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Letty Cottin Pogrebin wants Jews to own up to the corrosive power of shame
(JTA) — When a lawyer for Donald Trump asked E. Jean Carroll why she didn’t scream while allegedly being raped by Donald Trump, I thought of Letty Cottin Pogrebin. In her latest book, “Shanda: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy,” she writes about being assaulted by a famous poet — and how the shadow of shame kept women like her silent about attacks on their own bodies.
That incident in 1962, she writes, was “fifty-eight years before the #MeToo movement provided the sisterhood and solidarity that made survivors of abuse and rape feel safe enough to tell their stories.”
Now 83, Pogrebin could have coasted with a memoir celebrating her six decades as a leading feminist: She co-founded Ms. magazine, its Foundation for Women and the National Women’s Political Caucus. She served as president of Americans for Peace Now and in 1982 blew the whistle on antisemitism in the feminist movement.
Instead, “Shanda” is about her immigrant Jewish family and the secrets they carried through their lives. First marriages that were kept hidden. An unacknowledged half-sister. Money problems and domestic abuse. An uncle banished for sharing family dirt in public.
“My mania around secrecy and shame was sparked in 1951 by the discovery that my parents had concealed from me the truth about their personal histories, and every member of my large extended family, on both sides, was in on it,” writes Pogrebin, now 83. “Their need to avoid scandal was so compelling that, once identified, it provided the lens through which I could see my family with fresh eyes, spotlight their fears, and, in so doing, illuminate my own.”
“Shanda” (the Yiddish word describes the kind of behavior that brings shame on an entire family or even a people) is also a portrait of immigrant New York Jews in the 20th century. As her father and mother father move up in the world and leave their Yiddish-speaking, Old World families behind for new lives in the Bronx and Queens, they stand in for a generation of Jews and new Americans “bent on saving face and determined to be, if not exemplary, at least impeccably respectable.”
Pogrebin and I spoke last week ahead of the Eight Over Eighty Gala on May 31, where she will be honored with a group that includes another Jewish feminist icon, the writer Erica Jong, and musician Eve Queler, who founded her own ensemble, the Opera Orchestra of New York, when she wasn’t being given chances to conduct in the male-dominated world of classical music. The gala is a fundraiser for the New Jewish Home, a healthcare nonprofit serving older New Yorkers.
Pogrebin and I spoke about shame and how it plays out in public and private, from rape accusations against a former president to her regrets over how she wrote about her own abortions to how the Bible justifies family trickery.
Our conversation was edited for length and clarity.
I found your book very moving because my parents’ generation, who like your family were middle-class Jews who grew up or lived in the New York metropolitan area, are also all gone now. Your book brought back to me that world of aunts and uncles and cousins, and kids like us who couldn’t imagine what kinds of secrets and traumas our parents and relatives were hiding. But you went back and asked all the questions that many of us are afraid to ask.
I can’t tell you how good writing it has been. I feel as though I have no weight on my back. And people who have read it gained such comfort from the normalization that happens when you read that others have been through what you’ve been through. And my family secrets are so varied — just one right after the other. The chameleon-like behavior of that generation — they became who they wanted to be through pretense or actual accomplishment.
In my mother’s case, pretense led the way. She went and got a studio photo that made it look like she graduated from high school when she didn’t. In the eighth grade, she went up to her uncle’s house in the north Bronx and had her dates pick her up there because of the shanda of where she lived on the Lower East Side with nine people in three rooms. She had to imagine herself the child of her uncle, who didn’t have an accent or had an accent but at least spoke English.
You describe yours as “an immigrant family torn between loyalty to their own kind and longing for American acceptance.”
There was the feeling that, “If only we could measure up, we would be real Americans.” My mother was a sewing machine operator who became a designer and figured out what American women wore when she came from rags and cardboard shoes, in steerage. So I admire them. As much as I was discomforted by the lies, I ended up having compassion for them.
