go, create playlists, and even listen to eulogies prepared in advance by their friends.
While intriguing, this concept starkly contrasts with reality — where the memory of who we are is shaped by others, typically our family members, who preserve and interpret our legacies. Nevertheless, these curated memories, richly assembled from diverse perspectives, still do not capture the complete truth. Despite varied viewpoints, no two people will ever remember someone in exactly the same way.
During our festive gatherings over Yom Tov, we often find ourselves immersed in family stories, both old and new. As we enjoy each other’s company and celebrate together, these time-honed tales are shared and reshaped with each retelling. Over the years, details are embellished, and characters grow larger than life, creating increasingly engaging narratives.
This process not only entertains but also strengthens family bonds, imparts values, and fosters a sense of continuity and belonging. Enriched memories become an important part of our collective family heritage, celebrated during these special occasions.
The Yizkor service utilizes the power of memory to connect us with those who have passed on. We engage deeply with our memories, idealizing and appreciating the positive aspects while overlooking the flaws. This idealization is not without merit, as highlighted by a remarkable passage from the Talmud.
The Talmud (Sanhedrin 92b) unpacks Ezekiel’s seminal “dry bones” prophecy. According to the biblical narrative (Ez. 37:1-14), Ezekiel is brought to a valley filled with dry, lifeless bones and asked by God if these bones can live again. He responds that only God knows, prompting God to command Ezekiel to prophesy over the bones. Miraculously, as Ezekiel prophesies, the bones reassemble, grow flesh, and are infused with life, becoming a vast army.
This vision is interpreted in the Talmud as symbolizing the Israelites from the tribe of Ephraim who, driven by impatience, had tried to conquer the land of Israel prematurely at the dawn of Jewish history. Their failure and demise are represented by the dry bones, which are then miraculously revived by Ezekiel.
The question is: Did this event actually happen, or is Ezekiel’s vision merely symbolic? Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Nehemiah view the entire episode as a metaphor, suggesting it never actually occurred. Then, unexpectedly, Rabbi Eleazar, son of Rabbi Yosi HaGelili, asserts that the narrative is true, and that the revived bones went on to marry and have children.
This claim is further complicated by Rabbi Yehuda ben Beteira, who claims to be descended from those supposedly metaphorical figures, and adds that “these are the tefillin that my grandfather bequeathed to me from them.”
The thirteenth-century rabbinic luminary, Rabbi Shlomo ben Aderet (Rashba), clarifies this debate by suggesting that some aggadic passages are significant not necessarily because they occurred, but because they represent events that could have transpired. This idea means these stories transcend mere metaphor. They are potential narratives that impart lessons and carry deep messages, regardless of their historical authenticity.
In the specific case of Rabbi Yehuda ben Beteira claiming to have inherited tefillin from descendants of those revived by Ezekiel, the Rashba seemingly interprets this not as a literal historical claim but as a narrative device intended to convey deeper truths or lessons about faith, continuity, and the transmission of tradition. The focus is on the value and impact of the story rather than its factual accuracy.
This approach to memory and narrative is crucial, especially in prayers like the Yizkor service, where we remember our deceased loved ones in the best possible light. It’s not about facts, or about history — but about values and heritage.
By remembering our loved ones as the best versions of themselves — whether these memories are entirely accurate or somewhat enhanced — we not only honor their legacy but also inspire ourselves to aspire to these ideals. This process elevates the souls of the departed and enriches our own lives, demonstrating the power of memory to shape not only our perception of the past, but also our actions in the present and our aspirations for the future.
The author is a rabbi in Beverly Hills, California.
The post Yizkor: We Should Remember the Best Version of Our Loved Ones first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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Jewish leaders welcome Canada’s decision to convene a second national antisemitism forum
Just one day after Israel’s president Isaac Herzog called on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to take “firm and decisive action” to combat the “intolerable wave of antisemitic attacks against the Canadian Jewish community”, the federal government announced on Dec. 20 it is convening a national forum on combating antisemitism.
Details are scarce, but the forum will take place in Ottawa in February 2025, under the direction of the justice department and the department of public safety. Political leaders from all three levels of government will be invited to discuss how to better coordinate the justice system and law enforcement and focus specifically on “the growing public safety threat of antisemitism,” according to a media release from the Department of Justice on Dec. 20.
“Canada has seen a troubling rise in antisemitic incidents, threats, and hate crimes,” the release stated. “The Government of Canada recognizes the urgent need for national leadership to ensure Jewish Canadians feel safe in their synagogues, schools, and communities.”
