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Jewish marriage rites are robust. Now a rabbi is innovating rituals for Jews who divorce.
(J. The Jewish News of Northern California via JTA) — For Lyssa Jaye, throwing the wood chips into the Tuolumne River felt in many ways familiar to the tashlich ritual performed on Rosh Hashanah. But rather than casting off her sins, she was tossing away feelings: shame, resentment, anger.
They were the emotions that had taken residence inside Jaye since her divorce eight years ago, along with a sense of failure. And she had come to a Jewish retreat to rid herself of them.
“I’ve been carrying around these feelings for years now,” Jaye said. “I have a completely different life now, and I needed to let them go.”
Jaye was taking part in Divorce & Discovery: A Jewish Healing Retreat, the first-ever gathering in a series conceived by Rabbi Deborah Newbrun as part of her training, held this month at Camp Tawonga in the Bay Area.
One of the requirements at the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary, where Newbrun was ordained last year in the first graduating class, “was that each of us had to do an innovation, or something that didn’t exist before,” she said.
Newbrun, who directed Camp Tawonga for more than two decades, has been recognized for innovative programming for such achievements as initiating Tawonga’s LGBT family camp and founding its wilderness department. She even won a prestigious 2018 Covenant Award for Jewish educators. But as she started thinking about how to fulfill the seminary requirement, her first thought was, “I don’t have any ideas left in me.”
Then she began reflecting back on her divorce years earlier. She remembered how she had approached numerous rabbis and colleagues in search of Jewish support around the grief she felt. And how they all came up empty-handed.
That’s when she realized: “I can put together something meaningful and helpful for people going through divorce.”
From the moment participants arrived at Camp Tawonga near Yosemite, they knew this would be no ordinary Jewish retreat. At the opening event, all of the facilitators, several clergy members and a therapist shared their own divorce stories, “to set the standard and normalize vulnerability, transparent sharing and establish that we all know what it’s like to have a marriage end,” Newbrun said.
Most participants were from the Bay Area, with a handful from farther afield. They were in different life stages, from those in their 30s dealing with custody battles over young children, to empty nesters in their 60s. Some had separated from their partners years ago, while others had gone their separate ways more recently. Some split amicably; a good many did not. But all had come up against a lack of Jewish resources or support when navigating this major life passage.
Rabbi Deborah Newbrun, the founder of Divorce and Discovery at the recent weekend. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Jaye said she left no stone unturned in seeking out support, an experience Newbrun said she heard echoed by many participants. Jaye attended a retreat at a local meditation center. She read self-help books. She joined a support group for divorcees. She went to therapy.
And while they all helped in different ways, none was specifically Jewish.
“I knew I needed some kind of spiritual way forward,” she said. “I needed to do this in my own language, with my own people.”
Even though the retreat came nearly a decade years after Jaye’s divorce, “it was profound. It felt like coming home, and that this is what I needed all along. This model could be extremely powerful. The rituals we did could be taught in rabbinical schools or to Jewish educators so it’s not just ‘sign this get and goodbye,’” she said, referring to the Jewish divorce document.
Rather than create new rituals, Newbrun and her facilitators took familiar Jewish rituals and retooled them.
The tashlich ritual, led by Newbrun and Maggid Jhos Singer, had a call-and-response portion, and participants also could call out what they personally wanted to cast off. “One person ‘tashliched’ their wedding ring into the river and felt it was such a perfect place to let it go!” said Newbrun.
An optional immersion in the Tuolumne River followed. Jaye, who years ago went to the mikvah alone, with only the attendant there for support, said there was no comparison with how much more healing it felt performing the ritual in community.
A session on sitting shiva for one’s marriage, led by Rabbi Sue Reinhold, allowed participants to share and mourn the loss of what they missed most about being married. That resonated for Robyn Lieberman, who does not attend synagogue services but went to every session at the retreat on innovating Jewish rituals.
“I did need to mourn what I’m losing,” said Lieberman, who had been married to an Israeli. “We had a very public, open house around Jewish religion, and a constant Israeli identity, which fulfilled my Jewish needs.”
