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This New York-based dating coach has sage advice for Jewish singles
(New York Jewish Week) — On the Netflix reality show “Jewish Matchmaking,” matchmaker and star Aleeza Ben Shalom jet-sets around the world, meets her clients one-on-one, and dives deep into her little black book in order to make connections based on what attributes people seek in a partner and what sort of values they have.
“Jewish Matchmaking” may be entertaining, but it’s not exactly representative of how most Jews meet their romantic partners today. As anyone who’s been on a date in the past 10 or 20 years knows, outside the Orthodox community, the primary way people get together is via online dating apps. This cultural shift has paved the way for new types of matchmakers, like Jewish “online dating coach” Erika Ettin. Her process may be different than it was back in the day, but the goal remains the same: to find finds and catch catches.
Ettin, who finesses her clients’ online dating profiles and helps them establish their dating priorities, has a pragmatic approach to modern dating. “I don’t believe in bashert,” she told the New York Jewish Week, using the Yiddish word for “preordained” that is colloquially used to mean “soulmate.” “I don’t believe in one person for everyone. I think many people can make you happy for different reasons.”
Ettin, 42, founded her modern-day matchmaking business, A Little Nudge, in 2011. The name, Ettin clarifies, is pronounced “nuhdge” — as in gentle encouragement — and not the Yiddish “noodge,” meaning to annoy or pester. “Only my mom is allowed to call me that,” Ettin quips. “But I’m giving people a push. I’m giving them the tools they need to get out there.”
Though Ettin’s clients are not exclusively Jewish, she estimates that some 15 percent of them are — “which is a lot more than the national average!” Ettin joked. (A recent Pew study found that Jews make up about 2.4% of the U.S. population.)
Through her business, Ettin offers three levels of service, with pricing from $500: The standard “little nudge” includes a Zoom consultation, after which Ettin will write a client’s online dating profile and select their pictures. Her aim, she said, is to help people put their best proverbial foot forward while simultaneously ensuring that they don’t represent themselves inaccurately.
“Anything that lets your personality shine, shows your quirks and stays positive,” she advises. “But it’s more than a profile. It’s being proactive on the sites that makes you successful.”
The next tier is A Little Nudge Plus, in which Ettin also presents her clients with some handpicked matches and helps draft those initial, particularly anxiety-inducing messages. Finally, there’s “A Little Nudge Platinum,” the whole enchilada of Ettin’s services, in which clients hand over their dating reins: Ettin will swipe and message on her client’s behalf — but only to the point of setting up the first meeting. “Ultimately, they’re the ones going on the date,” she said.
Ettin’s approach to dating is born out of first-hand experience: Formerly an economist at Fannie Mae in Washington, D.C., Ettin was an early adopter of online dating in 2001. Using the Jewish dating site JDate, she relied on her savvy with statistics to usher her through the complicated process, from talking online (and later, via app) to meeting in real life.
“I put two things I really liked together: online dating and spreadsheets,” Ettin said, explaining that she initially created the spreadsheet to ensure she didn’t write to the same person twice. Soon, however, she realized she could employ this tracking system to ask questions like, “What’s my response rate if I write to somebody? If I make little tweaks, is the probability of getting a response higher? What’s my conversion rate if this person writes back? Do we go on a date?”
Eventually, friends started to notice how successful she was at garnering online dates and requested her assistance with their profiles, inspiring Ettin to quit her job at Fannie Mae and make the jump to full-time date doctoring. “Best decision I ever made,” she declared.
Recently, Ettin made another big, long-awaited jump: After 19 years in Washington, she moved to Brooklyn Heights in December 2022. Ettin had found she was making frequent trips to New York, both to meet with clients and — “here’s where it gets fun,” she said — to compete in the live pun competition Punderdome (she even won the show’s last outing in June).
“I finally decided, if not now, then when?” she said, quoting Jewish sage Hillel. “There’s usually something holding you back — either you’re taking a class, or you’re in a relationship, or you’re… something. It was the first time in a long time where nothing was keeping me anymore.”