It’s also a story of thwarted women, and all that lost potential of a generation in which few could contemplate a college degree or a career outside the home. Your mother worked for a time as a junior designer for Hattie Carnegie, a sort of Donna Karan of her day, but abandoned that after she met your dad and became, as you write, “Mrs. Jack Cottin.”
The powerlessness of women was complicated in the 1950s by the demands of the masculine Jewish ideal. So having a wife who didn’t work was proof that you were a man who could provide. As a result women sacrificed their own aspirations and passions. She protected her husband’s image by not pursuing her life outside the home. In a way my feminism is a positive, like a photograph, to the negative of my mother’s 1950s womanhood.
“I’m not an optimist. I call myself a ‘cockeyed strategist,” said Pogrebin, who has a home on the Upper West Side. (Mike Lovett)
You write that you “think of shame and secrecy as quintessentially Jewish issues.” What were the Jewish pressures that inspired your parents to tell so many stories that weren’t true?
Think about what we did. We hid behind our names. We changed our names. We sloughed off our accents. My mother learned to make My*T*Fine pudding instead of gefilte fish. Shame and secrecy have always been intrinsically Jewish to me, because of the “sha!” factor: At every supper party, there would be the moment when somebody would say, “Sha! We don’t talk about that!” So even though we talked about what felt like everything, there were things that couldn’t be touched: illness, the C-word [cancer]. If you wanted to make a shidduch [wedding match] with another family in the insular communities in which Jews lived, you couldn’t let it be known that there was cancer in the family, or mental illness.
While I was writing this memoir, I realized that the [Torah portion] I’m listening to one Shabbat morning is all about hiding. It is Jacob finding out that he didn’t marry Rachel, after all, but married somebody he didn’t love. All of the hiding that I took for granted in the Bible stories and I was raised on like mother’s milk was formative. They justified pretense, and they justified trickery. Rebecca lied to her husband and presented her younger son Jacob for the blessing because God told her, because it was for the greater good of the future the Jewish people.
I think Jews felt that same sort of way when it came to surviving. So we can get rid of our names. We wouldn’t have survived, whether we were hiding in a forest or behind a cabinet, a name or a passport, or [pushed into hiding] with [forced] conversions. Hiding was survival.
I was reading your book just as the E. Jean Carroll verdict came down, holding Donald Trump liable for sexually assaulting her during an encounter in the mid-’90s. You write how in 1962, when you were working as a book publicist, the hard-drinking Irish poet Brendan Behan (who died in 1964) tried to rape you in a hotel room and you didn’t report it. Like Carroll, you didn’t think that it was something that could be reported because the cost was too high.
Certainly in that era powerful men could get away with horrible behavior because of shanda reasons.
Carroll said in her court testimony, “It was shameful to go to the police.”
You know that it happened to so many others and nobody paid the price. The man’s reputation was intact and we kept our jobs because we sacrificed our dignity and our truth. I was in a career, and I really was supporting myself. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. I would have been pilloried for having gone to his hotel room, and nobody was there when he picked up an ashtray and threatened to break the window of the Chelsea Hotel unless I went up there with him.The cards were stacked against me.
In “Shanda,” you write about another kind of shame: The shame you now feel decades later about how you described the incident in your first book. You regret “how blithely I transformed an aggravated assault by a powerful man into a ‘sticky sexual encounter.’”
I wrote about the incident in such offhand terms, and wonder why. I wrote, basically, “Okay, girls, you’re gonna have to put up with this, but you’re gonna have to find your own magical sentence like I had with Behan” to get him to stop.
You write that you said, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a nice Jewish girl!” And that got him to back off.
Really painful.
I think that’s a powerful aspect of your book — how you look back at the ways you let down the movement or your family or friends and now regret. In 1991 you wrote a New York Times essay about an illegal abortion you had as a college senior in 1958, but not the second one you had only a few months later. While you were urging women to tell their stories of abortion, you note how a different shame kept you from telling the whole truth.
