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Memoir of child of Holocaust survivors takes riveting twists
Book Review by Julie Kirsh (former Sun Media News Research Director)
Exclusive to The Jewish Post
“We used to Dream of Freedom, A Memoir of Family, the Holocaust, and the Stories We Don’t Tell”
By Sam Chaiton (Dundurn Press) 2024
Sam Chaiton’s memoir of growing up with Holocaust survivor parents in downtown Toronto in the 1950s is a compelling read.
Jeanne Beker, a well known Toronto fashion writer, mentions in her praise for “We used to Dream of Freedom” that her survivor parents talked incessantly about their war experiences.
My own parents, both survivors, would drop tidbits of their stories now and again. I learned to be watchful and vigilant for these rare moments of revelation. However, questioning my parents about the Holocaust, would cause them pain. I knew when to stand down.
In his memoir, Sam Chaiton tells the reader that his parents chose to remain completely silent about their wartime experiences. Poignantly their son was left with a silence that he interpreted as huge empty sound. Although the son could understand some Yiddish, his parents turned to Polish in order to keep the “kinder safe”. Outright denial of illness and death was part of his parents’ way of coping.
Born in the 1950s on Palmerston Boulevard in downtown Toronto, Chaiton paints a vivid picture of his youth as the middle son of five boys. He describes the mayhem of a household of barked orders and punishment by his father’s belt. His mother, as with many other survivors, was obsessed with eating and food. Chaiton learned early that rejecting his controlling mother’s food was one of his few weapons. “It’s hard not to do what a Holocaust survivor wants you to”, he says. Chaiton had to stare down two parents both with tattoos.
Dance proved to be a saving grace for Chaiton. On the dance floor, with a partner, the gates of happiness and permission to be oneself, opened. The Toronto Dance Theatre in Yorkville was a salvation and home for Chaiton. Also important to Chaiton was a family – not his troubled blood family but a chosen one – a commune.
In 1973, after a sojourn in New York, Chaiton decided that he was not a performance dancer. Back in Toronto as he pointedly danced with his mother at his brother’s wedding, she told him that he was her favourite child, imposing “the psychological damage that parental favouritism caused”.
Living in a commune with a chosen family afforded Chaiton the freedom to dig deep into his psyche, face his traumatic upbringing and tear down the rigid rules of society and the biological family. At a certain point, for reasons he explains in the book, Chaiton made the decision to vanish from the lives of his parents and brothers.
In 1980 the commune took up the cause of the injustice and illegal jailing of Rubin “Hurricane” Carter. Carter had been exonerated, released from prison and then reconvicted and sent back to prison.
In hindsight Chaiton wonders if his disengagement from his family caused them the same wounds and feelings of emptiness that Carter had to face when he was reincarcerated.
In 1985 while sitting in a New Jersey prison yard with friends and Carter, Chaiton had the riveting vision that he was in a concentration camp, “on a mission to liberate (his) parents – the dream of every Holocaust survivor’s child.”
In the summer of 1985, Chaiton received the news from Toronto that his parents were involved in a fatal car accident. Only after his mother’s death, was Chaiton able to acknowledge that in spite of her smothering, she gave him a sense of self worth and strength.
In 1988 Chaiton co-wrote the story of freeing Carter. One of his brothers saw him on a news broadcast, contacted him and the 20-year silence between Chaiton and his blood family was over.
Riding on the coattails of the successful release of Carter, Chaiton and some friends established an organization that continues to exist today. Innocence Canada has helped wrongfully convicted people like Guy Paul Morin, David Milgaard and Steven Truscott.
In chapter 16, entitled Wierzbnik, Chaiton finally learns about his father’s testimony published in a book, “Remembering Survival”, by a university professor. Reading about his father’s history helped Chaiton to understand the damage done to survivors, his parents’ trauma and why the home that they created for their sons after the war was so fraught.
Chaiton remarks on the interconnectedness of learning about the sufferings of his parents, his own personal struggles and the gift his father left him of being able to tell his own story.
Sam Chaiton’s profound memoir took courage and brutal honesty to write.
His book teaches that the legacy left by Holocaust survivors, along with a deep sadness, is the innate need of the children to persevere and find their own path of survival and growth.
