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Chesed Shel Emes panel delves into different aspects of death and dying
By MYRON LOVE They say there are two things you can count on in life – death and taxes. I don’t know about taxes – but no one escapes death.
When we are younger, few give much thought to dying. As we age though, we come ever closer to that final reality. The best we can hope for – in my view – is to live to a relatively old age in relatively good health and pass away quickly – preferably in your sleep.
So what would one consider a “good death?” That was one of the questions that was discussed by a panel of three experts on the subject who appeared together on Sunday, November 24, in a program at the Chesed Shel Emes titled: “The Last Stop – Reflections on Living and Dying”.
(The Chesed Shel Emes is our community’s non-profit Jewish funeral chapel; the only one of its kind in North America).
About 180 people were in attendance – both in person and online, as independent Rabbi Matthew Leibl, palliative care specialist Dr. Bruce Martin, and Dr. Harvey Max Chochinov, a psychiatrist who is one of the world’s authorities on the subject of the emotional aspects surrounding death and dying, shared their experiences and perspectives. Alison Gilmur, popular culture and lifestyles reporter for the Free Press. served as the moderator.
A “good death” – as opposed to a “bad death” – is important for patients and families alike, Chochinov noted.
“Is dying in your sleep a good death?” Rabbi Leibl asked. “That depends on both the individual and the family. It certainly doesn’t give the individual much time to think about it beforehand. I think the major concern for most people is that death be as painless as possible.”
“The problem is that you only die once,” Chochinov pointed out. “There is no rehearsal. Many fear the unknown. And you don’t know what the path will be, what it will be like for you. Or if you will still be you afterward.”
Gilmour asked the panelists what people fear most about dying? Chochinov cited the case of one woman who refused to take her medication because she feared it would make her confused – the way it had her mother prior to her death. Reassuring her that she was in capable hands allowed her to accept proper pain management and die peacefully.
Another anecdote from Chochinov concerned the case of a young woman who was facing death – with a young family and a young child at hand. “She was concerned that her little girl would have no memory of her,” Chochinov noted. “We completed something called Dignity Therapy, which allowed her to create a written legacy that would eventually be shared with her child.”
Rabbi Leibl referred to a member of the Shaarey Zedek who had been suffering for some time. She chose to die at home but, before her passing, she asked her children to leave the room. She and the rabbi talked.
“I asked if she was afraid,” he recalled. “She said that she wasn’t afraid, but that she worried that she would never see her family again.”
Dr. Martin noted that every death is personal. “There is no common thread,’ he said. “A last conversation can be profound or trivial.
“One concern for the dying is not being able to live to see their grandchildren grow up and the shared moments they will miss.”
Chochinov also added that some people are worried about the process of dying and what it may be like. “While dying is inevitable, suffering ought not to be”.
Gilmour asked what people can do to help comfort someone who is dying?
Chochinov’s answer was simple: “Be sure to show up”. “When you know someone is dying,” he noted, “for many the impulse is to stay away, to withdraw. You don’t know what to say,” he observed. “Don’t try to fix what can’t be fixed. But do show up and listen.”
Martin recalled a former mentor who suggested that the most important question that someone who is visiting someone who is terminally ill is: ‘What can you do to help?’ “
“People who are dying don’t need to be reminded about it,” Rabbi Leibl observed. “Although every case is different, a visitor should talk to the afflicted individual the same way you would talk to anyone else. You can talk about life, for example, or what you are reading, or a show you are watching together.”
Gilmour concluded her questioning by bringing up the issue of government-approved Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) – medically assisted suicide.
A number of liberal rabbis Are in favour of MAID, Rabbi Leibl noted. “Judaism however dictates that we must do everything we can to prevent death,” he pointed out.
“I have officiated at funerals for a few people who have chosen IAID,” he reported. “One such funeral was for a Holocaust survivor – in her 90s. I spoke with her the day before she died. She was at peace. I viewed what she was doing as courageous.”
