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Chesed Shel Emes panel delves into different aspects of death and dying
By MYRON LOVE They say there are two things you can count on in life – death and taxes. I don’t know about taxes – but no one escapes death.
When we are younger, few give much thought to dying. As we age though, we come ever closer to that final reality. The best we can hope for – in my view – is to live to a relatively old age in relatively good health and pass away quickly – preferably in your sleep.
So what would one consider a “good death?” That was one of the questions that was discussed by a panel of three experts on the subject who appeared together on Sunday, November 24, in a program at the Chesed Shel Emes titled: “The Last Stop – Reflections on Living and Dying”.
(The Chesed Shel Emes is our community’s non-profit Jewish funeral chapel; the only one of its kind in North America).
About 180 people were in attendance – both in person and online, as independent Rabbi Matthew Leibl, palliative care specialist Dr. Bruce Martin, and Dr. Harvey Max Chochinov, a psychiatrist who is one of the world’s authorities on the subject of the emotional aspects surrounding death and dying, shared their experiences and perspectives. Alison Gilmur, popular culture and lifestyles reporter for the Free Press. served as the moderator.
A “good death” – as opposed to a “bad death” – is important for patients and families alike, Chochinov noted.
“Is dying in your sleep a good death?” Rabbi Leibl asked. “That depends on both the individual and the family. It certainly doesn’t give the individual much time to think about it beforehand. I think the major concern for most people is that death be as painless as possible.”
“The problem is that you only die once,” Chochinov pointed out. “There is no rehearsal. Many fear the unknown. And you don’t know what the path will be, what it will be like for you. Or if you will still be you afterward.”
Gilmour asked the panelists what people fear most about dying? Chochinov cited the case of one woman who refused to take her medication because she feared it would make her confused – the way it had her mother prior to her death. Reassuring her that she was in capable hands allowed her to accept proper pain management and die peacefully.
Another anecdote from Chochinov concerned the case of a young woman who was facing death – with a young family and a young child at hand. “She was concerned that her little girl would have no memory of her,” Chochinov noted. “We completed something called Dignity Therapy, which allowed her to create a written legacy that would eventually be shared with her child.”
Rabbi Leibl referred to a member of the Shaarey Zedek who had been suffering for some time. She chose to die at home but, before her passing, she asked her children to leave the room. She and the rabbi talked.
“I asked if she was afraid,” he recalled. “She said that she wasn’t afraid, but that she worried that she would never see her family again.”
Dr. Martin noted that every death is personal. “There is no common thread,’ he said. “A last conversation can be profound or trivial.
“One concern for the dying is not being able to live to see their grandchildren grow up and the shared moments they will miss.”
Chochinov also added that some people are worried about the process of dying and what it may be like. “While dying is inevitable, suffering ought not to be”.
Gilmour asked what people can do to help comfort someone who is dying?
Chochinov’s answer was simple: “Be sure to show up”. “When you know someone is dying,” he noted, “for many the impulse is to stay away, to withdraw. You don’t know what to say,” he observed. “Don’t try to fix what can’t be fixed. But do show up and listen.”
Martin recalled a former mentor who suggested that the most important question that someone who is visiting someone who is terminally ill is: ‘What can you do to help?’ “
“People who are dying don’t need to be reminded about it,” Rabbi Leibl observed. “Although every case is different, a visitor should talk to the afflicted individual the same way you would talk to anyone else. You can talk about life, for example, or what you are reading, or a show you are watching together.”
Gilmour concluded her questioning by bringing up the issue of government-approved Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) – medically assisted suicide.
A number of liberal rabbis Are in favour of MAID, Rabbi Leibl noted. “Judaism however dictates that we must do everything we can to prevent death,” he pointed out.
“I have officiated at funerals for a few people who have chosen IAID,” he reported. “One such funeral was for a Holocaust survivor – in her 90s. I spoke with her the day before she died. She was at peace. I viewed what she was doing as courageous.”
Chochinov said it is also important to look at factors that can undermine a patient’s will to live, such as poorly controlled pain, limited access to palliative care and lack of supports, including respite.“MAID is driven by a desire for personal autonomy,” he observed. “It was originally designed as an option for patients who were suffering and facing a reasonably foreseeable death.” Eligibility criteria have been expanded, making patients not imminently dying, but suffering, able to request MAiD.He expressed grave concerns about extending MAiD for people who are mentally ill. “We simply can’t know which of these patients might improve with adequate time, support and care.”