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Tidbits: The first director of the Polin Museum is back
Tidbits is a Forverts feature of easy news briefs in Yiddish that you can listen to or read, or both! If you read the article and don’t know a word, just click on it and the translation appears. Listen to the report here:
דער ערשטער דירעקטאָר פֿונעם „פּולין מוזיי פֿון דער געשיכטע פֿון די פּוילישע ייִדן אין וואַרשע“ — דאַריוש סטאָלאַ — איז לעצטנס ווידער באַשטימט געוואָרן ווי זײַן דירעקטאָר. אַ צאָל אָבסערוואַטאָרן האַלטן אַז דאָס איז אַ סימבאָלישער נצחון פֿאַרן ייִדישן אָנדענק אין פּוילן.
באַלד ווי דער מוזיי איז געגרינדעט געוואָרן אין 2014 האָט סטאָלאַ, ווי דער דירעקטאָר, שטאַרק באַטאָנט דעם חיובֿ פֿון פּוילן צו אָנערקענען איר פֿאַרטיליקטע ייִדישע פֿאַרגאַנגענהייט. דער געוועזענער קולטור־מיניסטער פֿון דער נאַציאָנאַליסטישער פּאַרטיי, וואָס האָט דעמאָלט געהערשט אין פּוילן, האָט אים אָבער באַשולדיקט אין „פּאָליטיזירן“ דעם מוזיי.
סטאָלאַ האָט למשל אַרויסגערופֿן פּראָטעסטן בײַ די הויכע באַאַמטע פֿון דער רעגירונג צוליב אַן אויסשטעלונג אין 2018, וואָס האָט דאָקומענטירט דער רעגירונגס אַנטיסעמיטישע קאַמפּאַניע אין 1968, וואָס האָט פֿאַרטריבן ייִדן פֿון זייערע שטעלעס און געצוווּנגען בערך 13,000 פֿון זיי צו פֿאַרלאָזן דאָס לאַנד.
הגם סטאָלאַ האָט דעמאָלט געוווּנען אַ קאָנקורס צו פֿאַרלענגערן זײַן קאַדענץ האָט דער קולטור־מיניסטער אים פֿאַרטריבן פֿונעם פּאָסטן.
מיט אַ יאָר פֿריִער, אין 2018, האָט פּוילן דורכגעפֿירט אַ געזעץ, וואָס פֿאַרווערט דאָס באַשולדיקן פּוילן אָדער די פּאָלאַקן אין קאָלאַבאָרירן מיט די דײַטשן. שפּעטער האָט מען עס געביטן פֿון אַ פֿאַרברעכן וואָס דראָט זיצן אין תּפֿיסה אויף בלויז אַ ציווילער געזעץ־ברעכונג. קריטיקער טענהן אַז דער גאַנצער ענין האָט אָבער שטאַרק געשטערט דעם געביט פֿון פֿאָרשן די געשיכטע.
איצט איז סטאָלאַ ווידער באַשטימט געוואָרן ווי דער דירעקטאָר פֿונעם מוזיי דורך דער קולטור־דירעקטאָרין פֿון דער הײַנטיקער צענטריסטישער רעגירונג, מאַרטאַ טשענקאָווסקאַ. רעדנדיק צו סטאָלאַן האָט זי דערקלערט: „אין 2019 האָט דער מיניסטער פּיאָטער גלינסקי באַשלאָסן צו איגנאָרירן די רעזולטאַטן פֿונעם קאָנקורס. מע האָט אײַך דעמאָלט, מיט זעקס יאָר צוריק, געדאַרפֿט באַשטימען פֿאַר דעם אַמט. טײַערער פּראָפֿעסאָר, זאָל זײַן מיט מיט מזל!“
סטאָלאַ האָט זי באַדאַנקט און געזאָגט: „די מיסיע פֿונעם מוזיי איז נאָך וויכטיקער הײַנט צוליב די פֿינצטערע כּוחות וואָס פֿאַרקרימען דעם אָנדענק פֿון דער פּויליש־ייִדישער פֿאַרגאַנגענהייט.“
צו זען דעם אַרטיקל אויף ענגליש, גיט אַ קוועטש דאָ.