So far, Ettin is adjusting to her new scene in Brooklyn Heights nicely, calling it the perfect mix of “quiet and quaint,” perfect for walking her dog, Scruffy, a mutt she suspects is a terrier dachshund mix. She often heads to Times Square to “feed my Broadway addiction,” she said.
“Everything about me makes sense here,” said Ettin, who declined to share her relationship status. (“I generally try not to mix personal and professional,” she said.)
Of course, the same issues that plague any New Yorker plague her as well, like attempting to cook a seven-pound brisket for Passover in her New York-sized oven. (Per Ettin’s review, it was “a mess, but delicious.”) For 20 years, Ettin has hosted a Passover seder in her home; it’s one of many ways she celebrates her cultural Judaism.
Growing up in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, Ettin was raised Jewish and had a bat mitzvah. It wasn’t until she was a student at Cornell University that she began to connect with her culture on a deeper level. That’s mainly because she missed the taste of matzah ball soup — a powerful motivator for an 18-year-old living away from home for the first time. Ettin attended Reform synagogue in college, and upon relocating to Washington, helped to lead services for young professionals at the historic Sixth & I synagogue alongside Jewish rocker Rick Recht.
Despite what “Sex and the City” and Instagram meme accounts have led many to believe, Ettin doesn’t necessarily subscribe to the notion that dating is harder in New York City than other locales. “Every city has its quirks,” she said. “And there are so many options, and I know that does frustrate people. The paradox of choice, right? When you have so many things to choose from, you’re not actually happy with your choice. There’s always another person a swipe away.”
“But I think dating in New York can be great,” she added. “Most people complain about their own city, but every city can’t be the worst, you know? Are you going to come across every stereotype you think you’re going to come across in New York City? Absolutely, but are you also going to come across amazing people who are looking for what you’re looking for? Yeah, but it takes digging.”
One trend Ettin has noticed among her Jewish clients: Many of them want to meet someone who is also Jewish, even if they’re not particularly observant. That’s good news for any Jewish single looking for a partner — and maybe even better news for any bubbe-figure who wants a loved one to be searching for a Jewish partner.
Ettin’s advice for meeting another Jewish New Yorker is simple: “Pay for the filters on the dating apps so they can filter religion,” she said. “Because it cracks me up when they say ‘This is a dealbreaker’ and then they refuse to pay the $20 to actually use the filter to filter for religion.”
This advice holds true for whatever your dealbreakers are, Ettin advises. “If those checkboxes are there on the dating sites, use those to your advantage,” she said. “On the flip side, just because the option is there doesn’t mean you have to use it. Just because you can search by every inch of height, does not mean you need to.”
While her speciality may be online dating, Ettin believes it’s still possible for people to connect and fall in love IRL in NYC. “Put yourself in places where you want to be, anyway, and then if you meet someone it’s an added bonus,” she advises. “If going to synagogue is important to you, find one that you really like and then you’re already in your element. If you meet someone there, it’s an added bonus. If you want to take some kind of Israeli cooking class, you’re already enjoying yourself because it’s something you want to be doing. If you meet someone it’s an added bonus.”
No matter your situation, or what you’re seeking in a partner, central to much of Ettin’s advice is asking for the things you want. “I think it’s not only OK but encouraged to tell people exactly the types of behaviors you want,” she said. “If you are in a relationship and you want flowers three times a year, tell your partner, ‘I want flowers three times a year.’ You’re not going to be upset when they then give you flowers because you told them — you’ll be happy.”
These types of communication tools were invaluable to Elizabeth Cutler, a former client who recently moved from a career in government “into the creating writing chapter” of her life. She said Ettin “really helped me refresh myself and to present the best version of myself” and to “really listen to my instincts.”
“Everyone is trying to do what they think they’re supposed to do in dating, and sometimes that gets a little mixed up with putting forward authentic selves,” Cutler, 35, said of the wisdom she learned. “It’s good to give people grace around that.”
