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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Robert Kraft pledged $2M to aid Palestinians amid Macklemore row. How will he do it?
(JTA) — Robert Kraft has found himself in an unusual position: nixing the rapper Macklemore’s appearance at a stadium he owns for what he said was hateful behavior — and then taking up the performer’s charity challenge.
Macklemore challenged the Jewish pro-Israel billionaire to make a donation in support of the Palestinians days after pressuring singer Ed Sheeran to drop Macklemore from his tour over the latter’s pro-Palestinian comments. Kraft responded by announcing that he would donate $2 million to “fight this humanitarian crisis” in the Middle East.
“I have dedicated much of my life to building bridges between all people,” Kraft wrote in a statement posted by Gillette Stadium, which he owns and where Sheeran and Macklemore had been scheduled to play. “I believe deeply that all lives are worth protecting.”
Kraft’s statement Wednesday came in response to challenges from both artists: a public call from Macklemore to match his own $1 million donation to a group of six pro-Palestinian organizations; and what Kraft described as private conversations with Sheeran to commit twice that amount to unspecified groups. Kraft said his own donation was meant to match Sheeran’s.
Kraft’s gift comes as the controversy has prompted questions about how pro-Israel Jews in positions of power choose to wield their influence to combat what they see as antisemitism. His pledge carries additional, politically fraught implications, as Jewish groups have been divided on whether, or how, to donate directly to Gaza relief efforts.
In his public comments, Kraft has insisted that he does not object to pro-Palestinian advocacy or aid as long as it does not cross the line into advocating for Hamas.
But where will Kraft donate? The New England Patriots owner didn’t specify in his public statement, and a representative didn’t immediately respond to questions from the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
In Macklemore’s own post issuing the donation challenge, he said the $1 million he was giving constituted his entire net earnings from Sheeran’s tour. He named six beneficiaries: the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, HEAL Palestine, Medical Aid for Palestinians, American Near East Refugee Aid, Gaza Soup Kitchen and UNRWA USA, a nonprofit supporting the United Nations Agency for Palestinian Refugees.
UNRWA itself has proven particularly contentious among the Jewish community. After an investigation revealed that agency members had participated in Hamas’ Oct. 7, 2023, attacks on Israel, the Trump administration led a successful effort to slash the agency’s funding.
In his posts, Kraft offered clues to where he has given in the past.
“I’d like the people who are speaking in support of the Palestinian people to know that for decades, I have supported efforts that create opportunity for Palestinians and have brought young Palestinians and Israelis together to build businesses, create jobs, and forge relationships,” he wrote on Wednesday. In an earlier statement, Kraft said he has “created athletic and entrepreneurial opportunities for Palestinians who I admire and respect.”
One well-known organization that fits Kraft’s description of bringing Palestinians and Israelis together, Seeds of Peace, has a documented relationship with the businessman. In 1994, the year after the peacebuilding initiative launched, Kraft hosted more than 100 teenagers from Israel, Gaza, the West Bank, Jordan, Egypt and Morocco at a Patriots game.
Seeds of Peace did not immediately respond to a JTA request for comment about whether Kraft would be giving to the group as part of his new pledge.
Kraft has also invested heavily in a push to bring American football to Israel via the Kraft Family Israel Football League. In that context, Palestinians have played for league teams — including for the Judean Rebels, a team based in an Israeli settlement in the occupied West Bank.
Steven Koltai, a Jewish onetime entrepreneurship liaison for former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and author of “Peace Through Entrepreneurship,” said he welcomed Kraft’s commitment.
“I would love to see, as a Jew who believes in the two-state solution and particularly in humanitarian relief to the millions of Gazans who are completely blameless, if we could show that side of who we are,” Koltai told JTA. “I think that he would be doing an incredible mitzvah for the whole Jewish world, especially the American Jewish community, if he could leverage his money towards something like this.”
Jeremy Burton, CEO of the Jewish Community Relations Council of Greater Boston, told JTA that Kraft “deserves kudos for leaning in with his philanthropy.” Prior to the pledge, Burton had praised Kraft’s actions against Macklemore, saying in a statement that Kraft “drew a clear moral line in the sand about the demonization and offensive conduct that he will not allow in ‘his home’.”
“One can work to end Palestinian suffering without being antisemitic,” Burton wrote to JTA in a text Thursday.
Kraft has said he pressured Sheeran to drop Macklemore because he thought the latter’s conduct at a recent show, in which the rapper had accused Israel of genocide and broadcast footage from Columbia University’s encampments, crossed the line into “hate speech.” According to The Wall Street Journal, other NFL team owners had also voiced objections to Macklemore performing in their stadiums after witnessing one of his sets.