Rabbi Jennie Chabon of Congregation B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek reflected on how much time she has spent with couples preparing for their wedding day, both in premarital counseling and in planning the event, and on how many marriage-related topics are covered in rabbinical school.
“And when it comes to divorce? Nothing,” Chabon said. “We’re all out here on our own trying to figure out how to wander through it.”
She was tasked with creating a havdalah ceremony with a divorce theme, in which she reimagined the wine, spices and flame typically used to mark a division between Shabbat and the rest of the week.
“There’s a fire that burns within each of us, and that flame doesn’t go out,” said Chabon, 47. “When you’re married for a long time, your identity, energy and spirit is so woven into that of another.” Her ritual was meant to affirm that “you are on fire just as you are, and you’re a blessing as an individual in the world. You don’t need a partnership or family to be whole.”
Even the Shabbat Torah service was on theme.
Rabbi Jennie Chabon reads from the Torah during a service at the Divorce and Discovery retreat. (Photo/Margot Yecies)
Rather than focusing on Noah’s emergence from the ark after the flood, Chabon spoke about a lesser-known section of the week’s Torah portion, in which Noah builds a fire and offers a sacrifice to God. But if the entire earth was drenched from the flood, Chabon asked, what did he burn?
“The answer is he must have burned the ark,” Chabon said in recalling her talk at the retreat. “What does that mean for people going through this incredibly painful and tender time in their lives, when what was once a safe container and secure and protected them, they have to burn it down in order to start life anew?
“This is a perfect rebirth metaphor. But what’s being birthed is a new self and a new identity in the world as a single person,” Chabon said. “You have to release and let go of what was to make room for the blessing for who you’re going to become.”
At a ritual “hackathon” workshop presented by Newbrun, participants suggested standing during Kaddish at synagogue to mourn their marriages, and offering their children a Friday night blessing that they are whole whether they are at either parent’s home.
Not all of the sessions centered on Jewish ritual. In a session on the Japanese art of kintsugi, or mending broken pottery, attendees made vessels whose cracks they fixed with putty, symbolizing that beauty can be found in imperfection. Many danced in a Saturday-night silent disco.
Everyone was assigned to a small group, or havurah, that they met with daily, so they could establish deeper connections within the larger cohort.
“To have gone through some of these practices was very meaningful to me,” said Lieberman. “It’s not like I put a seal on my marriage and wrapped it up in a bow and put it behind me, but it was a nice catharsis for completing a transition that I’ve been very thoughtful about.”
Newbrun aims to recreate the retreat in communities around the country. Both Jaye and Lieberman said they found value in being in community with people “who get it,” without the judgment they often face.
“I was a little skeptical that all I’d have in common with people was that we were Jewish and divorced, and that that wouldn’t be enough for me to form a relationship,” said Lieberman. “But having the willingness to talk about it and explore it did open up a lot of very vulnerable conversations. The expert facilitation really made us think about the fact that divorce is not about your paper [certificate], it’s about reexamining the direction of your life and who you want to be.”
A version of this piece originally ran in J. The Jewish News of Northern California, and is reprinted with permission.
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Mamdani condemns swastika graffiti at Brooklyn yeshiva as ‘disgusting and heartbreaking’
(JTA) — The incident that prompted Zohran Mamdani’s first condemnation of local antisemitism since he was elected mayor took place just minutes after the race was called in his favor.
Two red swastikas were spray-painted on Magen David Yeshivah in Brooklyn on Tuesday night, according to footage shared on social media and the New York Police Department, which said the vandalism occurred at 9:53 p.m.
Other Jewish sites in the city were also vandalized, Gov. Kathy Hochul said without offering details.
At the time, Mamdani was on the verge of giving a victory speech that reiterated a pledge to protest Jewish New Yorkers. On Wednesday, he condemned the Magen David Yeshivah vandalism specifically.
“This is a disgusting and heartbreaking act of antisemitism, and it has no place in our beautiful city,” wrote Mamdani in a post on X. “As Mayor, I will always stand steadfast with our Jewish neighbors to root the scourge of antisemitism out of our city.”