In response to a later follow-up question from a member from the audience, Bruce Martin added that, in the case of people with dementia and MAID, the latter may prevent children and grandchildren from spending more time with the parent/ grandparent. After all, who then decides when the time is right?
The panelists were asked about talking about death and dying and how to cope. Martin noted that when he speaks to kids in schools, there is a lot of interest in the subject.
A question about planned giving elicited a comment from Chochinov about the importance of not only leaving a will, but letting family know what your wishes are. “It’s never too early to talk about these things”, he said, “but if you put it off long enough, there may come a time when it’s too late”.
Local News
Shalom Residences Foundation to host third annual donor appreciation evening
By MYRON LOVE On Tuesday, June 16, Shalom Residences Foundation Inc (SRFI) will be hosting its third annual Donor Appreciation evening. Donors and other Shalom Residences supporters can look forward to chilling to the music of local singer/songwriter David Grenon (aka Soul Bear), who will be performing songs by Billy Joel, Elton John and other well-known artists.
For readers who are not yet familiar with Shalom Residences, the organization was originally created to care for intellectually challenged Jewish young adults. The vision was to provide them with a Jewish environment – strictly kosher group homes where all the Jewish holidays are observed and celebrated.
One of Shalom Residences’ objectives has always been to develop a community in which individuals with intellectual disabilities are fully included, self-actualized, and valued in all aspects of life.
The concept has been a remarkable success.
Shalom Residences was founded in 1980 by six far-sighted couples, including Thelma and Ernie Bronstein, Dolly and Zivey Chudnow, Min and Joe Fromkin, Roberta and Larry Hurtig, Elaine and Bobby Paul,
and Sybil and Frank Steele. The original Shalom Home was a converted house on Cathedral Avenue.
“Thelma Bronstein’s determination and dynamism contributed to making it happen,” says Elaine Paul, currently Shalom Residences’ treasurer (and for the past 20 years, the organization’s leading fundraiser).
I remember the home’s official opening. This was shortly after I started writing for the Jewish Post. Rabbi Charles Grysman affixed the mezzuzah to the door frame.
Today, the organization operates six group homes housing 19 residents as well as 12 residents in supported independent living arrangements.
While the operations today are largely funded by the provincial government – which means that the residences have to be open to accepting non-Jewish clients as well (just over half of the residents are Jewish) – the Shalom Residences Foundation funding supplements the government contribution – providing financial support for increasing staffing levels when needed, as well as extraordinary expenditures and contingencies. The Foundation has also provided the down payment for the purchase of new housing when necessary. .
The necessity of fundraising was evident right from the beginning. Elaine Paul recalls that the first Manitoba Marathon – in which all the founding parents were involved – provided the funding for the mortgage at 175 Cathedral Ave.
“We worked with Helen Steinkopf and John Robertson to develop the marathon,” Paul remembers. ”For several years, Hy Kravetsky and I worked handing out water to the runners.”
Paul relates that it was Zivey Chudnow who was instrumental in starting up Shalom Residences’ annual fundraising. “Three of Zivey’s friends,:Norman Tatleman, Sam Ostrove, and Gary Levinson, asked how they could help,” she recalls. “Their idea was to have a fundraising dinner. We combined the dinner with a lottery. We sold 60 tickets at $1,000 a piece and paid out $15,000 to the winning ticket and lesser amounts to other lucky winners.”
The organization also held annual well attended fundraising teas.
Paul reports that, for years, Chudnow was Shalom Residences’ best fundraiser – with honourable mention to Avrum Katz, Frank Steele, and the late Joe Elfenbaum. Paul took over the role 10 years ago – again with honourable mention to SRFI board members, Dr. Allen Kraut, Peter Leipsic, Donna Chudnow, Jon Feldman, and Mickey Rosenberg.
In addition, the goal was, and remains empowering adults with intellectual disabilities to live meaningful, dignified lives in community-based homes in Winnipeg, enriched by Jewish values.
Charles Tax, the SRFI’s long time president, notes that in 2017, the organization created an endowment fund with the Jewish Foundation of Manitoba. “At the time, we transferred more than half of our assets to the JFM,” he says. “We continue to make contributions to our fund.”