Jewish girls could be, you know, plain or ordinary, but they had to be smart, and I had been stupid. I could out myself as one of the many millions of women who had an abortion but not as a Jewish girl who made the same mistake [of getting pregnant] twice.
The book was written before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. In the book you write powerfully about the shame, danger and loneliness among women when abortion was illegal, and now, after 50 years, it is happening again. Having been very much part of the generation of activists that saw Roe become the law of the land, how have you processed its demise?
Since the 1970s, we thought everything was happening in this proper linear way. We got legislation passed, we had litigation and we won, and we saw the percentage of women’s participation in the workplace all across professions and trades and everything else rise and rise. And then Ronald Reagan was elected and then there was the Moral Majority and then it was the Hyde Amendment [barring the use of federal funds to pay for abortion]. I was sideswiped because I think I was naive enough to imagine that once we articulated what feminism was driving at and why women’s rights were important, and how the economic reality of families and discrimination against women weren’t just women’s issues, people would internalize it and understand it and justice would be done.
In the case of Roe, we could not imagine that rights could ever be taken away. We didn’t do something that we should have done, which is to have outed ourselves in a big way. It’s not enough that abortion was legal. We allowed it to remain stigmatized. We allowed the right wing to create their own valence around it. That negated solidarity. If we had talked about abortion as healthcare, if we had had our stories published and created organizations around remembering what it was like and people telling their stories about when abortion was illegal and dangerous…. Instead we allowed the religious right to prioritize [fetal] cells over a woman’s life. We just were not truthful with each other, so we didn’t create solidarity.
Are you heartened by the backlash against restrictive new laws in red states or optimistic that the next wave of activism can reclaim the right to abortion?
I’m not an optimist. I call myself a “cockeyed strategist.” If you look at my long resume, it is all about organizing: Ms. magazine, feminist organizations, women’s foundations, Black-Jewish dialogues, Torah study groups and Palestinian-Jewish dialogues.
Number one, we have to own the data and reframe the narrative. We have to open channels for discussion for women who have either had one or know someone who has had one, even in religious Catholic families. The state-by-state strategy was really slow, but Ruth Bader Ginsburg wanted that. She almost didn’t get on the court because she didn’t like the nationwide, right-to-privacy strategy of Roe but instead wanted it won state by state, which would have required campaigns of acceptance and consciousness-raising.
So, the irony is she hasn’t lived to see that we’re going to have to do it her way.
You share a lot of family secrets in this book. Is this a book that you waited to write until, I’ll try to put this gently, most of the people had died?
I started this book when I was 78 years old, and there’s always a connection to my major birthdays. And turning 80 – you experience that number and it is so weird. It doesn’t describe me and it probably won’t describe you. I thought, this could well be my last book, so I needed to be completely transparent, put it all out there.
My mother and father and aunts and uncles were gone, but I have 24 cousins altogether. I went to my cousins, and told them I am going to write about the secret of your parents: It’s my uncle, but it’s your father. It’s your family story even though it’s my family, but it’s yours first. And every cousin, uniformly, said, “Are you kidding? You don’t even know the half of it,” and they’d tell me the whole story. I guess people want the truth out in the end.
Is that an aspect of getting older?
I think it’s a promise of liberation, which is what I have found. It’s this experience of being free from anything that I’ve hid. I don’t have to hide. Years ago, on our 35th wedding anniversary, we took our whole family to the Tenement Museum because we wanted them to see how far we’ve come in two generations.
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Women Wage Peace to hold Toronto event in memory of Vivian Silver
By BERNIE BELLAN (Posted MAY 11) In December 2023 we reported on a new fund that was being established in the name of the late Vivian Silver, who was a victim of the Hamas massacre on October 7, 2023.
The announcement of that fund came at a memorial event that was held here in Winnipeg on December 14, 2023. Among those in attendance were Vivian’s two sons: Yonatan and Chen Zeigen.
