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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Trump Says Iran ‘Should Wave White Flag of Surrender’ as Shaky Ceasefire Holds Despite Exchange of Fire
US President Donald Trump speaks during an event to sign a memorandum in the Oval Office at the White House in Washington, DC, US, May 5, 2026. Photo: REUTERS/Evan Vucci
US President Donald Trump on Tuesday dismissed Iran‘s military capability and said Tehran “should wave the white flag of surrender” but is too proud to do so.
Trump’s comments to reporters in the Oval Office came as the United Arab Emirates said it was under attack from Iranian missiles and drones, even as Washington said a shaky ceasefire was intact despite an exchange of fire the previous day as US forces attempted to force open the Strait of Hormuz.
Despite the escalation, Iran‘s military has been reduced to firing “peashooters,” Trump said, adding that Tehran privately wants to make a deal despite its public saber-rattling.
“They play games, but let me just tell you, they want to make a deal. And who wouldn’t, when your military is totally gone?” he said.
Trump heaped praise on the US blockade of Iranian ports in the region. “It’s like a piece of steel. Nobody’s going to challenge the blockade. And I think it’s working out very well,” he said.
When asked what Iran would need to do to violate the ceasefire, Trump said: “Well, you’ll find out, because I’ll let you know … They know what not to do.”
Trump argued that Iran “should save the white flag of surrender,” adding, “If this were a fight, they’d stop it.”
The US military said it had destroyed six Iranian small boats, as well as cruise missiles and drones, after Trump sent the navy to escort stranded tankers through the strait in a campaign he called “Project Freedom.”
US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said the operation to protect commercial ships was temporary and the four-week-old truce was not over. “We’re not looking for a fight,” he told a press conference. “Right now, the ceasefire certainly holds, but we’re going to be watching very, very closely.”
Iran fired missiles at US ships on Monday and attacked the UAE, a key regional ally of Washington, with missiles and drones. After issuing a new map of the Strait of Hormuz with an expanded Iranian area of control, Iran‘s Revolutionary Guards warned vessels on Tuesday to stick to the corridors it had set or face a “decisive response.”
Shortly after Hegseth spoke on Tuesday, the UAE’s defense ministry said its air defenses were again dealing with missile and drone attacks coming from Iran.
‘RIGHT TO RESPOND’
The Gulf Arab state’s foreign ministry said in a statement that the attacks were a serious escalation and posed a direct threat to the country’s security, adding that the UAE reserved its “full and legitimate right” to respond.
There was no immediate comment on that from Iran, though earlier its parliament speaker, Mohammad Baqer Qalibaf, had said breaches of the ceasefire by the US and its allies endangered shipping through the strait, which carries a large share of the world’s oil and fertilizer supplies.
“We know well that the continuation of the current situation is unbearable for the United States, while we have not even begun yet,” he said in a social media post.
The Strait of Hormuz has been virtually shut since the United States and Israel began attacks on Iran on Feb. 28, triggering disruptions that have pushed up commodity prices around the world.
Iran has effectively sealed off the strait by threatening to deploy mines, drones, missiles, and fast-attack craft. The United States has countered by blockading Iranian ports and mounting escorted transits for commercial vessels.
Hegseth said the US had successfully secured a path through the narrow waterway and that hundreds of commercial ships were lining up to pass through.
The US military said two US merchant ships made it through the strait, without saying when, with the support of Navy guided-missile destroyers.
Iran denied any crossings had taken place, though shipping company Maersk said the Alliance Fairfax, a US-flagged ship, exited the Gulf under US military escort on Monday.
Several merchant ships in the Gulf reported explosions or fires on Monday, and an oil port in the UAE, which hosts a large US military base, was set ablaze by Iranian missiles.
Iran also said it fired warning shots at a US warship approaching the strait, forcing it to turn back.
Reuters could not independently verify events in the strait as the two sides issued contradictory statements.
General Dan Caine, the chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, said Iranian attacks against US forces fell “below the threshold of restarting major combat operations at this point.”
PAKISTAN’S MEDIATION EFFORTS CONTINUE
The war has killed thousands as it spread beyond Iran to Lebanon and the Gulf, and has roiled the global economy. The head of the International Monetary Fund said on Tuesday that even if the conflict ended immediately, it would take three to four months to deal with the consequences.
US and Iranian officials have held one round of face-to-face peace talks, but attempts to set up further meetings have failed.
Iranian state media said on Sunday that the US had conveyed its response to a 14-point Iranian proposal via Pakistan, and Iran was reviewing it. Neither side gave details.
Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araqchi said peace talks were still progressing with Pakistan’s mediation and warned the US and the UAE against being drawn into a “quagmire.”
He was traveling to Beijing on Tuesday for talks with his Chinese counterpart, his ministry said. Trump is also due to visit China this month.
A senior Pakistani official involved in talks said: “We have put in a lot of efforts – actually both the sides have narrowed gaps on a majority of the issues.”