He notes that the annual dinners came to an end with the 20230 Covid lockdowns. The donor appreciation evenings were started in 2023.
“One of our goals is to acquire one or two more houses in the south end,” Tax adds.
Readers who may be interested in attending the donor appreciation evening or otherwise supporting SRFI can contact the office at 204 582-7064 or via email (admin@shalomresidences.com).
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Local News
Debbie Maslowsky playing lead role in upcoming Dry Cold Productions musical
By MYRON LOVE For the past 40 years Debbie Maslowsky has been entertaining Winnipeg audiences – both Jewish and non-Jewish, with her acting and singing. Arguably Winnipeg’s queen of musical theatre is returning to the stage on May 13 in a lead role in Dry Cold Productions’ upcoming “Kimberly Akimbo”.
Maslowsky is enthusiastic about the Tony-winning production, which debuted on Broadway in November 2022. “It’s a gem of a musical,” she says of the production crafted by the musical team of composer Jeanine Tesori and lyricist David Lindsay-Abaire.
The subject itself is not – on the surface – uplifting. As Maslowsky describes it, “Kimberly Akimbo” is the story of a teenager suffering from a very rare condition – progeria – also known as the aging disease. The genetic condition causes children to age at an accelerated rate causing them to die of old age while still in their teens. For those readers who may recall Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People” – written years ago, Kushner was responding to the death of his own son from progeria.
In the hands of Tesori and Lindsay-Abaire though, Maslowsky notes, the show is about mindfulness and living day by day. In the production, Maslowsky explains, “Kimberly is trying to live as normal a life as she can despite her illness. Her life is further complicated by a dysfunctional family. Her parents are dealing with their own issues. Then there is the madcap aunt who develops a complicated and hilarious plan to make money for a family road trip, raise funds for choir costumes – with some left over for herself.
“The play is very funny,” Maslowsky comments, “but also poignant. Kimberly knows that she most likely won’t live much beyond 16. Therefore, she wants to live every day to the fullest. She wants to live every day in the now. At the same time, she doesn’t want to hide from reality. She doesn’t want special treatment. She also doesn’t want people – such as her parents – trying to pretend that everything will be okay.”
Maslowsky last appeared on stage in Winnipeg Jewish Theatre’s one-woman production of “A Pickle” in the spring of 2023. That was the true story of a Jewish pickle maker living in Minnesota who had to fight to get her pickles included in the state fair pickle competition, which tried to disqualify her because her pickles were made the Jewish way through a brining process that the non-Jewish judges refused to accept.
In the interim, Maslowsky has been focusing on her longstanding business as a trade show, conference and event manage,r as well as picking up some singing gigs. She reports that she began winding down her business last fall.
She speaks highly of her younger cast mates. “They are an amazing group of young people,” she says. “For some of them, this is their first show. I myself am still learning new things after all these years.”
Maslowsky will next be appearing in the joint Winnipeg Jewish Theatre-Rainbow Stage production of “Fiddler on the Roof” in September. “I played one of the daughters years ago in an earlier Fiddler production,” she recalls. “I feel like I am coming full circle.”
Dry Cold Productions was founded by Donna Fletcher and Reid Harrison (now retired) more than 25 years ago. The company stages a yearly musical theatre production – sometimes edgy – which has played on Broadway and is new to Winnipeg audiences.
The Dry Cold website cautions that “Kimberly Akimbo” contains “strong language (with frequent profanity), mature humour, and references to sexual activity”.
“Kimberly Akimbo” is scheduled to run May 13–17, 2026 at the Prairie Theatre Exchange. Tickets can be purchased by contacting Dry Cold productions online.
Local News
The second Bar Mitzvah: Better than the first
By GERRY POSNER As we pass down the corridor of life, there are certainly times we can identify as moments we will never forget. I had such a moment on April 11 at my second Bar Mitzvah, at the Shaarey Zedek Synagogue, shared with Dr. Ted Lyons, or E. A. as I called him over the years. We were celebrating this life cycle event at the very same synagogue as the first one, that is – the Shaarey Zede. For me, it was some 70 years ago or 25,557 days – from April 21, 1956 to April 11, 2026. The notion of returning to the original place of Bar Mitzvah 1.0 was too powerful a force, causing me to abandon my plan to do this in Toronto where my wife, Sherna and I have lived for the last 13 plus years.