Vivian Silver was also one of the founders of “Women Wage Peace,” which has recently opened a Winnipeg chapter. Here is how Vivian’s role is described in information provided by Women Wage Peace: “A Canadian-born peace activist, Vivian dedicated her life to pursuing gender equality and fostering dialogue and partnership between Israelis and Palestinian communities. In 2014 she co-founded Women Wage Peace — Israel’s largest grassroots peace movement with recently developed chapters in Australia, Europe, South America, and here in Canada.”
At that December 14, 2023 event in Winnipeg, both of Vivian’s sons spoke of their mother. Here are some excerpts from their remarks:
Chen Zeigen said: We have seen our mother transformed into a symbol, but for us she will always remain a loving mother and grandmother.”
Chen noted that no matter what his mother was doing to help others, family was always important to her. “We’ll keep remembering her for the person she was, in all of her political activities and achievements.… They were part of it. But to me they were kind of secondary,” Chen said.
“She would march for her causes at noon and tuck us into bed at night,” he said. “She would orchestrate international peace rallies during the week and bake elaborate cakes for her grandchildren’s birthdays.”
“Winnipeg was a home away from home for our mother,” he added. “We would come here summers to be with our bobe and zaide” (the late Roslyn and Meyer Silver).
“To us, her sons, it didn’t matter what path we chose in life so long as it was meaningful to us. No matter what we did, she always had a hug for us.”
Yonatan Zeigen added: “It is said that the older you get the harder it is to make meaningful friends. That was not the case with our mother….She served as an unending source of energy and enthusiasm…She saw a mission in remaining involved in kibbutz responsibility.
“Her memory reminds us to keep hoping for a peaceful future,” Yonatan said.
In her name, he added, he and his brother were establishing a fund to recognize those working towards a shared society between Jews and Arabss.The Vivian Silver Memorial Fund. The proceeds will go towards recipients in Israel selected by her sons that exemplify her activism.
On Wednesday, June 4 in Toronto, Women Wage Peace Canada East, sponsored by the New Israel Fund Canada, will be presenting “In her Voice – the Vivian Silver Legacy Event.” The event will be raising funds for the Vivian Silver Impact Award.
We spoke with one of the organizers of the event, Lynne Mitchell, who grew up in Winnipeg with Vivian, having attended Peretz School with her and later, when they were both teens, were involved as president (Vivian) and vice president of Red River Region BBYO.
Lynne was at that December 2023 memorial event in Winnipeg and she recalls discussing – after the event, with Chen and Yonatan, what might be the most appropriate way they could honour Vivian’s legacy
Eventually, as Lynne describes it, the people organizing the Toronto event are sort of a “hodge podge…of Women Wage Peace Canada East, my family, and some grass roots people who wanted to be involved in it, including a Palestinian women – who remembers Vivian.”
“Our lead sponsor is the New Israel Fund of Canada,” Lynne explained, “because Vivian was on their board years ago and their executive director (whose name is Ben Murane) was captivated by her message also.”
“In Her Voice” will feature a variety of different media, including “music and art to create opportunities for reflection, inspiration, and hope.”
There will also be presentations by Vivian’s sons and a number of other speakers, including from a Palestinian woman who worked with Vivian in Israel for many years in NISPED-AJEEC Negev Institute for Peace and Economic Development)
The first recipients of the Vivian Silver Impact Award will also speak on video – one a Palestinian and the other an Israeli Jew.
Lynne Mitchell added that there are two things that the organizers of the event are hoping attendees will take from the event: “What makes a peacemaker and what can I do?”
One of the speakers,, recently arrived from Ramallah, has also long been dedicated to finding a peaceful path forward between Palestinian and Jewish Israelis. Lynne said that he was quite “astonished at how polarized our respective societies are here in Toronto.”
I asked her whether she thought it was any different in any other city and she admitted that it isn’t
But, just to put a more hopeful tinge to the ongoing tension between Canadian Jews and Palestinians, Lynne mentioned something else that is reflective of the willingness of at least some members of both communities to engage in a more meaningful dialogue.
