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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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The Jewish Bund Was Popular — But It Couldn’t Save Lives Like a Jewish State Could
Participants with Israeli flags look at the landmark Birkenau extermination camp gate in Auschwitz Museum – former Nazi German Concentration Camp during the International March of the Living (MOTL) in Oswiencim, Poland on April 14, 2026. Photo by Dominika Zarzycka/Sipa USA via Reuters Connect
If you are a fan of klezmer music, you may be familiar with a catchy up-tempo Yiddish song “Barikadn” (barricades), recorded by the popular band The Klezmatics. The song is about a strike by workers in the Polish city of Łόdź, in which men, women, and children join together to erect barricades in the streets of the city.
Barikadn was popular with the Bund (General Jewish Labour Bund), a secular Marxist Jewish political movement established in 1897 in Vilna (then in the Russian Empire), just two months after the First Zionist Congress was held in Basel, Switzerland.
The Bund was one of the first socialist political movements in Russia. It played an important role during the lead up to the Russian revolution, but disbanded in the early 1920s, in response to pressure from the Communist Party. However, it continued to be an influential Jewish voice in Poland and Lithuania until the outbreak of World War II.
The Bund promoted the use of Yiddish, rather than Hebrew as a Jewish national language. The concept of “doikayt” (Yiddish for “hereness”) was a central feature of Bundist ideology. It discouraged Jewish nationhood (Zionism), advocating instead for Jewish communities to remain dispersed but culturally autonomous and politically engaged within their host countries.
Before the outbreak of World War II, the Bund was the most popular Jewish political force in Poland, with a party membership of close to 100,000. Its members were central to the vibrant secular Yiddish cultural life of pre-war Poland. However, as recorded by Yad Vashem, the Bund suffered the same fate as all the Jews of Poland. Only 1,000 members survived the war.
Today, in the aftermath of October 7, and now the Iran war, the Bund is enjoying something of a revival, as exemplified by Molly Crabapple’s new book Here Where We Live Is Our Country: The Story of the Jewish Bund. The book highlights the universalist hope of Bund ideology, versus the perils associated with following the Zionist plan, including eternal war with Israel’s Arab neighbors and an increasingly chauvinist agenda.
Crabapple’s book has received a number of positive reviews, including one in The Forward and another in The Guardian (“For Leftist Jews the Bund is a Model”). However, one reviewer in Commentary Magazine has pointed out the fatal flaw in the Bundist program. He writes “We’ll never know if the Holocaust would have happened as it happened had there been a State of Israel at the time. Instead, the Holocaust happened during the time of the Bundists. That isn’t to blame them, obviously, for what happened. It is merely to say that Bundism wasn’t a plan for Jewish survival.”
As noted earlier, very few of the Bundists survived the Holocaust, so we don’t really know their views in the aftermath. However, Isaac Deutscher was a prominent Polish-Jewish socialist, writer, and journalist, a biographer of Trotsky.
Before World War II, Deutscher opposed Zionism as economically retrograde and harmful to the cause of international socialism. But after the Holocaust he regretted his pre-war views, saying, “If, instead of arguing against Zionism in the 1920s and 1930s, I had urged European Jews to go to Palestine, I might have helped to save some of the lives that were to be extinguished in Hitler’s gas chambers.”
The Bund wasn’t a plan for Jewish survival. Zionism was, and still is. Unlike other nationalisms, modern Zionism is a survivalist imperative, a rescue mission. In this, it has been remarkably successful; a refuge for Jews from the DP camps of Europe, from the Arab/Muslim world, and from the Former Soviet Union.
Jacob Sivak, a Fellow of the Royal Society of Canada, is a retired professor, University of Waterloo.
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Tidbits: Traces of a ghetto bunker uncovered in Będzin, Poland
Tidbits is a Forverts feature of easy news briefs in Yiddish that you can listen to or read, or both! If you read the article and don’t know a word, just click on it and the translation appears. Listen to the report here:
אַ גרופּע אַרכעאָלאָגן, וואָס האָט געהאַלטן אין מיטן אויסגראָבן אַ בונקער פֿון דער צווייטער וועלט־מלחמה אינעם פּוילישן שטעטל בענדין, האָט אַנטדעקט שפּורן פֿון אַן אונטערערדישן באַהעלטעניש און טונעל, וואָס ייִדן האָבן געניצט קעמפֿנדיק קעגן די דײַטשן אין 1943.
„מיר האָבן אַנטדעקט שטיינערנע טרעפּ, וואָס פֿירן אַרײַן אין אַ באַהעלטעניש אונטער אַן אַמאָליקער געבײַדע,“ האָט די אַרכעאָלאָגישע פֿירמע „וויקאָפּ נאַ פּאָזיאָמיע“ געמאָלדן אויף פֿייסבוק. זיי האָבן אויך אַנטדעקט אַ טונעל, וואָס האָט געדינט ווי אַ זיכער אָרט אונטער ד׳רערד.
