Features
New book by former Winnipegger suggests introducing new “rituals” into divorce as a way of easing the pain
“Moving Forward – An Ancient Divorce Ritual for the Modern World”
By Dr. Marilyn Beloff
Available on Amazon Books
Reviewed by RAYMOND HALL
Introduction: Dr. Marilyn Beloff, PhD is a collaborative divorce coach, child specialist, divorce mediator, and marital and family therapist. A native of Winnipeg, she presently lives and works in Vancouver, BC.
Guilt. Shame. Fear. Self-doubt. Self-pity. Denial. Anger. Confusion. Frustration. Aloneness. These are but a few of the emotions that invariably accompany marital breakdown and divorce, an event that is now experienced by almost one in two adults at least once in our lives. These emotions abound regardless of whether that breakdown occurs with the suddenness of a shattering glass, as in the exposure of infidelity, or more slowly from a gradual fading away of romance and mutual commitment, or simply from any number of growing irreconcilable differences.
In contrast to almost all other major life events–childbirth, bris, baptism, birthdays, graduation, marriage, and even death–in which we engage in rituals of either celebration or mourning and in which we mutually express an effusive sharing of human compassion, marital breakdown is almost invariably devoid of ritual, despite being one of life’s most traumatizing events. At the very moment where a susceptible adult most needs friendship, understanding, compassion and support, he or she is left instead with emptiness, or worse, ostracism. The divorce decree arrives in the mail.
In this groundbreaking seminal work, Dr. Beloff, using her extensive practice and experience in Depth Psychology, challenges this gaping hole–the predominant absence of ritual and social convention accompanying marital breakdown. It doesn’t have to be this way, she asserts. There is an effective alternative.
She shows that it is possible for one to find inner peace and needed closure in order to be able to let go, to move forward as a whole person, without being burdened with the emotional baggage of separation and divorce, by fully engaging in an effective ritualistic process. Using the rubric of the Jewish ‘Get,’ the compulsory ritual required prior to re-marriage in the Jewish faith, as a launching point, she posits a better process.
As she demonstrates first by discussing her own painful marital breakdown and then by weaving seven individual ‘tapestries’ (testimonials) into a comprehensive thesis, an effective ritualistic process that addresses the need for closure can also provide an enrichening existential experience.
That experience can evolve both in a spiritual sense and in an integral sense by reconfirming one’s personal dignity and inherent self-worth. An effective ritual, therefore, can not only provide closure but can act as a catalyst to future personal growth. Most importantly, this process need not be limited to orthodox religious practices–rather, it carries with it broad social psychological implications applicable to secular and traditional religious practices as well as to conventional therapy.
The ‘tapestries’ described in Moving Forward document a wide gamut of conflict and general dissatisfaction with the traditional Jewish ‘Get’. As both she and her subjects explain, the Get procedure varies widely by level of orthodoxy, by geography and by local practice. It has both a ‘shadow’ side and a ‘healing’ side. In its more orthodox form it is criticized as being overly structured, one-sided, impersonal and blatantly sexist.
That criticism appears to be well-founded. Words in the required recitation of the ancient Hebrew ritual that say, “I chase you from my house…” obviously do little to provide emotional or intellectual comfort to a woman facing the aloneness of an uncertain future.
In my view, however, the strength of this book lies in the lessons provided from those describing the healing elements of such a ritual, as well as from Dr. Beloff’s reflections on the suggestions made by those who passed through the process–especially the suggestions made with respect to actually creating a ritual that provides a more egalitarian and fulsome experience that enables not only sanctified closure, but also emotional closure that encompasses forgiveness, independence and a rebuilding of dignity and strength, for both spouses.
In my own law practice, I know of very few clients or lawyers involved in family law matters who would describe themselves as being happy with the ultimate resolutions generally provided through the legal system, especially in matters of child custody and access. I have come to assume that in cases involving separation and divorce, there are no winning clients–everyone loses. And losing engenders buckets of long-lasting negative emotions.
Although alternative dispute resolution processes such as mediation and arbitration can provide effective alternatives to expensive, protracted court proceedings, they are still adversarial in nature. Consequently, they often do little to minimize the significant adverse emotions engendered in both parties to a marital breakdown–emotions that invariably are carried forward long after the legal process has ended.
Those adverse emotions obviously impose constraints on one’s success in moving forward. As a result, any process that facilitates emotional closure and personal reconciliation could be of immense assistance, especially if that process is spiritually based, if for no other reason than that it is undertaken willingly by both parties with the objective of attaining personal emotional and spiritual peace.
What do these ‘tapestries’ instruct? What lessons can be learned?