“There are going to be two MCs for the evening,” Lynne noted. One will be her daughter, while the other will be a Palestinian Canadian woman .
There will be at least two members of the Winnipeg chapter of Women Wage Peace coming from Winnipeg to the event: Chana Thau and Esther Blum. In addition, Vivian’s sister Rachelle, along with her husband and one of her grandsons will be coming, along with Vivian’s brother Neil (who lives in Calgary), as well as many cousins of Vivian’s who live in Toronto.
Toward the end of my conversation with Lynne I referred to the terrible rift that had developed within our own Winnipeg Jewish community over BB Camp and said that there are many who have said we should remain silent about everything that’s gone on – to which Lynne responded: “No, we need to learn from it and not condemn each other and silence each other. That was Vivian’s perspective.”
If you are interested in attending or “donating to In Her Voice,” tickets can be purchased online at nifcan.org/inhervoice.
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JACQUELINE HOCHMAN JUNE 7, 1938 – APRIL 1, 2025
Jacqueline “Jackie” Hochman passed away peacefully on April 1, 2025 at the Simkin Centre in Winnipeg at the age of 86.
Jackie was born on June 7, 1938. She is predeceased by her husband Sam, daughter Robyn, parents Samuel and Bertha “Birdie” Niznick, and brother Allyn.
Jackie will be deeply missed by her remaining children, Marshall and Shawn (Karen), her grandchildren, Hannah, Daniel (Jodi), and Freya (and her partner, Spencer), and her great-granddaughter, Haisley.
Her children and grandchildren were her world. Jackie will be remembered for her fierce love and unwavering devotion to family. Sam, her husband of 65 years, loved her with every fibre of his being. May her memory be a blessing. In lieu of flowers, the family kindly requests that donations be made to the Saul and Claribel Simkin Centre.
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Samsung Washing Machine Repair: Frequent Issues and Professional Fixes
When your Samsung washing machine begins acting up, it can throw your entire laundry routine into chaos. Even with cutting-edge technology and sleek designs, these appliances can develop issues that range from minor glitches to major malfunctions. This comprehensive guide will take you through the most common problems encountered with Samsung washers, walk you through initial diagnostic steps, and explain when and why professional repairs become essential. For more detailed repair insights, Discover more here.
Understanding the Challenges
Samsung washing machines are celebrated for their innovative features, energy efficiency, and robust performance. Yet, like all complex machinery, they are susceptible to wear and tear. Users often report issues such as:
- Error Codes: Cryptic digital messages indicating malfunctioning sensors or control board errors.
- Water Drainage Problems: Incomplete draining leading to wet clothes or water pooling in the drum.
- Excessive Vibration or Noise: Unusual sounds during spin cycles, often a sign of imbalance or mechanical wear.
- Leaking Water: Water escaping from the machine, which can damage floors and other nearby surfaces.
- Door Lock or Latch Failures: Problems with door sensors or locking mechanisms that prevent the machine from starting.
- Motor or Pump Issues: Malfunctions that affect the washer’s ability to agitate, drain, or complete cycles properly.
Each of these issues may have different root causes, and understanding them is the first step to determining whether you can fix it yourself or need professional assistance.
Step-by-Step Diagnostic Process
Before jumping into repairs, it is wise to perform a systematic diagnostic check. Begin by noting any error codes displayed on your machine’s control panel. Samsung models typically provide codes such as “4E” (water inlet issues) or “5E” (drainage errors), which can guide your troubleshooting efforts.
Initial Checks:
- Power and Settings: Ensure the washer is properly plugged in and that the selected cycle includes the drain phase.
- Water Supply: Verify that the water inlet is unobstructed and that water pressure is sufficient. Low water pressure can sometimes trigger fill errors.
- Drainage System: Inspect the drain hose for kinks or blockages. Remove any debris that may hinder the water flow.
Advanced Checks: For more persistent issues, consider:
- Cleaning filters and pump components to remove lint or foreign objects.