This announcement comes at the end of a turbulent week that saw Congregation Beth Tikvah Ahavat Shalom Nusach Hoari, west of Montreal, firebombed overnight on Dec. 18. It marked the second time since Oct. 7, 2023, that the Dollard-des-Ormeaux shul and adjacent Jewish school were targeted, as well as the West Island office of Montreal’s Federation CJA.
Then, on Dec. 20, in Toronto, the Bais Chaya Mushka girls’ school was attacked by unknown gunmen who opened fire at 2:30 a.m. into the front of the building. It was the third time this year that the school has come under fire. No one was injured in either incident.
Jewish leaders have been pressing Ottawa to do more than issue sympathetic statements condemning antisemitism. They want to address meaningful gaps in policing across jurisdictions, and to press police to better enforce existing laws. In 2023, there were 900 hate crimes against Jews reported to Canadian police; Jews were the target of 70 percent of all religion-motivated hate crimes.
However, many community leaders point out that there have been few prosecutions, and are decrying that many of the charges eventually get dropped. Weekly antisemitic and anti-Israel street protests continue in many Canadian cities. Canadian and U.S. federal authorities have recently foiled several terrorist plots involving suspects who were charged with planning attacks on Jews in Ottawa, New York and Richmond Hill, Ont.
Second antisemitism summit since 2021
The February forum is being convened less than three years after the first antisemitism summit was held in July 2021, in the wake of the brief Hamas-Israel war earlier that year. Canada’s first special envoy on antisemitism, Irwin Cotler, helped steer that day-long event, which was held virtually due to the COVID pandemic. The guest list was restricted at first to Liberal ministers and lawmakers.
Following that first summit, the Canadian heritage ministry promised a series of actions to combat antisemitism, and, as The CJN has reported, some of these have come into being:
- Boosting financial help for Jewish communities in the government’s next anti-racism action plan, which was launched earlier this year
- Adjustment of the Security Infrastructure Program, announced this year, to help Jewish places of worship, camps, schools and offices more easily afford to hire security guards, and fortify their security equipment
- Introduced an online hate bill, aimed at tackling hate speech on social media. It has not been adopted yet, due to concerns about infringement on free speech
- More money and staff for the work of the office of the special envoy to preserve Holocaust remembrance and combat antisemitism, including a new handbook on antisemitism, issued Oct. 31
- Funding to revamp the national Holocaust monument signage in Ottawa
- Hearings into antisemitism held on Parliament Hill, specifically looking at campus antisemitism
However, it has been more than a year since domestic antisemitism exploded in the wake of Oct. 7. The violence has cost the lives of more than 800 Israeli soldiers and thousands of Palestinians, including Hamas terrorists, in Gaza.
As of now, it appears that a Jewish Liberal MP from Montreal could play a key role in the summit. Rachel Bendayan, a lawyer who has represented the riding of Outremont since 2019, was named to the federal cabinet on Dec. 20. Aside from her new duties as minister of official languages, Bendayan was named associate minister of public safety.
While Bendayan’s office did not reply to The CJN by publication time, she said she was “honoured and humbled to be sworn in as Minister of Official Languages and Associate Minister of Public Safety,” in a post on social media. “Grateful to share this moment with my family. Ready to get to work.”
Her colleague Anthony Housefather took it as an important signal that Bendayan’s nomination came on the same day as the antisemitism forum announcement.
In July, Housefather, who has since repeatedly called for the Prime Minister to resign, was named special advisor to Trudeau on matters concerning the Jewish community and antisemitism. Housefather has been lobbying for this new summit, behind the scenes and publicly, for months.
“I will work very hard at this forum to push for immediate action and solutions across the levels of government and am gratified that my friend and colleague Rachel Bendayan is the new Associate Minister of Public Safety as her position will allow the Jewish community voice to be even more prominent in giving priority to the issue of anti-Jewish hate,” Housefather said in a statement to The CJN.
Housefather and the Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs have been working with Special Envoy Deborah Lyons to get this new summit approved. As The CJN reported on Dec. 11, calls for the summit were growing louder in recent weeks.
However, according to Richard Marceau, a CIJA vice-president, a summit of words was meaningless unless such a forum focused specifically on policing, law enforcement and prosecutions.
“The forum’s ultimate value will be determined only by the concrete results that come from it,” said Marceau, adding that the values of all Canadians are at stake, not just for Jewish Canadians.
“Police need more resources and specialized training. Laws need to be enforced, charges need to be laid, and perpetrators must be fully prosecuted to end the domination of our streets by extremists,” he said. “And the glorification of terrorism must finally be made a criminal offence in this country. Through the Forum, we will push for these and other concrete measures—but what we won’t accept are photo ops and platitudes. Action to protect our community and all Canadians is long overdue.”