First, on marital breakdown, legal processes alone are wholly insufficient to provide critical emotional closure to those who, regardless of whether they realize it or not, could use help. There often is a fundamental need for emotional support and encouragement for both parties to the breakdown, regardless of the cause of the breakdown.
Second, traditional spiritual services, where they exist, can be helpful but their effectiveness in providing healing is often short-circuited by the application of unquestioned rote protocol, impersonal attention by strangers to the participants, and dicta suffused with gender inequality.
Third, there is no “one process fits all” solution to what individuals truly need to begin the healing process. But therein lies the key. The most striking examples of successful transformation cited in these ‘tapestries’ occurred in individuals who took an active and creative role in designing and executing their own ritual of liberation: choosing trusted witnesses, and, for example, having those witnesses symbolically tie and untie knots. But above all, carefully drafting one’s own recitations to either supplement or to supplant the existing ritual processes.
Direct personal involvement in constructing and executing an appropriate ritual dialogue bridges many of the inadequacies in effecting a healthful transformation. The more that the individual embraces the kavannah, the intention or sincere commitment of the heart to letting go, the easier and more effective the resulting transformation. The more that the individual involves close personal friends in the ritual, the greater the comfort moving forward.
Moving Forward, an appropriately-titled contribution to social psychology, is essentially about helping separated individuals successfully achieve a critical, deep personal life-changing transformation that will assist them to pursue a future that is largely unencumbered by remorse, antipathy and illusions of fantasy at a critical stage in their lives.
Dr. Beloff has opened a vital door to that healing. But as always, it will be up to individuals to actually walk through that door, in their own way.
Raymond Hall was called to the Bar by the Law Society of Manitoba in 1988 and is now a practising member of the Law Society of B.C.
Features
Famous Gambling Scandals and Controversies: Allyspin Casino Opinion
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Features
Canada Is Failing Its Students on Holocaust Education — Here’s What Must Change
By EMILY (surname withheld by request) We received the following article from a third-year Health Sciences student at Western University, who wrote that as “a Jewish student, I have seen firsthand how Holocaust education in Canada is falling short and how that failure is contributing to fear, misinformation, and rising antisemitism on campuses like mine.”
Despite curriculum requirements, Holocaust education in Canada is alarmingly inadequate. A recent survey found that nearly one in five young Canadians believe the Holocaust has been exaggerated. This highlights a dangerous gap in historical understanding, leaving students vulnerable to misinformation, denial, and rising antisemitism. If Canada is serious about combating hate, it must take Holocaust education far more seriously.
When asked whether Holocaust education in Canada is lacking, Professor Hernan Tessler-Mabe, historian and coordinator of Jewish Studies at Huron University, did not hesitate: “You are 100 percent correct.”
While most provinces claim to include Holocaust education in their curricula, the programming and implementation of curriculum tends to be inconsistent and inadequate. A student’s understanding of one of history’s greatest atrocities depends heavily on where they go to school, which teacher they have, and whether their school offers substantive instruction. The result is misinformation, denial, and rising antisemitism.
Avoiding Holocaust education allows dangerous myths and conspiracy theories to spread unchecked. Without an understanding of the Holocaust and the centuries of antisemitism that preceded it, students are ill-equipped to identify modern antisemitism in the world around them. This antisemitism manifests into everyday conversation, online spaces, and political discourse.
To address this crisis, Canada must act with urgency in three key areas. These include consulting experts, confronting difficult material, and properly training educators.
First, schools and provincial governments must consult those who specialize in Holocaust history and education. “It is the most important thing,” Dr. Tesler-Mabé, Associate Professor and Coordinator of Jewish Studies at Huron University says. He points out, “You cannot just throw it into a general history class and assume it will be taught well. You need people who understand both the history and how to teach it.”
Second, we must accept that the subject is deeply disturbing and cannot be made comfortable. Dr. Tesler-Mabé iterates, “We have to accept that parts of this will be traumatic or triggering.” “Obviously it depends on grade level, but if students do not feel disturbed by it, they will not understand it. That discomfort is part of the learning.”
Third, teachers must be prepared. Many educators may feel unequipped to teach this material and either gloss over it or skip it altogether. Training programs and partnerships are essential. In Ottawa, the Centre for Holocaust Education and Scholarship (CHES) works to connect schools with survivor testimonies and support resources, but broader reach and investment are needed.
Dr. Tesler-Mabé explains, “We have to teach the teachers, especially now that we are losing survivors. That raises a whole new concern. How do you teach something this heavy, this complex, without first hand testimony? Educators need the tools, the background, and the sensitivity to do it well.”