On “Jewish Matchmaking,” Ben Shalom famously says she has “the hardest job in the world.” Ettin’s approach, meanwhile, is a bit more practical. “The desire to meet someone or find a partner is never going to go away,”she said. “If the economy changes, or anything changes, people will still have the desire to meet a partner. I think I will always have work to do.”
Ultimately, when it comes to love, Ettin doesn’t believe in luck. “I believe in hard work,” she said.
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The post This New York-based dating coach has sage advice for Jewish singles appeared first on Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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International Bowls Organization Reverses Ban on Israel at UK Championship After Facing Backlash
People hold an Israeli flag as a helicopter carrying hostages released amid a hostages-prisoners swap deal between Hamas and Israel arrives at Sheba Medical Center in Ramat Gan, Tel Aviv district, Israel, Nov. 28, 2023. Photo: REUTERS/Athit Perawongmetha
An international bowls organization on Tuesday revoked its ban against Israelis from competing in the upcoming Bowls World Indoor Championships in the United Kingdom following global outcry.
The World Bowls Tour (WBT) earlier this week disinvited three Israeli athletes from competing in the international championships set to take place Jan. 10-26 at the Potters Resorts Hopton-on-Sea in Norfolk. The move affected Daniel Alomin in the singles, and Amnon Amar and Itai Rigbi in the open pairs. Bowls is a sport in which a player rolls a ball, called a bowl, toward a smaller stationary ball, which is called a jack. The object of the game is to roll one’s bowl closer to the jack than that of their opponents.
The WBT suggested on Sunday that the ban was enforced after they faced pressure from pro-Palestinian groups because of Israel’s involvement in the WBT Scottish International Open in Scotland in November 2024. The organization also claimed security concerns as the main reason for the ban.
On Tuesday, the WBT said in a new statement that the three Israeli players are welcome to compete in the UK competition next month following “significant additional security measures.”
“The WBT acknowledges that this has been a difficult time for all involved and we are pleased that we have been able to achieve an outcome that includes players for all supporting countries,” the organization added.
In a separate lengthy statement, which was not publicly shared but obtained by The Guardian, the WBT also apologized for the initial ban.
“We would firstly wish to extend our sincere apologies to both you and to PBA Israel, for any upset or offense that we have caused by the withdrawal of the invitation to the three members of PBA Israel in advance of the January 2025 championships. This was absolutely not our intention; however as we made clear, we had found ourselves in a very difficult position in relation to the security of the venue and to the competitors and other attendees,” the statement read.
“However, over the past 48 hours we have been exploring practical ways in which our concerns could be overcome, so as to enable the invitation to PBA Israel to be reinstated,” the statement continued. “We are pleased to say that following discussions with various partner agencies, we have been able to confirm today an increase in the security presence at the event. The WBT Board is accordingly satisfied that this increased level of security which will be in place is sufficient to be able to welcome the PBA Israel Team to the event starting on 10 January 2025.”
The WBT concluded by explaining that it “felt compelled” to initially ban Israeli athletes from next month’s competition to ensure “the safety and security” of everyone involved in the tournament. “Following significant feedback and credible concerns regarding the potential risks posed to competitors we had felt it necessary to act responsibly, so to ensure the wellbeing of everyone involved,” the organization added.
The WBT board of directors announced the initial ban against Israeli athletes on Sunday in a released statement that was posted on Facebook. They said the decision was made following “recent challenges” experienced by the WBT directors regarding Israel’s participation in the WBT Scottish International Open.
“There has been a significant escalation in related political concerns. These issues have been extended to the upcoming World Indoor Championships,” they noted. “As a result of the intensity of the situation, the WBT Board, in consultants with our event partners and other relevant stakeholders, have made the difficult decision to withdraw the invitation for Israel to participate.”
“This decision was not taken lightly and has been made in the best interests of the events [sic] success and integrity,” they added. “Bowls is, and always has been, a sport that unites people and this choice reflects our commitment to protecting the Championships and ensuring they run smoothly for everyone involved. We remain hopeful that circumstances will allow us to welcome PBA Israel to the WBT stage in the future.”
