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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Lebanese President, Hezbollah Split Over Expanded Talks With Israel
A civil defense member stands on rubble at a damaged site after Israel’s military said it struck targets in two southern Lebanese towns in Jbaa, southern Lebanon, Dec. 4, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Ali Hankir
Lebanon’s president on Friday defended his decision to expand talks with Israel as a way to avoid further violence, but the head of Lebanese terrorist group Hezbollah called it a blunder, lifting the lid on divisions at a watershed moment for the country.
Israel and Lebanon on Wednesday both sent civilian envoys to a military committee monitoring their ceasefire, a step toward a months-old US demand that the two countries broaden talks in line with President Donald Trump’s Middle East peace agenda.
Lebanese President Joseph Aoun told visiting representatives of the United Nations Security Council that his country “has adopted the option of negotiations with Israel” and that “there is no going back.”
“These negotiations are mainly aimed at stopping the hostile actions carried out by Israel on Lebanese territory, securing the return of the captives, scheduling the withdrawal from the occupied areas, and resolving the disputed points along the Blue Line,” Aoun said in a statement on Friday, referring to the UN-mapped line that separates Israel from Lebanon.
HEZBOLLAH CALLS MOVE ‘FREE CONCESSION’
But the expanded talks were criticized by Iran-backed Hezbollah, an armed Islamist group that for years has wielded significant influence across Lebanon. However, Israel decimated the terrorist group’s leadership and military capabilities last fall after a year of fighting, significantly diminishing Hezbollah’s political clout in Lebanon.
Its head, Naim Qassem, said on Friday afternoon that sending a civilian delegate to the truce monitoring committee was a “blunder,” and urged the government to rethink its decision.
“You offered a free concession that will not change anything in the enemy’s [Israel‘s] position or its attacks,” Qassem said.
Lebanon and Israel have been officially enemy states for more than 70 years, and meetings between their civilian officials have been extraordinarily rare throughout their fraught history.
Over the last year, military officials have met as part of a committee, chaired by the United States, to monitor a 2024 truce that ended more than a year of fighting between Israel and Hezbollah which badly weakened the Iran-backed group.
In that time, Israel has continued its air strikes on what it says are Hezbollah‘s attempts to re-arm in violation of the truce. Lebanon says those strikes and Israel‘s occupation of southern Lebanese territory are ceasefire breaches.
Fears are growing in Lebanon that Israel could expand its air campaign further to ratchet up pressure on the Lebanese government to disarm Hezbollah more swiftly across the country.
The group has refused to disarm in full and has raised the specter of internal strife if the state tries to confront it.
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Iran Holds Drills in Gulf, Firing Ballistic, Cruise Missiles at Simulated Targets
An Iranian missile is launched during a military exercise in an undisclosed location in Iran, Aug. 20, 2025. Photo: Iranian Army/WANA (West Asia News Agency)/Handout via REUTERS
The Navy of Iran‘s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) fired ballistic and cruise missiles at simulated targets in the Gulf on Friday during a two-day military exercise aimed at countering foreign threats, state media reported.
Earlier, Iran hosted an anti-terrorism drill in its northwestern province of East Azerbaijan with members of the Shanghai Cooperation Organization, which, according to state Press TV, was intended to signal both “peace and friendship” to neighboring states and warn enemies that “any miscalculation would meet a decisive response.”
The ground and naval exercises follow a 12-day air war between Israel and Iran in June, during which the US joined Israel in striking Iran‘s nuclear facilities.
State media reported a massive launch of Qadr 110, Qadr 380, and Qadr 360 cruise missiles and 303 ballistic missiles at targets in the Gulf of Oman. Drones simultaneously struck simulated enemy bases, the reports said.
The IRGC Navy began its exercise in the strategic Strait of Hormuz and the Gulf of Oman on Thursday.
It emphasized what it said was its heightened artificial intelligence readiness and the “unwavering spirit and resistance” of its sailors in confronting any threat.
