Uncategorized
Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
—
The post Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce. appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
Uncategorized
Cooper Union settles antisemitism case with 10 Jewish students who were barricaded in library after Oct. 7
(JTA) — The Cooper Union has settled a Title VI case of antisemitic discrimination dating back to a highly publicized incident in which Jewish students were trapped in a school library by protesters after the Oct. 7, 2023, attacks.
The Manhattan engineering college has agreed to pay an unspecified sum to 10 affected Jewish students, create a Title VI coordinator position who will monitor cases “including discrimination or harassment based on antisemitism or anti-Zionism,” and ban masks at protests.
“This landmark settlement is the result of the extraordinary courage of the students who came forward to demand accountability from Cooper Union,” Ziporah Reich, an attorney with the pro-Israel legal group The Lawfare Project, said in a statement announcing the settlement. The Lawfare Project sued the school on behalf of the Jewish students.
Reich’s statement continued, “Jewish students deserve to learn without being targeted, harassed, or excluded because of who they are or what they believe. This case sends a clear message that universities have a legal duty to protect them and will be held accountable when they fail to do so.”
In a statement, Cooper Union’s president Steven W. McLaughlin said the settlement “reflects our ongoing commitment to maintaining a campus where every student in our community feels respected, safe, and included.”
McLaughlin, who became president last year following the resignation of the school’s previous president, continued, “We are dedicated to continuing our efforts to confront discrimination of any kind, including antisemitism, and to fostering a productive culture of curiosity and compassion. Settling this litigation is an important step as we move forward.”
Cooper Union Hillel/Midrash, a student-run Jewish organization that several of the plaintiffs belong to, did not immediately return a request for comment.
In the immediate weeks after Oct. 7, The Cooper Union was one of the first colleges thrust into the national spotlight for alleged antisemitic behavior on campus. Viral video showed Jewish students having barricaded themselves in the campus library for 20 minutes while pro-Palestinian protesters pounded on the doors and shouted slogans.
Under President Joe Biden, the Department of Education opened a Title VI civil rights investigation into the school. The Jewish students separately sued the school over their treatment, a suit The Cooper Union attempted to have thrown out. Last year a judge ruled the lawsuit could continue.
The settlement comes as the Trump administration has more aggressively prosecuted other elite colleges for fostering antisemitic environments, freezing federal grants and forcing large payouts. It also comes days after New York City’s new mayor, Zohran Mamdani, reversed an executive order for the city to adopt the International Holocaust Remembrance Association’s definition of antisemitism.
As part of The Cooper Union’s settlement, the private school’s new Title VI coordinator “will implement all applicable guidance” established under Biden to consider IHRA in discrimination cases, the school’s statement said.
The post Cooper Union settles antisemitism case with 10 Jewish students who were barricaded in library after Oct. 7 appeared first on The Forward.
Uncategorized
Following pressure from Jewish leaders, Australian PM Anthony Albanese announces inquiry into Bondi attack
(JTA) — Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese announced on Thursday the launch of a Royal Commission inquiry, the country’s highest level of inquiry, into the antisemitic terrorist attack on Bondi Beach last month.
The wide-ranging inquiry will also investigate the “nature and prevalence of antisemitism” in the country, provide recommendations to law enforcement to combat antisemitism and counter the “spread of ideologically and religiously motivated extremism in Australia,” according to a press release from the Prime Minister’s office.
“I’ve repeatedly said that our government’s priority is to promote unity and social cohesion, and this is what Australia needs to heal, to learn, to come together in a spirit of national unity,” Albanese told reporters on Thursday. “It’s clear to me that a royal commission is essential to achieving this.”
The announcement of the inquiry comes weeks after two attackers motivated by “Islamic State ideology” killed 15 people and injured dozens more at a Hanukkah celebration in Sydney. Until now, Albanese had largely dismissed mounting pressure from the victims’ families as well as Jewish groups to launch a Royal Commission.
“I’ve listened, and in a democracy that’s a good thing. To listen to what people are saying and what people are saying is, yes, we’re concerned,” Albanese told reporters. Last month, Albanese also announced a review of federal intelligence and law enforcement agencies.
In the government’s press release, it also pointed to its previous actions in the wake of the attack, which have included tightening gun ownership laws and introducing legislation to curb hate speech.
The president of the Executive Council of Australian Jewry, Daniel Aghion, said that the Australian government had “made the right decision” in establishing the royal commission in a statement.
He added that the group expected the commission to “allow an honest examination of government policies and the conduct and policies of key institutions and figures in major sectors of our society in contributing or failing to adequately respond to the unprecedented levels of antisemitism in Australia over the past two years or more.”