World Bowls, which is an international sports federation for the sport of bowls not affiliated with WBT, said it had no connection or involvement in the decision to ban Israel.
The ban was widely condemned by Jewish groups and supporters earlier this week. The Board of Deputies of British Jews said, “There can be no justification for this overt act of discrimination against Israeli participants, who are excluded solely on the basis of their nationality.”
Campaign Against Antisemitism (CAA), which is a British volunteer-led charity dedicated to exposing and countering antisemitism, claimed the WBT “caved to pressure from the anti-Israel mob.”
“World Bowls Tour says that bowls is a sport that unites people. But that apparently does not apply to the Jews, who are excluded,” a CAA spokesperson said. “This decision is a disgrace to international sport and sends the message that racist intimidation works. Athletes should be judged by their skill, not their race, ethnicity, or nationality. Unfortunately, that principle does not apply to Jewish athletes.”
UK Lawyers for Israel (UKLFI) wrote to the directors of WBT and pointed out that the ban is a clear breach of the UK’s Equality Act. Jonathan Turner, chief executive of UKLFI, warned WBT that if it did not reverse the ban, the Israeli athletes could file legal proceedings against the organization for breach of the Equality Act. UKLFI similarly contacted John Potter of Potters Resorts and Ambassador Cruise Lines, the sponsor of the Bowls World Indoor Championships, about the allegedly illegal ban.
Local MP Rupert Lowe, whose constituency includes the venue where the Bowls World Indoor Championships will take place in January, said he was “genuinely disgusted” by the ban. He said about the Israeli athletes: “As far as I am concerned as the local MP, these individuals are welcome in our constituency.”
“This is following a concerted campaign from the pro-Palestine mob to have these Israelis barred from competing,” he added. “What message does this send? If the mob screams and shouts, they can get competitors of a certain nationality banned from entry? It is insanity, pure insanity. The organizers are cowards. Sport should be a unifier, and it should be above politics.”
After WBT reversed its ban following the public outcry, Lowe thanked the organization for making “the right decision.”
“This is how you deal with the bullies taking to the streets of OUR country every weekend. Stand up to them, don’t accept their hateful tactics,” he wrote in a post on X. “The Israeli team will be welcomed in Great Yarmouth, and I wish them well for the event. The World Bowls Tour have made the right decision. I thank them for that, and their apology to the individuals involved. Wonderful news — 2025 is the year we fight back against the hate mob.”
The post International Bowls Organization Reverses Ban on Israel at UK Championship After Facing Backlash first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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‘An Act of Terrorism’: New Orleans Attack Suspect Acted Alone, Supported Islamic State, FBI Says
A member of the National Guard Military Police stands, in the area where people were killed by a man driving a truck in an attack during New Year’s celebrations, in New Orleans, Louisiana, US, Jan. 2, 2025. PHoto: REUTERS/Octavio Jones
A US Army veteran who drove a truck into a crowd of New Year’s Day revelers had pledged allegiance to Islamic State (ISIS), but acted alone in the attack that killed at least 14 people, the FBI said on Thursday.
The suspect, who was shot dead at the scene after firing at police, has been identified as Shamsud-Din Jabbar, a 42-year-old Texan who once served in Afghanistan. He drove from Houston to New Orleans on Dec. 31, and posted five videos on Facebook between 1.29 am and 3.02 am on the morning of the attack in which he said he supported ISIS, the Islamic terrorist group with fighters in Iraq and Syria, the FBI said.
In the first video, Jabbar explains he had previously planned to harm his family and friends, but was concerned that the media coverage would not focus on the “war between the believers and the disbelievers,” FBI Deputy Assistant Director Christopher Raia said at a press conference.
Jabbar also said in the videos that he had joined ISIS before last summer and provided his last will and testament, Raia said.
“This was an act of terrorism,” Raia said. “It was premeditated and an evil act.”