Chochinov said it is also important to look at factors that can undermine a patient’s will to live, such as poorly controlled pain, limited access to palliative care and lack of supports, including respite.“MAID is driven by a desire for personal autonomy,” he observed. “It was originally designed as an option for patients who were suffering and facing a reasonably foreseeable death.” Eligibility criteria have been expanded, making patients not imminently dying, but suffering, able to request MAiD.He expressed grave concerns about extending MAiD for people who are mentally ill. “We simply can’t know which of these patients might improve with adequate time, support and care.”
In response to a later follow-up question from a member from the audience, Bruce Martin added that, in the case of people with dementia and MAID, the latter may prevent children and grandchildren from spending more time with the parent/ grandparent. After all, who then decides when the time is right?
The panelists were asked about talking about death and dying and how to cope. Martin noted that when he speaks to kids in schools, there is a lot of interest in the subject.
A question about planned giving elicited a comment from Chochinov about the importance of not only leaving a will, but letting family know what your wishes are. “It’s never too early to talk about these things”, he said, “but if you put it off long enough, there may come a time when it’s too late”.
Local News
UNVEILING for the headstone of Velimir Kon (Sept. 18, 1950-June 27, 2025)
A true mensch and person of many talents and profoundness, Dr. Velimir (Shlomo) Kon is deeply missed and loved by his family and friends. Known for his warmth, kindness, integrity and love of learning and teaching, Velimir continues to inspire all who knew him and his memory warms our hearts and souls. Velimir is deeply missed.
You are invited to helps us remember and honour our beloved husband and father who passed away almost a year ago.
We, Branka, Deborah and Lea Kon, wish to inform our relatives and friends of the unveiling of a headstone dedicated to his loving memory on FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2026 at 11:00am at the HEBREW SICK CEMETERY (2605 McPhillips Street) followed by lunch at the Chabad Lubavitch of Winnipeg – Jewish Learning Centre (1845 Mathers Avenue). Please come say a l’chaim in his honour.
In Memoriam
1st Yahrzeit
In loving memory of Dr. Velimir (Shlomo) Kon who passed away June 27, 2025, 12 Days in Tammuz.
⁃ Forever and deeply loved and missed by his wife of over 50 years, Branka, and daughters Deborah and Lea Kon. Velimir brought joy to our lives with his boundless kindness and gentleness, irrepressible humour, great intellect and love of people, tikun olam and Judaism. Not a day goes by that we do not mention Velimir and feel his presence with us. Our lives are not the same without him and we deeply miss and cherish him. We can never forget his presence that was larger than life, yet also his humility and thoughtfulness. A gentleman to the very core, Velimir was respected as a scientist, academic, professor, researcher, and later as a teacher and mentor. He always endeavoured to make every place he worked and live at better and was able to bridge many cultures. He was Abraham of his generation and made many personal sacrifices; giving up status, position and privilege in order for his family to have a better and peaceful future. May his memory always be a blessing. He left us at only 74 years young and we wish we had had more time together. Indeed, to know him was to love him.
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Younger Jewish talents continue to shine in their respective categories at annual Winnipeg Music Festival
By MYRON LOVE A number of younger members of our community were repeat stars at the most recent (108th annual) Winnipeg Music Festival – which takes place annually in March. Among the repeat Jewish singers and musicians in the ranks of high achievers this year were” Yale Rayburn-Vander Hout, Gregory Hyman, Alex Schaeffer, Juliet Eskin, Noah Kravetsky, and Lyla Chisick.
Vocalist Yale Rayburn-Vander Hout, the oldest of this year’s group of Jewish repeat winners, was competing in his fifth straight festival, where he continued to build on his accomplishments in previous festivals. This year, the 20-year-old son of Samantha and Peter finished first in two musical theatre categories – songs from musical theatre productions between 1965 and 1999, and shows from the past 26 years. Yale sang “I’m Allergic to Cats,” from the 2016 musical “The Theory of Relativity,” and “Suppertime,” from the 1967 musical, “You’re a Good man, Charlie Brown.”