A spokesperson for the NYPD said Wednesday afternoon that there had been no arrests and an investigation into the incident was ongoing. The incident was being investigated as a hate crime, the spokesperson said.
Magen David Yeshiva declined to comment on the vandalism. Its principal reportedly told families that security had been increased in response to the graffiti.
The school is located in Gravesend, a hub of New York City’s Sephardic Jewish community. It had required parents to prove they had registered to vote before the school year, as part of a push within the community to oppose Mamdani largely because of his rhetoric on Israel.
Two-thirds of the neighborhood’s voters cast their ballots for former Gov. Andrew Cuomo during the general election, compared to 22% for Mamdani.
Outgoing New York City Mayor Eric Adams did not immediately issue a public comment on the vandalism. Hochul condemned the vandalism in a post on X, where she said the yeshiva was “one of several Jewish sites defiled last night with spray-painted swastikas.”
An NYPD spokesperson said that a construction site located on McDonald Avenue and Bay Parkway, about a block from the school, was also vandalized with a swastika. The spokesperson could not say whether the second location was a Jewish institution.
UJA-Federation of New York condemned the vandalism in a post on X, writing, “This act is a painful reminder of the rising tide of antisemitism that continues to threaten Jewish communities across New York.”
Some of Mamdani’s critics challenged him to respond to the vandalism. The Republican Jewish Coalition, which hosted a convention where Mamdani was a liberal punching bag in Las Vegas last weekend, took to Facebook to demand he denounce it.
“This reprehensible and odious vandalism must be unequivocally condemned by City leaders, especially Mayor-Elect Mamdani,” the RJC said in a post that went up nine minutes after Mamdani’s. “It is his solemn responsibility to protect ALL New Yorkers, and this is his first true test of leadership.”
At a press conference Wednesday morning in Queens, Mamdani told reporters that he was looking forward to “being the mayor for every person that calls this city home,” including the “Jewish New Yorkers that voted for our campaign and those that didn’t.”
“I take the issue of antisemitism incredibly seriously,” he continued, in response to a question about the Anti-Defamation League’s new monitor to track his administration’s actions. “And last night in my speech, I spoke about how my City Hall will stand steadfast with Jewish New Yorkers in fighting the scourge of antisemitism across the city and making that clear in the actions that we deliver on from January 1st.”
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Heritage Foundation staff confront president over antisemitism, defense of Tucker Carlson
(JTA) — The president of the Heritage Foundation, Kevin Roberts, apologized to his staff on Wednesday for his refusal to condemn Tucker Carlson after the right-wing broadcaster aired a friendly interview with white nationalist Nick Fuentes.
During a tense, two-hour all-hands meetings, staff members challenged Roberts’ leadership, questioned Heritage’s credibility, and warned that his stance had gravely damaged the foundation’s relationships with Jewish partners and donors
“I made a mistake and I let you down and I let down this institution. Period. Full stop,” Roberts said.
He specifically apologized for a previous comment defending Carlson in which he decried a “venomous coalition” attacking the commentator. The phrase, he said, was “a terrible choice of words, especially for our Jewish colleagues and friends.”
The meeting, audio and video of which were leaked online, laid bare deep divisions inside America’s most influential conservative think tank, torn between Roberts’ attempt to mend fences and a staff revolt from within its senior ranks.
Several Heritage employees, including longtime fellows and legal scholars, told Roberts they no longer had confidence in his leadership. Others said his refusal to draw moral lines between Carlson and antisemites like Fuentes had caused lasting reputational harm.
“I made the mess, I want to clean it up,” Roberts told employees, adding that he had offered his resignation to the board but felt a “moral obligation” to stay and repair the damage.
Several staffers demanded that Roberts publicly repudiate Carlson. Two called for him to resign.
“You have shown a stunning lack of both courage and judgment,” said Amy Swearer, a senior legal fellow who has worked at Heritage for eight years. “I stand here today with no ability to say I have confidence in your leadership.”
“It has become increasingly difficult to continue to defend the Heritage Foundation,” added Rachel Greszler, another senior fellow. “I do not believe that you are the right person to lead.”