The Journal also reported that Kraft, in his conversation with Sheeran, recalled that Macklemore had performed in a costume with antisemitic signifiers in 2014. Sheeran, whose tours have grossed nearly $2 billion since 2008, and Kraft are friendly: The singer performed at Kraft’s 2022 wedding.
Backlash has been swift, with Sheeran distancing himself from the decision to drop Macklemore, and the singer’s other opening acts and supporting band leaving the tour in protest. Some of them named Kraft specifically in public comments. Figures including children’s entertainer Ms. Rachel and U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a New York Democrat, have also defended Macklemore, with Ocasio-Cortez additionally criticizing Kraft.
“When you see what Robert Kraft did to line up all of the stadiums to censor speech in that one specific way, it’s become clear that this is not just about one music artist or two music artists, but this is about how just a handful of stadium owners and the elite can prevent an entire massive issue, in this case, the genocide in Gaza,” the congresswoman told TMZ.
Others, including singer Pink and Barstool Sports mogul Dave Portnoy, have criticized Macklemore or defended Kraft’s decision.
Much of Kraft’s philanthropy has gone to fighting antisemitism and to Jewish organizations. He recently gave $10 million to Brandeis University to endow a new center for Jewish life at the school.
Koltai, who himself has not worked with Kraft, said it’s possible for Jewish donors to distribute money to Gaza through “vetted, kosher organizations” that are “clearly not Hamas.” He suggested that Kraft look beyond his past donations to peacebuilding and sports efforts in order to address the current need.
“Sewage, water, housing, medical care and child care are all much more important than a summer camp or a football team,” he said.
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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Hundreds of Michigan Jews pledge to vote for Abdul El-Sayed
(JTA) — ANN ARBOR – More than 600 Michigan Jews have signed a new open letter pledging to vote for Abdul El-Sayed for U.S. Senate, seeking to grow the Democratic candidate’s rocky Jewish support in what is expected to be a close and pivotal election.
The coalition, “Michigan Jews for Democracy,” includes several liberal and progressive Jewish figures in the state, though they signed in personal capacities. Signatories include father and son former U.S. Reps. Sander and Andy Levin, progressive attorney general nominee Eli Savit, Michigan Democratic Jewish Caucus chair Decky Alexander, Detroit Jews for Justice executive director Lisa Tencer and former “Uncommitted” organizer Eleanor Gamalski.
“Some of us are enthusiastic supporters of El-Sayed,” the open letter reads. “Some of us have reservations: there are disagreements with El-Sayed on important issues, including aspects of his approach to Israel and the language used by some of his allies.”
The letter continues, “We understand that a vote is not a valentine; it’s a strategic chess move.”
El-Sayed’s campaign promoted the letter Thursday morning.
Jewish clergy who signed include Rabbi Alana Alpert of the Reconstructionist Congregation T’chiyah in Ferndale; Rabbi Nate DeGroot, who serves congregations in Jackson and Flint and directs the Shalom Center; and retired Cantor Annie Rose of Reform Temple Beth Emeth in Ann Arbor. Other notable signers include University of Michigan Jewish Studies professor Deborah Moore and Danny Fenster, the Jewish journalist who was imprisoned in Myanmar for five months in 2021.
El-Sayed has sought to mend relations with Jewish voters in the state in recent months, though his opposition to a two-state solution in Israel, along with past controversies involving anti-Israel streamer Hasan Piker and his response to the attack on the Detroit-area Temple Israel, have rendered his candidacy polarizing to the community. Recently El-Sayed held an unpublicized meeting with rabbis at Temple Israel, weeks after apologizing for his earlier remarks in which he appeared to equivocate about condemning the March attack, according to a report in Jewish Insider.
The new letter in favor of El-Sayed also comes in contrast to other Jewish open letters in the state. One pledging to vote for his GOP opponent, former U.S. Rep. Mike Rogers, has collected 478 names since launching in August. Another, urging El-Sayed to respond to Jewish “non-negotiables” including “Jewish sovereignty in Israel,” has been promoted by several rabbis in the state.
National Democrats see retaining Michigan’s Senate seat as essential to their hopes of retaking the chamber this fall and instituting checks on President Donald Trump. The Michigan Democratic Jewish Caucus has not endorsed El-Sayed, despite its chair’s presence on the new letter. The Jewish Democratic Council of America, whose CEO Halie Soifer is a Michigan native, has also not endorsed him, telling Jewish Insider this week that the organization does “not endorse all Democrats.”
