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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Mamdani draws lines around how Jews should use ‘sacred spaces’
After protesters hounded people entering an event promoting immigration to Israel at Park East Synagogue in Manhattan last month, Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani condemned the demonstration — with a notable caveat.
“He believes every New Yorker should be free to enter a house of worship without intimidation,” Dora Pekec, Mamdani’s spokesperson, said in a statement. “And that these sacred spaces should not be used to promote activities in violation of international law.”
Mamdani may have had a previous news cycle in mind when he issued this response. Last year, protesters in New Jersey and California were accused of antisemitism for demonstrating outside several synagogues before the target of their ire — real estate seminars offering property in the Israeli-occupied West Bank — became clear and blunted some of the criticism.
But the event at Park East was more complicated than the real estate seminars, and Mamdani’s implicit condemnation of the synagogue for hosting it marked a messy entry into the fight over when Jews deserve protection, and when they don’t.
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Protesters were targeting an event hosted by Nefesh B’Nefesh, an NGO sponsored by the Israeli government that serves as the primary clearinghouse for North American Jews who want to make aliyah, or immigrate to Israel under the Law of Return, regardless of their politics.
The argument that any synagogue that promotes aliyah is engaged in the violation of international law is so charged because almost every mainstream congregation in the United States supports Jews moving to Israel, at least implicitly. Aliyah is a core component of Zionism and rooted in the religious beliefs of many Jews. Nefesh B’Nefesh references a line from the Torah, “we shall surely ascend and inherit the Land,” in its promotional materials.
Mamdani’s office tried to clarify his statement following the initial uproar, and stated that he only objected to Nefesh B’Nefesh encouraging immigration to Jewish settlements in the Israeli-occupied West Bank, which are illegal under international law.
But here’s the rub: The Israeli government refuses to acknowledge any meaningful distinction between Jewish settlements in the West Bank and the rest of Israel — and, in fact, they often make distinguishing between the two illegal.
This came up in my reporting on Ben & Jerry’s unsuccessful attempt to stop doing business in Israeli settlements. Marc Stern, chief legal officer at the American Jewish Committee, explained to me that the Israeli government prohibits businesses from refusing to serve settlements. That means operating in Israel effectively requires operating in the West Bank, and boycotting Israeli settlements in the West Bank — a strategy once referred to as “Zionist B.D.S.” — effectively means boycotting the rest of Israel.
So it’s true that Nefesh B’Nefesh lists several Israeli settlements as potential destinations for American Jews. But as a quasi-state enterprise, the organization likely couldn’t exclude the settlements from its programming even if it wanted to.
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The possibility that contemporary support for Israel may be inseparable, at least in practice, from supporting Israel’s occupation of the West Bank, has caused plenty of consternation among American Jews.
But it’s treacherous territory for Mamdani to enter because, as I’ve written before, failing to distinguish between Jewish leaders and organizations that are actively promoting and supporting a right-wing vision of Israel, and everyone else, risks declaring open season on the vast majority of American Jews.
And the protesters outside Park East certainly weren’t making careful distinctions about where, exactly, those in attendance were interested in moving.
Chants from demonstrators included “resistance, you make us proud, take another settler out,” reported Luke Tress in the Times of Israel, and “settlers, settlers, go back home, Palestine is ours alone,” celebrating violence against Israeli civilians and calling for the wholesale expulsion of Jews from Israel — both of which would be violation of international law in their own right.
Mamdani is clearly wary of playing into the hands of Jewish leaders who consider the vast majority of demonstrations against Israel to be antisemitic. But many synagogues display Israeli flags on the bimah, organize congregational trips to Israel and issue statements of solidarity with Israel during times of war.
The Park East incident was no doubt only a preview of things to come, and as Mamdani prepares to take office he’ll need to decide with much more precision what, exactly, he believes marks a synagogue as sacred or profane.
GO DEEPER:
- What does Mamdani’s response to synagogue protests mean for Jews? No one will like the answer.
- NYPD commissioner Jessica Tisch apologizes for allowing ‘turmoil’ outside synagogue
- Most American Jews believe Zohran Mamdani will make NYC Jews less safe, Israeli poll finds
- What the LA synagogue pro-Palestinian protest was really about
The post Mamdani draws lines around how Jews should use ‘sacred spaces’ appeared first on The Forward.
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Israel Publishes Draft Law Seeking to Boost State Revenues From Dead Sea Minerals
A drone picture shows part of the Dead Sea and its shore near Ein Gedi, Israel, Feb. 7, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Ilan Rosenberg
Israel on Wednesday published a draft law that aims to boost state revenues from a concession for extracting minerals from the Dead Sea as well as tackling its environmental consequences.
The Finance Ministry said the proposed law intends to redefine the concession to ensure the public and the state get their rightful share, while ensuring the preservation of nature and environmental values.