Shamsud-Din Jabbar, a suspect in the New Orleans attack, is seen in this picture obtained from social media, released in November 2013, in Fort Johnson (formerly Fort Polk), Louisiana, US, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division via Facebook via REUTERS
New Orleans officials said the Sugar Bowl college football game that had been scheduled for Wednesday in a New Year’s Day tradition would take place on Thursday afternoon. The city will also host the National Football League’s Super Bowl next month.
The FBI said there appeared to be no link between the attack in New Orleans and the episode in Las Vegas on the same day in which a Tesla Cybertruck packed with gasoline canisters and large firework mortars exploded in flames outside the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas, just weeks before President-elect Donald Trump returns to the White House on Jan. 20.
The injured victims in the New Orleans attack included two police officers wounded by gunfire from the suspect, taking place a mere three hours into the new year on Bourbon Street in the historic French Quarter. At least 15 people were killed, including the suspect, the FBI said.
Among the victims were the mother of a 4-year-old who had just moved into a new apartment after getting a promotion at work, a New York financial employee and accomplished student-athlete who was visiting home for the holidays, and an 18-year-old aspiring nurse from Mississippi.
Witnesses described a horrifying scene.
“There were people everywhere,” Kimberly Strickland of Mobile, Alabama, said in an interview. “You just heard this squeal and the rev of the engine and this huge loud impact and then the people screaming and debris — just metal — the sound of crunching metal and bodies.”
Meanwhile, authorities in other US cities said they had boosted security, including at Trump Tower and Times Square in New York City, adding that there were no immediate threats.
In Washington, police also said they had increased their presence as the capital prepares to host three major events this month: Congress’ Jan. 6 certification of US President-elect Donald Trump’s presidential election win, the Jan. 9 state funeral for former President Jimmy Carter, and Trump’s Jan. 20 inauguration.
ISLAMIC STATE FLAG
The FBI said an ISIS flag was found on the trailer hitch of the rented vehicle involved in the New Orleans attack.
US President Joe Biden condemned what he called a “despicable” act.
Public records showed Jabbar worked in real estate in Houston. In a promotional video posted four years ago, Jabbar described himself as born and raised in Beaumont, a city about 80 miles (130 km) east of Houston.
Jabbar was in the regular Army from March 2007 until January 2015 and then in the Army Reserve from January 2015 until July 2020, an Army spokesperson said. He deployed to Afghanistan from February 2009 to January 2010 and held the rank of staff sergeant at the end of service.
ISIS is a Muslim terrorist group that once imposed a reign of terror over millions of people in Iraq and Syria until it collapsed following a sustained military campaign by a US-led coalition.
Even as it has been weakened in the field, ISIS has continued to recruit sympathizers online, experts say.
The post ‘An Act of Terrorism’: New Orleans Attack Suspect Acted Alone, Supported Islamic State, FBI Says first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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The Myth of Exodus: Media Bias and Israel’s Growing Population
Some 300 new immigrants from France arrive on a special “Aliyah Flight” organized by the Jewish Agency, at Ben-Gurion Airport in central Israel on July 23, 2018. More French Jews are expected to arrive. Photo: Miriam Alster/Flash90.
A false narrative of mass departures from Israel has gained traction in international media, painting a misleading picture of a nation in retreat.
New data shows Israel’s population reached a historic milestone of 10 million citizens in 2024. While a record 82,700 people emigrated last year, net migration was 26,100 (-0.261 percent) when accounting for the 32,800 new immigrants and the 23,800 Israelis who returned home despite the war, a testament to the nation’s enduring appeal.
In its 2024 estimates of rates of net migration, the CIA World Factbook listed 50 countries ahead of Israel. And yet the media seem relatively oblivious to people fleeing countries like Indonesia, Qatar, Mexico, Peru, Pakistan, Turkey, Morocco, and many other countries at a vastly higher clip.
Investigating how the “flight-from-Israel” story gets told today serves as a case study in confirmation bias and of the power of preconceived narratives against Israel.
