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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Toronto man arrested after allegedly shooting at Orthodox Jews outside a synagogue
(JTA) — Police in Toronto have arrested a man they say shot at “visibly identifiable members of the Jewish community” on two occasions a week apart.
Ruslan Novruzov, 18, is charged with assault with a weapon and possession of a weapon for a dangerous purpose in conjunction with the shootings, which took place on April 30 and Thursday, one week later.
In both incidents, people experienced minor injuries, according to the Toronto police. The shooting on Thursday targeted three people standing outside of Congregation Chasidei Bobov, an Orthodox synagogue.
Following the shootings, the Toronto police tracked a blue Lexus to a residence in a suburb about 15 miles north of the shootings, where they said they searched both a home and a car and seized evidence including two “gel-blaster imitation firearms.”
The shootings and arrest add to a string of recent incidents targeting Jews and Jewish institutions in the Toronto area. A different 18-year-old man was charged last week in connection with two synagogue shootings that took place on March 6, but other incidents remain unsolved. No major injuries or damage has been reported, but the incidents have swelled anxiety within the city’s Jewish communities.
“We recognize that Jewish residents have been living with a heightened sense of fear due to repeated incidents targeting their community, and this only adds to that, which is unacceptable,” Acting Deputy Chief Joe Matthews said in a statement following Novruzov’s arrest. “While the weapons used were imitation firearms, the impacts are very real. These are criminal acts that we allege were meant to intimidate and cause fear.”
The Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs, Canada’s main Jewish advocacy group, expressed gratitude to the police for acting quickly.
“These incidents must continue to be treated with the seriousness they deserve, and those responsible must be held fully accountable,” it said on X. ”It’s long past time for governments and authorities to confront the serious threats driving violent attacks before we face a tragic loss of life.”
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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Netanyahu on ‘60 Minutes’: Fight with Hezbollah should be seen as separate from Iran war
(JTA) — In an appearance on U.S. television on Sunday night, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu argued that Israel should continue fighting against Hezbollah in Lebanon even if the war in Iran concludes.
Netanyahu spoke with Major Garrett on CBS’ “60 Minutes” as President Donald Trump continues to negotiate to end the Iran war that he and Netanyahu jointly began in February. When Trump declared a ceasefire with Iran on April 7, Netanyahu initially insisted that the deal did not require Israel to stop fighting Hezbollah, an Iranian proxy based in Lebanon. The Iranians insisted that it did, and Trump soon weighed in on social media to say that Israel was “prohibited” from attacking inside Lebanon.
In the weeks since, Israel and Hezbollah have continued to fight, but at a decreased intensity. Now, with Trump seemingly not eager to resume fighting with Iran even as the Iranians have not acceded to his demands at the negotiating table, Netanyahu said the conflicts should be decoupled.
“Is it possible, Mr. Prime Minister, that the war with Iran could end but the war with Hezbollah could continue? That these would be separate and divergent fields,” Garrett asked.
“They should be,” Netanyahu answered. “What Iran would like to do is to say, ‘No, you know, if we achieve a ceasefire here, we want a ceasefire there.’”
“Will you accept that?” Garrett asked. After Netanyahu said he would not, Garrett went on: “Even if President Trump asks you to?”
Netanyahu replied, “Look, he understands what I’m saying.”
Trump’s critics on both sides of the aisle have alleged that Netanyahu pushed him into entering the war. But Netanyahu said that belief is wrong. He called reporting by The New York Times about what he told Trump during a Feb. 11 White House meeting “incorrect,” saying that he had never told Trump that regime change in Iran was an assured outcome of a shared attack.
Netanyahu also insisted to Garrett that declining public support for Israel in the United States was a product of online campaigns designed to spread misinformation.
“Do you believe that’s the only explanation, or is it possible that some Americans have come to a different sense of Israel because of the last two or three years?” Garrett pressed.
“What they see is so many falsifications and vilifications that are unfounded, but they don’t know because they just get you know, the last reel in the movie. They don’t see the entire movie,” Netanyahu said.
The Israeli government recently allocated $730 million for public diplomacy, including online campaigns, designed to boost public opinion about Israel. The allocation quadrupled what was set aside last year for that purpose.
