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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Ex-Head of NYC Office to Combat Antisemitism Discusses Being Abruptly Fired by Mamdani, Replaced With Israel Critic
The Mayor’s Office to Combat Antisemitism, led by Moshe Davis, held its first meeting on July 17, 2025, at City Hall in New York City. Photo: Ed Reed/Mayoral Photography Office
Moshe Davis was replaced this week as the executive director of the New York City Mayor’s Office to Combat Antisemitism and spoke with The Free Press about his firing, which came without notice, while also sharing a message for his replacement, liberal Zionist Phylisa Wisdom.
Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s office announced on Wednesday that Davis was being replaced by Wisdom, 39, who recently served as the executive director of the New York Jewish Agenda. NYJA is made up of “liberal and progressive Zionists,” according to its website. The group has criticized Israel’s military actions in the Gaza Strip and opposes the boycott, divestment, and sanctions (BDS) movement against Israel. “NYC deserves a mayor who will stand up for Palestinians in the face of state-sanctioned violence,” Wisdom previously posted on X.
The Mayor’s Office to Combat Antisemitism was established in May of last year by Mamdani’s predecessor, Eric Adams.
Davis, 28, told The Free Press he was not told in advance that he was being replaced, and found out only after it was publicized online and in the news.
“I was reporting to work like I do every day … at some point, I get a text and then a tweet and then see an article that they have named a replacement for my position. Not something that was told to me in advance,” he explained. “At some point they came to my desk and said, ‘Let’s talk,’ and they were sorry for the way it was done. But they said they were looking to go in a new direction.”
“I’m a loud, proud Jewish person who walks with a kippah on my head,” he added. “A proud Zionist. Someone who takes their Judaism to heart and it means a lot to me and my family … And I think this administration maybe felt that was too much for them.”
Anti-Jewish hate crimes in New York City increased by 182 percent in January during Mamdani’s first month in office compared to the same month last year, according to newly released statistics from the New York City Police Department (NYPD). There were 31 anti-Jewish hate crimes in the first month of 2026, which was more than half of all the hate crime incidents reported in January.
Davis told The Free Press this week that in the last month, he has been trying to push forward efforts to combat antisemitism in New York and protect Jewish New Yorkers but hasn’t “found much traction” from Mamdani’s office.
“You’re gonna put a new director in? Get to work. Jewish New Yorkers are on edge, are fearful of the rise of antisemitic incidents,” Davis said. “That’s what Jewish New Yorkers want to see: they want to see someone who cares about their concerns. If you can’t correctly understand where this hatred is coming, where this propaganda and [activism] is coming from, and how it effects Jewish New Yorkers, it’s gonna be a hard job.”
“I’m afraid if you’re giving too much leeway to propaganda and activism, Jewish New Yorkers are going to be targeted,” he added. “They’re going to be unsafe … that’s something that scares me.”
Wisdom said in a released statement that she was “honored and humbled” to be the new executive director of the Mayor’s Office to Combat Antisemitism.
“New York City has long been a beacon of hope for the Jewish community,” said the Jewish Brooklyn resident. “We will continue to ensure that Jewish safety and belonging remains at the core of this administration’s vision for a more livable city. In a time of rising hatred and fear, I look forward to embracing this solemn responsibility — both to represent the diverse array of Jewish voices to City Hall in this critical moment, and to demonstrate the power of pluralistic democracy in the greatest city in the world.”
Mamdani’s office said that as head of the New York Jewish Agenda, Wisdom “successfully advocated for legislation in Albany to combat antisemitism and other forms of hate and testified before the New York City Council in support of increased funding for hate crime prevention.” Wisdom also previously worked in advocacy through the Union for Reform Judaism’s Religious Action Center. She supports Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish state but, like Mamdani, opposes the IHRA definition of antisemitism, a reference tool for identifying antisemitic hate crimes that has been widely accepted by Jewish groups and governing institutions around the world.
Some Jewish leaders have expressed concern about Wisdom’s past work for Yaffed, an organization that pushes for more oversight of secular education in New York’s ultra-Orthodox yeshivas. Wisdom was Yaffed’s director of development and government affairs before joining NYJA in 2023.
“The leader of the Office of Antisemitism cannot have a contentious relationship with the Hassidic yeshiva community,” Yaacov Behrman, who heads public relations for the Chabad Lubavitch Headquarters in Brooklyn, wrote on X in early January.
“When the office was created, I was part of the early conversations about its purpose: ensuring that Jewish New Yorkers feel protected and free to live openly and proudly,” he added. “And in New York, a large share of antisemitic hate crimes target Hassidic and Yeshivish Jews. It is difficult to understand how someone who has spent years publicly antagonizing yeshivas could build the relationships or provide the reassurance needed for the community most often targeted by antisemitic attacks. This is not politics. It is common sense.”
Those who support Wisdom’s appointment as the new executive director of the Office to Combat Antisemitism include US Rep. Jerry Nadler; New York City Comptroller Mark Levine; State Sen. Liz Krueger; former New York City Comptroller Brad Lander, Rabbi Rick Jacobs, president of the Union for Reform Judaism; and Amy Spitalnick, CEO of the Jewish Council for Public Affairs.
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Father of Manchester Yom Kippur Attacker Sparks Outrage With Antisemitic Posts Praising Hitler, Hamas
People gather near the scene, after an attack in which a car was driven at pedestrians and stabbings were reported at a synagogue in north Manchester, Britain, on Yom Kippur, Oct. 2, 2025. Photo: REUTERS/Phil Noble
The father of the terrorist who perpetrated last year’s deadly Yom Kippur attack in Manchester is again drawing outrage after posting an antisemitic message praising Adolf Hitler and asserting that Jews “got what they deserved.”