In the aftermath of the October 7, 2023, atrocities and South Africa’s genocide allegations at the International Court of Justice, media outlets predicted gloom for Israel’s population.
The Guardian spoke, in December 2023, of a “mass exodus.” Less than two months after Hamas’ depredations into Israel, Reuters highlighted “Israelis seeking refuge abroad.” Just two weeks ago, the Associated Press reported how “information points to a surge of Israelis leaving.” This creates an image of a nation in inexorable decline. Yet the nuanced data tells a markedly different story.
Immigration to Israel (aliyah) actually increased by 25 percent in the fourth quarter of 2023. Roughly 35,000 Jews have immigrated to Israel since the October 7th massacres. A third of the new immigrants to Israel have been aged 18 to 35 years old. The Jewish Agency’s latest figures show robust immigration from diverse regions: 75,000 from North America, 45,000 from Europe, 35,000 from the former Soviet Union, and 15,000 from Latin America in 2023 alone.
The data reveals what Israeli cognitive psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky called confirmation bias; in this case, observers interpret information to confirm their preexisting beliefs about Israel’s inexorable demise. Also on display is the availability heuristic, where dramatic stories of departure receive outsized attention compared to a stream of present or future arrivals.
Another bias in this narrative is the hasty generalization bias, an insidious form of inductive fallacy where isolated instances of emigration are extrapolated to misrepresent future trends.
This fallacy intensified following South Africa’s genocide libel against Israel, as media narratives amplified the unending departure myth despite evidence of increased solidarity and aliyah among South African Jews. Immigration from South Africa to Israel boomed by 20 percent after October 7, 2023.
This media narrative pattern isn’t new. Historical data reveals similar misconceptions during past challenges faced by Israel.
In the 1970s, economic instability was supposed to trigger ballooning departures, yet immigration from the USSR outpaced emigration. During the 1980s, the Lebanon War and intifadas allegedly sparked an exodus, but temporary emigration was offset by returnees and new immigrants. The 2000s saw predictions of a brain drain from Israel amid the tech bubble burst, only for the tech sector to rebound and attract global Jewish talent.
Israel’s latest Central Bureau of Statistics (CBS) data puts these narratives in perspective. Israel’s population grew by 1.1 percent (129,600 people) in 2024. Although increased emigration and casualties from the Hamas war lent some credence to a temporary departure narrative, the fundamental trend remains positive, and the future is wondrous. The Jewish population stands at 7.7 million (76.9 percent), with 2.1 million Arabs (21 percent) and 210,000 others (two percent).
This persistent gap between perception and reality may reflect motivated reasoning, where emotional or ideological preferences shape how information is processed. In other words, what Kahneman and Tversky called confirmation bias intensifies in the media.
Reporters, sometimes influenced by an ingrained animus toward Israel’s sustainability, repeatedly fall into the trap of catastrophizing temporary challenges to Israel, while overlooking the nation’s proven resilience.
The phenomenon also demonstrates the bandwagon fallacy, sometimes called the “appeal to common belief,” where the repetition of a narrative across multiple outlets creates the illusion of validity.
Each outlet citing others’ similar reports creates an echo chamber that can drown out contradictory data.
As Israel begins 2025 with its largest population ever, it is worth examining how these cognitive biases shape international discourse. The story of Israel’s population growth in the face of pummeling adversity doesn’t fit neatly into preconceived storylines of fragility and exodus.
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks’ adage applies to exposing any false narrative that diminishes Israel’s future: “Wrestle with it, refusing to let it go until it blesses you, until you emerge stronger, better or wiser than you were before. To be a Jew is not to accept defeat. That is the meaning of faith.”
Neil Seeman is a Senior Fellow at Massey College in the University of Toronto. His latest book is Accelerated Minds: Unlocking the Fascinating, Inspiring, and Often Destructive Impulses that Drive the Entrepreneurial Brain.
The post The Myth of Exodus: Media Bias and Israel’s Growing Population first appeared on Algemeiner.com.
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