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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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After 3-hour White House meeting, Trump says he ‘insisted’ to Netanyahu that Iran talks should continue
(JTA) — Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu met with President Donald Trump at the White House on Wednesday in an effort to push the U.S. leader to widen negotiation with Iran to include Israeli security priorities.
“Nothing definitive” came out of the highly anticipated meeting between the leaders, which lasted roughly three hours, Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social immediately afterwards. But he signaled that he had resisted a push to end direct talks with Iran.
“There was nothing definitive reached other than I insisted that negotiations with Iran continue to see whether or not a Deal can be consummated. If it can, I let the Prime Minister know that will be a preference. If it cannot, we will just have to see what the outcome will be,” wrote Trump.
Prior to boarding a flight on his way to Washington D.C. on Tuesday, Netanyahu told reporters that his meeting with Trump would center “first and foremost” on negotiations with Iran.
“I will present to the president our views on the principles in the negotiations, the important principles, and in my opinion they are important not only to Israel — but to everyone in the world who wants peace and security in the Middle East,” Netanyahu told reporters.
During Wednesday’s meeting, which was closed to the press, Netanyahu was expected to push Trump to widen negotiations with Iran beyond its nuclear program, including imposing restrictions on Iran’s ballistic missile program and ending Iranian support for Hamas and Hezbollah.
The talks Wednesday were also expected to center on developments in the ceasefire in Gaza, with Netanyahu officially joining the Board of Peace during a meeting with Secretary of State Marco Rubio earlier in the day.
Met with U.S. Secretary of State @marcorubio at Blair House in Washington.
Ahead of my meeting at the White House with President Trump, I signed Israel’s accession as a member of the “Board of Peace.”
We will continue strengthening the unbreakable alliance between Israel and… pic.twitter.com/CJ4Lw92WdX
— Benjamin Netanyahu – בנימין נתניהו (@netanyahu) February 11, 2026
Netanyahu’s visit Wednesday was his sixth to the United States since the beginning of Trump’s term. Trump surprised him at an earlier meeting by announcing that he planned to open direct talks with Iran, which has vowed to destroy Israel.
The visit shortly followed talks in Oman on Friday between Iran’s foreign minister and Trump administration officials on reaching a potential nuclear deal. Those talks came a month after Iranian leaders ordered a crackdown on civil protesters in which an estimated 30,000 Iranians or more were murdered.
On Tuesday, Trump told Axios that he was “thinking” about sending another aircraft carrier strike group to the Gulf where he has already assembled a large military buildup, adding, “Either we will make a deal or we will have to do something very tough like last time.”
Iran has said it will retaliate if the United States strikes to curb its nuclear program, sparking concern of a war. Last June, the United States struck three nuclear sites in Iran amid the country’s 12-day war with Israel, damaging but not destroying them.
In an interview Tuesday with Fox Business Network’s Larry Kudlow, Trump said that a good deal with Iran would mean “no nuclear weapons, no missiles.”
“We’ll see what happens. I think they want to make a deal,” said Trump. “I think they’d be foolish if they didn’t. We took out their nuclear power last time, and we’ll have to see if we take out more this time.”
The post After 3-hour White House meeting, Trump says he ‘insisted’ to Netanyahu that Iran talks should continue appeared first on The Forward.
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Nazi Symbols Appear at Northwestern University as School Seeks to Turn Page on Campus Antisemitism Crisis
Illustrative: Signs cover the fence at a pro-Palestinian encampment at Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill. on April 28, 2024. Photo: Max Herman via Reuters Connect
Northwestern University said on Monday that it has identified the non-student who graffitied Nazi insignia on the campus earlier this month, pledging to file criminal charges against the suspect through the local police department.
The Schutzstaffel (SS) symbol representing the notorious paramilitary group under Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party in Germany was spray-painted on Northwestern’s campus in Evanston, Illinois. The SS played a central role in the Nazis’ systematic killing of 6 million Jews during the Holocaust.
After the symbol’s discovery, students reported others like it on the north side of campus even as university maintenance staff rushed to repair the first defacement.
“Despicable and hateful graffiti were found on several signs of our Evanston campus, and the university immediately removed or painted over them,” the university told a local outlet, The Evanston RoundTable, in a statement on Feb. 6. “Northwestern has launched an investigation to identify the individual responsible for this vandalism, utilizing camera footage, forensics, and other methods. Based on that investigation, we have identified a suspect who we belief is unaffiliated with Northwestern.”