- Checking sensor contacts and wiring for signs of corrosion or loose connections.
- Observing the machine during a test cycle to listen for unusual noises that might indicate a failing motor or pump.
These steps can help determine if the problem is a simple fix you can handle on your own, such as clearing a clogged hose, or if it indicates a more severe fault.
When Professional Repairs Are Necessary
While basic troubleshooting can resolve many issues, there are cases when professional repair is the safer and more effective route:
- Complex Electronic Failures: If your washer is displaying persistent error codes or the control board seems unresponsive, professional diagnostics are crucial to avoid further damage.
- Mechanical Breakdowns: Problems with the motor, pump, or internal transmission often require specialized tools and expertise to repair correctly.
- Warranty Considerations: If your Samsung washer is still under warranty, attempting a DIY repair could void it. Authorized technicians use approved parts and methods to maintain your warranty’s validity.
- Safety Risks: Any repairs involving electrical components or high-voltage parts should be handled by professionals to prevent injury.
When in doubt, it’s best to consult a certified repair service. Professionals have access to manufacturer-specific repair manuals and diagnostic tools that increase the likelihood of a lasting fix.
Professional Fixes: What to Expect
A reputable service technician will start by running a complete diagnostic test on your Samsung washing machine. Once the issue is identified, they may take actions such as:
- Replacing faulty sensors or electronic control boards that trigger error codes.
- Cleaning or replacing clogged filters, drain hoses, and pump components to restore proper drainage.
- Rebalancing or repairing motor assemblies to reduce excessive vibration and noise.
- Fixing or replacing door locks and latches to ensure safety and proper operation.
The goal of a professional repair is not only to fix the immediate issue but also to provide preventive advice to reduce the likelihood of future malfunctions. Technicians often inspect related components that might soon wear out, recommending part replacements as needed to avoid recurring problems.
Preventive Maintenance: Tips for Longevity
Keeping your Samsung washing machine in peak condition requires a blend of regular maintenance and occasional professional check-ups. Here are some effective strategies:
- Regular Cleaning: Clean the filter, drain hose, and pump area at least once a month to remove lint and debris.
- Descaling: In areas with hard water, mineral deposits can affect performance. Use a descaling agent as recommended by the manufacturer.
- Proper Loading: Avoid overloading the washer, which can strain the motor and pump, and always use the appropriate amount of detergent.
- Periodic Professional Inspections: Schedule an annual service call to ensure that all components are functioning correctly and to replace any parts showing signs of wear.
- Follow the Manual: Always refer to the user manual for specific maintenance recommendations tailored to your model.
By adopting these habits, you not only prevent common issues but also extend the overall lifespan of your appliance.
Case Studies: Real-World Success Stories
Consider the experience of Emily, who noticed her Samsung washer repeatedly displaying a “5E” error—indicative of a drainage problem. After a thorough DIY inspection revealed a partially blocked drain hose, she still encountered intermittent issues. Emily then called a professional repair service, which discovered a worn-out pump impeller. Replacing this part not only resolved the error but also improved the machine’s overall efficiency.
In another instance, James’s Samsung washer started to vibrate excessively during spin cycles. What began as a minor annoyance quickly escalated into a concern about potential damage. Professional technicians found that the machine’s suspension system was compromised, and they rebalanced the unit while replacing worn-out shock absorbers. The result was a quieter, more stable machine that James could rely on for years to come.
Samsung washing machines are built to offer convenience and efficiency, but even the best appliances need proper care and occasional expert attention. Whether you’re a DIY enthusiast or prefer to call in the professionals, understanding the common issues and their solutions is key to keeping your machine in top shape. With proactive maintenance and timely repairs, you can ensure that your washer not only lasts longer but also continues to perform at its best.
Embrace preventive practices, know when to take matters into your own hands, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help when needed. In doing so, you safeguard your investment and enjoy the seamless, stress-free operation of your Samsung washing machine for years to come.