To see the article in English, click here.
The post Tidbits: The first director of the Polin Museum is back appeared first on The Forward.
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Assault of Hebrew-speaking Israelis in San Jose, Calif., spurs outcry and investigation
(JTA) — Jewish leaders in California are condemning an assault of Hebrew-speaking Israelis outside a San Jose cafe on Sunday that has sparked viral video and a police investigation.
J. The Jewish News of Northern California obtained multiple videos of the assault and its immediate aftermath and spoke to the Israeli men, who said the two groups had not interacted before the incident. One of them said he recalled hearing one of the assailants say “f—ing Jew” during the attack.
The videos show three men punching an older man as diners look on, some shouting but none intervening. One of the assailants loses his shoe and retrieves it before he and the other two men with him run off along Santana Row, a thoroughfare lined by outdoor dining. The videos do not show what happened immediately before the assault began.
The J. also spoke to multiple witnesses, including a retail worker whose parents were born in Iran and said he heard one of the assailants speaking Farsi, the language spoken there.
The incident comes at a time of high alert for Israelis and Jews because of the U.S-Israel war on Iran, which has a record of staging attacks on Jewish targets around the world. It also adds to a string of incidents, many in Europe, in which Israelis abroad say they have been assaulted because of their national identity when someone has heard them speaking Hebrew.
Police in San Jose say they are investigating the incident as a possible hate crime. No arrests have yet been announced.
“Antisemitism and all acts of hatred have no place in San Jose,” Mayor Matt Mahan said in a statement. “I have been in touch with our police department and leaders in the local Jewish community regarding this deeply disturbing incident and will continue to monitor the situation closely as the investigation continues.”
Jewish Silicon Valley, a nonprofit serving the region, said it was working with a range of local groups and officials to respond to the incident, including Chabad of Almaden, where the Israeli men said they first met; the Israeli consulate; and County of Santa Clara District Attorney Jeff Rosen, whose online biography also notes that he has also been the president of his local synagogue.
“Unfortunately, we are ready for these types of moments,” Jewish Silicon Valley said in a message to constituents. “Our longstanding relationships with law enforcement and elected officials allow us to mobilize immediately in moments of crisis.”
The post Assault of Hebrew-speaking Israelis in San Jose, Calif., spurs outcry and investigation appeared first on The Forward.
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Workplaces open, schools remain shut — and Israeli parents pull out their hair over wartime Zoom classes
(JTA) — TEL AVIV — When news broke that Israel might gradually reopen schools in areas considered safe enough, Yael Daniel, a mother in Bat Yam in the missile-hit center of the country, joked that she was “moving north.”
The war has shut schools and pushed children onto Zoom learning while many parents, like Daniel, keep working. Trying to supervise remote lessons for her three children, ages 6 to 8, who have attention difficulties, while holding down a full-time job has turned each day into “a nightmare,” she said.
“These are kids that need to be in a serious routine, and they’re not, and it’s really hard. I’m suffering,” she said.
The strain intensified after the IDF’s Home Front Command allowed workplaces to reopen last week under updated wartime guidelines, even as the education system remained closed.
Israeli actress and mother of two Meshi Kleinstein was one of many parents who took to social media as the decision drew anger and disbelief. “What a delusional country. Who looks after the children when the parents return to work?” she said on Instagram.
In response to the outcry, Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich announced Sunday that one parent in households with children under 14 would be allowed to take unpaid leave while the education system remains shut.
The move prompted further backlash from parents who say it effectively forces families to choose between supervising children at home and losing income.
And for some, like Zehavit, who was speaking from a bomb shelter during a siren in the central city of Jaffa, it didn’t make sense. “Just because my child is 14, does that automatically mean he’s fine to be alone and run to the shelter by himself in the event of a siren?”
Outside the shelter, another mother, Renana, said the arrangement has forced her to reorganize her workday around her son’s online classes.
“I have one child in first grade. Since the Zoom classes started I work less because he uses my computer,” she said.
“He has three consecutive hours with different teachers and I need to sit next to him so he can communicate with them, which means I’m listening to the whole lesson and not working.”