The West sees Iran‘s ballistic missiles both as a conventional military threat to regional stability and a possible delivery mechanism for nuclear weapons should Tehran develop them.
The land drills in the northwest were the latest in a series of SCO exercises aimed at enhancing coordination among member and partner states. Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Oman, and Azerbaijan also took part in the cross-border counterterrorism exercises.
The SCO, a Eurasian security and economic bloc founded in 2001 to combat terrorism, separatism, and extremism, often conducts joint military exercises among its members.
The organization includes China, Russia, India, Pakistan, and several Central Asian countries, with observer and dialogue partners such as Iran, Saudi Arabia, and others participating in selected operations.
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Eurovision Faces Budget Squeeze After Walkouts Over Israel
Journalists stand in front of a screen in Wiener Stadthalle, the venue of next year’s Eurovision in Vienna, Austria, Nov. 18, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Leonhard Foeger
The Eurovision Song Contest was facing a potential budget squeeze after Spain, the Netherlands, Ireland, and Slovenia said they would withdraw from next year’s competition in protest of Israel‘s participation.
The planned boycott brought to a head a row that has overshadowed the past two contests, and followed threats by the four they would pull out if the organizer did not exclude Israel over the conduct of its war against Hamas in Gaza.
The walkout by Spain, one of the “big five” backers of the contest, and two of Europe’s wealthiest countries, raises the prospect of less sponsorship income and viewers for the extravaganza that draws millions of viewers worldwide.
AUSTRIA TO HOST EUROVISION IN MAY
Austria will host the next edition in May, and national broadcaster ORF said the loss of the four would be felt – but would not prevent a successful show.
“Overall, it would of course be a financial burden if several countries did not participate, but we had already taken this into account,” ORF chief Roland Weissmann said.
Members of the contest organizer, the European Broadcasting Union, on Thursday resisted calls by critics for a vote on Israel‘s participation, instead passing new rules aimed at discouraging governments from influencing the competition.
“There are no winners here regardless of whether Israel‘s in or out, the whole thing feels a little bit toxic now,” said Eurovision expert Paul Jordan, who noted the walkouts would hit the budget and viewership.
Israel‘s 1998 Eurovision winner, Dana International, saw the boycott as insulting. “You don’t punish an entire country because you disagree politically with its government,” she said.
Ireland’s 1994 winner, Paul Harrington, said politics and world events were hard for the competition to avoid.
“It’s difficult, although it would be lovely to say, let’s have this little moment every year where we forget about everything,” he told Reuters from Dublin.
BROADCASTERS CONTRIBUTE TO FINANCING
The contest is mostly financed by contributions from broadcasters, the hosts, and sponsorship and revenue from the event, according to the Eurovision website. It does not disclose details of how much each country pays.
Contributions from some 40 participating broadcasters are divvied up on the principle that the strongest shoulder the biggest burden. It also includes a contribution from the host broadcaster generally worth between 10 and 20 million euros.
The host city also contributes, buttressed by revenues from sponsorship, ticket sales, televoting, and merchandise.
About 5.8 million viewers in Spain watched Eurovision 2025, Spanish broadcaster RTVE said. In the Netherlands, an average of 3.4 million people tuned in, Dutch broadcaster AvroTros said. Both declined to give details on their financial contributions.
Irish broadcaster RTE said it had paid an annual EBU fee to participate in the 2025 contest of 100,270 euros.
Contest director Martin Green says Eurovision is financially secure, and that any loss of audience could be compensated by the return of Bulgaria, Romania, and Moldova next year.
Still, the combined population of the four protesting nations is more than 2-1/2 times that of the three returners. And their combined economic output is many times greater.
Israel‘s 2025 entrant, Yuval Raphael, was at the Nova music festival, a target of the Oct. 7, 2023, attack by Palestinian terrorist group Hamas on Israel that triggered the Gaza war.
A total of 1,200 people were killed and 251 taken hostage in the assault by Hamas. Israel responded with a military campaign aimed at freeing the hostages and dismantling Hamas’s rule in neighboring Gaza.