The former Gray Academy student is currently enrolled at the University of Manitoba’s Desautels Faculty of Music in the Choral program. Yale says that he is hoping to get into the performance track in the fall with the goal of earning a degree in Classical Voice Performance en route to pursuing a career in musical theatre.
As reported previously, Gregory Hyman is a multi-faceted artist who can do it all. The 18-year-old son of Hartley and Rishona Hyman is a singer/songwriter/musician (guitar) who records and performs under the stage name, GMH. His versatility shone through once again in his eighth Music Festival, in which he registered first-place finishes for vocal performances in both “Popular and Contemporary Music” and “TV and Movie Music “categories.
Gregory notes that he was also recommended to compete in the provincial finals in June. The St. John’s-Ravenscourt student (and soon-to be) graduate continues to be busy on stage. In January, he headlined a sold out solo show at Sidestage on Osborne featuring some of his new material. In March, he released an album of his newest songs. Readers can check out his latest compositions on any of the music streaming platforms as well as his own social media (thegmh) on Instagram.
Gregory also continues to host his own podcast: “Talk and Rock with GMH – now in its fifth season – in which he interviews various people in the music business across Canada.
While Gregory says that a musical career is his “dream,” he reports that he is hedging his bets and considering different potential career opportunities. Come September, he will be enrolled at the University of Manitoba in a University One program, which will allow him to select from a variety of courses that can count toward a degree.
Sixteen-year-old Alex Schaeffer won first place this year in the “Musicals Prior to 1965, 16 Years and Under” category with “Try Me” from “She Loves Me,” and was runner-up in the “Musicals 1965 to 1999, 16 Years and Under” category with “On My Own,” from “Les Misérables.” For the son of Marc Schaeffer and Kae Sasaki, this was his fifth year competing in the festival.
The Grant Park High School student made his big stage debut three years ago as Kurt von Trapp in “The Sound of Music,” followed by playing Michael Hobbs in “Elf the Musical” this past winter at the Royal MTC.
Alex recently performed in Grant Park High School’s production of “Something Rotten!” This summer Schaeffer can be seen again at the Winnipeg Fringe Festival, where he will be appearing in a production staged by Rem Lezar Theatre.
Rounding out the voice winners is Lyla Chisick. The daughter of Daniel and Baillee was competing in her second music festival. This year, she scored Gold performances in the “Vocal Solo,” “Manitoba Composers,” and “TV/Movie Musical, 12 and under” categories.
Lyla reports that she began taking voice lessons from Jessica Kos-Whicher three years ago. She says she regularly takes part in the Shaarey Zedek Synagogue Family Service and has sung at several community events. Lyla adds that she is already looking forward to next year’s music festival.
Nate Kravetsky and Juliet Eskin competed in the festival as musicians rather than singers. Juliet, 16, plays the viola, and is also is the violist in the Assiniboine String Quartet. In this, her fifth go-round at the festival, Juliet, the daughter of the musically talented Kelly Robinon and Josh Eskin, had first place finishes in the “Viola Solo, level 8,” “Baroque or Classical Concerto,” and “Romantic Composers” categories.
Juliet originally took up the violin – adding the viola a couple of years after. She also just finished performing in the Grant Park High School production of “Something Rotten!”
Nate Kravetsky is currently in Grade 5 level piano. He studies with Erica Schultz and has been taking lessons from her since age 5.
Nate competed in three categories at the Winnipeg music festival: “Baroque,” “Sonata,” and “Contemporary/own choice.”
His own choice selection was the theme from his favourite video game, “Hollow Knight.”
Nate, who is in Grade 7 at Gray Academy, is also preoccupied preparing for his upcoming bar mitzvah.
We look forward to the continued musical success off Yale, Gregory, Alex, Nate, Juliet and Lyla, and what new talent may be unveiled at next year’s Winnipeg Music festival.