The confrontation followed days of turmoil triggered by Roberts’ decision to post a video in which he said Heritage would not “distance” itself from Carlson despite his friendly interview with Fuentes, a Holocaust denier who has praised Adolf Hitler. Roberts framed his position as a defense of “grace” and “free speech,” saying the right should avoid “canceling” its own.
That message sparked outrage across the political spectrum. Prominent Republicans, including Sen. Ted Cruz, denounced Fuentes as a “Nazi.” Jewish organizations that had partnered with Heritage on its antisemitism initiative, Project Esther, cut ties. Conservative commentators such as Ben Shapiro blasted Roberts for embracing a “no enemies to the right” ethos.
One of the most emotional moments at the meeting came during comments from Daniel Flesch, a Jewish staffer with Heritage’s Allison Center for National Security, who oversees Project Esther. He described being unable to defend Heritage to Jewish allies and friends.
“It has been six days… where as an organization we have been unable to utter the words…‘Tucker’s an antisemite, and we as Heritage do not want to associate with him,’” Daniel said. “We are bleeding trust, reputation, perhaps donors.”
Robert Rector, a Heritage veteran of 47 years, invoked conservative icon William F. Buckley Jr., who in the 1960s sought to expel antisemitic and racist elements from the conservative movement.
“Buckley’s view was that we have to expunge all antisemitism from the movement and expel the lunatics,” Rector said. “This is what built the conservative movement. We are now reversing that.”
Hans von Spakovsky, another senior Heritage figure, warned Roberts that the think tank’s credibility could not be salvaged without a clean break from Carlson.
“The damage done to the reputation of Heritage is the worst I have ever seen,” von Spakovsky said. “If the Heritage Foundation and you do not dump Tucker Carlson publicly, we are not going to repair that damage.”
The meeting also exposed generational and ideological divides on the right. One young staffer argued that Heritage should not prioritize defending Israel and accused the leadership of promoting “Christian Zionism” — a comment that drew audible gasps.
Roberts and his deputies reaffirmed the foundation’s pro-Israel stance, but the exchange underscored how some younger conservatives, animated by online populism and isolationism, are challenging traditional right-wing support for Israel.
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ADL launches ‘Mamdani monitor’ as Jewish groups retool for post-election advocacy
(JTA) — As New York City woke up to a new mayor-elect on Wednesday, Jewish groups that spurned Zohran Mamdani faced a decision — how to react to a leader whose staunch criticism of Israel flew in the face of their core beliefs.
Their first responses ranged from despondent to optimistic, with aims from seeking unity to staging a battlefield.
Jonathan Greenblatt, the Anti-Defamation League chief who railed against Mamdani throughout the race, convened a briefing on Wednesday to discuss grappling with the new administration. He announced a “Mamdani Monitor,” a public tracker of Mamdani’s policies and personnel appointments that the ADL viewed as threatening Jewish security.
“We’re deeply concerned about what the next four years could augur for Jewish New Yorkers — the antisemitic language that he has promoted, the antisemitic policies that he’s championed, the antisemitic extremists who he’s known to affiliate with,” Greenblatt said.
Greenblatt cited Mamdani’s support for the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement against Israel and past rhetoric about the Israeli army as evidence that “this mayor will not have our backs.” Under Greenblatt’s leadership, the ADL has narrowed its civil rights mission to focus on combating antisemitism and anti-Zionism.
Mamdani crested to victory as the city’s first Muslim mayor without a majority of Jewish voters, who have split over his staunch criticism of Israel. Early exit polls from CNN indicate that he won just over 50% of voters but only 33% of Jewish voters, while his pro-Israel opponent Andrew Cuomo won nearly twice as many, at 63%.
Greenblatt said the ADL was closely watching Mamdani with a list of demands. Those included no appointments of people with records of antisemitism, NYPD protection for synagogues and Jewish day schools, and “factual, unbiased education about the Middle East” in schools. He also said it was “very important” to maintain NYPD partnerships with Israeli counterintelligence and counterterrorism efforts.
Hindy Poupko, the chief strategy officer at UJA-Federation of New York, also said her organization was preparing to combat potential Mamdani policies that aligned with BDS. She said that UJA hoped to lobby for broadening a state-level anti-BDS order, passed by Cuomo as governor, so that it would apply to New York City.