Claire Bloom Moradian spends her days shuffling her children between school Zooms, extracurricular Zooms and playdates just to approximate a routine. “It’s just chaos, I’m absolutely exhausted,” she said.
In a Facebook post, Rachel Sharansky Danziger recounted that the return to Zoom after Oct. 7 was “the straw that broke the camel’s back,” leaving her so overwhelmed that she called a mental health hotline at the time, unable to understand why “all the death, the kidnappings, the horror” had not broken her, but remote learning did.
Zoom had revived the helplessness of the Covid years, she said, with too few devices, constant technical glitches and children yelling that nothing was working — all against a backdrop of dread about what might be looming outside the apartment doors.
“I can be strong,” she had told the woman on the other end of the helpline. “I can be positive and supportive and encouraging and manage myself and the domestic and social arena around me with precision and strength and awareness of the needs of those around me. But I can’t do all of this while trying to solve dozens of technological problems every morning.”
Education Minister Yoav Kisch said on Monday morning that he is examining a gradual reopening of schools using a color-coded system, with institutions expected to resume first in areas classified as “yellow,” meaning places where security conditions and access to protected spaces would allow limited in-person learning, with parents responsible for getting children to school.
About 40% of Israeli schools cannot offer all of their students access to bomb shelters if a siren sounds, according to data released this week.
Kisch’s terminology was another reminder of the pandemic-era, in which cities were ranked by color according to infection levels, with tighter restrictions in “red” areas. On social media, some parents greeted Kisch’s proposal with weary sarcasm. “Ah, yes, the color chart. Because that went so well the first time,” one person tweeted in response.
Municipal leaders were divided over whether to implement Kisch’s plan. Haifa Mayor Yona Yahav said the city would keep schools closed for now, saying he had “no intention of endangering students, drivers, and teaching staff,” as officials weighed the risks of transporting children during ongoing alerts. Others signaled they would move ahead. Roy Levy, mayor of nearby Nesher, said schools would reopen in line with Home Front Command guidelines, calling a return to classrooms “an emotional and social need.” Jerusalem Mayor Moshe Lion also said he would partially reopen the city’s education system, citing the need for “a routine, an educational framework and meetings with friends and teachers.”
But by Monday evening, Kisch was forced to backpedal after the IDF’s Home Front Command said that wartime restrictions would stay in effect across the country, keeping schools shut for now. A limited reopening may be attempted again starting next week — or not.
In one of the darkest incidents to emerge from Israel’s forced return to Zoom schooling, a teacher in Jerusalem was attacked by her partner in front of her students during an online lesson. He struck her in the head and smashed objects in their home before being arrested, later telling investigators he had acted out of “feelings of jealousy.”
Reports of domestic violence in Israel tend to rise during periods of war and home confinement. Data compiled after Oct. 7 showed a 28% increase in calls to Israel’s welfare ministry hotline related to domestic violence, sexual abuse and child neglect during the first months of the war.
Not everyone viewed Zoom as futile. Nataly Peleg, a first-grade teacher, said the classes are less about academics than about giving children a welcome distraction — even if she does not compel her own children to join theirs.
“It’s not so much whether they learn or not,” she said. “It’s about being together for a bit and focusing on something that isn’t the sirens and the surreal situations around us.”
Some children find the classes comforting, she said, while others are simply waiting for them to end or do not join at all. Still, she said, many parents have told her they appreciate the effort. “If even a handful of kids feel a bit better, it’s worth it,” she said.
Daniel, for her part, is trying to keep things in perspective. Despite feeling “super overwhelmed,” she said she is thankful her family is safe.
“Things could always be worse,” she said. “I’m just grateful we are all OK.”
In her post, Danziger said she was passing on the advice the hotline counselor had given her more than two and a half years ago.
“Don’t. Don’t let distance learning control you,” she said, adding that “nothing terrible would happen if your kids don’t join some of the Zooms — or, to be honest, all of them.”
While “we parents may not be bombing Tehran or deciphering nuclear secrets right now,” she wrote, “the responsibility for our children’s education and the functioning of our homes is still in our hands.”
The post Workplaces open, schools remain shut — and Israeli parents pull out their hair over wartime Zoom classes appeared first on The Forward.