די אַרכעאָלאָגן האָבן געזאָגט, אַז זיי האָבן זיך געריכט צו געפֿינען „אַרכעאָלאָגישע עלעמענטן“ אָבער זענען געווען דערשטוינט, וואָס אַלץ האָט זיך אַזוי גוט פֿאַרהיט. אינעם טונעל קען מען נאָך זען די פֿריִערדיקע הילצערנע פּאָדליגע און שפּורן פֿון די ווענט.
דער בונקער איז גלײַך לעבן דעם „הויז פֿון די געטאָ־קעמפֿער“, וואָס געפֿינט זיך הײַנט אויף 24 רוטקאַ־לאַסקיער גאַס. בשעת דער צווייטער וועלט־מלחמה, ווען די נאַציס האָבן פֿאַרטריבן די ייִדן אין געטאָ, איז דער בנין געוואָרן דאָס געהיימע פֿאַרזאַמלונג־אָרט פֿון די ציוניסטישע יוגנט־גרופּעס און דער „ייִדישער קאַמף־אָרגאַניזאַציע“. די מיטגלידער פֿון דער אָרגאַניזאַציע, מיט פֿרומקע פּלאָטניצקאַ בראש, האָבן דורכגעפֿירט אַ ווידערשטאַנד אין אויגוסט 1943, בעת די דײַטשן האָבן אָנגעפֿירט מיט די לעצטע דעפּאָרטאַציעס און מיט דער פֿאַרטיליקונג פֿונעם געטאָ. דרײַ טעג האָבן די ייִדן געקעמפֿט, ביז די דײַטשן האָבן דעם ווידערשטאַנד אײַנגעבראָכן.
אין 2024 האָט די צוקערמאַן גייט פֿונדאַציע געקויפֿט דאָס אייגנס, כּדי דאָרט צו בויען אַן אָנדענק־מוזיי. די פֿונדאַציע איז שוין יאָרן לאַנג אַקטיוו אין בענדין און האַלט דאָרט אויף אַ פּריוואַטע שיל אין אַ טעמעמענט־בנין.
לייענט דעם אַרטיקל אויף ענגליש.
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Netanyahu, IDF condemn Israeli soldier’s bludgeoning of Jesus statue in Lebanon
(JTA) — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is denouncing an incident in which a soldier bludgeoned a statue of Jesus in southern Lebanon, igniting criticism at a time when some Christians believe Israel discriminates against them.
A photograph of the incident spread widely on Sunday after being shared by a prominent Palestinian journalist, Younis Tirawi. The photograph shows a soldier in an Israel Defense Forces uniform smashing a statue of Jesus, which has fallen from its cross and is lying partially on the ground.
The IDF said it had examined the photograph and determined that it was real. “The IDF views the incident with great severity and emphasizes that the soldier’s conduct is wholly inconsistent with the values expected of its troops,” it said in a statement.
Netanyahu said the photograph had shocked him.
“Yesterday, like the overwhelming majority of Israelis, I was stunned and saddened to learn that an IDF soldier damaged a Catholic religious icon in southern Lebanon. I condemn the act in the strongest terms,” he said in a statement on Monday. “Military authorities are conducting a criminal probe of the matter and will take appropriately harsh disciplinary action against the offender.”
The incident took place in Debel, a Christian village in the region of Bint Jbeil, where Israel said it killed 150 Hezbollah operatives, including a commander, on the day before a ceasefire was imposed last week. A church in Debel posted a picture of the statue when it was intact, along with the line, spoken by Jesus in the New Testament during his crucifixion, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
The incident comes comes as Israel fends off criticism from even its allies that it is discriminating against Christians. Tensions flared last month when the Israel Police, citing wartime safety regulations, blocked top Catholic clergy from holding a Palm Sunday service in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in the Old City of Jerusalem, eliciting oblique criticism from the pope. Netanyahu said in response that he had ordered that the clergy be given full access to the church.
In his statement about the statue incident, Netanyahu emphasized that Christians in the Middle East face danger from Islamic fundamentalists, including in Lebanon.
“Israel is the only country in the region that the Christian population and standard of living is growing. Israel is the only place in the Middle East that adheres to freedom of worship for all,” he said. “We express regret for the incident and for any hurt this has caused to believers in Lebanon and around the world.”
The Lebanon incident adds to a number of incidents in which Israeli soldiers have been photographed or filmed desecrating religious objects or sites in areas where they have been fighting, including in Gaza. (The IDF has urged soldiers not to take or share photographs of their activities.) The Israeli army has denounced the incidents, but even those who have resisted the most strident criticisms of Israel say a pattern is adding up.
“The lack of discipline, professional conduct, and antagonizing of Christians in Lebanon and elsewhere is an entirely unnecessary and deeply harmful behavior that will further erode support for Israel and fuel those who believe this is a religious war of conquest,” tweeted Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib, a Palestinian writer and advocate in the United States who has criticized both Hamas and Israel.
The Lebanon incident also comes amid a number of incidents suggesting growing influence by religious Jewish leadership in the IDF. In recent days, soldiers were jailed for barbecuing on their base on Shabbat, when traditional Jewish law prohibits cooking; women soldiers were penalized for wearing immodest clothing to their discharge ceremonies; and the army was accused of barring women from wearing shorts while running in a race associated with the Jerusalem Marathon.
This article originally appeared on JTA.org.
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