“We need to expand that Cuomo executive order to cover City Hall, because it would be devastating on many fronts — not to mention economically devastating for New Yorkers — if the Mamdani administration engaged in any kind of BDS activity,” said Poupko.
Asked if they would meet with Mamdani, both Greenblatt and Poupko gave qualified answers.
“I will not meet him on my own,” said Greenblatt. “I think we have a responsibility to our fellowship as Jews. I’m not going to do that meeting without UJA. I’m not going to do that meeting without some spiritual leadership as well.”
Poupko said, “The ball’s in his court.” If Mamdani took actions to “put Jewish New Yorkers at ease,” then she said UJA leaders would meet him.
Mamdani was asked about Greenblatt’s proposed “Mamdani Monitor” in a press conference on Wednesday.
“I think that anyone is free to catalog the actions of our administration,” he answered. “I have some doubts in Jonathan’s ability to do so honestly, given that he previously said I had not visited any synagogues, only to have to correct himself.”
Greenblatt incorrectly stated that Mamdani had not visited “a single synagogue” during a CNBC interview in August. He later said he meant that Mamdani had not visited any synagogues since the June primary.
The ADL and UJA were not alone in mourning Mamdani’s victory. The New York Board of Rabbis and other leading Jewish institutions in the city said in a joint statement, “We cannot ignore that the Mayor-elect holds core beliefs fundamentally at odds with our community’s deepest convictions and most cherished values.” They added that they would continue to work with every level of government.
Rabbi Marc Schneier, who heads The Hampton Synagogue on Long Island and backed Cuomo, said he planned to establish the first Jewish day school in the Hamptons as a haven for “thousands of Jewish families” fleeing “the antisemitic climate of Mamdani’s New York City.”
Meanwhile, the Republican Jewish Coalition called Mamdani’s victory “a deeply distressing result for New Yorkers, particularly Jewish New Yorkers,” and accused his entire party of condoning antisemitism. “There is only ONE party in this country fighting antisemitism and supporting Israel, and it is the Republican Party,” said the coalition.
Other past critics of Mamdani seemed ready to put the election behind them. The pro-Israel billionaire Bill Ackman, whose prolific and protracted attacks on Mamdani during the campaign often predicted an apocalyptic city under his leadership, appeared to offer an olive branch just hours after predicting Cuomo would prevail.
“Congrats on the win,” Ackman said to Mamdani on X. “Now you have a big responsibility. If I can help NYC, just let me know what I can do.”
Some voices emphasized mending the divisions that roiled Jewish communities throughout the race. The Union for Reform Judaism, which urged its rabbis not to endorse candidates despite intense pressure from congregants, pressed Jews to “help lower the temperature, listen generously, and take steps to promote healing” in the aftermath of the election.
“Reasonable people across the political spectrum — and across the Jewish community — must aspire to respectfully disagree, and we will do our part to bring people together without erasing real differences,” the group said. They added that they welcomed cooperation with Mamdani and would hold him accountable to “his commitments to protect Jewish communities and all New Yorkers.”
Noting that City Hall does not have a foreign policy, the organization said it would “not hesitate to push back if anti-Israel policies or rhetoric make Jewish New Yorkers who are deeply attached to Israel more anxious and less safe.”
Other Jewish leaders are looking toward a future under Mamdani not with dismay or caution, but with jubilation. Activists from left-wing groups like Jewish Voice for Peace and Jews for Racial and Economic Justice, which have bolstered Mamdani’s rise to power, celebrated the victory at his watch party on Tuesday night. Several people there told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency they would finally have an ally in City Hall who aligned with their views on issues from income inequality to Palestinian rights.
Rabbi Lauren Grabelle Herrmann, who leads the SAJ synagogue on the Upper West Side, urged congregants with wide-ranging reactions to the election to keep in mind their shared hopes for the well-being of all Jews and New Yorkers.
She quoted the prophet Jeremiah, writing, “Seek the welfare of the city to which I have exiled you and pray to God on its behalf; for in its prosperity you shall prosper.”
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