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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Jewish radio host Sid Rosenberg says he ‘charmed’ JD Vance, after slamming his stances on Israel
(JTA) — Conservative radio personality Sid Rosenberg, a vocal critic of JD Vance’s positions toward Israel, left a meeting with the vice president on Thursday giddy with optimism.
“I went in there with very low expectations,” Rosenberg told the hosts of WABC Radio’s Cats & Cosby.
Noting that multiple people had assured him Vance would win him over, Rosenberg confirmed that “he did.”
“I think I charmed him more,” he said.
The highly publicized meeting occurred amid Vance’s attempt to make overtures to the Jewish community following a series of controversial remarks about Israel, in order to shore up its support for a possible 2028 presidential run.
Rosenberg, a Jewish New Yorker and friend of President Donald Trump, has faulted Vance for not being “strong enough on Israel.” He has also called for Vance to distance himself from Tucker Carlson, a right-wing commentator who regularly condemns U.S. military support for Israel and has been accused of amplifying antisemitic tropes.
“Honestly, I’ve been very critical of JD, very critical,” said Rosenberg, who hosts his own WABC show, Sid & Friends In The Morning.
He told Rita Cosby and her co-host John Catsimatidis that he was “really surprised” to receive an invitation to meet with the vice president, after they both spoke last month at a Republican Jewish Coalition meeting in Las Vegas.
“The talk was that I was going to grill JD Vance on Tucker Carlson and the Israel comments he’s been making as of late,” Rosenberg said. “This was more of a get-to-know-each-other session.”
While Rosenberg explained that most of their conversation would remain off the record, he emphasized that “it went well” and they “hit it off,” adding that the two men would likely have “many more meetings about very substantial things” in the future.
Though he remained outspoken about his preference for Secretary of State Marco Rubio as a 2028 presidential nominee, Rosenberg said that if Vance is “going to be our guy,” he left Thursday’s meeting feeling like he could work with him.
“He is willing to listen,” Rosenberg said. “I don’t think by any stretch that JD Vance hates Israel, hates the Jewish people.”
Just a few hours before Rosenberg’s meeting with the vice president, i24 News reported that Vance was also planning to host a Shabbat dinner this week as a method of outreach to Jewish Republicans.
“Vice President Vance is making considerable outreach efforts to the American Jewish community, particularly with this Shabbat dinner,” Shabbos Kestenbaum, a pro-Israel campus activist who spoke at the Republican National Convention in 2024, told The Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
Kestenbaum, who filed a Title VI lawsuit against Harvard University for ignoring antisemitism in 2024, added that he looks “forward to working together on our common interests while also expressing our concerns.”
Despite the rosier outlook shared by Jewish Republicans on Thursday, the meeting between Rosenberg and Vance came just two days after the vice president told participants at a technology conference that Trump does not shy away from opposing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in order to advance the interests of the American people.
The president “has shown a willingness to actually part ways with ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu when he feels like the interests of the American people are different from the interests of the government of Israel,” Vance said in a virtual address at the All-In Summit.
In response to those remarks, Sam Markstein, national political director for the RJC, told JTA in a statement that “the vice president has said, time and again, that Israel is a close and important ally of the United States.”
Markstein recalled how at last month’s RJC meeting — where both Vance and Rosenberg also spoke — Israel’s former minister for strategic affairs, Ron Dermer, said he’d be “forever grateful” for Vance’s role in the June 2025 conflict with Iran.
“All true partnerships between proud, independent, sovereign nations have room for disagreement — that is the mark of the alliance’s strength,” Markstein added.
Vance’s address at the RJC meeting was seen across the media as a chance to mend ties with Jewish conservatives, particularly regarding his views toward Israel and his connection to Carlson. The vice president spoke at a closed-door session, during which he reportedly described Israel as “extremely important to America’s national security,” according to Axios.
Regarding another right-wing podcaster, Joe Rogan, Vance argued that “the best approach is to actually go in there, and talk to him, and make the best argument you can,” The Wall Street Journal reported. Although the vice president denounced a third podcaster, Nick Fuentes, as someone who “really does hate Jews,” he did not offer an opinion on Carlson, per the Journal.
After the address, Rosenberg slammed Vance for foregoing “a chance to hammer” Carlson and for blaming antisemitism on immigration, which the radio host called “silly.”
But following what he described as “a great meeting” with the vice president on Thursday, Rosenberg appeared to have changed his tune.
Asked by Cosby if he walked away optimistic about Vance’s stance on Israel, Rosenberg responded, “The answer is yes.”
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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