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Local News
Jewish Heritage Centre of Western Canada’s Archivist and Curator Stan Carbone retires
By MYRON LOVE Stan Carbone, a long-time friend of our Jewish community and fixture at the Jewish Heritage Centre of Western Canada (JHCWC) for the past 25 years, retired last week. His last day of work was May 13.
Most recently, he was the JHCWC’s Director of Programs and Exhibits.
“For the past 25 years, the Jewish Heritage Centre of Western Canada has been an integral part of my life,” Carbone said. “I have made a lot of friends in the Jewish community, and I hope to maintain those friendships.”
Carbone’s own history reflects the immigrant experience. He arrived in Canada in 1960 as a three-year-old with his mother and sister, from San Giovanni in Fiore, Calabria in southern Italy. His father had come a few months earlier. Initially, the family settled in Fort Rouge which, at that time, had a substantial Italian community. Within a couple of years, they had relocated to East Kildonan to be closer to where his father’s two sisters and their families lived.
He earned a BA Double Honours in History and Political Studies at the University of Winnipeg, followed by an MA in History at the University of Manitoba, from where he graduated in 1981.
In 1993, he was hired at the Manitoba Museum of Man and Nature (as it was then called) as Curator of Multicultural Studies.
“I always enjoyed doing research,” he said.
His first project for the JHCWC came in 2000, the year after the organization was formed through the amalgamation of the Jewish Historical Society, the Ed and Marion Vickar Jewish Museum of Western Canada and the Freeman Family Foundation Holocaust Education Centre.
Marim Zipursky had approached the Manitoba Museum of Man and Nature looking for a curator to organize a JHCWC exhibit featuring Jewish music and musicians in Winnipeg,” Carbone recalled. “I didn’t know much about Jewish music and musicians, but I was familiar with the Jewish Historical Society – which preceded the JHCWC. I was really impressed by its extensive archives, and I was intrigued by the Jewish community’s history and the wide range of subject materials in the archives.”
The next year, when a position opened at the JHCWC, Carbone applied.
“I have been here ever since,” he said.
Over the past quarter century, Carbone has been involved in bringing to fruition several interesting exhibits. He mentions the synagogues display, a history of the YMHA, and the current exhibit highlighting the important role of women’s organizations. The exhibit that was closest to his heart though was “A Stitch in Time,” a look at how Jews contributed to the development of the garment trade in Winnipeg. Both of his parents worked in the garment industry.
The exhibits though are just one facet of the JHCWC’s focus, Carbone noted. He mentioned how the organization contributed to the publication of Allan Levine’s “Coming of Age: A History of the Jewish People of Manitoba.”
There have also been several compilations over the years of talks that the JHCWC has organized. These are known as the “Jewish Life and Times,” consisting to date of ten volumes.
Carbone further pointed out the organization’s commitment to Holocaust education and the numerous initiatives that have brought that subject to greater public attention.
The organization’s genealogical component, he reported, draws numerous queries from people all over the world.
One particularly interesting project that Carbone spoke about is an ongoing cooperative partnership with Gray Academy. For the past 10 years, the JHCWC has been loaning photos from the archives to the school’s art program, allowing the students to make drawings based on the photos.
“It has been a wonderful program which has given the students a better understanding of local Jewish history,” he said.
“During my time here, we have worked with numerous Jewish and non-Jewish organizations,” Carbone added. “It helps to build bridges between the Jewish and other communities.”
In retirement, Carbone is looking forward to doing more travelling with Anna, his wife of 40 years. They were scheduled to leave for southern Italy on May 16.
He will also continue to be busy in his role as Italy’s vice-consul here, helping fellow Italians and others in Winnipeg.
And he is excited about having more time to spend on his own genealogical and historical research. He has already published two books: “Italians in Winnipeg: an Illustrated History,” and “The Streets Were Not Paved With Gold: A Social History of Italians in Winnipeg”.
A future project which he is seriously considering is a study of the history of Jewish life in Calabria.
He is also working on a family tree.
“I may be retired,” he said, “but I will still be available from time to time to help out if needed.”