“Israel is a state that grew on the skulls of our people in Palestine,” Faraj al-Shamie wrote in a post on Facebook. “The state that was born has, since its establishment, insisted on killing, destroying, and uprooting people.”
“Jews and their Muslim cousins lived in peace and harmony for hundreds of years, and Islam granted them security and good treatment — until Hitler came and did what they deserved,” he continued.
According to his social media profiles, al-Shamie is a surgeon who has worked with multiple nongovernmental organizations, including the International Committee of the Red Cross, operating in conflict zones including South Sudan, Afghanistan, and Mali.
“Look at history — no people or group has survived after building its life on murder, racism, destruction and displacement. No oppressor remains. The oppressed will inevitably prevail,” al-Shamie wrote in a post on Facebook.
“Israel will not be an exception to this history, and no matter how strong it becomes, it will not be able to change the laws,” he continued.
Last year, his son — identified by police as Jihad al-Shami, 35 — carried out a deadly attack on Yom Kippur, the holiest day in Judaism, driving a car onto the grounds of the Heaton Park Hebrew Congregation synagogue in Manchester, northern England, before launching a stabbing spree that killed two Jewish men and left at least three others critically injured.
The attack occurred as the congregation gathered to observe Yom Kippur and ended seven minutes later, when police shot the assailant dead.
Shortly after the assault, al-Shamie attempted to distance his family from his son’s actions, publicly expressing solidarity with the victims and their families.
“We fully distance ourselves from this attack and express our deep shock and sorrow over what has happened. Our hearts and thoughts are with the victims and their families, and we pray for their strength and comfort,” he wrote in a post on Facebook at the time.
However, al-Shamie has a long history of promoting violence and antisemitic hatred, actively participating in pro-Hamas demonstrations and praising the Palestinian terrorist group’s actions online.
He even praised the Hamas-led invasion of and massacre across southern Israel on Oct. 7, 2023, calling the terrorists “heroic.”
“The scenes broadcast by Hamas prove that Israel will ultimately be destroyed. Such men prove that they are men of God. Guard your weapons well and aim them precisely. May God protect Palestine and the heroic people,” al-Shamie wrote in a post on Facebook in the wake of the atrocities.
“Release the elderly and children. What you have done so far is a miracle by all standards. Do not harm them in a moment of anger. They have no place in war,” he continued.
He further added, “May God grant you victory, support you, and guide you to the right path in a battle that history will record as the beginning of the liberation of Al-Aqsa, God willing.”
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German Authorities Identify Neo-Nazi Suspect in 1970 Munich Jewish Center Arson Attack That Killed 7
An installation in downtown Munich commemorating the Feb. 13, 1970, arson attack on a Jewish community center in which seven elderly people died. Photo: @springermunich/X
After reopening the long-dormant investigation into the 1970 arson attack on a Munich Jewish community center that killed seven elderly residents, German authorities have identified a new suspect with ties to neo-Nazi ideology and a history of serious criminal activity.
Fifty-five years later, the long-forgotten Feb. 13, 1970, attack, which took place during a wave of terrorism against Israeli and Jewish targets, remains unsolved.
Last year, senior German prosecutor Andreas Franck was appointed to lead the new probe after a witness came forward with new and “credible” information about possible perpetrators, prompting authorities to reopen the investigation.
According to the German news outlets Bild and Der Spiegel, law enforcement has named Bernd V. as a possible suspect, describing him as a man with a “Hitlerian obsession” and a decades-long criminal record in the 1960s and 1970s marked by violent offenses and overt antisemitism.
Even though he died in 2020 at age 76 and can no longer be held responsible for the horrific crime, investigators remain convinced he was the likely perpetrator.
Authorities uncovered his trail in early 2025 when a witness reached out to the Munich prosecutor’s office, explaining that a close relative had once been part of Bernd V.’s gang and had disclosed its secrets.
According to the witness testimony, on the night of the fire, his relative was with Bernd V. and another accomplice in a failed attempt to rob a jewelry store in Munich’s Gärtnerplatz.
Following the botched robbery, 26-year-old Bernd V. grew increasingly enraged, hurling antisemitic insults and singling out the Jewish community center, threatening to set it ablaze.
Even though investigators cannot corroborate the witness testimony directly, since all involved are deceased, Munich authorities continued their investigation, uncovering old court files and eyewitness accounts that matched Bernd V., including a cellmate’s statement in which he allegedly confessed to the crime.
Bernd V. was born and raised in southern Munich, and police described him as prone to violence. In his own court testimony, he said he had been taught to hold a strong admiration for Hitler.
In February 1972, Bernd V. was sentenced to six and a half years in prison for multiple crimes, including arson attacks and robberies. At the time, however, the court was unaware that he might also have been responsible for the fire at the Jewish senior residence.
On the night of the arson attack, a group of individuals set fire to a four-story building that housed a community center, a retirement home, and a synagogue, with 50 people inside, leaving 13 injured. Police later ruled the attack as arson after finding a gasoline can in the stairwell.
Five men and two women were killed in the attack: Regina Rivka Becher (59), David Jakubowicz (59), Rosa Drucker (59), Georg Eljakim Pfau (63), Leopold Arie Leib Gimpel (69), Siegfried Offenbacher (71), and Meir Max Blum (71). Among the victims, Jakubowicz and Pfau were survivors of Nazi concentration camps.
In 2012, fresh evidence suggested that the attack may have been carried out by an anti-Zionist anarchist group. However, Munich prosecutors later determined that the information was “inaccurate.”
In 2013, an anonymous source claimed in an article for the German magazine Focus that a member of the far-left extremist group Tupamaros West-Berlin (TW) was responsible for the attack. The investigation was closed in November 2017.