Some may argue that Canada already does enough in this area. After all, Holocaust education is present in some curricula, and many students visit Holocaust museums or hear from survivors. But occasional exposure is not enough. The widespread prevalence of Holocaust denial and the proliferation of antisemitic conspiracy theories underscore significant shortcomings in current systems designed to combat such misinformation. A 2022 report by UNESCO and the United Nations, in collaboration with the World Jewish Congress, found that 16.2% of Holocaust-related content on major social media platforms either denied or distorted fundamental facts about the Holocaust. A standardized, rigorous, and mandatory approach is the only way forward.
Holocaust education is not just about history, it is about safeguarding the future and combating antisemitism in modern manifestations. When students understand how propaganda, scapegoating, and dehumanization led to one of history’s darkest chapters, they are better equipped to recognize and reject hatred in all its forms. Without a solid foundation in Holocaust education, antisemitism continues to fester, not just in online spaces, but within universities, workplaces, and public discourse. We are already seeing the consequences of unchecked Holocaust denial and rising antisemitism, from bias in professional spaces to hostility on university campuses. As a Jewish student at Western University, I have seen fear take hold among my peers. Friends who once wore Stars of David or spoke openly about their heritage now hesitate to do so. I have also begun to question whether it is safe to express my identity. With the last generation of Holocaust survivors passing, the responsibility to preserve their stories and the lessons they teach rests with all of us. If we do not confront this crisis at its root, we risk allowing history to repeat itself in new and dangerous ways.
Canada is failing its students. In doing so, it is failing the promise of Never Again. The question is not whether we should strengthen Holocaust education, but why we have not already.
Features
Anna Kaplan one of Winnipeg’s youngest personal trainers
By MYRON LOVE It is always uplifting to read (or, from my perspective, to write) about people who have been able to reinvent themselves – and even more so when such an individual can use her own transformation to inspire others. Such is the case with Anna Kaplan, a young (21) personal trainer whose passion for physical fitness grew out of personal troubles as a teenager.
“I had a feeling of being excluded,” says the daughter of Kevin and Roxanne Kaplan. “I was afraid that I was missing out. I was losing friends. I had developed some bad habits and was at a real low point in my life – at rock bottom.”
At 18, Kaplan determined to change her life. She began working with a personal trainer and going to the gym. She also changed her dietary habits.
“Before long, I was feeling better mentally and physically,” she recalls.
Two years ago, wanting to help others struggling to improve their lives, Kaplan opened A Plus Fitness. On her Facebook page, she notes that “When you sign up for online training with A Plus Fitness, you’re not just getting a workout plan — you’re getting full access to our all-in-one training app designed to support your transformation every step of the way.”
Kaplan started A Plus Fitness strictly as an online business for which she developed her own app. “I started building my client base initially by contacting friends and acquaintances via a social media platform to see what interest there might be out there,” she says.
With demand for her services growing, about a year ago she began working with clients in person out of a gym on Portage Avenue. In just two years, she reports, business has grown to the point where she has had to hire a second trainer.
“I work with people ranging from 18 to 65 plus,” she says. “The number of clients has tripled in the last year and I have been able to help over 100 clients to get into shape and change their lives.”
The reviews have been outstanding with many giving the young fitness trainer a 5 out of 5 rating. Says one client: ”I’ve been training with Anna for a while now, and it’s been an amazing experience! She really takes the time to understand my goals and pushes me in the best way possible. Since working with her, I feel stronger, more motivated, and more confident in my workouts.”
Adds another: “Over the past year, A Plus Fitness has completely transformed my approach to working out, helping me tone my body and build strength in ways I never thought possible. Anna’s guidance and personalized training plans have made a huge difference in my progress, pushing me to achieve results faster than I expected.”
Kaplan feels good that among those she has been able to help have been her own mother, Roxanne Kaplan, who says that ”I’ve always had some sort of fitness routine in my life. I followed along with the fitness videos with the weights that were recommended – I’d go through phases but never stuck to it. With Anna’s coaching and sticking to her program, I see muscle definition that I’ve never had before. I feel better, more confident, and well rested.”
Kaplan further points out that, in additions to helping people through her business, she is also community minded. “I have helped with several fundraising events in the Jewish community,” she reports.
Most recently, she helped raise money for the Reid Bricker Mental Wellness Fund in memory of a relatively young member of our community who struggled with mental health for several years before committing suicide 10 years ago. The fund aims “to increase the availability of mental health supports and education across the province while ensuring that individuals and families facing mental health challenges receive the support they need when they need it the most.”
Next for Anna Kaplan and A Plus Fitness is to open her own location at some point in the next few years.
Readers can contact Anna at 204 391-5832 or mail her at admin@aplusfit.ca.
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