He added, “This is the only way that Australia’s time-honoured standards of decency and fairness can be upheld.”
The inquiry will be led by former High Court judge Virginia Bell, whose appointment raised concerns among some Jewish leaders in Australia who pointed to her role in a ruling that was cited by the New South Wales Supreme Court’s decision to overturn a ban on a pro-Palestinian march in August, according to the Sydney Morning Herald.
“The Prime Minister has been told directly by leaders of the Jewish community that they have serious concerns about this appointment,” said former treasurer Josh Frydenberg in a post on X. He did not elaborate on his opposition to Bell in the post.
Following the attack, Albanese also invited Israeli President Isaac Herzog to visit Australia. While the invitation was welcomed by the Executive Council of Australian Jewry, some Labor party members and progressive Jewish groups called for Albanese to rescind his invitation.
The announcement of the inquiry comes as Gefen Bitton, an Israeli living in Australia who was critically injured while trying to confront the Bondi attackers alongside Ahmed al-Ahmed, was slated to be flown to Israel on Wednesday for continued medical treatment.
It also comes as al-Ahmed, a Muslim man who received widespread support from the Jewish community after he was shot while disarming one of the attackers, was feted in New York City by the Chabad movement, whose emissaries were holding the Hanukkah event and were among the dead. Al-Ahmed arrived in New York City on Tuesday where he visited the Ohel, the gravesite of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement’s late leader Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, before being honored at a gala recognizing defenders of the Jews.
“Ahmed did what he did that day because he believed that God placed him at the scene for a reason, and that’s what gave him the strength to save lives,” Rabbi Yehoram Ulman, whose son-in-law, Rabbi Eli Schlanger, was killed in the attack, told Chabad.org. “This is something people from all walks of life can and must learn from.”
The post Following pressure from Jewish leaders, Australian PM Anthony Albanese announces inquiry into Bondi attack appeared first on The Forward.
Uncategorized
Trans screenwriter Our Lady J condemns anti-Zionism in LGBTQ spaces: ‘Zionism is not a dirty word’
(JTA) — Prominent transgender writer, actress and producer Our Lady J took aim at anti-Zionism within the LGBTQ community in a post on Instagram Tuesday.
“Until the LGBTQ community distances itself from all forms of antisemitism, including antizionism, our allies will continue to fall away, and we will remain defenseless in the face of attack,” wrote Our Lady J in the Instagram post.
The post, which at some point had its comments turned off, has ignited controversy in queer spaces, where anti-Israel sentiment has prevailed in recent years. “Check out Our Lady J’s Zionist page and unfollow them on Instagram,” wrote one user on X, while another referred to her as a “turncoat prick.”
Thousands of users also flooded the comment sections of posts from the LGBTQ magazine Them on Instagram and Facebook about her statement. “You can’t use trans rights etc to cover up a genocide,” wrote one user on Instagram.
In recent years, queer activism has grown increasingly aligned with anti-Zionist activism, a trend that has placed many Zionist Jews in the LGBTQ community at a crossroads. Over the summer, Pride celebrations were widely marred by debates over Israel. In Brooklyn, a Pride interfaith service was canceled allegedly over some groups’ opposition to the hosting synagogue’s “public alignment with pro-Israel political positions.”
In December, the pro-Israel LGBTQ group A Wider Bridge shut down its operations amid financial strain. While not cited as a reason for its closure, the group also faced criticism from other LGBTQ groups for “pinkwashing,” a claim that efforts to highlight Israel’s record on LGBTQ rights are used to distract from or justify its policies towards Palestinians.
Our Lady J grew up in an evangelical Christian family and, around 2015, became the first trans writer to be hired in a television writers’ room for the hit TV show “Transparent,” which follows the story of a Jewish family in Los Angeles whose parent comes out as trans. The show’s fourth season, while filmed in Los Angeles, shows the family traveling to Israel.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DTLV0AJCXLu/?img_index=1
In her post, Our Lady J claimed that “Zionists have always been at the core of LGBTQ progress,” citing prominent pro-Israel Jewish activists including Magnus Hirschfeld, Elizabeth Taylor, Larry Kramer and Eli Windsor.
“Zionism is not a dirty word. It is the belief in Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish state. Any definition of Zionism that aligns it with oppression or imperialism is a strategic attempt to undermine Jewish self-determination,” continued Our Lady J.
She concluded, “Not only does antizionism erode Jewish solidarity, it erases LGBTQ history, preventing us from understanding the foundation our own self-determination was built on.”
The post Trans screenwriter Our Lady J condemns anti-Zionism in LGBTQ spaces: ‘Zionism is not a dirty word’ appeared first on The Forward.