Ahead of Friday’s summit announcement, the other Canadian Jewish member of the federal cabinet, Ya’ara Saks, the minister of mental health and addictions, stood in solidarity outside the site of the Bais Chaya Mushka school in North York after it was shot at.
Saks told a media conference that no Jewish girl, including her own daughters, should have to wake up every morning and ask whether it is safe to go to school—although she didn’t give away any hints that such a summit announcement was imminent.
“The community has been very clear in what needs to be done,” Saks said. “We need all hands on deck, all heads coming together to navigate forward collectively, collaboratively and with one unified voice to ensure that the Jewish community stays safe.
“I am hopeful that we will all get together and do the right thing on behalf of the Jewish community.”
While full details of the new summit have not been released, its fate could be in jeopardy even before it begins.
Although Bendayan and the other cabinet ministers were sworn in officially on Friday, it is unclear how long the Liberal government will remain in power. Efforts are underway by the Opposition Conservatives and New Democrats to topple the government soon, either through a non-confidence motion when Parliament reconvenes on Jan. 27 or sooner. Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre is asking the governor general to force Parliament to come back before sooner than Jan. 27.
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UN Extends Peacekeeping Mission Between Syria and Golan Heights
Fences are seen on the ceasefire line between Israel and Syria in the Golan Heights, March 25, 2019. Photo: REUTERS/Ammar Awad
The United Nations Security Council on Friday extended a long-running peacekeeping mission between Syria and the Israeli Golan Heights for six months and expressed concern that military activities in the area could escalate tensions.
Since a lightning rebel offensive ousted Syrian President Bashar al-Assad earlier this month, Israeli troops have moved into the demilitarised zone – created after the 1973 Arab-Israeli war – that is patrolled by the U.N. Disengagement Observer Force (UNDOF).
Israeli officials have described the move as a limited and temporary measure to ensure the security of Israel‘s borders but have given no indication of when the troops might be withdrawn.
In the resolution adopted on Friday, the Security Council stressed “that both parties must abide by the terms of the 1974 Disengagement of Forces Agreement between Israel and the Syrian Arab Republic and scrupulously observe the ceasefire.”
It expressed concern that “the ongoing military activities conducted by any actor in the area of separation continue to have the potential to escalate tensions between Israel and the Syrian Arab Republic, jeopardize the ceasefire between the two countries, and pose a risk to the local civilian population and United Nations personnel on the ground.”
Armed forces from Israel and Syria are not allowed in the demilitarized zone – a 400-square-km (155-square-mile) “Area of Separation” – under the ceasefire arrangement.
U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres said on Thursday: “Let me be clear: There should be no military forces in the area of separation other than U.N. peacekeepers – period.” He also said Israeli airstrikes on Syria were violations of the country’s sovereignty and territorial integrity and “must stop.”
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Shots fired at Bais Chaya Mushka girls school for the third time this year
Bais Chaya Mushka, an elementary girls’ school in Toronto, was shot at early in the morning on Dec. 20, the third time the school has been targeted in the past seven months.
Shots were fired at the school in May and then again in October, on Yom Kippur.
Officers from Toronto Police Service’s 32 Division responded to reports of gunfire to discover six bullet holes in the building’s exterior. No one was inside the school at the time and no injuries were reported.
“It’s incredibly unfortunate that I stand here to discuss yet another shooting at this school,” Supt. Paul MacIntyre of the Organized Crime Enforcement Unit said during a press conference outside the school Friday morning.
Police have made progress in previous incidents at the school, MacIntyre said, stating that two people, a man and a youth, were arrested in connection with the October shooting, and a firearm was recovered. Investigators are now working to determine whether the latest attack is connected to those earlier cases.
“We’ve solved the second case, and the same teams are now working on this investigation,” he said. “With just a few days before Hanukkah, we know how deeply disturbing this is to the Jewish community. We will leave no stone unturned.”
Insp. Roger Desrochers of the Hate Crime Unit said hate crimes require “careful investigation” to determine whether they meet the threshold for charges under the Criminal Code.
“These matters are challenging. Not all offensive actions meet the threshold for criminal charges, and each case must be weighed carefully,” Desrochers said during the presser on Friday afternoon.
Rabbi Yaakov Vidal, principal of the school, said it was challenging to inform parents about the third shooting this year.
“It’s very, very difficult. It’s very, very hard to be woken up in the middle of the night with such news—and it’s now the third time,” Rabbi Vidal said at a press conference outside the school.