It added, “The university is working with local law enforcement on next steps, including potential criminal charges.”
On Feb. 10, The Northwestern Daily reported that the Evanston Police Department is involved in the investigation. “The department takes reports of hate-based incidents seriously and continues to pursue investigative leads,” a spokesperson for the department said.
Northwestern University has been the site of dozens of antisemitic incidents and the center of the federal government’s efforts to combat campus antisemitism.
During the 2023-2o24 academic year, former university president Michael Schill reached a shocking and unprecedented agreement with pro-Hamas organizers of an illegal encampment, agreeing to establish a new scholarship for Palestinian undergraduates, contact potential employers of students who caused recent campus disruptions to insist on their being hired, and create a segregated dormitory hall to be occupied exclusively by Middle Eastern and North African (MENA) and Muslim students. The university — where protesters shouted “Kill the Jews!” — also agreed to form a new investment committee that would consider adopting the boycott, divestment, and sanctions (BDS) movement against Israel.
In late November, Northwestern University agreed to pay $75 million and end the controversial agreement in exchange for the US federal government’s releasing $790 million in grants it impounded in April over accusations of antisemitism and reverse discrimination.
“As part of this agreement with the federal government, the university has terminated the Deering Meadow Agreement and will reverse all policies that have been implemented or are being implemented in adherence to it,” the university said in a statement which stressed that it also halted plans for the segregated dormitory. “The university remains committed to fostering inclusive spaces and will continue to support student belonging and engagement through existing campus facilities and organizations, while partnering with alumni to explore off-campus, privately owned locations that could further support community connection and programming.”
Northwestern had previously touted its progress on addressing the campus antisemitism crisis in April, saying that it had addressed alleged failures highlighted by lawmakers and Jewish civil rights activists.
“The university administration took this criticism to heart and spent much of last summer revising our rules and policies to make our university safe for all of our students, regardless of their religion, race, national origin, sexual orientation, or political viewpoint,” the university said at the time. “Among the updated policies is our Demonstration Policy, which includes new requirements and guidance on how, when, and where members of the community may protest or otherwise engage in expressive activity.”
The university added that it also adopted the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance (IHRA) definition of antisemitism, a reference tool which aids officials in determining what constitutes antisemitism, and begun holding “mandatory antisemitism training” sessions which “all students, faculty, and staff” must attend.
“This included a live training for all new students in September and a 17-minute training module for all enrolled students, produced in collaboration with the Jewish United Fund,” it continued. “Antisemitism trainings will continue as a permanent part of our broader training in civil rights and Title IX.”
Other initiatives rolled out by the university include an Advisory Council to the President on Jewish Life, dinners for Jewish students hosted by administrative officials, and educational events which raise awareness of rising antisemitism in the US and around the world. Additionally, Northwestern said that it imposed disciplinary sanctions against several students and one staff member whose conduct violated the new “Demonstration and/or Display Policies” which safeguard peaceful assembly on the campus.
Follow Dion J. Pierre @DionJPierre.
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Iran Says It Won’t Negotiate Over Missile Program as Trump Meets Netanyahu, With Nuclear Diplomacy Topping Agenda
US President Donald Trump talks with Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at the Knesset, Oct. 13, 2025, in Jerusalem. Photo: Evan Vucci/Pool via REUTERS
Iran‘s missile capabilities are its red line and are not a subject to be negotiated, an adviser to Iran‘s supreme leader said on Wednesday, as US President Donald Trump hosted Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at the White House amid diplomacy between Washington and Tehran.
“The Islamic Republic’s missile capabilities are non-negotiable,” Ali Shamkhani said according to state media while appearing in a march commemorating the 47th anniversary of the Islamic Revolution.
Netanyahu was expected to press Trump to widen US talks with Iran to include limits on Tehran’s missile arsenal and other security threats beyond its nuclear program.
US and Iranian diplomats held indirect talks last Friday in Oman, amid a regional naval buildup by the US threatening Iran. Tehran and Washington are eyeing a new round of negotiations to avert conflict.