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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Labour politician is booed as thousands rally against antisemitism in London
(JTA) — Thousands of British Jews, as well as politicians from multiple parties, rallied in London outside the prime minister’s residence on Sunday to call for more aggressive action against antisemitism following a string of violent attacks.
Kemi Badenoch, the Conservative party leader whose response to a heckler making light of threats against Jews went viral last week, spoke forcefully in defense of U.K. Jewry, to applause.
“I stand for a Britain where Jews can go to school freely without worrying about security,” she said. “I stand for a Britain where you can worship freely and not worry about who is coming to attack you. I stand for the celebration of Jewish culture and Jewish people. And I stand for a Britain that will always fight for you, that will always support you.”
The Labour Party representative dispatched by Prime Minister Keir Starmer, meanwhile, drew boos from an audience frustrated by what many British Jews view as an inadequate response from the government.
“I hear your anger, I hear your pain,” said Pat McFadden, the secretary of state for work and pensions. “I stand against antisemitism, I stand with you.” As he spoke, rally organizers at times interrupted to exhort the crowd to quiet down.
Gideon Falter, head of the nonprofit Campaign Against Antisemitism, called in his speech for a ban on pro-Palestinian demonstrations, which he called “hate marches,” as well as a ban on groups associated with antisemitic violence. He said U.K. Jews were facing a “Britifada,” a play on the word intifada.
He referred to a number of the most prominent recent incidents, including a stabbing in the Orthodox neighborhood of Golders Green earlier this month and an attack on a Manchester synagogue on Yom Kippur in which two congregants were killed.
“Jews stabbed. That’s the Britifada! Murder on Yom Kippur. That’s the Britifada! Synagogues ablaze. That’s the Britifada! Hatzola ambulances pelted with rocks and torched. That’s the Britifada! Jewish children nearly mown down in a car ramming. That’s the Britifada!” Falter said. “The attacks are coming thick and fast. Because Britain has become radicalized.”
The Jewish Leadership Council and the Board of Deputies of British Jews organized the rally, titled “Standing Strong: Extinguish Antisemitism,” and were joined by dozens of Jewish groups. It took place outside 10 Downing Street in central London and featured video appearances from Jews around the world as well as from Boy George, the pop singer who has emerged as an advocate against antisemitism.
The rally also drew attention because of who was and was not invited.
Ahead of the rally, thousands of people signed a petition calling for Nigel Farage, who heads the right-wing Reform party, which made significant gains in local elections on Thursday, to be disinvited, given his “division, scapegoating, racism and inflammatory rhetoric” and allegations of antisemitism during his school years. (Farage dismissed the allegations when they emerged in 2024, saying that he could not remember all instances of “playground banter” from his childhood but that he had never sought to be intentionally hurtful.)
Farage did not appear at the rally, but his deputy, Richard Tice, did. He called for penalties against universities that are seen as encouraging antisemitism.
Zack Polanski, the Jewish leader of the left-wing Green party, which made gains in the local elections despite an antisemitism scandal involving dozens of candidates, was not invited to speak.
Saul Taylor of United Synagogue, the British Orthodox umbrella group, called out Polanski during his speech, alluding to both Polanski’s criticism of the Metropolitan Police’s handling of the arrest of the alleged Golders Green attacker and his party’s pro-Palestinian platform. “The constant vilification of Israel has fueled the flames of antisemitism across our nation,” Taylor said.
Taylor said the previous week had “probably been the most movement from the government we have seen in a long time” but that the pressure should remain. Last week, after an emergency meeting at 10 Downing Street, the Metropolitan Police announced a 100-member special force to protect Jewish communities. On Sunday, the police said they had charged a man with racially or religiously motivated assault and harassment after he attacked three Jews in Enfield.
At least one liberal Jewish group opted not to participate in the rally after initially signing on. The New Israel Fund UK announced ahead of the rally that it was backing out after political figures were invited to participate.
Other liberal Jews did take the stage. Rabbis Charley Baginsky and Josh Levy of Progressive Judaism, the U.K. equivalent of the Reform movement, who were booed off the stage at an August 2025 rally for the release of the Israeli hostages after calling for an end to the war in Gaza, exhorted attendees to ensure that England is not “shaped by suspicion, anger and permanent division.”
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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