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The Very First ‘Shidduch’

UAE Rabbi Levi Duchman places the traditional veil on Lea Hadad at their wedding at the Hilton Yas Island, on September 14, 2022 in Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates. Photo: Jewish UAE/ Christopher Pike.

JNS.orgOn several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one such service being advertised.

Who would believe that in the sophisticated 21st-century, old Yente—the matchmaker from “Fiddler on the Roof”—is being resurrected? “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.”

Oh, the ad was very slick and professional, but essentially, it was Yente all over again.

Frankly, I must admit to feeling gratified seeing that the old shidduch system is alive and well in modern, corporate America.

For decades, cultured Jews in the United States and elsewhere looked down upon the shidduch system still practiced in the religious community. It was considered archaic and outdated in the new age where everyone was marrying for love. It was beneath these moderns to rely on a shadchan, a “matchmaker,” to find one’s partner in life.

But when you think about it, how many people find their marriage partners completely on their own? Most are introduced by a friend, given a telephone number or invited to a party where the host’s express intention is to introduce a certain man and a woman to each other. It’s probably the exception where two people happen to meet on their own and go on to marry each other, unless they were high school sweethearts who kept up the relationship.

If a mutual friend who knows both parties thinks it’s a good match, it stands a far better chance of success than a random meeting at a bar, where one’s judgment is often blurred by the beer.

How many people have met their bashert online on the many dating services available today? I don’t know the number, but there are a great many who have. It may be online, but it’s basically a shidduch service.

I think there was always a misunderstanding of the shidduch system by people on the outside. Many thought that it was the parents choosing a match for their son or daughter, and the couple themselves had no choice in the matter. Not true! A matchmaker, shadchan, only makes a suggestion. If the couple agrees to meet, there is no coercion to marry. Millions of young religious men and women have gone on one or two dates and decided it’s not for them. End of story. Back to the drawing board until the right person comes up. How different is that from the dating sites or the socialite shadchan-like advertising in the airline magazine?

Even in the religious community, parents and mentors always advise young people that there must be chemistry between a couple before they should commit to marriage. When comparing his and her résumés and profiles the union may appear great on paper, but the human element must never be compromised. The couple themselves must feel attracted to one another. As a rule, rabbis or rebbetzins who are asked for advice by indecisive, tentative men and women will always ask if there is an attraction, a vibe, a good feeling between the parties.

There’s a lot to be said for the shidduch system, even with its inherent problems, which it does have. Still, the numbers don’t lie, and generations of happy, content, loving families speak for themselves.

Yes, in the observant community parents are usually involved in helping their children decide who to date. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Parental guidance can be very helpful. Too often, I’ve been asked to counsel families where a son or daughter wanted to marry someone the parents felt was inappropriate. I can confirm that in cases where the young person defied their parents’ objections to the union, the marriage usually didn’t last. Infatuation often gets in the way of logical reasoning. While it is their decision alone, young people would be well advised to listen very carefully to their parents’ opinions and loving advice.

This week’s Torah portion, Chaye Sarah, records the very first shidduch in the Bible. Abraham dispatches his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Abraham’s hometown with the singular mission of finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Eliezer meets young Rebecca at the well … and the rest is history. She is beautiful, exceptionally kind and generous, and she is from the same family as Abraham, his great-niece, in fact. The shidduch is made, and Isaac and Rebecca marry.

This match was clearly ordained by heaven, and there wasn’t much dating before it came to pass. But ever since Eliezer—the first shadchan in history—successfully concluded the deal, the shidduch system has served us well.

So whether it’s from an ad in a magazine, an online dating service or your local Yente, don’t be shy to look for your bashert through the agency of an intermediary. May all our single men and women who are looking in earnest find their own bashert ASAP.

The post The Very First ‘Shidduch’ first appeared on Algemeiner.com.

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Report: IDF Probes Whether Houthis Used Iranian Cluster Bomb-Bearing Missile

Houthi leader Abdul-Malik al-Houthi addresses followers via a video link at the al-Shaab Mosque, formerly al-Saleh Mosque, in Sanaa, Yemen, Feb. 6, 2024. Photo: REUTERS/Khaled Abdullah

i24 NewsThe Israeli military said Saturday it launched a probe into the failure of its defenses to fully intercept a missile launched by Yemen’s Houthi jihadists, parts of which struck not far from the Ben Gurion airport on Friday night.

According to the Ynet website, one of the hypotheses being examined is that the projectile contained cluster munitions, similar to those used by Iran to fire at Israeli cities during the 12-day war in June. Cluster munitions pose a challenge to interceptors as they disperse smaller explosives over a wide area.

In June, Iran fired several missiles carrying scattered small bombs with the aim of increasing civilian casualties.

The IDF said on Saturday that its initial review suggests the ballistic missile from Yemen likely fragmented in mid-air. Five interceptors from various systems engaged with the missile, including THAAD, Arrow, David Sling & Iron Dome.

Authorities said that shrapnel impacted a house in the central Israeli moshav of Ginaton, yet no one was hurt, with the fragment landing in the house’s backyard.

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Iran Forces Kill Six Militants, IRNA Reports, Israel Link Seen

The Iranian flag is seen flying over a street in Tehran, Iran, Feb. 3, 2023. Photo: Majid Asgaripour/WANA (West Asia News Agency) via REUTERS

Iranian security forces shot dead six militants in a clash in southeastern Iran on Saturday, a day after armed rebels killed five police officers in the restive region, the official news agency IRNA reported.

IRNA said evidence showed the group was linked to Israel and may have been trained by Israel‘s Mossad spy agency. There was no immediate Israeli reaction to the allegation.

Another two members of the militant group were arrested, the report said. All but one of the militants were foreign, it added, without giving their nationality.

Iranian police said this month they had arrested as many as 21,000 suspects during the 12-day war with Israel in June.

Iran’s southeast has been the scene of sporadic clashes between security forces and armed groups, including Sunni militants and separatists who say they are fighting for greater rights and autonomy.

Tehran says some of them have ties to foreign powers and are involved in cross-border smuggling and insurgency.

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Benny Gantz Urges Time-Limited National Unity Government to Further Chances of Hostage Deal

Israeli Defence Minister Benny Gantz attends his party’s meeting at the Knesset, Israeli parliament in Jerusalem, June 27, 2022. REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun

i24 NewsBlue and White Party leader Benny Gantz on Saturday called on Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and opposition politicians to form a temporary national unity government to further the chances of bringing home the hostages held in Gaza.

Addressing Netanyahu, Yair Lapid and Avigdor Liberman, Gantz said that the proposed government’s two supreme priorities would be the release of Israeli hostages held by the jihadists of Hamas and instituting universal conscription in Israel by ending the exemption from military service enjoyed by the ultra-Orthodox.

Upon attainment of the goals, the government would dissolve and call an election.

“The government’s term will begin with a hostage deal that brings everyone home,” Gantz said in a video address. “Within weeks, we will formulate an enlistment outline that would see our ultra-Orthodox brethren drafted to the military and ease the burden on those already serving. Finally, we will announce an agreed-upon election date in the spring of 2026 and pass a law to dissolve the Knesset [Israeli parliament] accordingly. This is what’s right for Israel.”

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