“We were not sure if we were able to have school here, due to the police investigation, then we were told it was possible to have school here. I was actually looking for a different location… Parents are very, very frustrated, very afraid to send their kids to school. I am aware of a few that did not send their kids to school today. We hope they once again feel safe to do so every single day, as they deserve.
The school had full-time security during the day when students were present, but overnight security was too expensive, Rabbi Vidal said. “We may have to do this at this point. We’ll have to see what our next step is.”
The recent violence has raised questions about police efforts to protect Jewish institutions. MacIntyre said police have ramped up patrols in recent months under initiatives like Project Resolute but emphasized that officers are also working to balance broader community safety concerns.
When asked whether Jewish institutions should consider armed private security, MacIntyre said he does not support the idea, adding, “We are here to support the community and will continue providing all available resources to ensure their safety.”
Parents picking up their daughters at school expressed both their concern and their determination as the school dealt with a third shooting.
One mother was on the verge of tears as she discussed her decision to send her child to school this morning.
“I don’t even know what to think anymore. It’s the third time. The cops are here, so I feel safe today, but the rest of the time I don’t feel safe,” she said. “These are little girls they’re trying to scare. These idiots should be thrown in jail, but they can’t seem to catch them.”
Her daughter, who suffers from anxiety now, made a grim joke about how easy it is to attack her school, the mother said. “This is my eight year old thinking this. She doesn’t watch violent things.”
Rabbi Yosef Hecht, a Chabad rabbi in Aurora, said he dropped off his two daughters at school this morning “with a very heavy heart,” especially since it was the third shooting.
“Did they catch the people? Do they know who’s behind this? Is it larger than what they are really telling us, is there something larger that we’re not aware of yet?” he asked.
But despite his concerns, he didn’t hesitate to send his children to school. “I felt the school did a good job repairing it temporarily. It shows that, no matter what, we are going to be resolute, strong, and this will just make us stronger and more proud.”
Local leaders call for action
At a press conference earlier in the day, politicians and leaders of the Jewish community were on hand to condemn the shooting and press all levels of government for more action.
The shooting came two days after a Montreal synagogue was firebombed for the second time since Oct. 7, 2023, the date of the Hamas terrorist attacks on Israel and the start of the war in Gaza.
“There are common-sense things that our leaders can do to deal with this problem right away. We need funding for police to get the job done and we need to put a stop to the extremism in our streets that’s inciting this violence. The time for our leaders to speak, to tweet, is over. Now it’s time for them to take action,” said Noah Shack, interim president of the Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs.
“The fact is, this isn’t an isolated activity, whether it’s a synagogue being firebombed in Montreal or this school here that continues to suffer from gunfire in an effort to intimidate the girls that are here. There should be no daylight between the mayor of this city, the police of this city and the community that is facing this kind of threat day in and day out,” Shack said.
City councillor James Pasternak said Toronto police are stretched thin and need support from provincial police forces and the RCMP, and called for closer ties between elected officials and police forces.
“The police act forbids elected officials from directing police operations but the police act doesn’t stop us from nuance. We have to back up our police services, give them the political will to stop these roving mobs… that are inciting some of the violence that we are seeing in this neighbourhood and across the land,” he said.
Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow, who said in a statement that the shooting was “unacceptable,” was criticized by some Jewish community leaders for her weak stance on the antisemitism that has escalated in the city.
“Mayor Olivia Chow’s continued platitudes in response to antisemitic hate in Toronto ring hollow in the face of her permissive approach to this growing problem,” B’nai Brith Canada stated on social media.
“She has enabled an environment where such acts are allowed to flourish. Banal condemnations without concrete actions leave the Jewish community vulnerable and unsafe.”
Enough is enough. Antisemitism and antisemitic attacks have no place in Toronto.
The latest shooting at the Bais Chaya Mushka Elementary School is unacceptable. Once again students, families, and neighbours are waking up to safety concerns.
My office has been in contact with…
— Mayor Olivia Chow (@MayorOliviaChow) December 20, 2024
Michael Levitt, a former Liberal MP and now the president of the Friends of Simon Wiesenthal Center, who attended the press conference, also laid responsibility on Chow.
“We have not seen the mayor of the city draw a line through this type of activity and come out and be strong enough,” he said. “Sure, when shots are fired, but what about when all the other incidents have gone on? We need our mayor take a stand with the Jewish community and make it clear that keeping the Jewish community safe is a priority.”
MP Ya’ara Saks appeared at the press conference to expressed her support for the Jewish community. She pushed back on the suggestion that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had not taken the issue seriously enough, pointing to increased funding for federal infrastructure grants, which can now be used for a wider variety of security resources.
This afternoon, the federal government also announced that a second national summit on antisemitism would be convened in February.
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