Trump has said the US-Israeli attacks aimed to eliminate what he called imminent threats from Iran, citing its nuclear and ballistic missile programs and its support for terrorist groups Hamas and Hezbollah.
Trump has insisted Iran must surrender its enriched uranium stockpiles to prevent it producing a nuclear weapon – an ambition Tehran denies.
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UK’s Starmer Convenes Community Leaders to Fight Antisemitism After Attacks
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer gives a media statement at Downing Street on the government’s response to a stabbing in which two Jewish men were wounded, which police said was a terrorism‑related attack, after a man was arrested in connection with the incident on Wednesday, in London, Britain, April 30, 2026. Photo: REUTERS/Jack Taylor
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer urged leaders from across society on Tuesday to work together to eradicate antisemitism “from every corner,” as he convened a meeting following the stabbing of two Jewish men and a string of other attacks.
The attacks have left Jewish communities fearing for their safety and piled pressure on Starmer to show he can tackle them. The opposition Conservative Party has called antisemitism a “national emergency.”
Moments after Starmer began speaking, counter-terrorism police confirmed they had launched an investigation into an arson attack at a former synagogue in east London. The incident was the latest in a series of arson attacks on Jewish targets since March, most of them in north London, some of which authorities are examining for possible Iranian links.
Starmer told the meeting – which brought together representatives from business, health, culture, higher education, and policing for talks with members of the Jewish community – that investigators were examining whether a foreign state could be behind some of the incidents.
“Our message to Iran or to any other country that might seek to foment violence, hatred, or division in society, is that it will not be tolerated,” Starmer said, adding that the government was fast-tracking legislation to tackle threats.
TERRORISM-RELATED DEATHS ON THE RISE
Starmer, whose wife is Jewish, said last week’s stabbings formed part of a broader pattern of rising antisemitism against Britain’s 290,000 Jews, leaving many feeling frightened and angry.
In response, the government has raised the national terrorism threat level to “severe” and announced an additional 25 million pounds ($34 million) in funding to bolster protection for Jewish communities.
A new 1-million-pound support package was announced to target antisemitism in high-risk areas, with a further 500,000 pounds allocated to the local authority covering the area where the stabbings took place.
Starmer also announced new requirements for universities to publish details of antisemitic incidents on their campuses and the steps being taken to address them.
“Only by working together, we eradicate antisemitism from every corner,” Starmer said.
The Global Terrorism Index has said terrorism-linked deaths fell globally in 2025, but surged 280% in Western countries, largely driven by antisemitism, Islamophobia, and political terrorism.
In Britain, government data published last year showed sharp rises in hate crimes against the Jewish community in the months following the 2023 Hamas attack on Israel that triggered the Gaza war.
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Jailed Iranian Peace Laureate at Risk of Dying After Heart Attack, Husband Says
A picture of Nobel Peace Prize winner Narges Mohammadi on the wall of the Grand Hotel in central Oslo before the Nobel banquet, in connection with the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize 2023, in Oslo, Norway, Dec. 10, 2023. Photo: NTB/Javad Parsa via REUTERS
The husband of Iran’s imprisoned Nobel Peace Prize winner Narges Mohammadi described the family’s fears on Tuesday after her hospitalization for severe medical problems and the authorities’ refusal to transfer her to Tehran.
Mohammadi, 54, won the prize in 2023 while in prison for a campaign to advance women’s rights and abolish the death penalty, and she suffered a heart attack last week.
“We are very afraid because the illnesses that Narges has, such as high blood pressure or a pulmonary embolism, could lead to her death,” said her husband, Taghi Rahmani, who lives in Paris.
“We are maintaining contact through family, through acquaintances we have, and through her lawyer, and it is very difficult right now. The internet is down, and we are receiving information through phone calls and various other means,” he said in an interview with Reuters.
Mohammadi’s family want her to be transferred from Zanjan, where she was serving her sentence and where she is now in hospital, to the capital where she could receive better medical care.
The couple have 19-year-old twin children.
Rahmani spoke to Mohammadi on Tuesday morning, he said, adding that Iranian authorities had agreed to keep her in hospital for a week.
“Even if her condition improves a little, if she is sent back to prison her condition will worsen again and we are afraid of that,” he added.
Rahmani said he believed the Iran war, which began with a US-Israeli attack on the Islamic Republic on February 28, had made things worse for Mohammadi, by giving the military greater control.
Security authorities were reluctant for her to return to the main Evin prison in Tehran in case she was able to engage in activism there, he said.
“Narges is an activist who, wherever she goes, becomes active and for the repressive system this activity is considered a threat,” he said.
Iran shut down most of the internet in the country in January as authorities suppressed mass protests triggered by economic unease. Rights groups have reported ongoing executions of people involved in the unrest.
“Executions are happening under the shadow of war-related news; this war is not bringing democracy to Iran. It is worsening the situation in Iran,” he said.