“The law serves as the basis for allocating the concession and the terms of the future tender for resource extraction from the Dead Sea, with an emphasis on promoting optimal competition, lowering entry barriers, and attracting leading international players,” it said.
Fertilizer maker ICL Group has held the concession, giving it exclusive rights to minerals from the Dead Sea site, for five decades, but its permit is set to expire in 2030.
Last month, ICL gave up right of first refusal for its Dead Sea concession under a government plan to open it up for tender, although it would receive some $3 billion if it loses the permit when it expires.
ICL, one of the world’s largest potash producers, has previously said its Dead Sea assets were worth $6 billion. ICL extracts mainly potash and magnesium from the concession.
Under the draft law, which still needs preliminary approval from lawmakers, the state‘s share of concession profits would ultimately rise to an average of 50% from 35% currently, partly through royalties, the ministry said.
The law also aims to tackle negative impacts of resource extraction activities in the Dead Sea, which continues to shrink.
ICL plans to participate in the future tender and has said it believes it is the most suitable candidate to operate the future concession.
Accountant General Yali Rothenberg said the law places emphasis on fair, efficient, and responsible use of one of Israel’s most important natural resources.
It “will ensure that the state maximizes economic value for the public, promotes optimal competition, and protects the unique environment of the Dead Sea region for future generations,” he said.
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Israel Says It Received Body From Hamas, Indicates Rafah Crossing to Open Soon to Let Gazans Cross Into Egypt
People hold images of dead hostages Ran Gvili and Sudthisak Rinthalak, whose bodies haven’t been returned yet, as Israelis attend a rally calling for the immediate return of the remains of all hostages held in Gaza, more than two years after the deadly Oct. 7, 2023, attack on Israel by Hamas, at the Hostages Square in Tel Aviv, Israel, Nov. 29, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Nir Elias
Israel received a body that the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas said was one of the last two deceased hostages in the Gaza Strip on Wednesday, as Israel said it would allow Gaza’s gateway to Egypt to open once all hostages were returned.
A body has been transferred by the Red Cross to the Israeli military and will undergo forensic identification, a statement from the Israeli Prime Minister’s Office said.
Hamas also handed over remains on Tuesday, which Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office later said were not of any hostage.
The handover of the last hostages’ bodies in Gaza would complete a key condition of the initial part of US President Donald Trump’s plan to end the two-year Gaza war, which also provides for the Rafah border crossing between Gaza and Egypt to open in both directions.
Israel has kept the crossing shut since the ceasefire came into effect in October, saying that Hamas must abide by the agreement to return all hostages still in Gaza, living and deceased.
“The crossing will be opened both ways when all of our hostages have been returned,” Israeli government spokesperson Shosh Bedrosian told reporters.
Since the fragile truce started, Hamas has returned all 20 living hostages and 26 bodies in exchange for around 2,000 Palestinian detainees and convicted prisoners, but two more deceased captives – an Israeli police officer and a Thai agricultural worker – are still in Gaza.
ISRAEL SAYS PREVIOUS ‘FINDINGS’ NOT LINKED TO HOSTAGES
The armed wing of the Hamas-allied Palestinian Islamic Jihad terrorist group, the Al Quds Brigades, said it had found a hostage body after conducting a search in northern Gaza, along with a team from the Red Cross.
Hamas and Islamic Jihad said they had handed over the body to the Red Cross late on Wednesday afternoon. The groups did not say which of the two remaining deceased hostages they believed it to be.
The two are Israeli police officer Ran Gvili and Thai national Sudthisak Rinthalak, both kidnapped during Hamas’s Oct. 7, 2023, attack on Israel that triggered two years of devastating war in Gaza.
OPENING OF CROSSING COULD ALLOW OUT THOSE NEEDING TREATMENT
COGAT, the Israeli military arm that oversees humanitarian matters, said the Rafah crossing would be opened in the coming days to allow Palestinians to cross into Egypt.
The decision to open the crossing for those seeking to leave Gaza was made in “full coordination” with those that have mediated between Israel and Hamas during the war, Bedrosian said.
Egypt, along with Qatar and the US, has acted as a mediator.
COGAT said it would be opened under the supervision of a European Union mission – a similar mechanism to that employed during a previous Gaza ceasefire agreed in January 2025.
Before the war, the Rafah crossing was a key entry point for aid into the territory, as well as weapons smuggling for Hamas. It has been mostly closed throughout the conflict.
At least 16,500 patients in Gaza require medical care outside of the enclave, according to the United Nations. Some Gazans have managed to leave for medical treatment abroad through Israel.
Violence has tailed off since the Oct. 10 ceasefire but Israel has continued to strike Gaza and conduct demolitions against what it says is Hamas infrastructure. Hamas and Israel have traded blame for violating the US-backed agreement.