Washington has sought to extend talks on Iran‘s nuclear capabilities to cover its missile program as well. Iran has said it is prepared to discuss curbs on its nuclear program in return for the lifting of sanctions, but has repeatedly ruled out linking the issue to other questions including missiles.
On Sunday, Iran‘s Foreign Minister Abbas Araqchi said Tehran’s missile program had never been part of the talks’ agenda.
Both Israel and the US see Iran’s missile arsenal as an urgent threat.
In his seventh meeting with Trump since the president returned to office nearly 13 months ago, Netanyahu was looking to influence the next round of US discussions with Iran following the nuclear negotiations held in Oman.
Trump has threatened strikes on Iran if no agreement is reached, while Tehran has vowed to retaliate, stoking fears of a wider war. He has repeatedly voiced support for a secure Israel, a longstanding US ally and arch-foe of Iran.
In media interviews on Tuesday, Trump reiterated his warning, saying that while he believes Iran wants a deal, he would do “something very tough” if it refused.
TRUMP SAYS NO TO IRANIAN NUCLEAR WEAPONS, MISSILES
Trump told Fox Business that a good deal with Iran would mean “no nuclear weapons, no missiles,” without elaborating. He also told Axios he was considering sending a second aircraft carrier strike group as part of a major US buildup near Iran.
Israel fears that the US might pursue a narrow nuclear deal that does not include restrictions on Iran‘s ballistic missile program or an end to Iranian support for armed proxies such as Hamas and Hezbollah, according to people familiar with the matter. Israeli officials have urged the US not to trust Iran‘s promises.
“I will present to the president our perceptions of the principles in the negotiations,” Netanyahu told reporters before departing for the US. The two leaders could also discuss potential military action if diplomacy with Iran fails, one source said.
Netanyahu’s arrival at the White House was lower-key than usual. He entered the building away from the view of reporters and cameras, and a White House official then confirmed he was inside meeting with Trump.
GAZA ON THE AGENDA
Also on the agenda was Gaza, with Trump looking to push ahead with a ceasefire agreement he helped to broker. Progress on his 20-point plan to end the war and rebuild the shattered Palestinian enclave has stalled, with major gaps over steps such as Hamas disarming as Israeli troops withdraw in phases.
Netanyahu’s visit, originally scheduled for Feb. 18, was brought forward amid renewed US engagement with Iran. Both sides at last week’s Oman meeting said the talks were positive and further talks were expected soon.
US Secretary of State Marco Rubio said ahead of the Oman meeting that negotiations would need to address Iran‘s missiles, its proxy groups, and its treatment of its own population. Iran said Friday’s talks focused only on nuclear issues.
Trump has been vague about broadening the negotiations. He was quoted as telling Axios on Tuesday that it was a “no-brainer” for any deal to cover Iran‘s nuclear program, but that he also thought it possible to address its missile stockpiles.
Iran says its nuclear activities are for peaceful purposes, while the US and Israel have accused it of past efforts to develop nuclear weapons.
Last June, the US joined Israel’s strikes on Iranian nuclear facilities during a 12-day war.
Israel also heavily damaged Iran‘s air defenses and missile arsenal. Two Israeli officials say there are signs Iran is working to restore those capabilities.
Trump threatened last month to intervene militarily during a bloody crackdown on anti-government protests in Iran, but ultimately held off.
ISRAEL WARY OF A WEAKENED IRAN REBUILDING
Tehran’s regional influence has been weakened by Israel’s June attack, losses suffered by its proxies in Gaza, Lebanon, Yemen and Iraq, and the ousting of its ally, former Syrian President Bashar al‑Assad.
But Israel is wary of its adversaries rebuilding after the multi‑front war triggered by Hamas’s Oct. 7, 2023, assault on southern Israel.
While Trump and Netanyahu have mostly been in sync and the US remains Israel’s main arms supplier, Wednesday’s meeting could expose tensions.
Part of Trump’s Gaza plan holds out the prospect for eventual Palestinian statehood – which Netanyahu and his coalition have resisted.
Netanyahu’s security cabinet on Sunday authorized steps that would make it easier for Israeli settlers in the West Bank to buy land while granting Israel broader powers in what the Palestinians see as part of a future state. The decision drew international condemnation.
“I am against annexation,” Trump told Axios, reiterating his stance. “We have enough things to think about now.”