It was quite the weekend. We started just before Erev Shabbat with photos of our two families on the bimah. Ted had his whole family there, including his daughter Mara, her husband Sheldon, and their two daughters, as well as his son Sami, his wife Rose, and their three kids, all of whom live In Calgary, not to forget his sister Ellen and her husband Howard Goldstein, from Toronto. Our three kids: Ari, Rami and Amira, all of whom live in Toronto, along with two of my grandchildren, as well as my brother Michael from Toronto were also present.
After the Shabbat service, we stayed on in the building for our Shabbat dinner. There were 23 of us, including Michael’s partner, Ruth Grubert, (formerly Mozersky), also a former Winnipegger, as well as Rabbi Mass,his son Ranan, Rabbi Carnie Rose and his wife Pauline. It was a warm group and the dinner was gobbled up and appreciated by all of us. We were all surprised when independently, the respective grandchildren of the Bar Mitzvah “bochers” presented both of us with a kind of tribute – funny and sincere in their affection for their Zaidas.
Then came the big day. It lived up to and even exceeded my expectations. It was a sell-out crowd. I was overwhelmed just at that fact. The only thing missing from the building was the electronic ark. The respective families all participated with aliyahs and indeed Torah readings by Sami Lyons and the 83-year-old Bar Mitzvah boy Ted Lyons. Now, “leyning” from the Torah was not something Ted had done at the first go-round 70 years ago. (In fact, almost all of us were deficient in that area).
One particular moment during the service was especially meaningful for Sherna and me. In the first part of the service, there is a prayer called “Mi Chamocha.” My son Ari had written music for that prayer several years ago and now he was at Shaarey Zedek, where he had his Bar Mitzvah long ago. This time though the clergy had arranged to use his music and to sing his melody. (It had been used many times previously, but without Ari. ) Not only that, he was invited to play his composition at the service as Cantor Leslie Emery sang it. Those few moments – as we watched and listened, at this – my second Bar Mitzvah, at a place where my parents had been members for years and whose names are on the memorial plaque in the chapel, well, that was powerful, to put it mildly.
Ted and his family had various honours as did my family. I was given the Haftorah to chant. Now, I have few talents, but I can chant a Haftroah (not the most marketable skill), so that was not that much of an obstacle for me. In fact, I rather enjoyed doing this part of the service. Rabbi Rose had also given me permission to deliver a D’var Torah on the portion of the week, “Shemini”, and to discuss the meaning of this, my second Bar Mitzvah. Once I had the mic and the stage, I was ready to go in spite of my wife’s protestations that it was too long. And, in fact, as I rolled along into my Haftorah, after about 10 minutes, my parter in the double Bar, Ted, came up from behind me where he was sitting, and nudged me gently, or to put it more accurately, gave me the hook, announcing that it was time to wrap up. It was kind of comical, in fact. I got a large charge from that sudden intervention. To top it off, as I had been speaking, I noticed a congregant on my left near the front who had apparently passed out. It was alarming to me at first, but the medics came and were able to revive this person. I was told later that other first words out of the mouth were “Has he finally finished?”
We concluded the day with a rather large kiddish luncheon highlighted at least for me by traditional party sandwiches, which were a staple of the kiddishes of my youth. I met with so many people of my past, which was a treat and a half for me. I was so into the moment that It was hard to get me out of the building.
As I reflect on the day and the service, I recognized that for all of us, we have times in our lives, whether it be an hour, a day or a week, that we will never forget. This day was for me one such moment. It is etched in my memory to be relived through the Youtube video now in my possession. The gift that keeps on giving, I say.
My first Bar Mitzvah was good, for sure. This one was far better. I knew what I was doing.
Post script (After Gerry had sent us his story, he sent us something else that he said should have been included in the story): True, Ted and I had the Bar Mitzvah no 2. But we only had it because there was one person who did the real work and yet received no credit. She made all the arrangements with the synagogue for both the Friday night Shabbat dinner and the kiddish lunch after the service. She dealt with various people in the synagogue and basically took charge of our simcha. I speak, of course, of Harriet Lyons. That I failed to mention her was due to my excess focus on the eating of the party sandwiches and not enough on the reason we had them in the first place. Harriet teaches the weaving of tallits, but she stands tall in the arranging of Bar Mitzvahs.